There are six F’s that keep me going: Faith, Family, Friends, Future, Funny Bones and Fitness.

Faith – If you or someone you know has ever gone through AA, then you are aware of the first step in the 12 step program: Recognizing you are powerless, and then the next step-leaning on a higher power.

I have no control over where my husband goes, when he goes, how long he’ll be gone, or even how I can contact him. He’s been on a training assignment and I’ve gotten only one e-mail every few days and a ten minute phone call once a week.

If I were to spend my time and emotions worrying about his safety, or all the other fears that are common for spouses, I would be a train wreck. So how do I combat my fears?

There is a verse in the Bible that says, “perfect love casts out all fear.” When I focus on God’s perfect love, and keep my eyes up, that carries me through. I don’t know how it does at sometimes, but I think the key is that it’s not “it”-my faith-but rather HE-whom I’m placing my faith in who carries me through.

It does get lonely and scary at times, I won’t deny that. I remember during one of the deployments, our house alarm system going off at 2am. I was armed with my husband’s .45, my German shepherd by my side and a sudden adrenaline rush giving me added confidence. Though my voice was strong as I shouted, letting any intruder know I was armed, I was still scared on the inside.

When my husband isn’t there physically to be my husband, I have to rely on God to be that protector. There are countless verses in scripture that help me to trust in Him in those situations.

Family – I have been very blessed-VERY blessed-that I haven’t had to relocate in three years. Though I viewed it as a negative at first (I wanted adventure so badly), I now see the blessing in still being so close to my family members.

Whether it’s having a latte with my aunt or driving over the pass to visit with in-laws, having family to lean on is a great support system. They know me-the real me, and all my faults, and love me anyway. And they can also tell when I’m unable to communicate how I’m really feeling. I’m sure I’m not the only army wife who thinks she can take on the world, and then takes on too much and ends up bottling things up, trying to act tough and keep it together.

In those times, it’s nice to have family members who can recognize the nonverbal or silent signals I send off that I’m really crying out for help. I think that is one of the hardest things other wives go through when they are away from their families-they often miss that support, especially through major life events like pregnancies. I have been fortunate to not have to go through that yet.

Friends – I cherish the friendships I have immensely. I never used to be such a clingy or needy person before I got married. I was very independent, head strong and loved being a “loner.” Since I’ve gotten used to the company, however, now I’m someone completely different and get very restless if I don’t have people around me all the time. I still like my alone time, but I love having friends over even more. Girlfriends are invaluable. Whether it’s shopping or just relaxing and watching a movie, their friendship means a lot to me.

That said, it is sometimes difficult to make new friends. Though I’m married, I find that I make more instant connections with single gals. I want to have more friends with other couples for when my husband is home, but sometimes he is gone so much that it’s just too much of a painful thorn in my side to be around other couples. This ties into my last article of my “married yet strangely single life” because my lifestyle is closer to single women when my husband is away. No kids, though I still have a lot of other responsibilities, I’m still flexible to hang out like they are. They can come over for a slumber party or take off for a day of snowboarding, whereas others cannot.

Future – The bible talks about living in “hope deferred” and how it can make our hearts sick, but when it comes it becomes like a spring of life. I often feel much of my life can be portrayed as “living in hope deferred.” My husband and I both keep looking ahead, reminding ourselves of our dreams for our future, and not losing sight of those goals.

By reinforcing our dreams and visions, it gives us both positive things to look forward to. Though we have to wade through valleys right now, we have hope for what will eventually come.

It can be easy to become jaded with the way things are, and worry about what if tomorrow never comes. That is why faith is the first on my list.

Funny bones – I confess, though some may see me as a pretty serious person, I am actually a bit of a prankster. I love practical jokes and pretty much anything for a good laugh. In my last job, I was part of the rubber band warriors, and daily watched the movie, “Office Space.” Laughing reduces stress and burns calories. It also helps me get into a better mood and have a more optimistic outlook on life.

I suppose that also helps explain why I am such an internet junkie whenever my husband is away. I love humorous viral videos and am always on the lookout for a new joke. I am drawn towards people who don’t take themselves too seriously and who also have contagious laughs.

Fitness – I can’t emphasize this enough. I consider good nutrition as part of my fitness program. Whether it’s weightlifting, kickboxing or my latest love (snowboarding!), fitness is essential for a number of reasons. It helps me have energy to take on the world (or the large chunks I try to take on and then regret). It releases endorphins in my brain and keeps me from things like depression. Living in a rainy area where suicide rates are among the highest in the nation, we don’t get enough sunlight and need fitness to keep us mentally well.

I also have some strong opinions that might offend some people but I’m going to blurt it out. Too many women allow themselves to get fat once they are married, and military spouses are no exception to that.

Another hard reality a lot of women don’t want to admit to-or they recognize it but don’t approve of it-is how visual our men are. It’s not that I’m worried my husband would cheat on me or disown me for being a fatty, but rather out of love and loyalty that I do fight hard to try to be fit.

I do it for myself first of all, but I also am motivated by a desire to please him. It becomes a priority, and a struggle just like staying on top of the finances, home maintenance, dog training, and all the other “holding up the fort” requirements of this “job” as an army wife.

I want to really stress the importance of the fitness factor here. It’s just as much about me as it is about doing it for my husband-it’s just as much about me being my real self (an energetic, adventurous, fun and happy person that I was before I got swept up into this militant lifestyle) as it is about me being someone my husband is happy to come home to when he finally does come home. The more in shape I am, the more adventures we can do together-the less we miss out on. Don’t forget, even better sex. There are other additional benefits that I could write an entire article on.

I hope this has helped to provide further insight into how this army wife keeps her sanity through oftentimes difficult deployments. There is so much outside of our control and so little accomplished by worrying and exhausting oneself emotionally.

We don’t live perfect lives, we have our share of ups and downs, and distance and communication barriers can especially impose additional hardships. However, through faith and with the help of family, friends, keeping our eyes ahead, and not losing our sense of humor, we persevere.