Sometimes bullying results from people thinking that the victim doesn’t mind being bullied or teased. If you are a victim, make sure that you let them know the FIRST TIME that it isn’t funny and they should stop. 

2. Control your emotions…at least in front of the ones who are hurting you

A vital aspect to dealing with bullying is to make sure that you have enough self control. When you are bullied and you have the urge to cry or even worse, jump around while flapping your arms like Donald Duck, don’t. This will signal to the bully that you are easily harmed and will wrosen the situation. The best thing to do is to pretend that it doesn’t affect you, and then release your negativity while alone. Remember, do not release it on someone else because then you will be..

3. Do not sink to their level

I know some victims of bullying that are so severely harmed – they resort to being horrible to others to let off their negative vibe. To make things worse, they think that they can justify that because they are being treated the same way. I’ve been there before, too, and trust me it does not work. It will make you hate yourself and will possibly turn your loved ones..the ones that you can go for help..away. In short, do not bully others because you are being bullied. 

4. Speak out to a friend

Sometimes bullying is an issue that you do not want to share with your parents. It is strongly recommended that you do but if you really don’t want to then make sure that SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST knows. They may be able to provide the mental support that you desperately need and may even help you take the last step…

5. Tell an adult

I know, I know. Everyone tells you to do this but sometimes you don’t. Why? Because it can certainly be uncomfortable. However it is vital that you do, and I cannot stress this fact enough. I was recently a victim of severe prejudice and discrimination, and telling an adult made miraculous changes. I felt safe again, and I recieved so much support. People backed off and now I’m much happier. Whatever the cause of bullying is, whether it is your sexual orientation, your fashion sense, your dreams and ambitions, or even just because you’re different, you have to let an adult know. If you’re uncomfortable talking to your parents, that’s ok. There are lots of help organizations out there and you can also go to your school. Trust me. Once you take this step you will feel alot more secure. That’s a promise. 

6. Rebuild yourself

Sometimes bullying can damage a person so badly that they will be left in ruins. The most important thing to do at this point is to start rebuilding yourself. Start socializing with more people, engaging in new hobbies, or even starting to follow a new tv show. Remember, rebuilding yourself is extremely important and will make a you a stronger person.

7. Get back that self esteem and confidence!

Last but not least, it is important to know that being bullied is not your fault, nor will it ever be. Self esteem and confidence are vital attributes that make up a person, and hating yourself because other people are being horrible to you just does not help. It may even lead to suicide attempts, which will not only harm you but also the people that love you. This is a long process and takes a lot of determination. Listen to some sad songs that will make you cry, and then immediately switch to upbeat anthems about being strong, such as “Born This Way” by Lady Gaga or “Stronger” by Kelly Clarkson. Remember that no matter what, you have people on your side.

And remember..

If you ever come across someone being bullied, don’t just stand there. It will create a bad impression of you in that person’s mind because they will assume that you agree with the people who are harassing you which is not true. Stand up for others, and others will do the same for you.

Good luck, and act today!

VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITIES: A COMMENTARY

On Friday, February 10th we had another school shooting.  It happened during lunch hour in a cafeteria filled with elementary children happily eating lunch.  All we can ask is why?  The school is about 20 minutes from my doorstep and diagonally southeast as the crow flies.  I know several of the teachers and students that work and attend this school.  We share sports programs and the arts.  It is a good school.  Who would have thought such a tragedy would strike here and with a child so young carrying a gun and somehow getting it past the eyes of a watchful and caring staff.  It is heartbreaking. 

We don’t think of these things happening is small, rural communities like the one I live in or those children live in but it even happens here.  Why?

When I was growing up we only occasionally heard of a murder, maybe a few more robberies and off and on a case of domestic violence but it was rare, very rare, especially in rural communities and we never heard of such violence and tragedy in our schools.  What has gone wrong?

Where are all this hate, fear, bullying, desperation, violence, vengeance and moral decay coming from?  Is there anything we can do to stop it?  God help us.  I sure don’t have the answer.  I wish I did.

Maybe it is the broken families, lack of stability in the homes.  Both parents work, they have to.  They have no choice.  Maybe it is because there is only one parent to start with and you just can’t be mother and father and bread winner all in the same breath.  Parents are pushed beyond their limits and children end up ignored and without the discipline and moral upbringing they need.  We may love our children but we are too busy trying to survive to let them know just how deeply they are loved.  There is very little if any family unity anymore. 

The TV becomes the nanny, the babysitter and it doesn’t teach very high morals.  The same goes for the video games and internet games we and our children play and the media plays their part in the nightly news and the daily paper too as they lean toward scandals, violence and all manner of sensationalism with next to no reporting of the good that happens in the community, State, Nation or the world.  We are being fed a very heavy diet of negative with little to no positive.  Children learn what they live.

