1.                  Play the blame game.

If you attribute the blame for your problems to your partner (or to others), you do not grow personally.  Your relationship will become one-sided very quickly and it begins to destabilize. 

2.                  Always have an out.

Making sure you are vocal about how easily you can leave will eventually devalue not only your relationship but your partner’s opinion of you.  Eventually, he or she will say, “yes, please leave.”

3.                  Always have a blow up instead of a discussion.

Get mad at everything.  If you talk about an issue rationally you may shed light on the problem but if you get mad, it will escalate into something exponentially worse than it really is.

4.                  Rush into a relationship.

Give in to your basic instincts only and jump into a relationship without thinking about it.  Taking things slowly and thinking about your compatibility will only prolong your relationship, if you are intent on ruining it, don’t give it a second thought!

5.                  Don’t put the skeletons in the closet.

Rather than leave bad memories in the past, it is a far more effective way to trample a relationship if you keep bringing them out at every opportunity.  Talk about old fights, old partners, whatever shows that you can’t let go and can’t grow.

A relationship is always a choice: It always involves the freedom of two people. It could also involve the freedom of two people to end it. If the love was freely given and freely accepted, then a break-up could also be freely taken. Accepting the fact is a big step towards wholeness. A break-up is never aimed at hurting someone, it could be a means of loving that person properly… understanding that when you fight to keep the person you are in love with could involve violating that person’s freedom offers you the serenity to love by setting the person free. This could be hard to achieve because we often possess more than we love.

Respect yourself, do not lose your sanity! The end of a relationship isn’t the end of the world. If you may not learn to love and to treasure yourself you will definitely not love anyone else properly. A break-up doesn’t mean you are worthless, it could mean you are worth something higher than what you have always considered the only source of inspiration for you. You must have the guts to think this way and pick up the new dimension and the possibilities life offer you. You need to reconcile with yourself. You have no right to be bitter with yourself. It won’t help. You can also tolerate your mistakes especially past mistakes.

Be Positive! Hold back from blaming yourself. “It was all my fault”, “..I could have saved this relationship… if.” The thoughts of regret and blame could never heal an ailing heart, they only fester your wounds. You certainly loved in your way, following your nature, according to the gifts you are vested with. That was the best you could have given. That was the best you had and maybe the best your sense of freedom could allow.

Recognize the beauty of the relationship. No intercourse of two hearts could be so sterile as to leave them with nothing really positive. Beautiful memories are healthy stuff to carry around. Avoid thinking that the person you loved passionately didn’t love you enough. Recognize the relationship as a gift that had enlarged your heart and offered you the chance of sharing, of loving of growing. Putting the faults on the other person only embitters your heart making pardon and healing difficult.

Find Refuge in your own heart, re-learn to love yourself. Break-ups could be a call for you to learn to love yourself properly. You might have spent most of your time caring for your loved one while neglecting yourself. The break-up offers you the space where you can know yourself through creative solitude, listening to your hurts and your fears… It is time for you to let your own heart becomes its own parent. You can pamper yourself, you can do things you’d have loved to do which you couldn’t do because the relationship stood in the way.

Do not Rush! If you rush, you err. If you rush you may not penetrate the hidden import of the rupture and you may not adapt quickly. Within, you may feel the emptiness and the languor of losing someone so dear to you. Your heart will tell you that you still love that person, and of course you still do– if you rush, you won’t savor the fruits and the beauty of that relationship. Allow time to heal you. Remember the all time adage: “Time is a great nurse…” Rushing into another relationship may even make things worse because you may carry the hurts from your past relationship into a new one. Patience is an imprint of character that makes you heal and that ensures growth while you heal.

Rediscover the friendship and love of your family. You are never alone. No one is ever alone. You’ve got friends and family. It could also be time to let them take their role in housing your heart.

Whatever pain you may experience after a rupture in a relationship, it is important to know that the storm will pass, after the storm there is a calm. You will dance where you are weeping today after you have integrated all the lessons from your break-up.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what I call the ‘Holiday Break-up.’  It serves several purposes for this type of guy.  One, he doesn’t feel obligated to buy you a Christmas gift, although, you have one under the tree for him.  He accepts his gift, without thinking twice about it.  His excuse is, well, ‘I thought you were mad at me.’  Duh.

