Originally Published in M.A.S.K. Magazine

Head spinning in confusion, feet pounding against concrete, *Steven Henderson ran. The cold air bit against his face as screams of hatred followed behind him.

“Queer! Faggot!” his seventh grade peers screamed.

All on bikes, the number of boys grew to almost 30. When Henderson neared his home, the boys finally backed down and rode off. Even after telling a counselor the following day, the harassment continued.

“[I felt] I was disliked by many people because I was being true to my feelings and being honest with myself,” he said.

As an openly gay sophomore, he believes that bullies find lesbian, gay, bisexual, and trans-gendered (LGBT) teens an “easy target.” In fact, he sees anti-gay cyber bullying two to three times a week. He believes teens today “have more access to technology than ever before,” making it easier to torment LGBT teens anonymously.

These experiences inspired Henderson to create a club to help change the way his peers view their LGBT peers.  He and his friends consider the club a safe haven for LGBT teens and hope to spread awareness to their fellow students and school’s faculty.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of those involved.

The Signs To Look Out For:

• Your child may become more withdrawn and quiet than normal, not wanting to go out with their friends, or take part in family activities.
• He/She might be reluctant to go in to school, when it had never been a problem in the past.
• Appetite changes, such as not eating as much or starting to over eat things like junk food.
• Sleep disturbances, like not being able to get to sleep, or not wanting to get out of bed in the morning.
• Fabricating illnesses to try to avoid school.
• Physical complaints like headaches. These might feel very real to your child so don’t accuse them of lying.
• Unwillingness to complete homework that they would never have refused to do in the past.
• Obsession with own body image, or asking you whether they are fat.

Although there might be a lot of other things that could show that your child is being bullied, they are some of the most common ones. Basically, what you’re looking for is a change in their normal behaviour which might just signal to you that something has changed, or that something is not quite right.
If you feel as though your child might be getting bullied, it is important that you assure them that they can tell you anything if there is something that is worrying them. Don’t force them to talk, as this will push them away, but make sure that they know that the help is there if they choose to use it. 
It may be a good idea if your child is young to go and have a word with the class teacher. They should be able to see whether anything is going on providing they are monitoring the class properly, and they might be able to give you some kind of indication that something isn’t quite right. You could also ask the teacher whether she would mind making sure that your child had friends to play with. 
If the school teacher knows which of the children are bullying your child, you should not take matters into your own hands. Although it can be tempting to speak to the child’s parents yourself, it can make things worse, so you should always leave it to the teacher to sort out. The only time that you should do anything is if something happens outside of school that causes you any kind of concern.
Finally, if you think that your child might be getting depressed about the bullying situation, then try taking him to see a doctor. They might be able to offer counselling which, although it might seem a little bit scary, could be a great solution, as the child would be able to talk to somebody who they knew wouldn’t be able to interfere in any way, as this can be something that a lot of children are afraid of. Never underestimate bullies, or assume that it’s just a bit of teasing, because things like this can make a great impact on the early life of a child.

Talk to the child about how the other person feels that is made fun of and put down. Cyber bullying can be even worse than face to face bullying because it follows them home from school. If you see your child doing something to hurt another person. Stop it at once. Do not allow it on Face book or anywhere else. Give the punishment that fits the crime. Take away the computer for a month or something special the child is looking forward to. Let your child know that bullying will not be tolerated. If every parent followed that rule there would be no bullying. A young bully grows into an adult bully.

You might think your child is in his room doing homework but chances are they are also checking Face book and Twitter. In years past bullying usually tapered off after middle school but today cyberbullying continues on into high school and beyond. Teach you kids to leave a counteractive comment any time they see someone leaving a nasty one. That will help discourage bullies. Hurtful texts are very common and kids suffer from it. But the social media can also be a tool to stop bullying if used correctly. Teach your child to never contribute to the bullying of another child.

Some students think it’s fun to grab someones bookbag or other belongings, laugh at the way they dress or how they look, how much money they have, or any number of things. Teach you child better and see that it doesn’t happen. Don’t protect your child when he is the culprit. It’s your responsibility to keep your child on the right path. If you know your child or another child is being bullied at school, it’s your job to go to the school councilor and authorities to see that it stops. Parents are responsible for the conduct of their children, and mistreatment of other children if they have knowledge of it.

