Inside The Mind of a Cutter

I am not a doctor But I am a cutter. I have been since I was 13 years old.  Do I cut now? No, I haven’t cut since September 27th of 2008. Today is the 1 year mark. This is why I chose this topic today.

When I was 13 years old. I hated myself. I hated my life and everything in it. I hated the way I looked they way I spoke. I was completely miserable. I hurt on the inside, I did not know why. I wanted to have a reason for the pain. I wanted to feel something besides hate. I found a small razor, and I drug it across my bare leg, And for a split second, I felt the pain that I thought I needed. I don’t know why I did it, really to this day, I don’t know why. I know I needed an outlet.

I continued to cut, on my legs. I never cut where anyone could see. Did I want to die? No, really I didn’t I just needed a release from emotional pain. But the truth is, I felt almost worse after cutting. It was was only during the actual cutting ,that I felt better.

Cutting is known as pseudo-suicide. Its not an attempt to kill your self. Its an attempt at a release.  An escape from life. There are a lot of teens that cut, females are more pron to cutting than males. This I know from work that I did with troubled youth.

How to help from a personal perspective:

The worst thing a friend me, was that I was stupid for cutting. The worst thing my parents ever told me, I did it for attention. The worst thing a doctor ever told me, The cuts are superficial. Did I feel stupid? Yes, but you do not need to validate my feelings. Did I do it for attention? If i did if for attention, don’t you think that I would have done it where everyone could see? Were the cuts superficial? Yes they were, but those words right there stripped me of the power and control I though that I had.

The worse thing you could ever tell a cutter, Is that, cutting is superficial, stupid or they do it for attention. Cutting is used as a release from emotional pain, or to feel something if you feel numb to the world.