“Good morning Mir”, I said three times. But every time I greeted him I did not get any response. Little did I know that he had some issues bottled up inside him about to explode. As I made another attempt to greet him while he was still standing before me, his response greatly surprised me. “What is good about the morning? It took me a long time to get here this morning. Now I branched here to withdraw some amount from my account and it took me extra 30 minutes to get to the cashier only to be told that my signature is not regular”. Then he went on and on to vent out all his frustration on me.

I can assure that that was not a pleasant way to start the day’s job and I sincerely do not pray to encounter such a customer that will unleash all his anger on me ever in my life again. When I latter tried comprehending what my offence could have been that morning, then I thought could it be because I greeted him good morning? Probably he was not in the mood to talk with anyone and my continuous greeting made him loose his temper.

But in fact, we can not always evade people that are rude or complainant and people with other anti-social behavior. We can all agree that there is little we can do to stop inconsiderate behavior from happening. We are bound to run into people with such tendencies on a daily basis. However, we do have the ability to control how we respond to inconsiderate people that we meet in our daily activities. Sometimes, they could be so frustrating that we will be prompted to reciprocate the same gesture. But instead of having it rough with them it is better to ask yourself, “is it really worth getting upset about?”. Inconsiderate response can dampen our good mood and leave us feeling cranky for the rest of the day. It could be that you have been on a cue at the bank or a supermarket waiting for the cashier and someone from nowhere just jumps the cue and demands that he or she be attended to without considering those that had been on the cue, among other acts of selfishness.

Whichever form these rude and antisocial exhibitions may take, before getting angry, ask yourself, “is it really worth getting angry about?”. Most of the time if you confront rude person in a violent manner, he just gets even ruder and the situation gets messier. Is it worth getting angry with someone you are most likely not going to see again? Confrontation which could lead to a fight will only make you feel worse in the long run and I am sure we all have better things to do with our time that to let just a few minutes turn our day into a bad one.

The best way to deal with such situation is to be diplomatic and check yourself first. Are you not giving the rude person more reasons to act the way they do? Like the saying goes “courtesy begets courtesy”, reacting in a tactical way may be the only thing needed to keep an inconsiderate behavior at bay.

Cover via Amazon

Why do some of the growing teens develop behavioral problems at an early age? Why do some begin to display anti-social behavior in their prime adolescence? There have been innumerous headlines about schoolyard shootings and hate crimes perpetrated by boys. A recent cross-cultural study done by McDonald’s reveals that the American teens are growing more aggressive than the French. Harvard and McLean Hospital psychologist William S. Pollack, author of the book Real Boys, describes it as a national crisis of violence. It shows the immediate need to understand the root causes of this violence.  

 Has the size of the brain anything to do with aggression?

Researchers at Cambridge University have found recently that size of the brain that deals with emotions and the ability to feel the pain of others has much to do with this growing aggression.

British newspaper ‘The Daily Telegraph’ reports that the brain scans of researches revealed two regions were significantly smaller in aggressive teenagers, including those who only became badly behaved when they reached adolescence.

Brain and emotion

The two areas in the brain which are responsible for emotion are the amygdala and insula. The researchers say they contribute to emotional perception, empathy, and the ability to recognize when others are in distress. Dr. Graeme Fairchild, who made researches from University of Southampton, found that changes in grey matter volume of the brain areas could explain why teenagers with behavior problems have difficulties in recognizing emotions in others.

 Professor Ian Goodyer, one of the researchers at Cambridge University, assures that these results can contribute to existing psychosocial strategies for detecting children at high risk of developing anti-social behavior.

Drugs affect emotions

Researches state that drugs, even that are taken as medicines,  also induce aggressive nature. Some recent studies state that a treatment for severe forms of skin condition reduces levels of mood enhancing chemical serotonin, increasing aggression. Studies on the drug usage among have confirmed that it is one the main reasons for teen aggression.

Role of TOUCH in aggression

Harvard psychologist Dan Kindlon, co-author of a book on the topic entitled Raising Cain, says that boys grow up unable to talk about their emotions or to be aware of others’ feelings, and they have fewer constructive ways of dealing with stress. He says, “Because of a lack of adaptive response, too many boys act out in violence and anger.” Physical affection also has much influence in teen behavior.

Anthropologists who studied various ancient cultures suggest that cultures that shower physical affection on young children have little adult violence. Play grounds are the places where teens can be molded in their behavior.

