Elizabeth Taylor and Nicky Hilton’s marriage in May of 1950 lasted 8 months. While this is relatively short, there are that are even worse. 

Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd met while he directed one of her music video. They married in 2001. It lasted for 7 months. The cause for it was because Jennifer began a public liaison with Ben Affleck.

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock married in 2006. Out of all Pamela’s marriages, this one was the shortest. It lasted a short 5 months.

Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman got married in November 1998. This was a quick Vegas wedding that Rodman tried to get out of. However they managed to stay together for 4 and a half months.

Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley got married in Hawaii in 2002 that was private. Nicolas was known to be a huge Elvis Presley fan.(hint hint). This marriage lasted 3 and a half months.

Cher and Gregg Allman were another example of a Vegas Wedding gone bad. After divorcing Sonny Bono, Cher and Gregg Allman flew to Vegas to wed. However, Cher found out how bad Gregg’s drug and alcohol problems were and decided to divorce after 9 days.

Last but certainly not least is Britney spears and Jason Alexander’s famous 55 hour marriage. They were childhood friends that decided to marry in a Las Vegas wedding chapel in 2004. It was quickly shown to be a “mistake” and there was a quick annulment.

Matt, son of country artist Gary Morris, has had a long history with Timberlake. The two were child stars on the television show “The Mickey Mouse Club,” along with Christina Aguilera, Brittany Spears, Keri Russell, Ryan Gosling, and JC Chasez was on the show for four seasons (1991-1995).

After the shows cancellation, Morris decided to live a normal teen life, writing on his website, ” At fifteen all I want to do is get my learners permit and not work. I didn’t want to be a celebrity, I wanted to be a kid.”  

Morris later reunited with several of his “MCC” co-stars to collaborate on their musical projects. Matt Morris co-wrote five of Christina Aguilera’s tracks and helped Kelly Clarkson’s with her hit song, “Miss Independent”. Morris also joined with Timberlake on “All Over Again”.

After one self-released album and a five-song EP called “Backstage At Bonnaroo and Other Acoustic Performances”, Timberlake then approached him with the offer to become Tennman Records first signed artist. “He said he was going to help me share m y music with the world, and I believed him.”, said Morris.

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Elvis! He’s all I can think about every fall after the world-wide celebration of his death takes place in August. It has always confused me. If we love the man so much why are we celebrating the fact that he died. Maybe, we’re supposed to be glad that he didn’t get a chance to gain any more weight and look any less Elvisy. After all, what really gets my heart to thumping is the early Elvis who bumps and grinds his way through those three Ed Sullivan segments, not the fat old man in the jump suit. But I’m sure that Elvis-the-Ghost is back to being his old self; and that’s the man I want to meet.

The best place to start when you want to contact the dead is with one of those dial-a-medium services. You know, the kind where you pay nine dollars a minute to talk to a bored woman who is supposed to know your future but keeps you on the phone asking countless questions about your past.

I found a likely-looking service at the back of Low IQ Magazine. It was called “Dead Line.” According to the ad, they had mediums on call twenty-four/seven to help you with all of your contacting-the-dead needs.

Now I’m no fool. After paying out more than six thousand dollars, trying to contact Uncle Ernie to see where he’d buried his life savings, I decided to forgo the phone call. The company also offered a do-it-yourself contact-the-dead kit. For a small fee (five hundred dollars), I would receive everything I needed to summon anyone back from the other side by myself.

Woo Hoo! Elvis, you’re mine tonight! To expedite ordering, I accessed a website listed at the bottom of the ad and paypaled the small fee to Dead Line.

Two days later, dark clouds started forming on the horizon, lightning flashed across the sky as the ominous clouds billowed and churned, finally blotting out the sun. I went outside to find an eerie twilight settling on the land as a strong wind blew dust in my direction. By the occasional light of brilliant orange bolts crossing the sky, I perceived an ancient hearse drawn by two black horses galloping toward me. A cadaverous driver sat hunched over the reins, his face hidden in the dark recesses of a cowl.

