I don’t know if you believe in this or not. I don’t know if you believe in that fact that we’re influenced by planets position in the moment of birth. Why not? We aren’t alone in the Universe and the planets may have an influence on us when we are born. This may explain why two brothers or sisters who have been born in the same household and have the same parents can be different.

Whatever, it is I quite believe in this influence of the planets on us.

So, on this month we are under the reign of Taurus. This sign goes from April 21st to May 20th.  This sign flourishes with the Spring, but since this season has already settled, it is likely to be a fixed sigh. 

People born under Taurus adore stability and resist to change. They have the ability to enjoy people’s company. Taurus is governed by Venus, which is the planet of art, procreation and indulgence, which adds them a trait of creativity.

As negative traits, they can be rather negative or passive due to being introverts. However, they can be reflective and receptive to new ideas. A Taurus born person will be a good organiser, if they are really interested in what they are at. They’re achievers and good at encouraging others to do something.

I don’t know if my descriptions are accurate or not. I don’t know if you can see yourself in them. Whatever it is, this is  time for a birthday for those born under such a sign.

WHAT TO DO ON A BIRTHDAY

One may choose on taking the day for himself or herself to throw a party or to go on a short break away. Others may let the day go by, not wishing to think of this year added on them.

People born under the Taurus sign are lucky, because it is already Spring and the good weather is with them. I was born in January.

As I have read, Taurus born people are creative and love people’s company for all the good and new ideas they can listen to.

If you have a group of close friends, you may have a get-together or a party.

One may decide to enjoy the day on its own, which is good too. A short break away to a place where one has always wished to go is a good treat. I recall when I decided to celebrate my birthday on my own, going to Galway. It was freezing cold and with a strong wind coming from the ocean, but it was really enjoyable. I think that once in a while we have to spare the time to stay with ourselves and a birthday is a suitable day.

On my birthday, I never go to work if I happen to have a job. This day is for me only. You may do the same too if you wish. After all is your day!

Don’t get up too late to enjoy the most of the day fully awake.

Have a relaxing breakfast, listening to your favourite music.

Indulge in a foamy bath.

Check on whatever good exhibitions are on in town. After all, Taurus born people are influenced by Venus and this is the planet of art and creativity.

Don’t get upset, because you’re adding up years. Don’t count the years, but make your years count. 

SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL THOSE WHO WERE BORN UNDER THE TAURUS SIGN. HAVE A GOOD ONE!  

                                        HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME..

                                                       By Barbara Fox

           I love my birthday; I love opening presents slowly to savor the suspense. I love birthday cake and ice cream and people singing to me.  I love getting cards in the mail and saving them up to open on the big day .(April 14th in case anyone wants to know). 

     I never, while my husband was alive and my children were small, took a chance that some one might forget; I marked the date (and everyone else’s too) on a calendar and the minute April Fools Day was over, (celebrating Aprils Fools Day is another story) I would start reminding people, “my birthday is coming”, “my birthday is in two weeks”, “my birthday is in six days”.

        My husband was a master gift giver; one year it was a silver watch on a chain, another ( a month after I had our first baby and was sleep-deprived and sad about that  extra five pounds ) a sparkly black dress and still another a bright red raincoat.  The children went from hand made gifts like a rope necklace, a platter with their hand prints, a beaded jewelry box (which was an egg carton in a former life) to original poems.

         “It’s Mommy’s birthday, She so grand.  She’s the best mommy in all the land”,        

           When  they were older they saved their allowances to buy gifts,  scarves and jewelry and once, a lantern “for camping trips so you won’t be scared walking to the bathroom at night”

              When my daughters married and moved to Texas and California the celebrations became more elaborate.  We met in Las Vegas three years in a row and celebrated by gamboling, going to shows and touring every hotel on the strip.

               Now, I plan my own birthday treats.  I’ve had a reverse surprise party, (I didn’t tell my guests it was my birthday) I’ve spent the day at a spa being pampered, (massage, facial, pedicure), last year I persuaded the man I’m dating to go camping in a tent, I’ve gone to the theater and this year, I’m flying to Puerto Rico to take a seven day cruise. I’ll actually be performing on the cruise: I lead groups in solving murder mysteries.

