The Recovery: My Experiences as a Volunteer for a Recovery Home

The girls who came through, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for. They commonly had the hardest time of letting go of their old selves. They would often be passed around by the guys at the house (although it was forbidden to be intimate with other residents), as well as the guys in their AA or NA meetings. It was really sad. What adds insult to injury is the fact that two addicts often have the hardest time making it as a couple due to the fact that if one relapses, the other is soon to follow.

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I have heard that an addict’s maturity level stops at the point that they start using drugs or alcohol. I believe that this is true in many cases. The maturity may stop but the mindset evolves and lingers way past the person deciding to get clean. While using, many find ways to manipulate people into contributing to their addiction, lying also accompanies the habit. People find ways to use others so that they can benefit. These characteristics were often seen in the house. Girls would use men for money, guys would use girls for sex, they would use others for money, and they would use us for a place to stay(in most cases). If they were late on their rent or for curfew-they would lie. If they were using-they would lie. Many truly did act the age that they began using drugs-like teenagers mostly. They would throw the tantrums, break curfew, “love”one person one week and another the next.

And I cant help but say that we were usually put in the position of parenting. We had to discipline, we had to set rules,and we had to use the method of “tough love” and it was all truly because we cared. We often, and might I add heartbreaking,had to throw people out. Some would move out on their own, ready for their new lives; some were successful,others returned, and some died. The deaths were the hardest to cope with. But that is the life of addiction. That is the risk. Those who didn’t die often lived their same old lives of stealing, drugging, and drinking. One man in particular stayed with us for about a year and he was truly a great man and then he relapsed. It went under the radar for a bit but as with all, he gave himself away.Having to put him out was hard-he was a friend. But under the influence he was someone else-he got belligerent and made the process especially tough. A few months later we heard that he drove his car into a tree,drunk. He nearly died. We admitted him back into the house;he had a leg monitor and parole. The stories are endless and all have touched my heart or opened my eyes in one way or another.

This may not be true for all, it is just my personal experience with those of whom I have gotten to know. I truly grew great affection for many of these people but at times felt so helpless because you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves- and this was often the case. Many just used the house to sleep in-no further purpose of bettering their lives and others just used it as a place to parole to. These motives have been seen, however, I hope that the house did bring hope and help to some. If it hadn’t;t then all the long, strenuous hours spent volunteering for that house were worthless. And so I must make myself believe that in caring,in being there, in setting rules and example that some grew in some way for themselves. I would like to end this with the Serenity Prayer that is used in the AA/NA meetings and that I, not an addict, have used multiple times in my life.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

Grant me the courage to change the things I can

And grant me the wisdom to know the difference.

Image by Mourner via Flickr