Everyone whether we like it or not has an inner monologue a small voice that talks to us why we do our everyday tasks. Sometimes there isn’t much use for the inner monologue say when we are asked,

“Would you like a coffee?”

Or perhaps,

“Have you finished your assignment? Remember its needed for the conference call at 1.00pm”

We answer the questions immediately and so we should. What I really want to concentrate on is our deep thoughts our private moments. We all have them no matter if we are genius level or just average.

Do you look forward in time or rely on your memories for comfort? Before one goes to sleep there is normally a half awake moment when the brain wanders from subject to subject. Its quite normal to replay the days events as they unfolded for you. How about times when you’re laying on a sun bed on holiday when your mind can really expand and it searches for subjects it wants to; what do you think about?

Do you think about how you want to add a conservatory to your house or think about the next car you want to own.  Perhaps you look back and think about a past partner or the fond memory of a past house or holiday? I believe there are two distinct types of sub consciousness one is forward looking and one is backward looking.

I have had an inordinate amount of time to reflect on my present situation in life and my past. Being registered disabled by its own definition gives you a lot of time on your hands. I had a conversation with a member of my family on this very subject. Her situation in life is totally different to mine. However we did agree that some people look back and some people look forward. I accept the argument that the brain does not like bad memories and filters them out. Therefore if the past is full f bad memories you may concentrate on the future. 

I however have always looked backwards to good memories and bad equally. I could be dropping into a deep sleep and a memory of me walking over a local park in London will fight its way to the fore, and I will take myself on that walk many years ago. I have been told that this is because of all the time I have. I beg to differ, I was lucky enough to have a long term friend dating back to the junior school!

We managed to stay close friends up into our 30’s. On occasion we would share a few bottles of wine and reminisce about our school days. My friend would laugh at the antics we got up to way back then. My friend would also say he never thinks about the past? He was amazed at my memory. My friend also had the capacity to make new friends very easily, he melded into different hobbies and even food stuffs with ease. 

I would venture that I am not stuck in the past, I do however have a good memory. It is said that we learn about the future from the past? I firmly believe that this is true. I do hope that in the future I have many experiences that become favourite memories. I can have vivid waking dreams of driving a particular car that I was fond of and remember the smells of the leather seats and the warmth of the sun through the open windows.

One can never turn the clock back and in most cases would we want to? However our history and our past defines the person we are today. I would hate to be a person that never looks back over one’s shoulder and take stock of all that has happened. Perhaps I do look back a little more now I am middle aged surly a natural thing to do. I would love to hear your thoughts on your memories.

Lord Banks

                        Scientists To Make Pill That Eliminates Bad Memories

Scientists from the United States believe that it is possible to make a pill that can help in erasing painful or bad memories from people.

The scientists have said that when proteins are removed from the brain’s fear center then it can wipe out traumatic memories that the person may be battling with.

The scientists from the Johns Hopkins University experimented this groundbreaking procedure on rats. They focused on the part of the brain of the rats that copes with fear and achieved a remarkable result.

Scientists strongly believe that the results they achieved using the mice as tests objects can be equally achieved in humans.

I have personally found that denying things ever happened does nothing more than make you feel like you are going out of your mind.  Its not like the repressed memories will go back into hiding especially if there are constant reminders that keep them active.  Rather, taking the time to go through each detail of the event between fits of tears, nervousness, and anxiety has helped.  I have had pen and paper ready to write down events, what I feel, what I did, what I wish I did, and why now it is no longer important.  I find myself listing reasons why I am grateful that I am no longer around that particular person and why my life is much better without he or she.

You may find that you are not ready to think deeply or address your repressed memories head on and that is okay.  However, in time you will want to confront them like you would a person causing trouble in your life.  You will need to find your peace in your mental storm.  For some people, it is better for them not to ponder on events and so they go on with life.  They don’t act like it never happened, they just don’t choose to dwell on them.  Too much thinking on anything can leave one with a headache–I know.  Give your mind a rest and come back to the memory if you don’t feel at peace.

People deal with repressed memories in a variety of ways.  There are those who choose not to talk about them and keep them buried within.  This may work if it isn’t affecting any other part of their life.  While others need “to get some things off their chests,” these are the people who will talk about everything that is bothering them with others.  Some find peace while others walk away feeling even worse.  Not everyone is ready to face the truth of the past.  Not everyone will deal with events in a logical and mature way– that’s reality!

