Questions and Concerns for The Approaching Zombie Apocalypse

Being that there seems to be almost no literature and surprisingly few films on the subject of zombies I am left with many questions on the event of world domination by zombies, which only seems inevitable.

What will be my best method for survival?

Can zombies climb trees? I would like to build a tree house to in order to survive attacks by the undead. Perhaps in an orange grove which would also provide me with food. Can one die from overdosing on oranges? Still I would hate to peel another orange. Would I then throw myself into the mass of zombies below just to end my citrus nightmare?

Can Zombies swim? Barely ambulatory on land it seems unlikely they would possess the coordination for the complex motions of swimming. Would one be able to build a houseboat a few miles from shore and survive off fish alone?  Then, of course, what to do about sharks or zombies on sail boats?

Can zombies survive in the arctic? Would it be possible to move to Alaska or the Yukon to avoid having one’s brain eaten? No sharks this time, but polar bears.

Who would win between a zombie and a polar bear? Zombies though possessing superhuman strength are certainly not stronger than polar bears, are they? How many zombies would it take to defeat a polar bear?  If a zombie bites a polar bear does it turn into a zombie polar bear? This would be perhaps the most fearsome killing machine.

Speaking of zombie strength would the undead corpse of a body builder be stronger than your average zombie? Would there be fragile old lady zombies who require walkers? Or even wheelchair bound zombies?

Will famous people return as zombies? Will zombie Einstein be a zombie genius? He could figure out how to reach your house boat most certainly. Will zombie Oscar Wilde beguile you with his wit and charm if only to spill your brains on his foppish knickers?

If a zombie can turn a polar bear into a polar bear zombie, does this hold true for all animals? Even a labradoodle? If so, would I still be afraid?

Are there zombies already among us, learning our ways? Certainly some members of congress appear to be soulless reanimated corpses. What about John Clayton, the football analyst for ESPN? I mean, what’s up with that guy?