How the Internet Makes Some People Behave Like Jerks
by There are eight basic reasons why nice people behave meanly when on-line, read about the causes of this common problem.
The on-line world can be particularly cruel and harsh. Typically people are far more sympathetic to people they see and meet in real like than they are to on-line acquaintances. For some reason people feel a need to belittle, or attack others on the Internet as though every interaction is a game where points are given to the sole survivor. People who are genuinely nice in “real life” are ruthless, on-line killers, posting nasty script in blogs or forums.
I think I know why it is. It is not one thing, it is the combination of several things and a lack of understanding that the person on the other end is real, and has feelings, just as much as we do.
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Text is Harsh
For the most part anything we say on-line is going to be harsher than said in a conversation where a tone can soften a negative comment. Font is crisp, black on white, cut and dry. CAPS ARE YELLING, so are even harsher. Basically anything said in type is more formal, more stern, and therefore taken harder, to some this may seem like a threat that they have to fight against.
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Gamer Mentality
I gotta win. Every conversation is a challenge, every chat room is a show of wit, or who can get the most said, or who can dominate, who can be the last one standing. This mentality has created a whole personality type, that of the chat room Flamer. Every thing on-line is a contest. They read things and just hope there is a place at the bottom so they can make a comment, so eager to ensure they get the last word in everything.
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Words cannot hurt me
They fight with venom in text. Knowing that nothing the other person can say will ever harm them physically. Strangers in an on-line assault, their only weapons are words, insults, and rude comments. They call each other names without any concern.
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No Eyes
It is easier to insult somebody when you are not face to face, live, with that person. We tend to feel a bit more sympathy to people we can see, hear, or touch. It is easier to break up with a partner over the phone, even easier over the Internet. If you do not have to look into somebodies eyes, to see the pain of the words you inflict, it is so much easier.
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No Consequence
In real life, if you insult somebody the way some on-line insults go, your group of friends would shrink, as few people, other than similar bullies, would hang out with you, people would shun you, or call you to task for your negativity.
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Easy
Many sites offer people to either give a positive or negative response, a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down”. Since you are neither reward or punished for being nice or mean, it is easy to be negative to another person.
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Don’t Look Back
Often times a person posts an insult and never checks back to see if the person they insulted responded, or they insult somebody, then “block” them from replying.
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Anonymity
This is a big one. When you are on-line you can be anyone. You can be Suzy123 in a chat room, and Big Matt in a forum, qwerty when posting a comment, and Ilovekittens when posting a blog. You can swear, belittle, insult, or whatever, and it never ever touches who you really are. Or does it?
When you insult others on-line you create a negative world, a world were everyone feels they have to be defensive. It might only be an on-line world, but people live beyond that world and are affected by what is said to them, even if it is only in hard, sterile, text. Nothing has been improved by being negative only for the sake of being negative.
True, nobody is going to like everything, and not everything is going to be liked, but why hurt somebody by being negative? It is better to show compassion to another persons efforts and criticize them honestly. When a person asks “Do you like this picture of me?” rather than typing in “Man you are some kinda ugly, did you come out of a toilet for that photo?” it is just as easy to write “Sorry you are not my type, the photo is too dark also.”.
We have the power to make the real world better, we have the power to make the on-line world better. Not everything is a game or a challenge. Not everything is a foe to be fought.
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Post CommentMark Gordon Brown
On June 19, 2008 at 9:10 am
Like your mom always said “If you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all”.
It shows a lack of integraty to leave a nasty comment in an anonymous box and run.
Christy Tuller
On June 19, 2008 at 11:21 am
I totally agree. I have seen this a lot and it can be very upsetting to people who are trying their best online. Great article. I think more people need to read this!
Ruby hawk
On June 19, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I agree also, parents should be on the alert for this kind of thing.
Hein Marais
On June 20, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Great Article. Absolutely agree with you.
frootbat31
On June 21, 2008 at 9:41 am
Well said! I agree. The anonymous world of the Web allows for cruel words to be left to eat away at your soul. Half the time its just out of cruelty, not constructive or even critical. I delete remarks such as that.
Jaguar Julie
On June 21, 2008 at 11:10 am
You’ve hit the proverbial ‘nail on the head’ with your post about the internet contributing to a certain allowability to be mean or nasty … however, I do not believe that NICE people are necessarily behaving in that fashion on the internet. While I do feel that the written word on the internet may appear to be more direct, basic nice people don’t as a rule contribute to the rudeness on the internet.