Once you have taken the time to think about your past, pen the events, and learn from them, do away with your notes if it helps you bury the past.  Some people will take their notes and bury them, burn them, rip them up in little pieces or in some cases create a book about them.  As strange as this may seem for some people, sometimes symbolically destroying the past doesn’t bring the peace.  Rather, these people need to comprehend their repressed memories in a way that they can study them like you would if you were reading a chapter in a book to prepare for an exam.  There is a healing that an individual receives when he or she can look at his or her life seated in front of them and know that the words between the pages of the text is not only therapeutic for him or her, but for others as well.

Confronting a person who has offended or abused you is another way that brings healing for some, but not for all.  Someone who doesn’t want to be held accountable for his or her actions will easily manipulate the situation to benefit him or her.  They will place blame, lie, cover up, exaggerate, or hide details of events.  They may have worked for years to ensure that the truth never comes out.  Sometimes a family intervention is needed to address concerns.

It is very tempting to want to have a pity party and hold things against people, but this kind of behavior can keep you bound and cause additional problems in your present life you don’t need.  So its best not to keep the door of your past opened long.  Say or do what you need to when you are ready, but then move on!  In addition, don’t allow others to keep you in the dark either with lies or frequent negative comments that keep rehashing up the past.  In other words, misery loves company so a negative individual would love to keep you sad, depressed, and bitter because he or she has yet to find his or her peace.

Repressed memories don’t stick around where they aren’t wanted, but people do.  Keep in mind that you have a choice to keep certain individuals in your life or not–choose wisely.

Just a minute here, so we have that great kiss with this other wonderful person, but it ends up being nothing, so we delte it… or do we really want that kind of choice at our finger tips. Anyone who’s found a truer love than that before know the question that always comes along, “how far have you gone?” If we delete that from our programs we can’t answer that question, but that’s not the problem, because anyone who has loved again knows that after the hurtful, “oh” your eyes meet and a small smile crosses your face, because you’ve shared something, and your suddenly closer. You can grow so much more as a couple.

 But not if this is how it plays out:

“How far have you gone?”

“We’ll … there’s a possibility of course that I’ve been married before, but maybe I deleted it when I got divorced…. or maybe I’m all yours… there’s no way to know is there.”

Maybe you’d feel better after you cheated if you could just erase and start all over again… but with that feeling of horrid guilt you also realise deeper feelings for your other. You vow to yourself, and to them as well your now truest form of love and that you will never do it again! However, if you delete it, there’s no emotional guarantee that you won’t ever make the same mistake again… and just delete it. Again, again, and all over again.

Traumas make us stronger. They mature us and help us reach out to others…. they give us feeling. Delete all that happens…. delte the feeling, loose the love, loose the emotion. Is that really worth all the easy test answers? It’s not, test answers don’t make life worth living. Emotions, connections, they make life worth living.

Here are five signs that your relationship is over.

1. You just can’t stand the sight of him/her
   

   The sound of his car pulling up on the driveway makes your heart drop. You feel heavy in your thought, and you secretly hope that he/she doesn’t open the door and comes in.

2. Abusive in all forms
   

   When you are told to “be happy where your husband/wife is happy”, then it is abused, or “this is my house, you don’t bring in the money”. That is a form of mental and emotional abuses.

3. Disrespectful and Distrust
   

   If you look at the person with disgust, and it is just irritating you when he/she talks. You hear the provoking tone of questions such as “are you sure about that?” or “is that so?” These are doubts, and a sign of distrust.

4. No willingness to work on the big issues
   

   You just cannot see the future with your partner in any circumstances. You and your partner seem reluctant to work on the big issues. You can’t find a middle ground. You can’t find any compromises on either part.

5. You can’t recall any good memories
   

   You can’t remember any good times, or good things about your partner. Resentments had build up over the years that your mind is flooded with bad memories. You repeat the same bad cycles when you are around each other. You realize that you are not the best person you want to be.

This is five best possible signs that tell the relationship is over. No matter how much you try or willing to go on, you will find yourself exhausted and depressed. Then one day, the moment comes, when nothing else mater, and you will just throw in the towel. You will dare the world to stop you. You care for no one’s advice or opinion.

My moment came when I found myself at the bottom of the well, but that still didn’t stop me. I have no job, I have no savings, I have three kids, and I have no home. Fear was no longer a factor. I was ready to shake off the dust that covered my life. I needed to shed my skin to be reborn again. Now, when someone asks “how do you know when”, I give my five reasons above and said: “you just know!”