Schools push for the competitive edge, win no matter what it takes when it comes to sports or any other competition and academically every child still passes to the next grade and still gets some sort of award even if they haven’t truly learned or earned it…No child left behind.  It is sending mixed signals to the child.  It is okay to fail in one area or another.  Why do my best, be my best.  The effort is a waste of time.  We are all going to get some special award and our diploma anyhow.  So what if I can’t really read or write or even do basic math.  Machines will do it for me.  I don’t have to read a book.  I can listen to it or watch the movie, same difference, right?  Who really cares so long as I’m not in the way?  I don’t have to learn math, I have a calculator that with just the push of a button will give me the correct answer so why study.  Who really cares about the process?

Churches are not much if any better today.  They no longer teach morals and God given laws.  They are politically correct and just about anything goes.  That helps bring more money into the coffers when no one is offended in any way.  Many now speak of God as a higher power, not Lord God Almighty but whatever higher power you choose to believe in, be it the Judeo-Christian God or some other god or whatever power you choose, wind, rain, stars, the moon, the cobra, the cat or a tree.  It makes no difference as long as you believe in something beyond self.  Not every church is this way but a lot are today.  I’ve been there and listened to them.  God forbid we offend anyone and stand up for God and His teachings.  I’m sure God is very offended and that bothers me. 

No wonder children, our young adults don’t know right from wrong.  Oh some will blame it on Satan and his legions of fallen angels called demons (You know, the devil made me do it.) and that may be correct to a point but it is each of us who make the choice.  We decide for our self how we choose to behave.  How can we choose when we are not taught morality in the first place?

We are a society that has become segmented, segregated and morally corrupt.  Drug and alcohol abuse is no longer just ghetto garbage; it is rampant in the highest echelons of our society and affects everyone from the homeless wino in some back alley to the CEO of our multibillion dollar corporations to the government leaders of our communities and nations.  We reap just what we sow. 

It is sad when we see young children becoming so disconnected with reality and life and living and the wonder of being human and alive that they no longer feel life is worth their next breath and they put a gun to their head or their neighbors or peers and squeeze the trigger.  BANG and it is over in a split second.  No more worries, no more fears, no more feeling lost and alone, no more being bullied and belittled, no more nothing.  Is this what our society as come down to?  God, I hope not.

Maybe we shouldn’t have thrown God out.  Just a thought on my part. 

When did suicide become a public matter? Times sure have changed. In the past, suicides were not reported nearly as often as they are now. Not only are suicides reported more, but we feel the need to provide a reasoning for each one. Every time another child takes his/her life, the media shoves the story down our throats. The stories are almost identical. A person was bullied for this or that and they couldn’t take it anymore.

We seem to think by constantly reporting the story, we’re going to fix the problem. Instead of focusing on what the actual problem is, we settle on bullying and make another law. All of the bullying laws in the world will not stop bullying. Parents begin blaming the administrators and teachers for not putting an end to bullying. I hate to break it to you, but we teachers cannot always prevent bullying. We can’t see everything all of the time and what we don’t see, it’s hard to stop. Some of us don’t do enough to try to resolve the problem, but people need to realize there’s more than bullying going on.

Don’t get me wrong, suicide is an extremely sad situation. There are always people left behind wondering how they couldn’t see the signs, what they could have done differently, and why was the person so unhappy. Let’s slow our roll and look at all of the factors that these people had in common. I can guarantee you it was more than being bullied. There is usually something else going on such as depression, anxiety and many other mental disorders. Sometimes the person’s life has just been turned upside down by a catastrophic event like a death or a divorce. Some of those people thought they had no one to turn to in their time of need. They let it all build up until it was too much to handle and they felt it just wouldn’t get better. We have failed to notice any other problems these people could have had. In failing at that, we’re not learning more about preventing suicide. We make these people victims because we can’t believe that our family member or friend wasn’t perfect. We are a society that loves to blame everyone else when most of the time the blame can be spread around. At the end of the day, that person chose to end his/her life.

I am in no way saying that bullying is okay or that it can’t lead to other issues. I’m simply reminding you that with suicide it usually isn’t just one thing. I want you to look at the bigger picture to make sure that we’re trying to solve all of the factors. We want to focus on the programs available and make them better. If you suspect someone has a bout of depression, another mental disorder, or he/she is at the end of his/her rope, speak up.

Cyber bullying is bullying that happens through the use of the web and cell phones. It is becoming more popular with bullies as it can go undetected by parents and is easier for them to get away with. Cruel messages or insults can be posted about a person on a website or cruel texts sent to their phone. It is very different from any other bullying as it can go on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Messages can be sent anonymously through the use of cyber bullying. Bullies now can have control over them at school and at home, many teens and kids feel that they can’t get away from them. They can be unwilling to go to school, have little or no confidence and can even have health problems. They feel trapped, scared, lonely, and sad many kids and teens don’t know what to do.  They just feel like it is relentless.