When he pulled the hearse to a stop in front of my house, the horses reared back as if terrified and then sparked fire as their front hooves again struck the ground. The driver lifted his head to reveal an albino face with colorless eyes and yellow, jagged teeth. The sign on the side of the coach read, “Spooky Stuff Delivery Service.”

He threw a package at my feet then pointed a long, bony finger at me. “We’ll meet again sooner than you think. WooooHaHaHaHaHa.”

With that he cracked a long whip over his horses. They reared up again and then bolted away, as though trying to escape from the carriage they were forced to drag behind them. As soon as they left, the sky cleared off.

I picked up the package containing my Do-It-Yourself-Summon-the-Dead kit and started ripping off the wrapping as soon as I got back into the living room.  Inside was a black metal box with a dial and two buttons on top of it.

The dial could be turned to five settings marked UD, DD, DRS, DR and P. One of the buttons was green and marked “S”; the other button was red and marked U/S.

I wasn’t quite sure how to work it, so I set it on the table , set the dial to UD and pressed the green button. As soon as I did, I heard loud shrieking and moaning on the street and looked outside to see a large number of zombies headed toward my house. Then I knew UD on the dial stood for “undead” and the “S” on the green button meant “Summon.”

“Okay, it works.” I muttered to myself.

The zombies arrived in front of my house just in time to intercept Mrs. Henderson, my  neighbor from across the street.  A sweet, maternal old lady, Mrs. Henderson came to my house every day at four o’clock to share freshly-baked goodies and gossip with me. I always made a pot of coffee and we spent a pleasant hour together.

But now the zombies had her down on the sidewalk devouring her brains. I saw the contents of her baking pan scattered on the lawn. Darn! Chocolate chip cookies. My favorite.

In a panic, I started pawing through pieces of discarded wrapping until I found a thin instruction sheet. My eyes tore down the page until I found, “Any summons may be easily reversed by pressing the red U/S (unsummons) button.”

I leaped across the room and pounded on the red button. The zombies stood up stiffly and began jerking back in the direction from which they came. But it was too late. Mrs. Henderson was lurching off with them shrieking along with their unholy chorus. She was still carrying her baker’s tray and darn if she didn’t gather up every last cookie before she left.

Oh well. I turned back to the instruction sheet.

“DD” on the dial meant “Demons and Devils.”

“DRS” stood for “Dead Rock Stars.”

“DR” was “Dead Relatives”

“P” stood for “Pizza”. Pretty handy.

Then I turned over the instruction sheet and read the disclaimer on the back.  “This device cannot be fine-tuned. The summons button will be answered by the next available demon, dead rock star or dead relative, not necessarily the one intended by the operator.”

My world was shattered. I was out five hundred dollars and no closer to getting my hands on Elvis than before the package arrived.

How could I have been so stupid as to fall for another hoax at the back of a magazine? But wait! Wasn’t there another ad for a special prayer that would force God to do whatever I wanted him to? I flipped the pages of Low IQ…. Right here… “Simply recite these powerful words and GOD MUST ANSWER!”

God under my control: answering to my every whim! Elvis you are practically on my doorstep!

I paid another five hundred dollars for the magic words that would put me in control of the universe. Two days later… the clouds – the wind – the lightning bolts – all the usual stuff, and the hearse pulled up in front of my house again.

This time the driver threw an envelope at my feet, pointed a bony finger at me and hissed, “Sooner than you think, you’ll follow me to the other side. WoooooHaHaHaHaHa.”

“WoooooHaHaHaHaHa! Buy yourself a toothbrush, Buddy. You’ll feel better,” I answered.

He cracked his whip and sped out of sight while I turned toward my house. Finally, I held it in my hand. The prayer – the magic words- that God HAD to answer.