Secondly, he is free to roam and hang out with his buds.  He doesn’t have to be bothered with you calling to ask with help putting up Christmas trees and decorations.  If you were to call, he more than likely wouldn’t answer, because he’s still playing the role.  Lastly, and what is very likely, he has met someone whom he decided deserved his money more.  He wanted to impress her with a big gift.  He shows up in January, because she got all that she wanted from him and has released him back into the wild.  I guess ‘what goes around comes around’ applies here.

If you have never ran into this type of guy, consider yourself blessed.  He is a smooth operator, at least in his own mind.  Don’t be fooled by him.  When he drags himself back into your life, make sure the ‘lock’ to your heart has been changed.  If you had bought him a gift, take it back or give it to the older gentleman down the street.  He deserves it much more.  And if he did it once and you forgave and let him back; next Christmas make sure you buy him something that you can enjoy.

And guys, don’t think that I am picking on you.  Personally, I have never heard of a woman doing this; only guys.  I just don’t think we women would break up at Christmas time; we want your attention and our gifts.  Well, it’s true.  And this guy really is an over-grown adolescent, because this is something that teenage boys learned to do.  But, I guess they had to learn it from somewhere.

But, ladies, if you have one of these guys in your life, I figure he’ll come a knocking on your door sometime around the end of next week.  I hope you have your mace and guard dogs ready for action.  What did Beyonce say? ‘don’t you ever for a second get to thinkin you’re Irreplaceable.’  In fact, he’ll be here in a minute.  Love it.  

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10 Ways to Know If He’s Married or Involved in a Relationship

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That’s true. However is can be made harder when you don’t accept that it’s happening. When you know that your relationship is over, it’s natural to go through denial. No one wants to be dumped or to dump someone. That’s why some people stay together way past their relationship’s expiration date. 

Admit Your Relationship is Over

Don’t deny the writing on the wall. Even if you want to believe that one day you’ll be back together, you have to admit that your relationship, as it is right now, is over. You may want to hold out hope that you’ll get back together, but that’s not going to help get you through the tough times ahead, as you go through your break up.

Don’t Play the Blame Game

You’ll blame him, he’ll blame you. You’ll even blame yourself and your dog. It will be everybody’s fault. However it’s not really anybody’s fault. Your relationship is over because it’s time has passed. As people change and grow, sometimes the relationship does not grow with them. That’s nobody’s fault, that’s just life.

Understand that You’ll Need to Let Go

Letting go will be the hard part. This can only be done when your partner is no longer in your life. However you can prepare for this by making sure you’ve removed reminders of your relationship. Unfriend him on Facebook, unfollow him on Twitter, remove him from your Google+ circle and definitely delete him from your phone. Start reducing your communication with him. Find a friend to call to share your good news or chat about things. You’ll need to cut contact with him after the break up, so get started now.

End the Relationship Now

If your relationship is over, but it seems like he’s prolonging the process by not breaking up with you, you may need to do it yourself. Some men don’t like breaking up with women. So, instead of breaking up, they make the relationship so painful that the women leave on their own. In the worst case, these relationships can continue for months or years. If you feel like the relationship is over and the love is gone, don’t waste another minute of your life. End the relationship and start moving on.

Does any of this make breaking up easy? No.

Does it make you a little more prepared for the breakup? Possibly. There is no real way to prepare. Everyone will respond to a break up differently. The only thing you can do is take care of yourself, guard your emotions and do what’s best for you.

Take a step back and think about your relationship and how you felt before it say within your current relationship you begin to feel terrible about yourself, you lack confidence, and energy is depleting. Keep thinking are you also feeling unwanted, or afraid to say anything or afraid of him in general? Have you ever had a chance to talk about things and mutally agree on things or does he always do the deciding. Evualate how you feel about yourself do you feel as if your not worth anything? Consider has he ever intentionally isolated you or said anything degrading? That was the emotional and mental side of things to consider.

Now think has he ever hit you or does he do anything to you physically that harms you in any way shape or form? Does he take things from you like money or stop you from doing things you want to do like say going to your family. Has he ever punished you for something you can’t recall with a violent act. This is the physical side of things.