        One thing that I miss about Birthdays are coupons.  My family always gave coupons along with the presents.  Coupons for things like  “Good for One Back Rub”, “Good for one Stay-up-as-late as you want”, Good for one game of scrabble”,  Good for one hour of driving you anywhere you want to go”,

      I miss having a family nearby to help me celebrate, Phone calls and emails and presents in the mail are great but they can’t take the place of being face to face.  I’m starting to feel a little sad, a little  “poor me, I’m all alone”  so I think I’d better give myself   some  coupons, some reminders  that I’m healthy and lucky and happy and I’ll include  suggestions of things to do to make myself feel better.  I’ll put  them into an envelope  pick one out each time I start to feel sad or blue.  I’m writing them now.

        ‘I’m healthy, go to the beach”, “I’m lucky, Call an out- of- town friend”: ”I’m happy, go out for dinner”.  ”I’m self sufficient, eat chocolate”

            I think I’ll follow that last one right now…Happy Birthday.

                                          Barbara@mysteryonthemenu.com

Birthdays are celebrated in many ways around the world in many countries such as Argentina, Bolivia, Brazil, Mexico and Uruguay they celebrate the girls 15th birthday with the Waltz. At this age she is considered of suitable age and dances the waltz first with her father and grandfather then with possible suitors. When a girl turns 15 in Ecuador there is a great celebration and the girl wears a pink dress. The father puts on the birthday girls first pair of high heels and dances the waltz with her while 14 maids and 14 boys also dance. In the United States when a girl turns 16 she has a great celebration known as a sweet sixteen. Family and friends are invited and it is a elaborate celebration of her turning into a young women.

In some countries such as Brazil Hungry, and Italy the birthday is celebrated with ear lobe pulling and in Scotland it is a smack on the bottom. In Puerto Rico they celebrate the birthday with taps on the arm one for each year. Some countries celebrate with chair raising and in Jamaica the birthday child is floured while music plays. In Germany if you are a man and turn 30 without a girl friend you are made to sweep the steps of the city hall.

Some countries such as Africa and Vietnam they celebrate birthdays in groups. In Vietnam all birthdays are celebrated on New Year’s Days while in many countries they hold elaborate celebrations for each child’s birthday. Many countries include special food into the celebration; in China and the Philippines they serve noodles which are a sign of good fortune. While in Russia the birthday child is presented with a birthday pie with a special greeting carved into it. Ghana and Guyana include traditional dishes into the celebration as well. The United States, Cuba and Germany as well many other countries across the world the main event is the birthday cake decked with candles one for each year. These candles were said to be able to shine to the Gods so that they knew that there was a birthday.  Most people believe that when you blow out the candles that you will receive a wish.

Some celebrations include marking the child or the house as in Nepal with a mark on the forehead or in Canada where they ambush the child and grease their nose.  In Lithuania garlands are hung around the entire door and in Denmark flags are flown from the widows all to show that someone in the house is having a birthday.

No matter how you celebrate your birthday it is a special day in your life an ancient tradition that still holds today with candles, gift giving ,and well wishing; a celebration of life.

Brenda writes for www.84countrystore.com

Will he forget her birthday?

Remembering important dates are not at the top of most men’s to do list.  In fact, birthdays, anniversaries and other important dates can come and go without being acknowledged by some men as no more than just another day.

There are always exceptions where you will find a man who knows how important these dates are to others. He may even make a concerted effort to remember. But in most cases, he may not consider remembering dates as one of his priorities.

Here are five dates he is guaranteed to remember, without constant reminders by you, others, his smart phone and all the other myriad of methods to remind him of dates he should not forget.

1.  His mother’s birthday and Mother’s Day

It may not be surprising that most men will remember their mother’s birthday and Mother’s Day.  I grouped these dates together to make a point that he will very likely remember any dates associated with his mom.  

