Lgbt Parents as Transgendered

Melanie, a 27 year old Toronto lawyer, has been asked to speak at her local PFLAG chapter about what it was like being raised by transgendered parents. Melanie’s mom, Anita, a FTM (female to male) and her step-mom, Shelia, a MTF (male to female) met when she was just seven.

When Melanie was eight her mom told her she was going to transition. She called me upstairs and said, “Melanie, honey, I have something very important to tell you, I’m going to become a boy…” Now Melanie will wholeheartedly admit that at the time she was freaked; she had grown up around all sorts of strange people which also included transgendered folks.

But Melanie readily admits, it’s completely different when it happens to someone you love; someone like your mother no less. So of course there was a moment’s pause then Melanie replied, “Like Shelia but reversed?” Anita started to laugh and said, “Yeah, it’s going to be a little bit like that. I’m going to change a lot, grow a beard and my voice will deepen.”

At this point Melanie was a little worried; would her mother still love her the same? So Melanie asked, “Will I be able to still call you momma?” Anita looked thoughtful for a moment and then responded, “If that will make you feel better then you may call me mom, dad or what ever makes you feel comfortable.” That was their personal compromise.

Melanie also tells her audience that she has been so deeply immersed in the transgendered community since such a young age that she has seen almost all it has to offer. Most notably information, which is very important in such families. Melanie has heard so many transgendered parents come out and say, “I can’t tell my child this, what would they think? These parents don’t believe their children would understand their reasons for doing it, what do we tell them?” and most popular of all, “What if they hate us for it?”

Melanie is quick to respond to such questions. Her message to these transgendered parents – “they won’t hate you for being transgendered nearly as much as they will hate you for lying to them, I promise you that much. If they’re spiteful enough to hate you, then they would have found something else to be wrong with you or your life-style.” In article two Melanie deals with these tough questions.