I’m no Biblical scholar but I remembered some passage about praying from the rooftops, so I got a ladder out of the garage and headed up to the highest point I could reach. I tore open the envelope and shouted out the prayer that God HAD to answer.

A lightning bolt hit me.

The Good News:

1. God is very forgiving; I made it to heaven.

2. Elvis is up here too and he’s the Ed Sullivan Elvis, not the Las Vegas diet pill Elvis.

The Bad News:

He wants to borrow my black box to see if he can summon up Brittany Spears.

Image via Wikipedia

By

Catherine Lee

Much is being written and said (and joked about) about Tiger Woods and his many mistresses and affairs when anyone could see he had an incredibly beautiful wife at home.

Apparently it was more a case of him seeking out them than vice versa and you have to wonder why…why isn’t one or two gorgeous “mates” enough?

But the truth is, he didn’t do anything many other men don’t  do, particularly if they have a lot of money, power and opportunity…and of course this can go for women as well.  Would he had gone out (or stayed in) with an ugly woman, an overweight woman, an older woman…? Not likely. He talked about these women, everyone in the know knew about them and  each was like a beautiful flower…probably as close to “perfect” as humans get  but apparently none alone was sufficient to keep his constant interest and devotion.

This is nothing new, of course. Check the senators, congressmen, governors, executives, actors, and ordinary guys who have found “other women” so irresistible they risked everything for dalliances they must have realized would be exposed, and these days exposed big time.

Hollywood, model agencies and guys who hang out in bars would have you think the only kind of woman to be seen with is “perfect”…maybe size 2 with long hair, big eyes, Angelina Jolie lips and perhaps moderate but shapely breasts.  And there are lots of women today who fit that mold.

These men also tend to ignore the truth about themselves…that sometimes they aren’t perfect, yet they have a disturbing habit of ignoring their own appearance and demanding perfection from girls.

The truth is, if these guys were right, all brides and grooms would look like some version of Ken and Barbie and they would never be happy unless their own Barbie was a dream of a girl…and often times, that’s not enough. Unhappy alliances abound among the beautiful, rich, famous and fortunate.

But did you ever think about this? How many ugly couples have you seen…together, in love, and happy, yet many perfect girls and even perfect guys for that matter live in depression, cry themselves to sleep, go through life at half mast because they can’t find love.

You can go to an internet dating site and find someone but check back a couple years later and keep tabs on how many are still together. So you filled out a paper that tells the “truth” about you. How many people lie on these papers?  I know I learned long ago to tailor the responses to what I knew the questioner wanted me to say.  It’s like the people who say they enjoy long walks on the sand and deep, meaningful conversations. While in truth, most sandy beaches get deserted at twilight except for the people who like to sneak out for love making in the sand, and most people are in a club, in a house, in a room, eating, drinking, sleeping, having sex or trimming their toenails and not doing anything particularly  meaningful.

Why do you think so many millionaires get divorces? Why do you think so many movie couples break up when both are unbelievably beautiful?

Because they are missing the main point.

The best way I heard it put was in my favorite movie, “There’s Something About Mary” where six guys were there, supposedly madly in love with her but it was explained that they weren’t in love with her, they were in love with the way she made them feel about themselves.

That’s how a two hundred pound woman can have a very happy marriage because love is more than looks. Beauty truly is just skin deep.

It’s what’s in your heart and soul that matters. A good person is a good person, whether they weigh four  hundred pounds or ninety eight.  And the shallow one is the one who can’t tell that but thinks a mate is something to show off, like a new luxury car, a diamond ring, a cabin cruiser. Someone who makes people envious…of the “possessor”.

And that is the real reason for shallow love. It makes the lover look good to pick a beautiful partner, someone who has to be wonderful because he/she is so gorgeous.

But a lot of gorgeous people are mean, narrow minded, unloving of children and small animals but self absorbed in the all important look of perfection.