Things to consider before you even get into a relationship with someone intrests,values,religion,hobbies and consider how much he drinks and how many friends that are girls that he has. They might and could be possible relationships he is hiding.

If you  relieaze you are in a bad relationship you usually have three options one is to stay within it and it probably will get worse. The second option which you would have is get some help with your relationship and decide what to do from there. The final option is to leave the relationship and don’t look back at it as a regret just be happy your out of it.

If you’ve decided you want to break up with your boyfriend there’s some things you need to think about. The way you break up with him will determine not only how he feels, but also how you feel, in the end.

If you know that you treated your ex with respect when you broke up with him, it will help you get through your emotional healing process. While you have no control over how he handles the break up, you have complete control over your behavior.

The main thing to remember is that your break up should be done in person, in a private place so that your soon-to-be ex can hear the words from your mouth without embarrassment. Remember the “Golden Rule”.

Take the time to answer any questions he may have and be ready to explain your decision. It’s important not only to know why you want to break up, but also to be able to explain it without getting angry or starting an argument.

After the breakup, you’ll both need time. If you want to be friends, wait until both of you have healed, let go of the relationship and moved on. If you still want to be friends at that time, then you’d both be in a place where it won’t interfere with your current and future relationships.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to breaking up with your boyfriend. These tips will work for most relationships. If you’re in a long distance relationship you may not be able to meet in person. You may not be able to control your emotions when you talk to him. Remember all relationships are different, so you need to do what works for you.

Now to some it may seem a little childish to have a party when you are getting divorced.  However, think about it, this person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with is not who you thought you were marrying.  Perhaps he cheated or maybe you just didn’t have the same things in common that you thought you did.  No matter what the reason why your marriage didn’t work one thing is crystal clear: your marriage is over whether you like it or not.

For some people getting divorced comes as a shock.  They may have thought that their marriage was perfect.  Yet for others their divorce is long awaited.  I got married way too young and I think I knew it at the time. The problem was that I was too embarrassed to admit it so I stayed in a marriage that wasn’t making me happy and I wore what I called my “plastic smile”.  After several years of being asked if everything is okay and if I am happy I finally broke down and admited that I was never truly happy.  Of course you know what came next: The divorce.  At the time people were congratulating me on my new-founde freedom but I wasn’t ready to celebrate anything as all I could think about was all the changes my children and I were going to be going through.  

I think that as exciting as getting married can be, getting divorced is also a very big deal.  For someone who has not been happy or has recently found out their other half was being unfaithful getting divorced may be exactly what they need.  And I think that they also need to be reminded that they are still loved and important. Perhaps this is why I think a divorce party may be just what they need, something to remind them that their divorce is not the end of the world.  Of course I don’t think that throwing darts at their ex’s picture on the wall or hanging a life-like dummy of their ex and burning it is a good idea but the party part is defintitely a nice way to celebrate their freedom!  What do you think?

Recently I had to deal with “breaking up” with someone I was dating. Now, this could be difficult, and I’t could also be extremely easy. It’s all of how you make it.

FOR BREAKING UP WITH GIRLS

Breaking up with a girl is way more challenging then just saying, “hey it’s not working out, I’m breaking up with you.” to a guy. You have to put thought and feelings into your breakup speach. Don’t make this over-dramatic, but don’t just treat it like something you don’t care about. If you reduce yourself to tears and get down on your knees pleading them to forgive you for breaking up with them, its not gonna look to pretty. But also if you text her one tuesday night “Hey im breakin up w/ u”, thats not gonna look great either. Just explain your reason why your breaking up with them, then say your sorry and something else OTHER than “lets just be friends”, because thats what everyone says. Make her feel like you care and that you put time into this, and that you have a solid reason why your breaking up. And please… MAKE SURE IT IS IN PERSON!

FOR BREAKING UP WITH GUYS

Now, breaking up with guys is alot easier then girls. Although, they still have feeling, even though they may not express it as much as a girl would. This means don’t just jeer at them and say its over (unless they’re cheating on you, thats different). Please just provide a SOLID reason of why you are breaking up with them. This does not have to necessarily be in person, but I would reccomend that it is.

