Dealing with Guilt: Part Three
by If we look objectively at the catalogue of expectations we have been taught to have about ourselves, we will soon see how ludicrous they are.
A simple way to demonstrate the unreasonableness of the things you expect of yourself is to write out a list beginning with what YOU think you ought to be. Then make out lists from the points of view of your parents, spouse, boss, children, colleagues or friends. Next, make out a list of the ideals presented by the media.
When you stop laughing you may even want to cry !
Examples : Fill in the names of suitable male or female role models as appropriate – and have FUN!
Be as attractive as………………………….
Be as good a lover as………………………….
Be as good a cook as………………………….
Be as rich as………………………….
Be as cheerful as………………………….
Be as energetic as………………………….
Be as wise as………………………….
Be as successful as………………………….
Be as creative as………………………….
Be as competent as………………………….
Be as brave as………………………….
Be as decisive as………………………….
Be as fit as………………………….
Be as funny as………………………….
Be as helpful as………………………….
Be as adventurous as………………………….
Be as well-informed as………………………….
Be as faithful as………………………….
Be as well-groomed as………………………….
Be as intelligent as………………………….
Be as loving as………………………….
Be as selfless as………………………….
Be as popular as………………………….
Be as patient as………………………….
And that is only part of it! How ever did you let yourself get conned into swallowing that lot?
Somewhere in the lists there will be a breath of sanity.
Somewhere you, or a friend, may have observed that there is a need for you to be happy, contented, fulfilled, loved….. just as you are!
It is not a bargain in which you fulfil all the criteria and miraculously are rewarded with all that is good in life.
It is a negotiable deal where you decide the priorities.
What do you really want?
What are you prepared to offer in exchange?
What can you do without?
Stepping outside yourself and looking at the situation as if you were a stranger can take away the emotional charge, the feeling of helplessness, worthlessness and inadequacy. Then the problem will reveal itself as a question of management, of balancing opposing needs, all of them valid but some of them incompatible. It is your task to make the best fit you can, negotiating honestly and fairly with yourself just as if you were analysing a problem presented to you by a harassed friend or colleague. Doesn’t that make it easier?
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