We all heard of the term “mama’s boy”, but in essence most men hold their mother near and dear to their hearts –as well that they should.  

Of course mothers are at the top of the list for daughters as well, but usually women do not have problems remembering dates that are important to them, including their mother’s birthday and Mother’s Day.

Not to change the subject,  but some women may even go so so far as create other dates for men to remember, for example when they had their first kiss, the anniversary of their first date and other similar type dates.

Johnny Depp and his mother.  He will have no problem remembering her birthday.

Russell Brand and his mother.  He will remember her on Mother’s Day. Most of us will remember our mother on her special day.

2.  Date of the next football game.

Remembering the date of the next football game is a given for many men.  The football game does not  have to be a big one like the Super Bowl, or those special playoff games.  

I once listened to a radio pod cast called NFL radio, where all the discussion centered around football.  The season was ending and one of the announcers stated he would watch NCAA or another football series until the regular season returned.  It was as if he was addicted to watching football and needed a football fix  to hold him over until NFL returned. Proof perfect that football is included at the top of a man’s priorities.

Without a doubt, most men will remember the date of the next football game.

He will remember the next football game without any reminders from you.

3. Valentine’s Day

You may think that this is one of the dates he is sure to forget, if he has a significant other.  But I beg to differ.  If not for all the hoopla made about Valentine’s day by retail establishments, this may be the case, but sometimes right after New Years, stores bombard us (men included) with Valentine Day displays.   

You can thank these commercial establishments for helping your man remember that February 14th is an important date.  It’s  a date he has to remember and he also has to give you something special on Valentine’s Day.

Christmas is grouped with Valentine’s Day as another date he will remember because of all the attention Christmas gets universally. In other words and to put it nicely,  he would have to be living under a rock not to remember Christmas.

4.  Job interview date

Most of us would probably remember a job interview date, so men are included in this group.  It is very unlikely that he will forget his upcoming job interview date.

Getting that big break in the job market is important to him.  He will not forget the date of his job interview.

Even in two paycheck homes, men see themselves as the primary breadwinner, even if in some cases their partner or signicant other may be making more money than they are. So it is not surprising that he will not forget his job interview date.

5. The date he drove his first car. 

I watched an episode of The Amazing Race where the challenge was to race a car around obstacles driving a professional race car in the shortest time. Even more exciting, was the fact that there was a professional race car driver in the passenger seat while the contestants drove.

In some cases the teams were made up of a man and a woman.  Absolutely 100% of the women let the men take the car racing challenge.  The men were , of course, excited to take the challenge.  Even more interesting was that there was one man who did very poorly at this driving challenge.  However, even if the woman had taken the challenge instead of the man, his ego would have probably been ruined which is not worth risking over a television show.

A man may not remember the specific date he drove his first car, but he will have a general idea of the date. Whenever he either sees a car that reminds him of that car, he may think back to that day when he first took a spin in his very own car.

He will remember the date or year he drove his first car.

There are other dates men may remember.  The five dates above are those he is guaranteed to remember.  So when these dates roll around, rest assured knowing he’s on his own in remembering these dates, and will do just fine.

The Occasion

Of course we expect presents on special occasions like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, and so on, but I think it is really the no-occasion presents that are the nicest. They are truly unexpected, and to me, they say “I was thinking about you when I saw this.” A few years ago I was working on a huge project, putting in insane hours and working until 2:00 a.m. This went on for over a month. My husband got me an unexpected little present, an ancient Roman coin. It is not very valuable, but I love it, not only because it makes me think about all the millions of people who handled it before me, but most of all, because it was so unexpected. It became my talisman and I always feel a ray of sunshine when I handle it and feel its weight in my hand.

