I don’t paint things.  I only paint the difference between things.

Painting is silent poetry.  

Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his pictures.

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.

Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen.

Art is the desire of a man to express himself, to record the reactions of his personality to the world he lives in.

We all know that Art is not truth.  Art is a lie that makes us realize truth, at least the truth that is given us to understand.  The artist must know the manner whereby to convince others of the truthfulness of his lies.

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for all the pain I’ve caused you. For everything I put you through, I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry for everything I do, and for that fact that I love you, but I had to put my feelings on that line. All I wanted was a shot at once upon a time, too bad everyone lies, nothing ends in a fairytale storyline.

All I needed was one chance to get it right, but as per normal I screwed it up again, and I’ve been lost since then. I was to young to know I was walking away from everything I ever wanted, because at 16 you’re stupid, you don’t know a damn thing. The sad part is it didn’t take me long to realize I walked away from my reason to be.

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for all the pain I’ve caused you. For everything I put you through, I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry for everything I do, and for that fact that I love you, but I had to put my feelings on that line. All I wanted was a shot at once upon a time, too bad everyone lies, nothing ends in a fairytale storyline.

Everything about you invites me in, calls my name, can’t you see it’s always been that way. I tried to hide it, tried to run from it, but my heart kept pulling me back to you. I was scared to tell the truth, and now the reasons why are so clear, because they are real. I was hoping for a story worth telling, but this story has a less epic ending. My heart is gone, an empty space you never knew you used to take. You sing about sweet tragedies, that’s all our story seems to be.

I’m sorry for all the mistakes I made, for all the pain I’ve caused you. For everything I put you through, I’m sorry about that too. I’m sorry for everything I do, and for that fact that I love you, but I had to put my feelings on that line. All I wanted was a shot at once upon a time, too bad everyone lies, nothing ends in a fairytale storyline.

And all I wanted…
Was a happy ending to my wanna

Image by Phalaenopsis Aphrodite via Flickr

be fairytale story line.

Full name:  Macaulay Carson Culkin 

D.O.B: 26th August 1980

Nickname: Mac

When he was young, he became famous because of his home alone movies. After that he was ranked no.2 in the 100 greatest kid-stars! He started his actor career at the age of 4. 

Here are his photos.

These are some of his photos and now to answer the main question, no. These are just stupid rumours that people put up to try and get themselves popular! He is still out there and will be! He is 1 talented guy and does not deserve death-rumours! 

How come it had to end this way?
All everyone wanted was for you to be ok.
I never really knew you at all.
Lord will take you, it’s time to answer the call.
Even in death you will be remembered.
You will live on in our hearts forever.
Bullets run from the gun,
And you will show us what you are made of.
Remember you are loved.
Now you can fly away like a white dove,
So you will be free of misery and pain.
Most of your wall has been stained,
And all sit around your grave and pray.
Together we could have fought off the drugs.
Together we could have fought off the abuse.
Here we are sitting without you.
Everyone wondering what to do.
We all remember the good days.
Could you not have just stayed?
Open arms welcome you home.
Open arms will make sure you are not alone.
Please never forget,
Remeber you are loved.
Remember you are the white dove,
And never forget one more thing,
You will always be remembered.

Can not be with the person that you love is a very sad situation. But perhaps there is a still worse: living with a person you do not love. Throughout the time I’ve matured and changed several times my views about some aspects of life, such as infidelity. Today I understand that that is not white nor black, but there are gray in between. So when I talk about this subject I care a lot to give strong opinions, as it did in the past.

While I believe that evolution with respect to a host of issues, there is something I can not convince me. Can you be a partner of someone who does not love?

I must admit that in my past relationships have not been transferred Cupid with his arrow. At first, I tried to hold them by dint of thinking that surely the time things were going down, but no. I am one that if it does not happen at the beginning will never happen. After a few months costs me more to go ahead, meet with the heartthrob of the moment, show interest and do not prefer to be with a friend. In the end, I always end up saying goodbye, if they do not get tired first to see that my enthusiasm is not back. And, of course, always hold the same talk with my therapist, “You do not even want as a companion to go to the movies?”. “No,” I reply again and again. I can not have one person I’m not in love.

Clear what that love is not always the same. As the years pass an appreciating other things going on a couple. They say that passion gives way to friendship and affection. All that I understand it, but I have not managed to elect someone who does not love you. However, I am surrounded by acquaintances who do.

