Sexual Intensity and Diversity

Numbers don’t lie.  Two million, three hundred thirty seven thousand, seven hundred eight (2,337, 708).  That’s how many members are on just one website dedicated to BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism, Masochism). 2.2 million of those are in the United States. 

And believe it or not, the so called “Bible Belt” states have more than a few enthusiasts, although California, Texas and Florida do lead the pack with the most registered users on one web site.  I’m sure no one is surprised to learn that California has 252,000 kinksters registered…but are you surprised to know that wholesome Nebraska has over 14,000 members? That’s enough people to populate a very respectable-sized small town. 

So what do these kinky people like to do? According to one source, they do whatever is consensual to all parties involved. It can range from mild–blindfolds and tying each other down with silk scarves–to very intimidating-seeming activities that involve whips, needles, even “toys” for electric shocks. 

Why do they do this?  Some say that “vanilla sex” ( lovemaking without the added intensity of BDSM activities) is boring.  Others say they need the extra stimulation to become aroused.  Still others proclaim that it is an intrinsic part of their emotional and physical makeup.  Some even proclaim that for them, pain and pleasure are intermingled. But whatever the reason, the number of participants alone indicates that it’s not a small, insignificant predilection.  

What are the top ten states listed on the site earlier referenced?  As stated earlier, California is first, followed closely by Texas, Florida is third, and New York state is fourth.  Fifth through tenth places are: Pennsylvania, Illinois, Ohio, Michigan, Georgia and North Carolina. (It can be noted that tenth place still shows a considerable number—in excess of 70,000 registered users, and that’s on one website only).  

And lest you think it’s all about the accoutrements used, proponents of Domination and submission insist that at least in part, it isn’t the sex.  They claim a large part of their thrill comes from the “power exchange” within the relationship that lays out a very clear and definite “pecking order” between them.  One person is in charge, and the other(s) are submitting to the will of that person.  It may be as subtle as the submissive exhibiting impeccable manners by opening doors for their dominant, always deferring to them, and showing them heightened forms of respect, but to those who practice this lifestyle, it’s an important aspect that they’re not willing to do without.  

Who does this? It may be your lawyer, doctor, judge, congressional representative, teacher, nurse…or that very quiet couple next door who seem inordinately happy and cooperative. The practice of BDSM isn’t restricted by socioeconomic lines, profession or gender. 

So the next time you get nervous during public speaking, perhaps you should visualize your audience in leather and lingerie instead of just their underwear.  For some of them, at least, it’s probably accurate. 

Image by rachelkramerbussel.com via Flickr