Modern teens spend more time in watching TV, etc. and they lack physical movements and field activities. Dr. Tiffany Field, MD of Miami Medical University School, who conducted the study at the McDonald’s, said, “There is got to be some relationship between a lack of touching and violence.” Dr. Field further expressed her fears that there will be even less physical affection toward children in society in future, as a result of teachers and day care providers worrying about accusations of sexual abuse. Psychologists agree that the inability to express affection and other constructive emotions may play a role in violence. By utilizing playgrounds properly, behavior of growing teens can be tackled.

It is high time for the modern world to turn to the growing generation to build up a bright future.

So we all know what its like to hear the sound of our phone and see the name of someone we really don’t want to talk to on the caller id? Right! I am sure you all have had those moments when you are thinking should I answer this or not well go ahead and answer it and I am going to teach you a little trick I use to get off the phone quickly (this only works with cell phones).

So you have picked up the phone and they are going on and on about the weather, work, their spouse, their kids and other random things you really could care less about so now that you were nice enough to answer their call it is time to get them off your line.

The first thing you wanna do is tell them “Hey if my phone dies I will call you back”
now you have the stage set and its is time to put the plan in action. So they can continue talking and you get your turn start talking and in mid sentence just hang up and turn your phone off.

And thats it you are done, the person on the other end probably just thinks that your signal dropped or your phone died because there is no way you would have hung up on while you were talking…RIGHT!?

Believe me this really works I do it all the time. I hate for people to think that I am avoiding their phone calls so I just answer and promptly hang up on them and then call them back the next day or week and say “I am so sorry my phone died”

This works every single time and no one knows the wiser.

The Mommy Chronicles (A unconventional blog for moms made by an unconventional mommy)

We have witnessed an age when the use of drugs (whether legal or illegal and organic or designer) has helped to fashion millions of users throughout the world. Like a scene from “Night of the Living Dead”, some of us remember seeing thousands of zombies walking our streets, watching these ghoulish creatures who were human beings feed off the living. Over time our society developed methods to contain these problems, but another worse issue arises and begins to loom into our view.

The technological advancement of personal computers without any doubt has revolutionized our world. Our accessibility to gather and store information and produce incredible innovations through the use of computers is a remarkable achievement. Each of us can absorb hundreds of articles, blogs, or graphics everyday on the internet. Each of us may also expend several hours playing video games on the computer, television or gaming consoles. It is these activities which alert cause for alarms for our society, more so for our children to become “self-absorbed” into these activities.

With the development of computers have also come improvements in graphic designs, thus enhancing the virtual world of gaming. While this technology incredibly improved our social skills did not improve along with them. Though considered fun many of the games played enact cruelty, viciousness, and callousness towards imaginary opponents within these games. Certainly the games are not real, but the players become desensitized to what is anti-social behavior; they are sometimes psychologically morphed into becoming the “players” and not human beings.

What is worse is many of these players are children left alone by their parents to play the games, often because their parents are “too busy doing” other things.

But consider these events… How often have we seen in the news when some kids have brutalized or even killed others in fun? How many times have we heard on the radio and/or television when someone lavished, molested, raped, or ravaged others, especially children while the assailants’ friends idly stood by or walked away saying and doing nothing? How many times have we recently seen or heard of a group of youth whether boys or girls or a combination of both beat up and disfigure others so they could video the spectacle over the internet? Internet videos displaying the cruelty of people towards others have become very popular. Beating up on the poor, addicted, homeless, the physically disadvantaged, and helpless has become more prevalent.

Among the African American community for example, the position of “don”t tell’ has become the way of life for many. Other ethnic communities have similar practices. In other words people will witness others being robbed, beaten, raped, and murdered and will say nothing about it to the authorities because it is what is expected. Some will actually watch their own family members lives destroyed, but will say nothing to those whom may be most capable of rendering them some form of justice.

The generations growing before us and within our society are destined to maintain our future. What will that be if they are self-absorbed, narcissistic, and insensitive. Many of them do not understand and therefore ignore what the “Civil” in Civilization means. Their focus is on the “I”, thus their society may create an “I”zation.

What view these selfish individuals hold is of grave concern because as the dominant era “the Baby Boomers” dwindle in control and become the elderly what shall these newer generations impose upon our society? Shall they segregate the elderly into their own communities; shall they send them to colonize the Moon? Shall they euphonize whoever they feel useless?

But, we can not blame them for what they may have become. Our society allowed this to happen. We begot this dilemma when we pressed forward with our technology and forgot about how it would affect our children. We also ignored the values which establish a civilization. We zoomed ahead into the future with disregard for the foundations of our past. We were too busy ourselves trampling the dust made up of the bones of our ancestors, to realize there were reasons why they taught us to cherish the importance of family, spend time with our children and socialize with others. We were in a rush to build a better world, but we forgot it begins by supporting our neighbors.

