Dating, Love and Marriage: The Indian Style
by We follow a different sequence of action in India as regards marriage. We don’t go for dating, more dating, more freedom to do anything including trial sex and if everything works out well, go to the marriage altar. In India, usually it is the parents who pick out the Girl or Boy and a meeting called “bride seeing” is arranged wherein the candidates sight the other for the first time for some seconds. If they like eahc other or what one may call it as “love at first sight”, then marriage is fixed. They then start their life from the scratch, understand and adjust to each other and live together as one flesh till death do them part.
Frankly, I am amazed and shocked as well to read some astonishing articles in some e-magazines regarding, dating, having sex etc. From the various views expressed I also gather that the westerners perhaps view a marriage as a contract for a limited period or an occurrence which could be dispensed with just like that and part ways and hop on to another’s lap, as it were.
All these look absolutely odd to me, unethical and even obnoxious. Permit me to share the Indian thoughts on ‘dating’ and marriage.
An Indian adult , on sighting a girl who looks acceptable to him or what one may
say as ‘love at first sight’, would not go head over heels at her and approach her straightway. He would study her from a distance, of course without her knowledge, and make an assessment about her suitability as his future wife. One tip some parents give their adult son in this regard is, “see if she has the qualities of your own mother; if she reminds you of your mother in several respects, pin her in your heart, develop a clean and sacred friendship and after some more meetings, propose to her.”
The man concerned would never try to date her. What for? He has studied her and would have collected all information about her, her likes and dislikes, if she is a flirt or a homely type of a girl and so on. If at all he takes her out (We don’t call it ‘date’ in India), he would insist that an elder from her family accompany the pair. There is no question of pre-marital sex. Never.
Once they get married, they begin to love each other and establish a love life and adjust to each other because they are aware that they have to spend their complete life together till death do them part.
Many young maidens do fall in love with some man , mostly as a result of the ‘love at first sight’ syndrome. She then wouldn’t think in terms of ‘dating’ him but put her parents on the job to verify all his credentials and his worthiness to be their son-in-law. She wouldn’t give away her heart to him until the marriage date is fixed. This is called ‘arranged marriage’ in the Indian society. Parents are the participants here. It is the parents who identify a Boy or a Girl. In a few cases, they might involve a ‘marriage broker’ for a preliminary report. Once satisfied with all the conventional parameters, both parents would arrange what is called a ‘seeing ceremony’ whereof usually the Boy and his parents would visit the Girl’s house for ‘bride seeing’. The young things would sight each other for a brief time and make up their mind about the other’s acceptability as his/her life partners. Some Boys might like to talk with the Girl before giving his opinion; this is permissible. They would be allowed into a room in the Bride’s house only for a few minutes for a pow-wow and not for hours !
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