In men not surprise me. I realize that for them is easier to get a couple because they can not be alone. So bear anything rather than a bachelor weekend. But I have friends who are and have been with couples for those who are not able to get a little jealous, and never miss even feel attraction. Then, again and again I wonder why. And I thought the explanations are as follows:

Why do not dare, love is over. Although there was a time when fire was many years ago and today do not dare to change his life. They believe that power alone will not bring the family out and prefer to give up and live with what they played (which is actually what you chose) until death do them part. Indeed, some enthusiasts are encouraged to have to add some passion to the routine.

Out of pity, that ugly. I have no words more pleasant for these people who are with a partner because they know that love, although they may not feel the same. Indeed not only cheat on their mates, but they do with them. The excuse is that the couple do not want to suffer, but do not realize that they do not believe they deserve a better life. I’d say it’s definitely a delusion to be unaware that cowardice is winning the battle.

For fear of loneliness: “Better a one bad company than alone.” Many friends think this way. Even with recent partners, after being separated. But together with anyone who crosses because they can not enjoy your solitude, can not stand being with themselves. Perhaps also influenced by social pressures. We like to belong to the club of divorced or maids. And to end up making plans and projects that do not satisfy.

But living a life of mediocrity, settling for any company is like dying slowly … in installments. There may be more of a reader who thinks I’m too extreme to not want to be with any man I did not vibrate. But I’m so all or nothing. 

So why in the world I chose to go alone in this trip to Thailand, you may ask. Oh well, I didn’t choose to go by myself; it’s the circumstances that brought me here alone. It’s always been a dream of mine to visit Asia and since my friends were either working, not interested in traveling or didn’t have enough money for this trip, I decided to go as a solo traveler.

It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but I am kind of proud of myself for following my dream and not let my fear of being alone get in the way of it. Because, let me tell you, worse that being alone is postponing your dreams because of this fear.

I walked out of Bangkok International Airport thinking “Oh my God, I am all alone here!!” and now, after more than a week, I feel like I can go anywhere, do anything I set my mind to. It feels great when you achieve things you thought you couldn’t do. But that’s the thing, you might think you can or can not do something, but unless you try it, you have no way of knowing it for sure. You can do anything you want to as long as you follow 3 little guidelines:

1. it makes you happy

2. it doesn’t hurt the ones around you

3. you have a good plan for it

If you follow these guidelines you set yourself for success in anything you do. Take a moment, close your eyes and think. Is it what you really want? If yes, take another moment and think if anyone will get hurt because of your actions. No? Then go ahead and start planning. Think of any possibility and create a plan for it. Sounds like it’s a lot of work, but really it isn’t, and after a while, it’ll become an habit.

Doing things by yourself gives you confidence and it has a snowball effect. Meaning, you do more things by yourself, you get more confidence to do more things, things you might have thought you could never do and that increases your self esteem even more. The first step is the hardest, and then it gets easier and easier.

And you know what? You get to meet a lot of people along the way. I did and that’s why I am not sorry at all I took up on this adventure on my own. I am actually considering doing this again, and this time I’ll go alone, not because I have to, but because I want to. And anyway, you are alone, but not really… there’s always someone there who will talk to you if you give them the chance.

      Memories make me smile, happy and sometimes cry also. All I want is to built memories now. Memories with you, memories with life, memories with friends, to discover how beautiful and worth living is this life. As time flows, I’m building memories, and I really want you to be a part of my life, building my memories, actually building our memories.
P.S. I Love you,  Still Love you and will always do.

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 Let not loneliness scare you. It seems a curse. But it is only apparently so. Actually it is a boon, because it is in loneliness alone, in a atmosphere of solitude and seclusion that the mind of an intellectual works most. Deep concentration and the resulting meditation are possible only in seclusion. The lives of all great men are an eloquent testimony to the fact that great things of life, be it art, science, literature, culture or philosophy have been achieved by men who forced themselves into self-imposed loneliness and solitude and brought out gems of thought humanity is proud of. Let us convert loneliness into an opportunity and let loneliness make us strong.

Least alone while all alone. This paradoxical statement is attributed to one of the men of wisdom, who when asked to elaborate The implications of his statement, said with a smile that you cannot be said to be alone when you are busy with something, your­self or your thoughts. Moreover, those persons are always with yon whom you remember or with whose thoughts your mind is occupied. When you are engrossed in thoughts, you become unaware of your physi­cal body. In this case the question of your being alone or in some body’s company does not arise The flight of thoughts may lake the man round the world, may make him soar high up in the sky or make him comfortable on The waves of the sea. Does such a man miss any body’s company or to be practical does he need someone to talk to? To give an illustration, when you are busy with preparations. For your examination, you do not want that anyone should come lo you and disturb your concentration. Only a disturbed and empty mind needs company because one needs com­pany when one has nothing at hand lo be occupied or to be busy with.