People who are being bullied are victimized and are in a state of constant fear. They don’t want to go to school and their health may suffer. My cousin Ava who was bullied was forced to put her lunch in the bin at break time. The bullies watched her do it every day. They even told her who she could and couldn’t be friends with. It went on for weeks and the teachers didn’t even know that it was happening. Ava’s parents finally realised what was going on because she used to go home starving. They questioned her and she told her parents what was happening to her, they were outraged what was happening to their daughter. They went into the school to sort it out, after that the bullies left her alone with the help of the teachers and her parents. This is a classic case of bullying, Ava was too afraid to say anything because they threatened her.

If you have been bullied it may affect you in many ways. You may not want to go to school or may find it hard to concentrate on your homework. You may start eating more or less than usual, having a lack of sleep or even getting sick.  You don’t have to feel this way you can do something to stop it. Don’t blame yourself for being bullied; know that it isn’t your fault. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, it helps to talk to people about these issues. Talk to someone you trust like a teacher, parent, friend or even a counsellor. If you are being bullied tell them to stop. Walk away from them, don’t listen just ignore them. If you are being physically hurt try to protect yourself, and try to get away from them. Tell someone you trust that can help you. They will help you deal with the situation and help get the bullying stopped. Stick with friends you trust and know that wouldn’t hurt you.

Apparently I was never able to accurately do this from the ages of 6 to about 13.  I didn’t live the safest, cleanest neighborhood in the city which had shit sprawled across the local football field from the neighboring homes that weaved their dogs in and out of the heavy sandbags players pushed during practice.  There was also the corner store that would become abandoned every three months or so following an intense robbery or drug deal gone wrong leaving behind empty freezers and gang graffiti spelling out a person’s name with the last letter “cleverly” replaced the a “Z;”  ”Lucus” became “Lucuz” in the Fall and Winter while “Stephen” became “Stephez” in the Spring and Summer.  My parents knew of what went on in our neighborhood and I was never allowed to play outside for fear that I may get kidnapped and sold into little Asian girl slavery or have my head blown off by an assault rifle whilst riding my tricycle up and down the street.  But this rule only applied to me, of course, as my brother was happy to do as he pleased outdoors.  Each year when it snowed he played football with his friends two blocks away in their backyard.  Do they not care about my brother being held as a slave? I would think to myself.  Sure girls are longed after for sexual purposes and viewed as weaker of the two sexes but my brother was no Hercules as he stood shorter than average boys his age and was approximately 10lbs overweight at this time.  I figured someone could always use a small boy to chain down in their backyard to break up rocks with a hammer or scrub off the sidewalk on a humid, dry day.  And I knew my brother was not invincible against bullets. Sure he probably runs faster than me because his legs are longer and boys would push themselves to the brink of spontaneous combustion to beat their sisters at a race but no one is faster than a bullet (besides Superman of course) and so I went on being bitter and resentful.
I had decided to ask my mother about all of this during a monthly trip to the Asian supermarket.  I was also always expected to join my parents when they would run errands which I didn’t mind because the Asian Supermarket was far more entertaining than a standard American market.  Everything was fresh and alive and I found humor in making faces at all the fish waiting to be decapitated and taken home swimming in murky water.  These supermarkets always held a musty smell from these fish which mixed with the odor of an old freezer stuck with dried Coke that had exploded from an absentminded individual too impatient to cool down their drink with ice and too distracted to remember they were thirsty.  The live produce was also sad at times and made me happy to not have barbaric Vietnamese parents who would bash frogs’ heads with rolling pins or tear out the soft bodies of turtles from their shells.  I always begged for candy and was allowed to purchase one bag of white rabbit candy which was vanilla flavored taffy wrapped in rice paper that dissolved and melted into a warm sugar jolt puddle on my tongue.  Whilst holding onto my candy and strolling with my mother past the pork butt and wonton wrappers I brought up the topic of my brother not because I believed there was a alternative explanation but because I wanted justification and some form of honesty from my parents.
“Mom,” I asked “Why does Luan (pronounced Lung) get to do things with his friends and I don’t?”"Don’t ask that question” my mother replied, pushing the cart and acknowledging the fish monger waving to her  down the aisle.”Why not? He gets to play outside and go over his friend’s houses but I can’t do that.”"Don’t compare.”"Well I want to know,” I began to whine “it’s just not fair.”"Not fair, not fair that’s all you ever say.” She mocked, “He is your brother that is why he can do those things.”"So is it because he is a boy?” I asked as I eagerly looked up towards my mother who had stopped her cart and began rummaging through a pile of plastic wrapped dried fish.She took a deep sigh and shook her head, pursing her lips as her eyebrows frowned and refused to answer me.
I no longer asked from this point forward and went about staying indoors playing with my plastic kitchen and learning all about American culture from “The Wonder Years” and “MTV” while my brother ran up and down the street dousing his friends with water from his Super Soaker.  
When I was about 10 or so I began to partake in sleep overs at my best friends home.  She was one of few white girls who lived in my neighborhood and everyone at school, along with my family, knew she was my best friend.  We did pretty much everything together; wore the same types of clothing, had similar lunch boxes, listened to the same music and, evidently, spoke the same as well.  I truly enjoyed spending time with her and never found there to be anything wrong with us being friends.  I knew we were racially and ethnically different but from all of the television shows I watched on WHYY this wasn’t an issue; I was just expected to be a nice person which, being young and having no bills or real responsibilities to measure this, I thought I was.  Fellow classmates disagreed to what was shown on television and read to them in books about Pocohontas and the colors of the wind.  To them my race mattered which essentially made up a large part of who I was and I was expected to “act where I came from.”  
I learned this whilst sitting in my language arts class next with a boy named Anthony.  Anthony had been in my previous grades but I paid him no mind as he never paid me any of his.  He was somewhat of a bully in school; the type of kid that pushed smaller kids around in a fit to make himself feel better about his weight, copied off of everyone else’s test paper, stole lunches from people’s back packs and ate them in their faced while he laughed and spit crumbs all over their desks.  I was never victim to any of these things but I did not like him and chose to stay away from him in a way that Hush Puppy stayed away from Charlie Horse during an episode of Lambchop’s Play Along I watched over the summer.  I had most of my classes with him and he had a few with my best friend so he frequently saw us spend time with one another.  We were completing reading exercises where we read a short story and answered several open ended questions.  We were expected to answer these properly, meaning we had to reiterate in the answer in our questions.   I took great pride in being an A student and thoroughly enjoyed being proper whilst following the instructions.  I often volunteered to read my answers when we reviewed the questions.
“Why did Mr. Frog and Mr. Pig walk to the end of the forest instead of crossing the river for their food and shelter?” my teacher asked.I diligently raised my hand up high and the teacher scoured the outstretched arms, calling on a student who gave the incorrect answer then it was my turn.”Mr. Frog and Mr. Pig walked to the end of the forest instead of crossing the river for their food and shelter because they wanted to visit lonely Mr. Rabbit to make him feel better and be his friend.” I answered.”That is correct!” the teacher exclaimed.
“That is correct,” Anthony mocked, “white girl!”The class began to chuckle while the teacher moved on, attempting to ignore what was said.
A few more questions had been answered but only raised my hand for a few as I was slightly confused by the remark Anthony had made.  When I was called upon to read what I had written again he continued with the heckling.”Way to go white girl” he cheered and more laughter ensued, this time at a higher volume and more people joining in.”Focus class!  Anthony stop it!” the teacher attempted to reconcile the laughter.