We have to fix this dysfunctional state which has seeded among the younger generations before it becomes a cruel reality. Though some among them may understand what civilization is all about, we must implore as many of the others to also understand. We have to help these other generations develop social skills, to learn to become civil again.

Parents and relatives have to pull their children from enclosed rooms and spend time to talk and socialize with them. Parents should insist on time to sit at a family table to eat a meal together and talk. They also have to take their children out into the world to intermingle with others and instruct them on how to behave and respect others.

We as a society have to teach the following generations how humanity has arrived to this point of our existence because of the contributions of many and not just individuals. We must help them to understand their world exists because of those whom hoped so much for a better world for them and following generations to come whom so often sacrificed their lives. We must also admonish them there is no place for injustice and it will not be tolerated for very long. We must teach them there is no such word as “I”zation.

Gangs typically start with youth within a community whom intermingle and form bonds. As these youth venture through their neighborhoods, they set up social companionships and defensive boundaries to protect themselves from any person or group who intrudes into their realm of domain. Some gangs will be duped to do anything to defend their territories, thus the level of violence any gang executes depends on the toleration of the gang’s leadership and what the community will bear. New gangs have migrated into the United States from Central America, Caribbean Islands, and from other nations of the world. The conflagrations of their violence are sensationalized almost every day by the media. The damages to individuals, their families and our society are being done every day. Yet, the reason why gang violence has mounted to what it has is because communities and institutions have allowed it so. Let me explain.

As mentioned earlier the existence of gangs goes back to our prehistoric times when we were building societies. The control or lack of control of gangs has always been at the discretion of civilization of which gangs belong. Civil leadership has and always will control the outcome of what is tolerated.

Today’s escalation of gang violence can be traced back to Los Angeles County in the early 1970’s. Prior to 1972 the gangs in Los Angeles County were confined to racial divides long established by government. To identify some of the diversity of gangs during that era, there were White gangs in the Inglewood and Hawthorne cities, Black gangs in Watts, Compton, South and Southwest Los Angeles, Asian gangs in Monterey Park, and Mexican gangs in East Los Angeles. These gangs rampaged throughout their own communities then and certainly had the propensity for violence; there had always been gang shootings, but these incidents were only known to the victims, witnesses, and people within the communities. Little recognition was given to their existence except for the justice system which often had to regulate these activities. Inadvertently it was the justice system and later the media which propelled gangs to the forefront of becoming a social stigma.

Up until now no one has pointed the finger, but during the administrations of the Los Angeles Police, the County of Los Angeles Sheriffs, and the Los Angeles County judges of that and precedent eras, an unethical practice was allowed to mitigate among many of the representatives of the local justice system. The local justice systems turned their backs on the violence and the traffic of drugs which were happening within the racial communities of which the crimes were being enacted. Their attitudes were rooted in bigotry and they facilitated the violence of allowing the races to victimize and even kill their own kind; allowing acts of self-destruction and potential genocide. As apprehensible as it seems, members of the justice systems allowed known killers of their own kind to be re-inserted back into their communities to kill again. This secret pact remained intact and hidden from the social microscope until one brutal murder changed everything.

In the spring of 1972 a high school football player, Robert Ballou, was viciously beaten to death in Hollywood. Ballou’s father was a Los Angeles assistant district attorney and was given immediate media attention. Within a few weeks the assailants were arrested. They admitted to being members of one of the L.A. Black gangs, the Crips. To further sensationalize this terrible incident, most of the killers were star high school athletes, one of which had set world high school track records. Suddenly, the existence of the Crips had been brought to the front page of newspapers and the main story on local television and radio news. All of a sudden one of L.A. County’s street gangs had acted outside of their segregated territory and received too much attention; the pact of the local justice system was forever disrupted and eventually dismantled with more sensational events to follow. Soon other gangs wanted to get attention and establish identities. The struggle for territories became more violent when the sale of drugs, especially when rock cocaine was introduced into the region. Gangs acquired more guns and more shootings became prevalent as the fight for dominance of boundaries escalated. Soon several movies sensationalized gangs even further and later the introduction of “rap music” and “hip hop” set their lifestyles as icons.

How do I know many of these things? I know because I was there to witness much of what occurred. I was there when the Crips were initially being formed; I personally knew many of them including Stanley “Tookie” Williams. I was there at some of their excursions. I was there when one of the founders of the Crips, Raymond Washington and his band of hoodlums on a particular Friday night in the spring of 1972 drove to homes in the Black community where people were actively partying and he shot through their windows with a 22′ rifle. Fortunately no one was killed that evening, but he would not have cared if someone did. He had already murdered 3 human beings before; he had no concern about killing another one. I was there when he was eventually detained by L.A. County Sheriffs that same night; I did say “detained” because he was released by the following Monday.