These are the people who give plastic surgeons endless amounts of money, make fashion designers rich. They like to get recognized and photographed and talked about, and pretend that none of that is true.  They “hate” the press, yet go where they are positive they’ll be photographed.  It reminds me of that unholy trinity, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan, in their brief “traveling together” period when they made their unclad vaginas highly visible and then complained because their pictures were taken.  If you don’t want your picture taken, you don’t go where you know it will happen. If you don’t want your private parts of any kind plastered on magazine covers, you keep your clothes on…simple as that.

And if you want real love, you give real love. The other person comes first, not a distant last. You give more than you get. You keep a sense of humor and use it. You keep a sense of decency, compassion and sympathy. Basically you are something that seems to be becoming very rare…a trustworthy person who doesn’t sneak around doing anything.

None of those things require great physical beauty.

Let’s suppose you marry someone who is perfect…absolutely perfect, and that person has a bad accident, gunshot wound, car wreck or a terrible disfiguring disease, or for that matter, gets old. Is that where you bail out?

Many do, but that’s not love. If you treat people that way the odds are good you may get treated that way. You may get deserted, neglected, divorced, or just despised. And that’s not happiness.

It’s become very popular today to be super critical…to call someone beautiful ugly, to be hateful to everyone, even vicious with  uncalled for criticism and jealous, revengeful remarks. You find it everywhere, but especially in internet comments and chat rooms.  People who had all this anger bottled up suddenly have an outlet for it. And a nice, easy, safe one from the comfort of their own room with the convenience of a keyboard and no restrictions.  A lifetime of frustrations can come pouring out.

Is it good for people who formerly said nothing suddenly to be allowed to break the dam and spew out incredible remarks for all to read? No, because anger is one thing that doesn’t dissipate when used, but instead grows.

Criticisms today can become even angrier ones tomorrow.

Recently I was listening to a comedian who’s “gig” so to speak was being critical of his new wife. He raked her over the coals, making fun of her, her looks, everything she did…I suppose for laughs,  but he only came across as a bitter, revengeful man in a union I doubt can survive.

Even for fun, it wasn’t funny. It made the audience uncomfortable and it made the so-called comedian look like a jerk.  I finally stopped watching because it was unpleasant to watch someone who thought making fun of someone else was good humor…especially someone you are supposed to love and respect. 

Where does this all end as more and more people jump into the “I hate, and I am critical of, and bitter about everyone” pool? Can couples survive, marriage survive, parenthood survive or will we just become a big world full of vicious, unhappy people, constantly exposing, picking at, deriding others or using them for our own devices.

Tiger made mistakes but people are heaping enormous criticism on him while failing to see what possibly are their own mistakes. If he learned something, if he changed, that’s a plus and in the end the whole  matter comes down to how Mrs. Tiger feels about it…revengeful, forgiving, understanding or raging with anger over the betrayals and public embarrassment.

Hopefully each of us might take a stab at it and be a little nicer, more loving, more considerate of one another. We are all people, with foibles and failures. Some of us are gorgeous, some are ordinary looking, some are downright ugly but inside we all need love, trust, respect and decency.

What you give in this world is generally what you get back. Find someone decent and be kind. You might even find you like the results.

Maybe riches, fame, opportunities and blessings aren’t enough. Inside maybe we are all still that little kid looking for love outside himself.  Tiger fought enormous odds to become THE superstar of what had always been considered a white man’s sport. Maybe he can also overcome this also.

Image via Wikipedia

Image via Wikipedia

What is up with all of these photos being leaked onto the web nowadays? Celebrities need to become more private with their personal business. Did you realize that a lot of stars from Disney somehow have leaked nude photos?

1. Lindsay Lohan
2. Vanessa Hudgens
3.  Miley Cyrus
4.   Britney Spears
5. Christina Aguilera

That is crazy but very true. Christina Aguilera does not have any leaked photos but when you are in photos like

You aren’t giving yourself proper promotion. You are a singer so shine light on your voice opposed to sext explicit covers to get people talking.