Image source

The Wrapping

One of my favourite movies is “Love Actually” and I love the scene when Alan Rickman is trying to buy a gold necklace in a store and Rowan Atkinson is making a show of wrapping it. That is how gifts should be wrapped. The package is just as important as the contents. Of course, I don’t insist on a Christmas box, or a sprig of holly, but getting gifts that are wrapped nicely makes you feel really special. I am speaking here as a woman, of course, I have no idea if men feel the same way. So, if they ask you “would you like that gift-wrapped, sir?”, say yes. You know how you men keep the box from a really good package of pizza? We like to keep the box from that special something you got us, so make sure it’s a nice box.

It Doesn’t Have to be a Thing

One of my fantasies is that one day my husband will take me to the airport for my birthday and say “OK, honey, we are getting on a plane to Mexico! Happy Birthday!” That would be an AWESOME present! But hey, it doesn’t have to be Mexico, or Paris, or Rome, a stay in a hotel for a night would be nice too, somewhere far enough from home so that you don’t have to deal with kids popping over and stuff like that. I suggest a room overlooking Niagara Falls (if you’re in the area) or some other local attraction. Just stretching out on a bed that someone else made and watching movies with room service food is very nice. And if a bottle of champagne somehow manages to get itself ordered, well that’s good too! But if your budget doesn’t stretch to a hotel, any special meal, whether in a restaurant, or take-out is usually highly appreciated. And allowing your significant other to pick THEIR favourite movie to watch is important too.

Image by author

So, to give a good gift takes a bit of preparation in my books. It truly is an art. Mind you, receiving gifts in a gracious way can be an art too, but that’s a topic for another discussion. If all else fails, throw your arms around your loved one’s neck and say “darling!”

Cover of The Art of Gift Giving

Each year women all over the world will be trying to get that perfect gift for the man in their lives. Some will be successful, and some will not. Here’s some pointer’s to help you girls out:

1. When in Doubt – buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

2. If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. “Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?” Ok. “By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8 inch socket yet?” Again, no one knows why.

3. If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. a .99 cent ice scraper or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars.

4. Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn’t have invented Jockey shorts.

5. You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.

6. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen T.V. with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild.

7. Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the idea.

8. Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don’t know why – please refer to the above and what happens when he gets a label maker.

9. Never buy a man anything that says “some assembly required” on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

10. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what it is. “From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn’t this a starter for a ‘68 Ford Fairlain? Wow! Thanks.”

11. Men enjoy danger. That’s why they never cook – buy they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. “Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?”

12. It’s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

13. Rope. Men love ropes. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8″ manila rope.

So there you have it women, things to get, and not to get your man this year. Happy Holidays everyone.

Really, natal days are red-carpet. Encountering the consummate gift to note this really significant occasion is sometimes problematic. Extraordinary that there are blooms! There is a birthday bloom that is approriate to each month. Likewise, a unique stone is coordinated to a sure nativity month. It is rather cheap to present flowers as birthday presents, unilke gemstones that are very overpriced.

Carnations are the birthday blossoms for January. What these blooms stand for are pride, beauty, esteem and gratitude. Asia is where the Dianthus caryophyllus developed. In the last 2,000 years, these flowers have been cultivated. Birthday celebrater in February must be handed fleur-de-lis. This flower’s three petals symbolize trust, valor and sapience.Dating backward to Ancient Greece are irises. March celebrators observe innovative kickoffs with daffodils.Daffodils sent off to March natal day celebrater observe newfound beginnings. April’s birthday bloom is a daisy. This bloom’s intension is the substance of a boyish position. Dewy-eyed joyfulness and merriment are what the daisy personifies.

May natal days are feted with nosegays of lilies.} These blossoms are the symbolization of merit. June’s birthday flower is a rose.The rose intends beauty and flawlessness as a natal day blossom, though it is mostly recognized as the bloom of passion. Delphiniums that are beautifully set up is the endowment for July natal day celebrater. Larkspurs, as these blossoms are likewise called, stand for an candid tenderness.For August birthday celebrater, a lovely bouquet of glads is ideal. These flowers imply strong suit and righteous integrity. For people lionizing their natal day in September, asters.These flowers stand for elegance.