As I was told by a friend whose father was in law enforcement, he was released so he could kill more Blacks. I was there when many of the killers who killed Ballou talked about going to Hollywood on that fateful night. I did not go with them. I was there when the news broke out about what had happened and when the killers were nowhere to be found. I did not know they were involved, but later found out after they were arrested. I was not a Crip, but had associated with and were friends with many of them (Stanley Williams and Raymond Washington were never friends of mine). Those who I did associate with I shared the common bond of having to be tough in the confines of a racist society we were indoctrinated into. I pursued education and they were overcome by their vices. Though I befriended some of them, there is no justification and excuse for what they have done and what they have as a result caused. But I must demand that they are not alone to blame.

Lastly, I must say I do not believe the productions of gangs are because of the “survival of the fittest”. Rather, the terrorism gangs currently suppress upon our society is an unexpected result of the bigoted fascists of our past. While attempting to control the races, those in dominance created a cast of monsters. As discussed in “Don”t Go Ape, Darwin!’, it is not in the natural behavior of life forms including humans to steer away from social boundaries. Anti-social behavior was nurtured into gangs by unethical leadership, who never realized the possible outcome of what they did and who have never admitted to this day their roles in what was done.

Gangs become what they are because our institutions and communities mold them in such a way. In the early days all the havoc gangs have caused could have prevented if different approaches to the problem they pose had been implemented instead of that of segregation, complacency and internal genocide. Our society will take a long time to recover from what the institutions had passed onto us. A concerted effort must be made by all institutions and the communities from which these gangs thrive, to convert these gangs from destructive tendencies to productive ones. Once under control, we can not afford to let what happened before happen again. This destructive behavior can not be allowed to ever recycle. After all, if some our civilizations were established by groups of people, “a gang”, with a common cause, then many of these gang members may alter their reasoning to become apart of our society and not anti-social to it. In future writings I hope to suggest some potential remedies.

Though during my early years I was unknowingly an agent for this concept, I have come to detest this belief about life forms because it simply is not true. Nonetheless, people adhere to these phrases, most unreasonably because they simply do not understand what system of belief they accept and some others typically use it as a justification for their abhorrent and sometimes sociopath behaviors.

The progenitor Charles Darwin noted suggestions of why animals react the way they do distinguishes his observations as a comparison to man in his likeness of combat for food, copulation and territory. But many of the animals he had an opportunity to observe do not act solely in the manner he noted. One theory as discussed in the book Don”t Go Ape, Darwin! addresses the issue of life forms not instinctively following a drive to narcissistically survive, but most life forms (with exception of the most intelligent) are social and therefore follow after social patterns.

There is no doubt conflicts occur among similar and other species. But what Darwin proclaimed was merely the surface of a more complex social system. He failed to note that with most conquerors come with the victory social responsibilities. And with these responsibilities are attached sacrifices for the entire social group, of which might often lead to serious injury and/ or death of the conqueror. With these conditions the concept of “survival of the fittest” has no meaning. Merely, the life form’s social group continues because of the stronger conqueror’s sacrifice.

Another aspect of the social nature of life forms which often overlooked is animals even in the tiniest microscopic forms respect territories; this is as much a social event as it is a method of survival. Further expository of these social processes and other theories are explained in Don”t Go Ape, Darwin!

As mentioned earlier intelligent species or more specifically human beings can detract from the social order that life forms instinctively follow. Humans can rationalize themselves out of social order. However, humans as a whole for the sake of preservation of civilization typically will not allow anti-social conditions to happen for too long, at least during our present reign of morality. Each community and its government has established laws, norms, taboos, morals, ethics, etiquette, and protocols which members of the community are expected to adhere. Such practices are a necessity in order to maintain civil order. That being said, the roles people accept fit into the congruency of social order.

Darwin’s Theory of Evolution induces chaos into our realm of social order. It promotes anti-social behavior as an instinctive acceptable condition. On the basis of “survival of the fittest”, bullies, tyrants, dictators, elitists, snobs, narcissists, mass murderers, fascists, racists and anyone who are disgusted with the weak and poor can redeem solace for their actions; they after all would be executing the domination their species. There may always be bullies, but let us not give them a license to be one.

We as human beings are better than wasting our cognitive skills for conflagrations and control. We as intelligent beings should distinguish ourselves by improving our social responsibilities and quality of living for all on this world. We should not squander our very selves, all other life forms and the world’s resources on who shall have dominance. Darwin wrote about an eventual genocide of the weaker species. What if for once his prediction is correct? We annihilate ourselves because of our own self-centered stupidity.