Mentor or Parental Replacement?
by I’ve always been taught that when we have accomplished something, we should try to teach those who follow us so that they will accomplish even greater things. I’m all for taking young people under my wing, but how much is too much?
She insists that the two of us can hang out like I do with my other friends. SCREECH! Put on the brakes! I am not your friend; not in that way. I don’t hang out with teenagers on a regular basis; not even my own. I ask myself why any teenager would want to hang out with someone who is fast approaching 50 years old? Where are her teenage friends? Why isn’t she hanging out with them on the weekends?
She often calls me during work hours (once she’s out of school), even though I have explained that this is a not acceptable. She never leaves a message if I don’t answer, but rather continues to call back every five minutes. I’ve told her that, unlike her school mates, I am not available to answer my cell at her whim. If she has something important to talk to me about, leave a message and I will get back to her as soon as I catch a break. She has yet to do this, unfortunately. I generally will call her back when my work day is over only for her to say, she just wanted to say hello and ask what I was doing.
During church services, she always wants to sit with me, and I mean right up under me, often laying her head on my shoulder. I have to think this child is looking for a replacement mother. There is something going on between her and her natural mother that I have yet to discover, but the child clearly is starving for a mother’s attention. With my youngest child just about ready to leave the nest, do I dare take on someone else’s? This is supposed to be the time that I reclaim the “me time” I have gone without for the last 27 years, since the birth of my first child. Do I take on this challenge or try to get her some professional help?
I’ve always sought to be a mentor to the young people I come in contact with, but this, I fear, is something completely different.
© 2011 – Andrea J. Shannon
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Post Commentwebseowriters
On February 26, 2011 at 2:04 pm
Very well written
Christine Ramsay
On February 26, 2011 at 2:05 pm
It is a difficult situation to be in but I think this girl needs help. I don’t know her home situation but maybe a word to her mother or another suitable adult who could have a talk with her might be needed. I do admire you for all that you do.
Christine
Jimmy Shilaho
On February 26, 2011 at 2:31 pm
That is a tough one. The young girl is in need of much more than a mentor. She badly needs both family and friends and looks at you as the kind of mother she would have wanted. It might not be easy for you to shake her off at the moment for such an attachment takes time.
Francois Hagnere
On February 26, 2011 at 2:36 pm
This situation is not easy to handle. I know you are doing your best. A very well writtten post, as usual. Cheers Andrea.
ashan1614
On February 26, 2011 at 2:45 pm
Thanks to all of you for your comments. I know I have to tread lightly on this one, as I’m not sure just how stable or unstable this young lady may be.
sloanie
On February 26, 2011 at 9:37 pm
I wish you well with this situation and please tread carefully.
Jerry Bradford aka Jerry Atrixx
On February 26, 2011 at 11:12 pm
You look like a baby yourself! How could you have a child of that age
Great article Ashan and mentorship is very noble and important.
tiffi
On March 1, 2011 at 1:40 pm
mmh It is important that all children have a home! Great share!