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Surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their school years, and at least 10% are bullied on a regular basis.  Bullying is different between boys and girls.  Boys tend to be more physical and intimidating where as girls are more verbal usually toward other girls.  Bullying today doesn’t stop at school for children.  It continues on social networking, for example facebook, harassing email’s, threatening  calling and texts.  Children who are bullied in school may have higher rates of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and high rates of school absence.

Some signs of being bullied are depression such as:

*withdrawal from their families and peers

*lost of interest in activities/school

*feeling tired

*feeling anxious or worried

*talking about having no friends/talking about being picked on/talking about suicide

* also children are likely to not want to go to school/high absence

Some ways to avoid Bullying:

*Most bullies thrive on reaction, so the best thing to do is to ignore it. This shows confidence and bullies like to pick on people who are shy or weak, according to them.  Remember, most bullies are insecure and need to show that they are tougher.

*Talk about the situation to a trusted adult, like a parent, teacher or principal.  This way they know what is going on and will keep a watchful eye in case it escalates into more of a problem.

*One major way to get back at the Bully is to start a Anti-Program at your school:  Go directly to the principal and tell them you want to begin a program for students who are bullied.  Put up posters in your school hallway and that’s the beginning to intimidating your Bully into being shameful of their actions without actually confronting him/her.  You will be the Hero of the School!

Parent of Children that are being bullied:

*Most children won’t tell their parents that they are being bullied.  It usually starts by them not wanting to go to school, not wanting to join any sports and just wanting to withdraw for social events. Talk and listen to your child.  Ask question on what happened?  If your child is not talking you must take charge and get together with a school official, a principal, a teacher, a coach or all of the above.  Stay in contact every day until the situation is resolved.  Sometimes a school official doesn’t know the situation because children may be bullied in the halls, in the bathroom or on the buses.  You must tackle the problem A.S.A.P. 

*Also as parents, you can also take it to the School Board to request education against bullying in their child’s school! Parents hold powers to protect their children and would do anything to avoid harm done to them.

*And remember one important detail; Once you’re child is threatened by a bully, It’s a crime called “Criminal Threatening.” Criminal Threatening is the crime of intentionally or knowingly putting another person in fear of imminent bodily injury. If this is the case, it’s time to alert the police.

                In such a case the first thing to do is evaluate you own situation. If you feel you are being bullied, then you probably are. There are many types of workplace bullies, but the worst must be the brutish overbearing manager. The reason why I consider him to be the worst is because he holds so much power over you and can really upset your life for you.

                The criteria for being bullied are miles long, it’s up to you to research and find out if you are being wronged, and you deserve to know. For instance, if your boss shouts at you in front of colleagues or clients just because he feels he has a right to, then you are being bullied. When only you or a handful of people get treated in a degrading manner but not your other colleagues, then you are being bullied, and discriminated against. When the first thing you face in the morning is a belligerent boss taking out their home stress on you, you are being bullied and you should take steps to ensure that it stops.

                Being bullied should not be taken lightly. There are many subtle consequences that could change your life irrevocably. Loosing income due to absence and poor health is just the tip of the iceberg. The family is usually the first to suffer and unfortunately they usually suffer the most. If you wake up negative or you don’t want to go to sleep at night because you don’t want to face a new day, then you should realise that there is something seriously wrong. That is no kind of life to live.

                Unfortunately some people are more prone to being bullied than others. This is because one person can hardly afford to turn the whole work place against him or her. So who would then be considered prime bully fodder? Well that’s easy, if you fear you could be bullied, then you can. The reason I say this is because a person that is strong enough to withstand bullying wouldn’t even consider it. Bullies follow a certain path. They choose the quiet and reserved people, because they are so reserved. Bullies hate conflict more than most. They will avoid confrontation and their chosen victims will more than likely be the type of person who refuses to make a fuss. Also people who are low down in the ranks and very dependent on their jobs would be a clear target, which is why it is best not to show you dependence too clearly.

                When you have established your position as that of a bully victim then the only decision is which rout best suits your needs. There are so many ways to stop this menace that once you take the first step it almost becomes funny. The main thing to remember is that you are ultimately dealing with people and you have the same rights as they, if not more so. So, first of all, get your mind-set right. You’re only a victim if you want to be one. Find out about the laws in your country. If you have a HR department, contact them to get the relevant information pertaining to your situation. You could also try your union or a professional councillor to get information on how to proceed.

