Nothing But a Shell of What Used to be

We were together for about a year and very much in love. It was then that i found out she was pregnant, and to make things worse it wasn’t to me. Despite my love for her we broke up, i couldn’t bare to look after her pregnant, and farther a kid that’s not mine. After words were exchanged, i told her to never contact me again. That was all fine for a good two months, when we got back in contact to talk, things were to never be as they were, but at least we would still talk. We’d talk about her pregnancy, i still cared for her. When she was nearing the end of her pregnancy she went through an emergency delivery. When i heard she was about to go to hospital, i was on the phone constantly with her, worried sick. That night i stayed up all night on the phone to her friend who advised me the baby was born but on life support. For three days i stayed awake, ringing her number, but still her friend wouldn’t tell me the hospital she was at. The third day i found out the baby had died, and that Kyan was devastated. I felt heartbroken for her, and still i wouldn’t hear a word from her. A week passed before she contacted me, angry on the phone. She told me that she didn’t want to put herself through a relationship nor get pregnant again, that she had taken a measure to prevent further pregnancies. This suited me fine, after all we were just friends. I was sleeping around with different girls every week.

She knew i was taken and that even if she wanted to get back with me, that it would be out of the question. Three silent months had passed. I had my life, and i couldn’t care what she was doing. The phone calls almost overnight had reignited my phone, text messages and emails on the net too. ‘I cant live without you, please talk to me’, the texts would say. So we began talking again. She’d tell me how she was back with her ex boyfriend. I told her i was bedding different girls at the time. What were initially casual conversations about our day, turned into fully fledged sex chat. ‘Would you visit me to fuck me, when he’s at work?’, she’d say. I just ignored it, she was a sad story i didn’t want to repeat. But we’d still talk the stuff lovers would seldom say, yet alone mere friends. It wasn’t long until i found out she was engaged with him. They even had an engagement party with all of the family there. Still we’d talk about fucking each other, we both still wanted each other, and there she was engaged to this guy. I told her i couldn’t be her backup, that no girls ever going to play me! I told her that if she wanted me to fuck her, that she had to chose between the two of us. And that i didn’t care if i didn’t have to see her ever again, for all it mattered. A lie, but i wouldn’t tell her how much she meant to me. She didn’t deserve that. Just as i didn’t deserve to be used by her! It wasn’t like i couldn’t find a girl to bed.