Meeting the Goddess

… My heart is as a geode, rock solid and rough cratered slate gray. It is impenetrable. A trickle of light is seeking a crevice, is meagerly attempting to find any small tributary that will lead beyond the hardcore surface of my shield. At a semi-conscious level, I know, with defensive pride, that the essence will be unable to complete its mission of lighting up my heart. “It is much too late to shed light on, or to lighten my load, or to shine on me,” my thoughts are lyrical as I begin to tease the trickle. It tries to surround me, coming at my center from multiple directions. Now there are tiny branches of white light reaching out as if a handful of shooting stars were trying to penetrate the relentless galaxy of darkness.

Building more granite against the taunting light, I continue to consciously resist.

I can see some tiny cracks. Infinitesimal bits of light peek through like a predawn sky faintly illuminating the innermost abyss, and my mind is somewhat curious as to what’s inside. The light show begins to slightly wane.

Momentarily, I let down my guard at its apparent retreat.

The smoking hue is now slowed to a gorgeous muted violet blue, a favorite flavor of this heart’s palate. I sigh at the beauty.

As I am busy breathing in the delicious prisms, I am tricked by an all out force of brilliant purple streaking darts, a light show that cracks through the fortress and explodes into semi-precious amethyst gems filling my geode innards. Inside is a splendor of luminosity unseen by usual filtered vision. At the center of the crystal cavern is my spirit, a trillion kilowatts bright. It is the whitest white, the lightest of blinding light. Face to face with my formless, Higher Power, the tide of universal love washes into every atom of my body. The force is the Goddess of my soul. She knows all, and loves all, and is all of my being. She has been waiting light years in her cocoon for this moment. Tears stream freely from the corners of my now seeing closed eyes, and I am humbled by the knowledge of the presence. There is not a feeling of sadness; it is not my feeling heart shedding tears. It is my logical intellect acknowledging the chronic sadness of the long fractured emotion. My reasoning, my thinking mind bridges the gap between the head and the heart. It sees, and feels, and thinks, and is one with loving emotion. As they meet, this snowy, inner Goddess of Light melts with me, merging her energies and mine. We become one. The tears are release, acceptance of all that is me.