                One way to deal with the bully is of course to “man up” and face the person on your own. At first this might appear to be impossible, but you mustn’t let your fears rule your life. Scrounge up every last morsel of courage and face your demons. If you record the whole conversation and remember to keep cool, chances are you will shame the offender into an apology and your life might take a dramatic turn for the better.

                Otherwise, use the more formal rout and make a written grievance. Remember that a written grievance should contain all the facts accompanied with dates, times and possible witnesses. When going this way an independent person will investigate the allegation and report the findings to the relevant people. Your boss, or his boss, will then meet out punishment as necessary.

                The reason why we have this problem of people using and abusing other people is very simple. People use other people for certain things; to feel better about themselves; for financial gain; to hide their own incompetence and a million more reasons. The only question that should matter is, are you a victim or not?

If you work for an intelligent competent company they will have no time for irrational behaviour from their managerial staff and will quickly put an end to it. If they don’t, and leave you to the offenders mercy, then they have just proven to you that they do not deserve you and you should take this as an opportunity to move on to greener pastures and remind them of the saying, it’s too late for regrets.

Here is a book (Bible) that has been on the bestseller’s list for many decades and on many renowned shelves even now but yet we have ignored its contents or even having a desire to at least open it to agree or disagree.  If there is something good that can be used to improve a situation, then why not make the effort at all cause, to use it. You continue to seek elsewhere for answers and another best seller, while you refuse to adhere to the one that has topped them all for centuries, ’til this day. People have “never” been content enough to accept the righteousness of the time that we live, for they have always sort other means, fads, music, companions, fantasies, or anything new to appease this  flesh of ours. You tend to want the fame or popularity that society tells you is what shapes your lives and also will have others to embrace, accept and love you. If you do not first love yourself then there is no one anywhere who could do it for you.

You cannot blame the “bullies” fully, for people have allowed the system, the media, your so-called homies, clicks, society, schools and whatever have been permitted to be released as the truth, that you believe in; to dictate, confirm, write, speak, and to authenticate your being, while in the process losing one self, regardless of the wrong taught.  The Bible states that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God (Bible-Rom. 10:17). What they hear is what they do. What they see is what they want. What they know is what they say. What they do is what they believe. This society has allowed so much corruption in certain areas while shutting their eyes to the corruptions in other areas that should and needs to be addressed. You cannot let others dictate to you what you already know is right regardless of the majority. If you lose yourself you lose everything else that is worth the essence of your living/being.

No one can take from you the things you hold true and dear except you release yourself, beliefs and standards over to them. You MUST maintain a sense of belonging within yourself knowing that you too are here for a purpose and a right to be. Entertainers participating in various acts of crimes and sins, your poor taste in music, dress codes and explicit materials, parents befriending their children to engage in similar riotous activities, ministers committing and justifying sin and wrongdoings, and shacking up has become such a way of life that no one trusts anyone to say will you marry me and mean it; same sex marriages, babies being adopted like changing clothes and thrown away like garbage, for monetary gain, instead of  keeping and  bearing their own  responsibilities.  Abortions on the rise in masses because of sexual sins or just not ready for parenthood. Hate has become an epidemic and we avoid people like the swine flu. Children see parents bullying and fighting each other as well as name calling. The parents are committing violence against the children, as well as each other.  The neighbors hate neighbors and the lack of respect for one another is prevalent. Violence is rapid and out of control, that our death rate has surpassed the enormous number of the stars in the sky on a daily basis.  Porn stores and movies have become a #1 hot spot, like a soothing day spa. So how do we expect the bullies to have the right mindset, or to have anything or anyone to follow, that would alter the hate that lies within them and for others?