So hopefully this has helped you, and good luck!

1. Thinking of him for more than a few times a day.  If your ex-boyfriend is on your mind as soon as you awaken in the morning, it may be time to focus on other things in your life.  I assure you, he’s not waking up with you on his mind.  It’s time to let those thoughts go.
2. His phone number is still on speed dial.  It’s time to delete that number; it’s only a reminder of your last conversations, and the fact that you are broken up, means those conversations didn’t go well.  Deleting the possibility of future communication will make the break up real and move you closer to getting over your ex-boyfriend.
3. Your ex’s picture is your screensaver.  No. No. No.  It’s time to erase the hard drive.  Not only change your screensaver to pretty little fish, but, delete his pictures from your computer.  If  you have hard copies of his picture, put them in an album and put it on a shelf somewhere with the other people from your past.  It’s time to get on with your life.
4. You name your new pet after your ex-boyfriend.  That he has a common name is not a good defense.  Rename your new doggy or stuffed animal, this will go a long way in helping you get over your ex.
5. Every room in the house has items or reminders of him.  Take the time to remove all of the trinkets gathered during your dating period.  It’s time to do a little redecorating.  Buy new flowers and pillows.  Change the color scheme of the main rooms, especially the bedroom.  He didn’t like pinks and lace, well, he’s not around anymore, make your rooms reflects the new you. 
6. You call your new dating interest your ex’s name.  If he sticks around, apologize and go to great pains to make it up to him.  Try snapping his picture and putting it on your computer, but, don’t go the screensaver route.  Not just yet.
7. You are tempted to drive by his house.  This is a strong indicator that you aren’t over your ex-boyfriend.  Driving by his house is borderline stalking, especially, if he lives 200 miles away.  It’s time to get some new hobbies, take a class, and meet and make new friends.
8. You go to his old haunts hoping to run into him.  Still borderline stalking.  Find new places to go that are on the opposite side of town.  Create your own haunts that have nothing to do with your ex-boyfriend and provoke no memories.
9. Your ringtone is “Our Song.”  It’s time to download more ringtones and don’t pick some sad ‘he done me wrong song.’  Moving on and getting over your ex-boyfriend is all about creating a new you and coming into your own.  Choose a ringtone that reflects your personal aspirations.
10. Every time the phone rings you expect it to be him.  If he hasn’t called in six months, then, it’s not likely that he’s going to call.  And do you really want him to?  Unless your phone number is used for business purposes, moving on and getting over him, might be aided by changing your phone number.  

Whether he ended things, or you ended things, at some point the fact that the relationship is over has to sink in and be fully acknowledged.  It’s time to start thinking about starting a serious relationship, but, not too soon.  No need to drag that baggage into something new.  Drop your baggage; get over your ex-boyfriend.  Then, and only then, will you start seeing the world in a fresh light with greater possibilities.  You deserve to be happy and free from the weights that hanging onto past memories and dead dreams bring.

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Follow me on twitter @mphsglo; also enjoy reading: 

Do I Really Want to Catch Him Cheating?

Date Rape Drug Sensors and Other Ways to Protect Yourself

10 Ways to Know If He’s Married or Involved in a Relationship

If you’ve found your way to this page then more likely then not your emotionally trapped into a relationship with a woman who’s about as stable as a quadriplegic on a unicycle. If your searching for a way to get out then you’ve probably already made up your mind that breaking up is the right (but not easiest) thing to do.

Be prepared! In this article there I’ve included some useful advice and warnings to help you deal with the impending battle, and it will be a battle. As such you’ll have to excuse the occasional war related analogies I’ve thrown in for good measure.

Follow the link below for advice on how to plan the break up and the safest ways to go through with it:

http://socyberty.com/relationships/breaking-up-with-your-crazy-girlfriend-the-attack/

Follow the link below for advice on defending yourself against the backlash and consequences of the break up:

http://socyberty.com/relationships/breaking-up-with-your-crazy-girlfriend-the-defence/

If you have any advice for people about to go through a break up please post it below, I’m sure it’ll be appreciated.