Recently Jamie Foxx’s photos were leaked along with Will and Qwanell from Day 26. Shemar Moore was spotted on a nude beach, Hosea from “The Game”, Kanye West, 2 Women from the Basketball Wives are also caught up in this craziness!

*If you ask me, I feel they are doing it as a trend or something.. Why expose your goodies to the world? What is it going to get you in the end?

Celebrities should just be more careful with their personal business and keep it to themselves!

What do you guys think about all of this craziness?

Please do comment and let me know what you all think of this.

Sweetie, don’t make these mistakes and you may survive!

1. Men: It may be just a habit, but don’t sit across the table from a date at dinner and start playing with the hair in your ears. Resist the temptation. I don’t care if you can braid it. It is a fact of life, as men age they lose the hair on their heads and it starts coming out their nose and ears. Try to remember when you are getting ready for the big date, remove the hair that is everywhere on your body where it shouldn’t be! Wonderful devices just for this purpose are sold everywhere. Or you can live it up and let the person who cuts your hair do a little snipping on those problem areas. Hair in the nose and ears is not sexy. Trust me on this one.
2. Ladies: Leave the tight clothes for Cher and Madonna. You’re over 40 and if the statistics are correct, you are back in the dating game, you’re over worked and stressed 99% of the time, which leads to throwing your face into a bag of mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I speak from first hand experience, I can shovel chocolate in my mouth at record speed. A pudge on J-Lo is cute. You’re light years past the cute pudge age. Look on the bright side, you’re a survivor. You’ve taken the devil (your ex-husband) head on and won. Lift your head up and be proud. Trying to dress like Brittany Spears will not help.
3. Everybody: Do not greet your date and in the next breath start blabbering about your evil ex-spouse. Not cool. We all know that as soon as you earn the designation of being an “ex” you have now entered the category of being a sub-human slime ball, low life. Yes, we all know that you have the worse ex-whatever in the world. Before you know it, you and your date are trading war stories about how you were “done wrong”. Give it up, move on. You’re on a date, stop dragging that luggage of the old life around with you. Believe me, you won’t find it attractive in the person you’re dating. You don’t want to hear about what a disaster his/her spouse was, in fact no one wants to hear it. Moving right along…
4. Men: This little tidbit comes from my personal experience. I went on a blind date with a local business owner. He picked me up for dinner in his Mercedes. Ok, not a bad start, at least I didn’t think he was an axe murderer. As soon as we were driving to the restaurant he started telling me his very best “fart” jokes and put his hand on my thigh. I don’t know what was more disgusting, his idiotic jokes, or putting his hand on my thigh, which I promptly smacked. 15 minutes with this guy and I was hoping an axe murderer would stop the car. Lesson for all, Mercedes does not equal class. I’d have rather ridden with a gentleman in a Ford Pinto.
5. Everybody: Turn off the cell phones! You have a real live person in front of you. You don’t need a cell phone hanging off the side of your head. No one is counting the number of annoying cell phone calls you receive while in public. We hate them. Yes, it’s time some one says it. People yakking loudly on their cell phones are becoming public enemy number one. If you have to check with the baby sitter, excuse yourself, go to the rest room and call home! A date should be adult time, not kid time. Believe it or not, you actually are entitled to an evening out and some fun.
6. Everybody: Don’t ask your date how much money they make. A man asked me to dance and by the time we got out to the dance floor, he had asked me where I worked, what my title was and my salary. I felt like I was filling out a credit application. Women are guilty as well. I’ve heard them grilling men, sizing them up to see if they are “husband” material. I’ve also seen the same men disappear faster than Houdini. We call these women Terminators. They can end a date in a nanosecond.

So, try to kick back, relax and make new friends. Let nature take it’s course and don’t set up housekeeping together after one date! After all, you are over 40….