You shut your eyes and pretend you did not see what you saw when your eyes were open before you shut them. You lie, deny and justify the wrongs to escape the consequences that are unavoidable regardless. Bullies do what they see others do while not having an identity of their own.  They really do not want to do it but what is there to say to them that it is wrong?  There is no one who wants to get involved for whatever their lame reason or to say to them that it makes you a weak and misguided person to impose your SELF HATE WITH ANGER,  or release your hate towards another. BULLIES are under the influence of a bad behavior, mindset or spirit that has dictated to them this quality of life to embrace and call it good and acceptable, by those who stand by and allow it (conspirators/instigators). They do not have a life so they take a life to replace their own lives through the lives of those who they attack.  They see the reaction of their action to learn the way of escape to fit in with the other bullies and the lie that have been told to them. Bullies are sick minded people who have failed to understand the value of their lives and others. They have no true directions, love, or purpose for living themselves other than taking the life from another, holistically.

Bullies are “Brutes-Under-Low-Life-Yolks”. They are yoked up by a low life style, whether it’s physical, financial, emotional, spiritual, and relational or the likes, but there is a deficit in their make-up that tends to surface and say prove to people that you are not as such. They find a weak individual as them to appear strong to the onlookers but yet afraid to deny the voices within of hate towards self and others, that influences them on a continual basis. They are so weak that when the voice of attack comes to them to attack, they lose control without thinking soundly enough to know or understand what they are about to do is so wrong and out of character for someone who is sensible. A bully is not the person’s problem but their own by not recognizing or realizing that they (bullies) are just as vulnerable, weak, scared and dumbfounded but have no other means of coping appropriately. Bullies are self destructive so they seek ways to project that behavior on to others seeking release and peace but never finding it, for confusion could NEVER bring about a peaceful state. The victims need the confidence to know their own self worth and value.

This is the same technique that the enemy uses with Christians when they do not know who they are in Christ. They do not understand the price that was paid for their release from pressure, failure, low self esteem and confidence. Parents must teach their children to know who they are and to believe in them self from the womb. The internet has replaced the babysitter, as well as real family time and true parenting techniques. No supervision for fear of being rewarded the worse parent of the year, or a runaway child. The television has become the tool for proper guidance in-spite of knowing the filth, propaganda and lies that it spits out every minute and rapidly. The system telling parents how to raise their children instead of dealing with the feeble minded, known perpetrators and the abusers who they (system) failed to follow up on during their pregnancy. Children are abusing, using and bullying parents because of this, and reversing the practice of parenthood but silenced.  Parents of today are being bullied by their own children and children of others due to fear themselves, a lack of knowledge and fear of a failed system. The children must know, respect and trust you and vice versa parents. It is your responsibility to educate and demonstrate the right ways of coping, living, and understanding the principles that are available for thriving and having confidence in oneself, as well as one another righteously.

Until you know who you are and whose you are, you will continue to struggle in areas of identification syndromes. You should stop patterning your-self after fads, entertainers, popular people and go back to the bestseller (Bible) and run after that author. He (God/Christ) is the Creator of us all and it is He who knows just what we all need, want, like and dislike but we fail to trust Him because we cannot see Him, but you trust those you see even though you see the filthiness and unrighteousness in operation from them on a daily basis.  You trust what the bully says and does to you.  Am I allowed to identify that as a fool? When you act foolishly, then you cannot accept to see no more than foolishness from those around you. Parents your children will pattern after your lifestyle and NOT what you say.  Parents hating and fighting during the week and then on Sunday morning again; you later insist that they go with you to the place they see as mad and confusing because of you. They cannot see God, they do not know God, so because of the drama, they do not want, trust, know or love God. They reject God, you and others, including them. There has to be an example showing better ways and techniques to deal with life’s situations, people, problems and circumstances.

You continue to do things in front of and for the children that are not conducive to a strong foundation of love and acceptance for one self. Parents keeping up with the Jones and fads, putting gold teeth and earrings and the likes on children because everybody else is doing it, no chastisement because fear of rejection from a “child,” so you have already imparted a spirit of weakness and acceptance of wrong behaviors because you do it. Yet you expect your child to respond differently. The bully represents Satan. He comes to steal, kill and destroy your life, plans, joy, faith, peace, and most of all your destiny and purpose in life.  Somebody everywhere must lift up a non compromising standard to defeat this beast that has been released to do this damage to our nation, churches and families, especially our children. You must stop and rethink about your own actions and teachings in order for you to be able to teach anyone else constructively and righteously. Why do you do and say what you do?