A topicability post also addressed this phenomenon: http://topicability.blogspot.com/2008/06/does-anonymity-of-internet-aid-and-abet.html.
Jaguar Julie
On June 21, 2008 at 11:11 am
Let me try that Topicability post again: Does the ANONYMITY of the Internet aid and abet rudeness?.
Casbot
On June 22, 2008 at 5:43 pm
I tend to agree with Jaguar Julie on this one… People who are “nice” IRL are not necessarily going to automatically become rude and nasty online.
This is an awesome article. I’m sure we’ve all come across people like those described, on forums, in chat rooms, blog comments… A lot of people just do things or say things because they can. It’s a lot easier to be a sociopath online, when the real result of your insults and goading is never fully shown.
Nelson Doyle
On June 24, 2008 at 9:37 pm
This is a fantastic article and I agree with what you have written and I also agree with the point Jaguar Julie has mentioned.
I have experienced these types of people who have left personal attacks or nonconstructive criticisms in my article’s comments section. I usually delete those comments and any comment left as a personal attack against other people in the comment section. It does kick you in the gut when you read a nasty, rude comment. Even if there are 100 positive comments, its always the one negative comment that you think about, and then you come back to your senses and remember “this is the internet and people do not have to fear getting socked in the mouth after insulting the wrong person”.
Great article and I will stumble this once I return back home.
Oh, by-the-way, I am actually a much nicer person in real life than I am online. I try to be nice to everyone on the internet who is nice to me and I try to avoid a conversation with anyone who has been rude to me.
God Bless,
Nelson
hajera hasan
On June 28, 2008 at 2:47 pm
hi nelson, no doubt you are a fantastic writer, you know you weaved out the reality. i agree with what you have written, every point. good….
R J Evans
On June 29, 2008 at 10:05 am
Yes, I agree too. SPiteful and sometimes jealous people find it too easy to post up stuff that hurts, offends and in some cases, damages reputations. Only recently Nelson and myself have had people *pretending* to be us and posting up out of line comments. I feel almost as if I have been assaulted and hope that if any of you have received comments from “RJ Evans” that are hurtful and offensive that you will realise they are not from me!
Deanda
On July 1, 2008 at 12:49 pm
people seem to be looking for reasons just to be mean sometimes and the anonymitity of internet gives them an excuse.
life38
On July 1, 2008 at 9:27 pm
I find that people whom have only negative or nasty comments to add when they add no value to the post are mostly individuals whom just are unhappy and insecure.
Simone Plistic
On September 24, 2008 at 10:30 am
IRL I am not a nasty person, but have been known to belittle, bemuse and berate people – usually with short sarcy comments when they least expect it. To me, when it happens it is a justified means to stop inane twittering. Online, I am sometimes more to the point still. While your article holds truths, think also about the flipside of the coin. People you would normally ignore in real life, are quite difficult to avoid in some forums. Seriously stupid remarks from holier-than-thou goody two shoes are there for all to see – and add their own insipid comments too. A short sharp sting can work wonders. Don’t confuse ‘nastiness’ with trolling.
DAN
On October 1, 2008 at 12:41 pm
FIRST!
julz
On October 15, 2008 at 11:53 am
Yeah, it’s kinda like how would you behave if there weren’t any consequences. Would you still be a nice person or would you truly be free to spit your venom our of meanness?
Bill M. Tracer
On November 10, 2008 at 10:44 pm
You have several insights here.
Daisy Peasblossom
On December 25, 2009 at 9:59 am
One of the nice things about the internet is that you can ignore/delete/avoid most of the negativity. If one group doesn’t suit, quietly move on to somewhere else. Learning to say things nicely in type (in ways that are constructive, not destructive) is an excellent skill in today’s job world where many employers communicate by email or messenger. Cyber-bullying has become a large enough problem that many schools do not allow email or texting during school hours. Unfortunately, this does not train children to be polite; merely, to wait till they are off school grounds. Once they are at home, unfortunately, sometimes antisocial pranks may be encouraged by the adults in their lives. In one of the more famous instances of teen suicide influenced by nasty cyber pranks, the mother participated in the hurtful scam. This is a cogent and well-written article that addresses a real problem. Thank you for writing it.