October’s natal day flowers are marigolds. Symbolising fondness and goodwill are these blooms. Olden Christians called this bloom Mary’s Gold.  An exquisite bouquet of chrysanthemums is the perfect birthday endowment for November. Optimism and felicity are what these buds impart.And a lasting lifetime, too! The tidy unfolding of the flower’s petals is looked at as analogous to perfection by the Japanese. The December natal day bloom is a Euphorbia pulcherrima. Cheerfulness and gaiety are what these cherry blooms typify. Happy natal day wishes require prosperous symbolisation!

With the advancements in blossom producing now, these birthday flowers can be presented all year round. A plus is the big web of florists and floral designers who guarantee a regular stream of pretty posies anytime, anywhere. Individual opinions are expressed by blossoms, whatsoever the social function. The cheeriest birthday greetings or the well-nigh whole-souled professions of whole-souled love are sent by a large-scale bouquet of flowers. So, the language of blooms is a blanket one. In Reality, a flowered arrangement depicts a personality.

People never looked at that card, not at the card itself. Rather, they would comment on the space that the card occupied, pretending that nothing sat there. Pretending there was nothing but empty air occupied by a stale joke.

The card was simple, if not elegant. It said, very concisely, “Happy Birthday” on the front of its lilac colored  in large, elegant dark letters. Flakes of a light glitter sprinkled with restraint, clung to it morosely, as if they were ashamed of their cliché existence. Unlike many others, it carried no immediate insinuation of a punch line inside. If someone opened this card as not many did, they would find an airy interior of a solid mellow yellow. But no words.

If a message were to be written on the inside, it wouldn’t come from the head of a greeting card designer. It would have to be thought through with care, because in the eyes of the birthday boy or gal, this message might be a summary of their relationship.

Opening up a birthday card and having there be no small witty-isms to make the happy celebrator smile would be like spending all of the effort of opening a walnut, a particularly hard-shelled walnut, using pliers, and finally a nutcracker device to get to the prize. The walnut edges are sharp, making a cut on the side of your forefinger, and a sliver from the shells works its way down under your nail. In short, the fight was long and hard, and then finally when the shell was opened, the meat of the nut was missing.

Think of that emptiness. Where had the little bit of savory goodness gone to? Was it the product of some strange mutation among the walnut trees, that this one was opened empty? Was it simply God playing a cruel joke?

Think of the cut on your finger, or of the sliver under you nail, just waiting to manifest it self by turning red, and irritated, with a slight amount of pain. Did you go through that pain for nothing? That pain of opening a walnut, or of suffering the number of pinches that you are old; all of the paper cuts from card opening. You expect a walnut. You expect a heartfelt message inside.

Someone would not buy this blank birthday card if they did not fully intend to make sure the space was filled, and knowing this, the card receiver would expect a beautifully written, lyrical message of congratulations on their special day. The length and depth of feeling enclosed in the card would give the reader a clear picture of what they mean to the writer, and the card would signify the whole of their relationship.

It was probably a sure bet that this birthday card was misfiled. There was no doubt that it didn’t belong among the pop-up origami animals, or the half-baked insults about the poor, card receiver’s age, soaked in copious amounts of glitter. It was too simple, and on the other hand, way too much work for a measly birthday card. The other cards were all too full to allow for any meaningful improvements, the most available space most of them had, was to be reserved for a flashy signature, following the word “love” with a comma.

Also, who would notice it? Never was there a card on a shelf so least likely to draw attention to it self. The originality of the person to choose it would have to make up for the unoriginality of the greeting card. Only a person who’s eyes are drawn not to that which whirls, and shines, but to that which, when surrounded by whiling and shining, is the only thing that doesn’t do so, is the person who’s eyes would fall here.

Finally, after years of wait, that person came along.

Her name was Amelia, and as Amelia walked past the aluminum can recycle, and past the smell of old beer, through the sliding doors of Fred Meyer, and into the bright florescent light of quantity instead of quality, she was preoccupied with her mother’s birthday.