 Are you a person that must be accepted by all and fit in-No Matter What it takes? Have you lost control as an adult? Are you a responsible supervisor of not only your own but others you see in distress or misguided? It is not hard to do but hard to believe. The madness has to stop and you need to be the one who “stops” the madness around you. Love your children and people period. Stop discussing bad things about any people in others presence, especially children. Deal with situations head on and righteously, regardless of who it is. Be honest about what you feel and know, regardless of who disagree since you know it is RIGHT. Bring proper corrections when needed and explain why. Learn to be a peacemaker and not a peace breaker or confusion maker. “TRUST” the Lord God in every aspect of your life and see if you do not obtain the goals set for your life’s dream and family. Be observant to see changes that would warrant attention. Be a pace setter and go getter, not a follower or a lazy sitter. Follow after what is right and not what is wrong regardless of who calls. Be who you are and not what you feel people want you to be. Find the real you and live with that righteously. I am not talking about whom you chose to be but what you were created to be and do. Be the best that you can be for yourself and others. You need to be the first domino that tilts the scale towards righteousness, having confidence with an impeccable way of life, showing your standards that cannot be denied or questioned ever.

ADDENDUM:

When you do not know what to do in a time of pressing matters, stop pressing and begin resting. Be still, for there is a still small voice you need to hear from inside you, at that time, so you must hear and obey the voice in its entirety. Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord. Stand still and know your God. The Word of God states that he who knows their God shall be strong and do exploits (Dan. 11:32).

Where is the love (agape)?  Make a difference today and “STOP” the bullies from invading your turf (wherever you go or around), and that includes your worse hater (Satan). He is as real as life itself. Be not deceived. Make the choice to do better in life and towards others -NO MATTER WHAT!

There is a tenacity that he has which could only come from knowing the Almighty God in such a time as this.  He perseveres despite of the pressure that he gets from the fans, the media, team, and his own personal life but yet he has not allowed an ounce of it to deter him from what he believes to be right and good for him. He shows a quality of leadership that is unprecedented and warranted in a young person today.  Many of our youth today depends on stroking, compromising, back patting and a lot of pushing to go forward or accomplish what is needed for their lives. How can you deny the fact that this young man is helping to shape our youth and society, through Christian practices that apparently works?

I truly admire this young man for many reasons, even some adults would have succumbed to the pressure of the masses, the bullying and allowed the negativity to permeate their soul to humiliation and embarrassment, to later quit.  He has come to realize the “power of prayer”, trusting a God who has never failed him, and since being a good soldier who understands enduring hardness and unfairness (2 Tim. 2:3). It is a chose that he made and people must learn to respect a person’s belief, especially if it helps in the wellbeing of the person or our society. Our youth and adults need positive role models and especially those who are consistent and persistent in character of good qualities.

For anyone to condemn Ted for his actions, are those who do not understand commitment, sincerity and the devotion of one’s beliefs or lifestyle.  It is great to know that there is a person who understands those principals, for I truly thought all were lost or obscure in our society. I am not painting Ted as some martyr or great super wonder but one who has taken on a characteristic that definitely clears the air of his weakness in character. He not only believes in his God but he also believes in his team and self.  There is a great demand to believe and to believe in you is a blessing.  I pray that he continues forward on the field, as well as in his life, taking on the challenges ahead with his determination to succeed, while leaving the haters, foolishness, naysayers and negativity where it belongs, behind him or under his feet.

The problem is so prevalent that if you are in fact a person out in the public’s eye you will become a target sooner or later.

This is especially true if you are not an individual who reverts to the behaviors of a junior high student who has the self esteem of a twelve year old with an advanced case of acne. When I make this partiucular comparision it is indeed because many. many adults will join in with the bully tactics and become part of the group.

The peer pressure seems to have no age barrior in many cases.

A cyber bully is exibiting these particular behaviors for one or more of several reasons:

1, They are seeking attention, this Bully is wanting to be noticed, recognized and negative attention is as good as any.

2, A wannabe . He/she wants to be a person of authority and seeks this status by pretending to know all about the victim and their offenses.

3, A control freak, who has to prove they can make anyone do what they demand.

4, a socialized Psychopath or sociopath who has not recieved any type of treatment.

The Cyber Bully absolutely must  exert power over others and prove that is their claim to fame.

When you notice anyone online who begins exibiting any of these behaviors in even a subtle way, get away from them and do not interact again.

