That Was Then, This Is Now

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP…..

1. You did not swim in the creek or attend crowded places such as movie theaters during the dog days of August for fear of contracting polio, a disease mostly under control today. I can still recall seeing two classmates, beautiful teenage sisters, spending their final days in the confines of an iron lung.
2. If you received a spanking at school for misbehaving you got another one when you got home, corporal punishment not yet considered child abuse.
3. Most young boys smoked but the product was not that which would send them to Juvenile Hall, just an early grave. Snorting was something you did to indicate disapproval. Shooting up meant you had flushed a covey of quail. Uppers were part of Grandma’s dentures.
4. Most girls were advised by their wise and suspicious fathers that if it was cold enough to wear a sweater it was too cold for shorts.
5. Unprotected sex might possibly produce something new in pink or blue and a shotgun wedding but it would not infect you with the HIV virus. It would not kill you–just make you wish you were dead.
6. A “mixed marriage” was the matrimonial union between a Protestant and a Catholic. I had heard of such but never personally knew of an instance until I married a Catholic girl. That’s exactly why Thomas Wolfe wrote “You Can’t Go Home Again.”
7. Sex education in the schools was limited to how a hen sets for 21 days on a clutch of eggs and chicks would hatch. There was never any mention of Mr. Rooster.
8. Tattoos were limited to World War II sailors back from shore leave in Hong Kong and long since sobered up. Kids’ tatttoos, obtained from inside bubble gum wrappers, washed off.
9. Body piercing was the result of carelessness on a summer afternoon when threading a wriggly nightcrawler onto a fishhook.
10. A wave was a gesture indicating hello or goodbye, assuming you used all your fingers. The single finger wave has retained its significance throughout the decades.
11. There were more than seven words you could not say on the radio.
12. Cats lived in the barn or woodshed. Some dogs had their own houses; others slept under the porch. Hunting dogs were not to be petted except after a successful day in the field or night in the woods.
13. Any telephone calls that needed to be made were done so prior to leaving for the grocery store. If you were not home when someone called you, that party would call back. (Applied to those who had phones.)
14. Castor oil and a soapy warm-water enema were medicinal treatments but were also used as threats of punishment for bad behavior.
15. Lastly, a goodnight kiss was something a nosy parent peeking out from behind the drapes would not find objectionable. I’m told the new goodnight kiss would make their eyes bug out.