Having trouble telling the difference between a mannequin and a hipster? Not to worry – the following is a helpful guide to spotting the real poser.
There once was a time when being cool meant you were popular and well dressed. With the rise of the hipster, however, everything has changed. Coolness in the world of the hipster means being uncool. It means wearing a $50 solid pink t-shirt from American Apparel that doesn’t match your shoelaces, intentionally.
A hipster dreams of the day when his search for uncool and unpopularity leads him to the fertile crescent from which the first “uncool” originated, only to find that he is standing in line at a Starbucks.
Who doesn’t want to be a part of this rapidly growing in-crowd? I know I do…not. But seriously, if you do, it’s as easy as finding where they hang out (try any spot that rhymes with “fill-yams-burg”).
Sadly though, you can’t join the hipster masses through osmosis, association, or through mutual friends on Facebook. The reason why is the 1st sign to spotting an authentic hipster:
1. They won’t acknowledge that they are, in fact, hipster.
If being hipster is cool now, then the last thing a hipster wants to do is be a hipster. Understand? This leads me to number two:
2. They answer the question “Are you a hipster?” with another question, “What’s a hipster?”
You see, by denying that they even know what is hipster-ness, they can avoid being called a hipster, and therefore remain a hipster.
Stay with me here, I know my stuff, and there is a reason why this “How to” is so confusing…it’s also a hipster. Just kidding. The next two aren’t so enigmatic. Numbers three and four are about hipster fashion:
3. They buy the ugliest item in a clothing store, hoping to be the only one wearing it.
Once hipsters buys the same item en mass (and they do so, despite this phenomenon being explicitly anti-hipster – I think it’s because they all share one brain), it becomes fashionable and actually hip. I’m convinced that hipsters quietly celebrate when they know they’ve started a trend (think about the revival of spandex). Which brings us to the last sign:
4. They will expressly deny ownership of now-fashionable clothing or popular music by saying fashion doesn’t matter, and music taste is individual, although they all shop at H&M and listen to Coldplay.
There are more tell-tale signs of hipster affiliation, I know. I invite you to share below how it is that you spot a hipster in your own neighborhood. Don’t resist the urge to contribute (to this article or to society) – that would be hipster.