Remarriages and Stepfamilies
What are the prevalence of lasting remarriages compared to the first? This has been an on going research project of mine this semester at Washington State University. There is growing evidence that many remarriages fail sooner than first marriages. Why is this the case? Read and found out what researchers have to say.
Eshleman & Bulcroft (2006) discusses remarriage stability and claims that second marriages often end at a higher rate than the first marriage. It is claimed that “33 percent of first marriages had disrupted after 10 years. For second marriages, the proportion disrupted after 10 years was 39 percent” (p. 564). Researchers have suggested that re-marriage instability, dissatisfaction, and earlier divorces may occur due to incompatibility and finding mates that have relatives (or in-laws) that are more willing to leave a relationship. This produces few role models for remarried couples. Some forms of incompatibility are marrying into different socio-economical statuses or an age gap that is spread where there is little in common with each other. It is also claimed that bringing step children into the mix increases the likely hood of another divorce (p.564)
Parenting issues are a huge concern for step-families. Do parents “trade” their child in for the ones that now reside in the home of the remarriage? Does the non-biological parent have the same right of discipline and punishment for their spouse’s child? According to researchers Eshleman & Bulcroft (2006), “Manning and Smock say that fathers do swap families but only when the trade-off is between new biological children living inside fathers’ households and existing biological children living outside father’s households” (p. 565). It is my opinion that although many fathers continue the financial obligation with child support payments, many fathers are more than willing to contest to a judge to lower their payments to make it easier to support their new families.
Eshleman & Bulcroft (2006) believe there is evidence of co-habitation can lead to remarriage stability and easier adjustment for all children involved.
It appears that parents who cohabit before marriage have less negative parent-child relationships after marriage. Cohabitation may provide a more gentle transition to remarriage, gradually incorporating the future stepfather into family routines. It was also found that the earlier the courtship for remarriage was introduced after the divorce, the less the disruption of family and individual functioning (p. 566).
A successful cohabitation would be a form of courting the children while courting the future spouse.
To understand the dynamics in the parental roles of non-biological children, a key term is used called boundary ambiguity. Eshleman & Bulcroft (2006) define boundary ambiguity as “the uncertainty of family members a s to who is part of the family and performs, or is responsible for, certain roles and responsibilities within the family system” (p. 566). I have often wondered if the remarriage will work when the step-parent is more of an acting baby sitting the custodial parent is away.
Stepfamily, Blended Family, Remarriage, Parenting and Step Parenting Resources is an on-line resource dedicated to help couples deal with the possibilities of future problems blending step children into a new marital relationship. This on-line resource not only has couple counseling but also works with partners who has only one willing participate for counseling sessions. The most helpful resource in my opinion to improve re-marital and step family quality is “Step Parenting-Everything You Need to Know to Make it Work” by Jeannette Lofas, CSW, Founder and Director of the Step-family Foundation of America” (p. 1). Source: Stepinstitute: Resources Links
Psychology: Divorce and Life Stressors.
Chris Stonecipher and Friends http://christonecipher-friends.blogspot.com/
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User Comments
Mr Ghaz
On April 5, 2009 at 4:41 am
Great work! I agree with you. That was helpful article abt marriage.Keep it up. Well done and thanks for sharing
nobert soloria bermosa
On April 5, 2009 at 6:27 am
controversial topic but very well presented
Darla Smith
On April 5, 2009 at 9:47 am
A very interesting article.
CHAN LEE PENG
On April 5, 2009 at 11:08 am
This is indeed a controversial topic but you’ve presented it very nicely.
papaleng
On April 5, 2009 at 12:05 pm
a wellwritten article about a very delicate topic. Nice job Chris.
The Quail
On April 5, 2009 at 12:23 pm
A very interesting article.
Liane Schmidt
On April 5, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Thoughtful, well laid out article – thank you for sharing.
Blessings.
Sincerely,
-Liane Schmidt.
Juancav
On April 5, 2009 at 10:22 pm
An interesting topical issue.
RJ Chamberlain
On April 6, 2009 at 1:30 am
Nice post Chris.
RJ
R J Evans
On April 6, 2009 at 4:12 am
An interesting and thoughtful read. Thanks Chris.
thestickman
On April 6, 2009 at 6:14 am
Well presented.
kate smedley
On April 8, 2009 at 5:43 am
You presented a controversial topic very well. Well written too.
aerobroken
On April 8, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Great article. Well done. I am all over the thought of Marriage. The cost of divorce is just to much. I also would rather have my time and be free to date more then one woman. Marriage can be for those that want the experience, I all ready tried it and had the perfect wife but God needed her more. I will be with her again one day. Peace..
Lauren Axelrod
On April 8, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Interesting subject matter Chris and quite fascinating. A thesis in the making perhaps?
nutuba
On April 10, 2009 at 8:01 am
Chris, this is a very informative and interesting article! You’re certainly tackling some tough issues here, and you presented everything in a straight-forward and clear way. Nicely done.
Ruby Hawk
On April 23, 2009 at 9:04 pm
Your article is interesting and a new slant on remarriages. I will have to think about the remarriages I know of and see what numbers I come up with.
Bullwinkle Muse
On May 2, 2009 at 11:03 am
Fascinating study and an interesting read. Well done.
Anne Lyken Garner
On May 3, 2009 at 11:48 am
An interesting take on this. I’ve often wondered about the effect blendid families have on youngsters. I work with so many of them who are in this position.
Virginia Wolfe
On May 12, 2009 at 8:04 am
chris, i know i have read Divorce, Life Stressors and the Aftermath. i am gonna have to go back and read that one and this one again when i am fully awake.
i am a member of such a family now. my boyfriend and i are not married (yet) but have lived together since 9/05 and we only knew each other for about a week before i moved in with him. he has a wonderful daughter that is now going on 9 years old. there is so much that could be said about the subject but this is a public forum. i will just leave it as…oh my, have i felt the struggles of a “blended family”.
thank you for the book suggestion. i want to try to check it out. maybe our local library has it.
Brian Daniel Stankich
On May 20, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Chris, thanks for sharing this recent and relevant research with us. It is interesting…the public perception, like out of Hollywood, is that adults try to connect with kids in a courting setting. I wonder how much that actually happens though? Getting along well with the kids is easily as important as the potential future new spouse.
Brian
Tate Morgan
On August 6, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Hi Chris i liked the story.I am divorced and have tried all kinds of marriage and blending Trouble with marri9age is you ccant havbe a dream unless your partner shares it a
Chris Stonecipher
On August 9, 2009 at 12:41 am
Thanks everyone for the kind comments. Yes, this is a delicate subject. It was a required article for my Sociology class and this is one of the areas of my chosen profession (social work).
cherejimonica
On August 9, 2009 at 3:27 pm
well done friend. keep it up
BC Doan
On August 19, 2009 at 8:16 am
Interesting subject! Many people hurriedly remarry without taking the children into account..
Chris Stonecipher
On August 20, 2009 at 5:50 pm
Thank you cherejimonica and BC too for your comments. This is one of my interest as I start working in my new career as a social worker.
Payge
On September 24, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Can relate to your article only to well…Im from a blended family.I am the oldest of 9 kids,3 dads(1 dead) and 2 mothers.I have 1 real brother,3 step brothers, I real sister and 3 half sisters.But we all make one family combined though Im a grandma now.
You are right,the marriage with dad and 3rd mom didnt last to long at all and discipline was a major issue with us.So I know to wel about this and hesitate to marry anyone with kids though it isnt right to feel this way.But i am done marrying anymore.
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