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What Being a Master Means to Me

An inside look at a master’s view towards his slave.

Being a Master in a D/s BDSM relationship comes with it’s share of responsibilities and expectations. When you claim another and place your collar on them you are signifying your commitment towards guiding another soul through life. This commitment does not begin and end with what societies idea of the lifestyle is or represents. In fact being a master means different things to different Dom’s. For me it means the following. It means I’ve committed myself to being a protector and not just of what some perceive as property. For me it means protecting someone from not only the day to day agitations but from themselves as well. To protect another means to teach to guide and yes if necessary to punish. But it also involves trust. My slave by choosing me as her master is showing not only devotion and love, but complete and total trust. This trust is placed in my hands in the form of her entire being. She trusts that I will be there during any strife that comes her way and to share in every joy as well.

It means I have vowed to guide her in the ways that I expect her to be through allowing her to be totally true to her nature. Her expectations of me consist of insuring that wrong choices are not made and conflicting emotions that would stagnate the thought process are separated and labeled for what they are, distractions. It is that muddled mind that I’m am committed to clear. It means that I will treat her as I would a rose in that I will administer the proper care and encourage her to blossom into the beautiful garden that is desired. It means I have accepted the responsibility in making sure that she is healthy and happy by giving her the dominance she desires. It means I will weed out all the bad habits that in the past have led to negative and irretrievable consequences. From the moment a decision to enter this is made I committed to shaping her into the woman she desires to be. It means control. Control of not only her but of the shared destiny we both crave. To take control of another being brings strength to me in the form of an example. It causes me to reevaluate my own life and my own choices and to transfer those to her so that she may benefit from them. It means I must now lead by example. And never falter in any endeavor that is undertaken. To gain control like this brings power to me. The kind of power needed to be strong in my convictions and grants me the freedom to truly be who I am through all of this it is she who has given me that gift.

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  1. t3h fake

    On October 8, 2009 at 11:51 pm


    If society\’s expectations are bad, why are your expectations good? Why is it liberating for her to start desiring to correct the flaws you find in her instead of desiring to conform to social norms?

  2. Crystalis DeCavalier

    On October 28, 2009 at 11:32 pm


    @ t3h fake

    To answer that question you would need to look at things not only from my Master’s perspective but from mine (his slave) as well. The question itself is actually answered in a much deeper and more complete way in the article I wrote titled “The Freedom of Consensual Slavery” located here on Socyberty. And no I didn’t mention it because I’m trying to plug it, I just don’t feel like saying the whole thing all over again in this comment.

    But as for the main points that would answer your question, perhaps it would help to ask you to think about something. Is it easier for you to put your life in the hands of a group of people that know nothing about you and care not whether you live or die let alone whether or not you are happy? Or is it easier to trust someone that loves you, cares for you, who knows your wants and needs even better then you know yourself at times and who is someone that always has your best interests at heart?

    Societal expectations are bad because they do not take into account my individual wishes and desires. Society tells me that to act in the way that feels most natural to me is to be weak and pitiful. Frankly, society couldn’t be more wrong about that fact. I am a strong woman that knows what I want. I speak my mind and know enough to voice my opinions and assert myself in my pursuit of happiness. I also happen to be in love with a wonderful man that has helped me to become even stronger then I once was.

    My Masters expectations are good because he expects nothing but my own happiness and comfort. He does not attempt to correct flaws that he finds in me at all. In fact, I don’t believe he has ever so much as pointed out a single flaw of mine. He not only accepts me for who I am, but he loves me because of who I am. And this is something I value greatly in him. The behavioral flaws that he assists me in correcting are those that I have noticed in myself and made mention of wishing to be able to behave in a better fashion in certain circumstances. I trust him to give me the encouragement, stability, advise and positive reinforcement that I need to be properly motivated in modifying such behavior.

    And why is it liberating? Well that part is easy. It is liberating because I am freed from the rigid cage of society’s structure and am allowed to spread my wings and learn to soar as I am meant to. And in doing so I am able to give honor, love, respect, obedience and adoration to the man that helps make this possible for me. In short, when I bow to my Master, I am throwing off the yolk of social norms and embracing my true self and that is very freeing an experience indeed.

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