The woman was not really her mother. She had been in her fifties when she acquired a child through the custody agreements made between two drug-addicted parents. It was either this elder woman, or foster care. Amelia’s childhood had therefore been chaotic; she’d never been in the right place, and never fully at home. Nevertheless, Amelia had always been welcomed.

 Amelia’s mother rose to the occasion of the rest of her life, and stubbornly loved a child who refused to let her in.

That child grew up to love hard rock music, and had tendencies toward excessive alcohol. When the child became an alcoholic, that mother had stubbornly loved her all the same. Keeping her phone on and the ringer set to high in case there was ever a call at three in the morning, from the pub downtown. When the mother’s daughter had hit rock bottom, she had found a way to put her through rehabilitation.

That mother had stubbornly never given up, even when her daughter begged her to, or had screamed at her to just leave her be. When that love was neither wished for, nor accepted, still she gave it.

Now this woman was turning eighty, and her daughter had been completely clean for seven years. It was also that mother’s birthday.

Amelia thought through this as she walked the isles. She searched for a card that might say all the things she could never say out loud. She searched for a card with the words “You saved my life,” in bold, but could never find it.

As Amelia paced, another couple entered the greeting card isle. “Oh good, were shopping, here.” The woman chimed, in a tone that ordered him to ask about her meaning.

The man glanced at his wife, understanding the command perfectly. “Why do you say that, honey?”

“Hehe. Cause I knew I couldn’t be thirty-six!”

They both guffawed at the fact. Haha. The birthday cards for the year thirty-six were missing.

Amelia’s eyes did not quite roll. But anyone looking might have claimed to see a slight twitch, a close call. But after the couple left, Amelia strode over to look.  She gazed at the space a card occupied, and then she gazed at a card the space occupied.

The simplest card on the shelf was last seen by it’s fellows, being lifted by nimble fingers off of it’s perch for the last time, and tucked thoughtfully into the side of a shopping basket, being bourn away.

It is so bad in Hama that people don’t want risk their lives going to a cemetery with their loved ones. As a result, people are burying their dead people in their yards.

A person who spoke on the phone on anonymity said, “people are being slaughtered like sheep while walking in the street. I saw with my own eyes one young boy on a motorcycle who was carrying vegetables being run over by a tank.

On August 4th, 2011, President Obama celebrated his 50th birthday. He spent his morning working in the Oval Office. After getting finished working he met his top aides in the Blue Room for a toast.

Then there was a party for family and friends  in the Rose Garden. The White House Chefs made chicken and hamburgers on the grill. He even had friends there from Chicago and his daughter Malia came home from summer camp to celebrate.

Professional:

1)  Unemployment stinks-no argument from anyone on this one.  I have lost two jobs this year.  The first on January 4th (after working the New Year’s holiday weekend).  Filing for benefits with the State was demeaning and the first time I truly became angry at the government worker attitude towards me, and many other people trying to navigate this complicated system.  Having never applied for benefits before this point, I quickly realized this system is designed to be slow and cumbersome on the chance that you will find employment before you actually receive any benefits.  The benefits are a percentage of your prior wages, not designed to be adequate for existing let alone being able to pay a mortgage/rent, utilities, gasoline.  Financially responsible people save money (at least six months of living expenses).  If you do have savings, this counts against you. And, now that you are unemployed there are new expenses involved in travel, office supplies, etc., trying to obtain employment.  In fact having any money counts against you in being eligible for benefits.  Once you have went through your savings and money, then you wait to become eligible.  Most companies now employ services to assist in delaying of payment of benefits, so this could mean waiting up to seven weeks before a determination of your eligibility is made. 

2)  You are less than attractive if you don’t have a job, but happen to be looking for work.  Huh?  I actually had a temporary staffing agency say that to me during an assessment interview.  I asked what does that mean?  She then told me that if you become unemployed and start looking for work, or have been unemployed for a while recruiters may look at you as being undesirable because you could not hold down a job.  But, my reasoning was if I was employed, why would I be looking for work?  I was informed that for every job opening, approximately 10 candidates are available.  In addition, those unemployed for longer than ten weeks increase their chances of being unemployed for twelve months or longer before finding permanent placement. 

