No More Verbal Abuse
by How you can effectively deal with the verbally abusive people in your life.
First, you should limit your interactions with the individual. The more you interact with your abuser, the more he will have to use against you. You should also not give him the reaction he is looking for. If the person wants you to get angry, practice self control instead. Your abuser knows your weaknesses. If you become less likely to respond, the abuser may get bored, and leave you alone.
Sometimes the abuser is jealous of you. In this case, definitely limit you interactions and make sure to keep your personal business and/or family members out of this person’s hearing.
If your abuser is a spouse, jealousy could be a motive, but the spouse could also have a problem communicating something important that is bothering him/her. Instead of communicating, the abuser could be sabotaging. Look into personal wants and needs this abuser has that are not satisfied by you as their spouse.
Say for instance, you are failing to clean the house as a wife, and your husband likes a clean house, try to clean the house consistently, and see if he calms down. If he does calm down, perhaps he has an anger problem and a problem communicating. If he can get counseling that satisfies your need for change, your problem is solved. However, if your abuser refuses counseling, you may need to move away from your spouse. Take some time out to build yourself up, and become independent from your spouse. He will probably beg for you to come back, but do not go back to him unless you truly feel like your spouse has stopped the behavior for at least a few months, and understands why the behavior is wrong. If you do go back, make sure there are consequences for the behavior if it is repeated.
If you are scared of your spouse, let a close friend know about the situation. Talk about what is going on to get more suggestions about the help that is available to you. You can also call United Way at 2-1-1 to get more avenues of help. Note that this is a family violence hotline, so other types of abusive situations that do not involve a spouse are also acceptable topics to discuss.
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Post CommentJ
On November 27, 2009 at 10:26 am
I have been verbally abused ever since childhood. Back then, whenever I made a mistake or took a smaller grade my father would call me stupid, good for nothing – and predicted me a ’successful future’ as a scavenger. Perhaps that was his idea of education…In the meantime I grew up, finished highschool among the top of my class, became the successful graduate of two faculties, worked for seven years in PR – ’so his method worked’, one might say…’I don’t think so’ – I would answer. For some time, the attacks ceased – or at least we did not see each other enough for him to get the chance to be verbally agressive. Nowadays I’m getting the exact treatment my grandmother and mother received from him. I am called crazy, loser, beggar, and so many other names, but what hurts most, I am periodically kicked out of the house. And these things happen because I’ve been through some difficult times in the past three years and I had no other choice but to go to my parents for help. He’s helped me a lot (financially speaking) and I am grateful for that, but at the same time he has judged me, pointed at me as the source of all mishaps in my life, in brief he probably did me more bad than good. Nevertheless, I still consider him my father and treat him accordingly. I only pray that God sees my pain and helps me get through these hard times. And I also hope and pray that in the end, everybody gets what they deserve…
cassandra evangelista
On January 28, 2010 at 2:09 pm
You are so right about this subject. People should never have to be subjected or subject others to verbal abuse or abuse of any kind.
Razorwind
On January 19, 2011 at 10:31 pm
I like this. More people need to read this.