While in isolation, persons often try introspection and during this period, the mind stops chattering and wandering. In the words ef John Milton, “The mind, when itself and in its own place, can make a heaven of hell.” Obviously a man, who has withdrawn himself from the crowd and whose mind is at rest, is in heaven, no matter, whether he cares or tries for it or not.

Another great thinker, W. E, Canning spent most of his time in Library, He liked most the company of books, since to him books were like a multi-purpose friend, guide, helper, teacher, philosopher and what not. For development of faculty of intelli­gence; the discipline of meditation is prescribed. Contemplation is the next step in this direction, which leads to evolution of consciousness; isolation provides the proper atmosphere for carrying on and practicing this dis­cipline. It was for this reason that the ancient Rishis and Munis were re­cluse and lived in their Ashrams far away from the din, noise and turmoil of the society. Nature was their company and gods were their friends, who used to interpret in silence the dictates of the inner voice. Every particle of nature seemed to tell them something new. Day and night, they heard the music of silence. Who would say they were alone, although they lived alone?

All great persons like Buddha, Confucius, Moses, Mansoor, Jesus, Mohammed, Newton , Madam Blavatsky, Vivekanand, Gandhi etc. received their light in seclusion. All of them had to be alone for sometime, when their higher selves divulged to them The secrets of life. It is also a fact of life that the toppers al different examinations and competitions used to read and study with doors of their rooms, closed and kept aloof from all sorts of distur­bance. Their goals of life were their guides and the books their friends. Animals as well, to get nourishment from the food and fodder they eat, do chewing the cud in silence. Introspection and self study are done best in seclusion. If you do so, you will be surprised to see new vistas of know­ledge and new pathways of progress opening before you. A poet rightly exclaimed, “O Solitude! Where are Thy Charms?”

In a big crowd, there is hardly anybody to help or lift the person, who has fallen down. Then how one could say that he is not alone in a big crowd ? It sounds paradoxical but is a fact of life. The crowd saps the vigour of the mind and its possessor is at a discount to make use of it. So, avoid crowd and shun becoming a part of it.

Vacuum is against The Law of Nature, One receives only by giving. A controlled mind, born of medita­tion in aloofness, will tell us that by sending nut good and helpful thoughts, we get the good and help­ing hands of others. In this way, the still mind keeps in constant company of goad and thoughtful individuals. These words of Samuel Kogers are worth a heap of gold, “He only is alone, who lives not for others. Come what will, the generous man has his companion still.” When alone, one cannot sit idle, one must do one thing or the other and mostly constructive. The best things are produced under undisturbed conditions be they works of art, scientific invention, philoso­phies of life etc.

Nature tells us the green grass is busy in searching for its companions and keeps low, while the tree in isolation goes high to make explora­tions in the sky above.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my life would be best suited to loneliness. I am destined to be a hopeless romantic for the rest of my days. This doesn’t have to be the case, of course. I could choose a new subject to entertain my romantic fancies and I could even fall deep enough in love to marry said boy, but at what cost? Though many men could fit the role of a husband, it would be tough to find one that I am truly obsessed with. I have issues with people; I need someone who will always understand me, someone who does not change often, and someone who doesn’t fall prey to the apathy and conformity of the nation. A completely submissive partner would not do. I need someone to look up to and respect, not someone to look up to and respect me. If I were to settle, I would end up with a guy who possesses at least one of these deadly traits. Life would be stressful, and I would not have my undying love to fall back on when everything he did drove me insane.

However, should I remain a hopeless romantic for the rest of my life, I will never have to settle. Even better, I’ll never have to know how a relationship might have failed. My love life would be contained in my fantasies, never out-stepping the boundaries of what I can handle. I could imagine a real person and change them to fit my dreams, or I could create a lover for my own entertainment and mold him into my perfect guy. I would always be miserable knowing I was alone, but the effect it would have on my life would not be detrimental at all. As a writer, I would have more passion. As a person, I would make all my own decisions and never be tied down by how they may affect those around me. I could do so much more with my life if I had no responsibilities or distractions. I would be a success.

Which do I choose? Do I settle for the safe bet, or do I choose to be forever alone?