3)  My first bout with unemployment was due to a small company that decided to change out my position with another person from a competitor that was closing (much more experience and she could do two of the positions in our company).  Following the advice of life coaching experts and recruiters, I expanded my job search to other areas of the country.  After an extensive application and interview process, I joined a solid company at decent wages only to be dismissed on day 87 (90 day orientation period) when a theft occurred while I was the supervisor.  Much to my surprise, the tipping point was when I insisted on calling the police and filing the appropriate report on the theft (I thought that was what one did when money was stolen).  Only now, I had taken a job in a town with few friends, no family and no familiarity with resources or support services.

4)  When you become unemployed, your friends disappear.  Literally, not returning your calls or including you in what was once the simple fun things you used to do.  It is as almost you have become contagious.  And, this does not even have a bearing on whether you maintain a positive attitude-or not. They say tough times show you who is a real friend and who is not.  I once was loyal, supportive and was a walk across broken glass to help my friends type of person.  Today, such sacrifices and support would be for a much smaller circle of people.

5)  People assume that if you cannot find a job, there is something wrong with you.  On average, I spend five to six hours a day (seven days a week) just researching companies, following up on resumes sent out, mailing out resumes and making phone calls.  I have taken no less than eight skills and personality tests and have six different types of resumes specific to those jobs that may be available.  With the advent of Internet human resource departments, following up on applications and resumes takes an enormous amount of time. With little or no expendable resources, entertainment is limited to free events, non-cable television and utilizing free community sources (libraries, community buildings, etc.), exploring my more creative nature and the arts.  Volunteering weekly is a method that allows me human interaction helping me remain sane.

6)  Continung education and training programs require funds.  Unfortunately, there are no grants or training programs that provide employment opportunities at the end of training.  And, when you go into an interview or information session on training programs and they find that you have no income, you are told that you may want to obtain a ‘personal loan’ from family, friends or a bank.  Grant money is limited and based on your prior year income, so if you made a decent income last year, it will force you to wait until the following year in order to qualify for any grant money…that would mean being possibly unemployed for twelve months or longer.  And, since there are no guarantees that your newly acquired education or training would find you employment at the end you are essentially adding more debt. 

Personal:

1)  In the past twelve months, I have lost employment three times, forced to go through a short sale on my home, voluntarily surrendered my vehicle, have been notified that I owe for back taxes from the IRS, moved across two states, enrolled in Food Stamps and Medicaid for health coverage for my son and I.  One of my greatest joys is my son, and reassuring him that we will have someplace to sleep, food to eat…just the essentials continues to be a struggle.  A child should not have to go through such turmoil.  I deal with the guilt of not being able to provide for him and worry what tomorrow will bring to our door.

2)  As a single parent, and desiring adult companionship I delved into internet dating sites.  Friends had encouraged me to participate in singles events and ‘get out there’.  I have met a few interesting people, but have found that I could potentially meet the same number of single people (or people pretending to be single) in a grocery store over a weekend.  People will lie on their profiles, or sometimes even worse tell you horror stories about themselves that would make a rational person run away quickly.  I had been on two dates with a nice guy, enjoying each others company, and once I became unemployed this last time he informed me that he couldn’t date anyone that was not gainfully employed.  Yep, that’s correct.  I was let go from my job and dumped on the same day. 

3)  My ex-spouse inheirited a substantial amount of money and although I am deeply sympathetic with his loss, he continues to refuse to pay back child support (he is now twelve months behind).  To his credit, he did send some money after I repeatedly begged him so that I could make my rent payment while waiting on unemployment benefits.  He refuses to make an effort to see his youngest son, because ‘he is way too much to handle with all the stress he has going on with his life’.  Seriously?  I have never been a bitter, angry ex-spouse until this point in my life. 