This of course is not always possible as most of the time they will attack a target before the victim is even aware of what has happened. 

You can tell when a topic is escalating and it becomes  the time to sign off, do not engage with anything that can be too unpleasant or too personal. If someone wants your information about your job, business, residence etc, do not volunteer any personal information. Cyber harassment is very serious and there is no one person who is exempt from becoming a victim. Keep yourself safe and be aware that Cyber harassment is a crime in most states.

Adults need to correct not only their children’s behavior but also check themselves. Gathering in circles gossiping, teasing and mocking people is bullying too. Bullies come in so many forms. They can be friends, family members..Anyone…Control YOUR space!!!

Adults need to correct not only their children’s behavior but also check themselves. Gathering in circles gossiping, teasing and mocking people is bullying too. Bullies come in so many forms. They can be friends, family members..Anyone…Control YOUR space!!!

What many do not realize is most of the so-called ‘Bullies” have the lowest self-esteem in the world. They are the ones with the worst self-worth, lowest scores on test, worst sports players, feel the ugliest, fattest, skinniest, etc… so they have to make others around them feel bad so they can feel good about themselves. Sick people to say the least.

They are truly abusive people. Not only to others but also to themselves. Then you have the ones that “befriend” them and laugh and joke with them. If you are one of them, you are just as guilty. You are a bully too!

Do not get mad at them. Feel sorry for them. Do not enable them. Walk away. Tell them you do not want to hear that childish crap. If you hear a kid do it, correct it. If it your child stop it.

If it is you being bullied, Hold your head up, chest out and keep moving forward. Reality is they envy you. Your success, your looks, your car, your clothes, your job, your friends, something. There is something about you that they envy. That is why they pick on you.

Never give them your energy. Use it somewhere else in a more positive way. I laugh because I use to do that. I excelled. I used to be teased in grammar because of my last name Grimes. They called me greasy grimy dirt. The boys and the girls did it. However, it was ok. I was good at sports and got excellent grades and a scholarship to a Catholic HS.

They usually grow up and out of it or into mean spirited adults. Either way, do not put your energy into them.

I use to tell my kids what happened to me. I said I was glad they teased me because I could handle it. I was glad it was me and not another that could not because they are kids that commit suicide these days.

So for the mean spirited adult bullies out there…Grow up…you need to stop being immature. We really know it is you who has the low self-esteem and low self-worth. Stop being so mean to hide your own true self.

It is not that hard to smile and be kind to one another. Everybody is not out to hurt you. Set your own boundaries instead on pouncing on innocent people. I promise the world is not a scary place once you are in control of your space

When we speak of bullies we think of the kids at school that push the kids around, the neighbor that throws trash on your lawn or the big brother that hits his sister… I stood in line at the store one day and saw what many of us have seen. A mother screaming at her child. Not just screaming but cussing him out like he was a grown man. This child had to be about 7 years old. He was being a normal little brat asking for candy. We know the supermarket puts the candy at the checkout isle for that reason.

This woman was clearly irritated. She called him names, cussed him out and finally hit him with a open back hand. For those that know me, with my history of abuse, I lost it. I couldn’t hold it in. Yes I called her on it. I told her did not deserve to be a mother and had no right to hit a young child like he was a grown man.

Of course she cussed at me and told me I had no right. But I do!! I told her I was abused. I had a mom just like her. I had a right to call the cops and if she did it again I WOULD!

Parents should protect their child. Parent should never tease, cuss, hit or let someone else tease or hit them. Especially if you were abused. Most kids that wet the bed do it because of emotional and physical abuse. Calling them a fat ass or stupid is not cute. Screaming at them because they didn’t hit a home run or make the base is abuse. You are bullying your child.

Why on earth would you want your child to feel the same pain and fear? WHY?

Look at those eyes..just look. Don’t they deserve to laugh and smile? Don’t let the cycle continue. You can stop it. Give your child better than you had. They deserve it.Don’t bully your kid!

     In addition, as featured in Psychology Today, Barrow states that typically, those who bully in the workplace have Type A personalities. Meaning, these are individuals who are competitive and active. This personality is helpful in achieving success but this can also lead to more frequent frustrations and verbal abuse since they tend to be more impatient. They may escalate their behavior when they find targets who are hard to control (Williams, 2011).