4)  My family makes remarks about my appearance now.  Well, duh.  I can’t afford trips to the beauty salon, or even to the drugstore to replenish make up supplies or hair color. If we need clothing, I shop at thrift stores on their sale days.  I have to do this as my son has grown three inches in the last nine months.  I was never extravagant, but if I have to choose between beauty supplies or toilet paper, toothpaste and trash bags, I’m afraid the latter items will win out.  Making remarks about ‘the last couple of years have aged me ten years’ is not encouraging or uplifting.

5) My circumstances depress me.  I have lost all hope, but keep it to myself the best as I am able.  For instance, I was taking a test at a staffing agency (number seven) last week.  While taking the test I was overcome with a profound sense of sadness and could not help crying.  I mean, why even try anymore?  What’s the use…this agency wouldn’t be able to help me find work either no matter how great my skills were.  Yes, I felt silly and a bit foolish, but I could not help myself.  For three months solid I have been trying my best to be positive, market my skills and network with the goal of finding a job.  I had reached the point of understanding that the current market for jobs that I can do is extremely limited.  I’ve been told I am overqualified, underqualified or  simply would not ‘fit into their culture’.

My Plan:

1)  File bankruptcy and get my financial house in order;

2)  Move in with my parents to ensure my son and I have a stable address to come to each day;

3)  Accept employment (even if it means two or three part time jobs waiting tables or sweeping floors);

4)  Only associate with people that are loving, kind, nurturing and challenge me to be the best parent, friend possible – every day.  I will not allow others to stand in judgement for my past decisions or mistakes replaying them to damage my ability to look forward;

5)  Choose not to allow ‘culture or society’ demean or make me feel less than worthy;

6)  Continue to grow closer to my son, be his rock each and every day;

7)  Should any of my friends have to face adversity such as I am, I will be the first to offer to cook a meal for them, offer a shoulder to cry on, invite them over for a movie or a cookout. And, yes, if I have a few extra dollars happily give it to them.   I vow never to make them feel irrelevant or excluded from my life because of their current circumstances.  I promise to continue to love them in spite of their circumstances and make sure they know that fact.

6)  I have had my heart ripped out, tromped on and scarred to the point I never thought possible.  There are some places and special moments that cannot be recreated with someone new.  Trying to overwrite a memory will not make it go away, it just creates a different memory.  Mean people are just that, mean.  It does not matter what people say, it is what they do that matters.  I choose never to treat someone with dishonor, dishonesty or disrespect.  It violates our humanity and soul.  Relationships are precious and I deserve honor, honesty and respect.

8)  I choose not to date or attempt to date anyone let alone have a relationship at this point.  I choose not to allow a man to tell me that I am not worthy, young enough, thin enough, have the right length of hair or circumstances that make me attractive.  Not everyone is destined to be in a couple, or have that type of relationship.  The vulnerability that is required in loving someone is too deep a chasm for me to even peer over the edge.  This saddens me greatly as loneliness deepens my depression, which affects my ability to be healthy and whole.  I am committed to working towards becoming healthy, physically and mentally.

9)  I choose not to be the victim.  Regardless of personal or professional, I will not be a victim of others people poor choices.  I have learned to live on nothing when need be, selling possessions in order to cover basic necessities.  It is just stuff, not my character or integrity.  I will always choose to do the right thing regardless of what is popular or would garner favor with someone else. 

Personal statements and mantras have always left me a bit cold as a reader.  What I have gathered over the past year has been painful and difficult because none of it fit within what I thought my life should be.  Some may call this a mid-life crisis or the railings of a crazy woman on her birthday.  I now question the validity or worthiness of my life.  I understand my purpose and am in touch with my spirituality just fine, thank you.  I do not pretend to be any more special than the next human being, or my circumstances any more dire than others.  If anything I have learned is that I am not special, different or have anything that makes me extraordinary.  Religion is supposed to speak to our souls and minds, encouraging a higher moral value towards our fellow man.  The reality is that difficult times brings out the worst in everyone, with or without values.  Faith, hope and love are terrific concepts utilized by a few to keep the masses from falling deeply into despair.  I would offer a new facet, clarity.  Clarity is what allows us to look deep within ourselves and choose our path.