I sat completely embarrassed and bewildered.  I had been in this school since the first grade and not one person had ever spoken to me about race.  It became a topic that was used to educate others through scenarios developed for entertainment but something I had dismissed as ever happening to me.  It was one of those scary situations where I would place myself into the shoes of the victim and attempted to find comfort in knowing since I was nice no one would ever have the heart to painfully tell me I was different.  I knew I was Asian and was always proud of it and while there was nothing wrong in being white my classmates said it in a cruel way, pairing with other insults that suggested it was negative to be told you are another race when you are, in fact, not.  It struck a chord of shame in me as if I was placing great insult on my family and culture for speaking and acting a certain way which was the only way I ever learned how to be.  More and more people began to call me “white girl.”  When I refused to help someone cheat on a test or “have” my mechanical Hello Kitty pencil they insulted me.
“You’re so mean white girl.” a Korean boy would say.”I’m not white” I yelled back “I’m Vietnamese!”"Then why do you talk white?” he asked sticking up his nose and closing his eyes as if he had just made a statement that would end all arguments we had from that point forward.
I didn’t have an answer but I was baffled by this response.  Talk white? I thought to myself.  How can you speak like a color?  The difficult part was even my father would claim I was “white” one evening whilst watching an episode of “The Simpsons.”
“What is this cartoons?  Are you too old for cartoons?” he asked in Vietnamese.”But I like this show.” I told my dad who was motioning for me to hand over the remote.”Yeah?  You watch this over your friend house too?  You are white just like them.” And he switched programming over to CNN.  
I truly disliked that so many people were calling me “white girl” and even tried to stay home with my mother so I wouldn’t have to hear it.  When she asked me why I wanted stay home I made up lies about throwing up in the toilet or having temporary blindness.  I was too ashamed to say people were calling me “white” for fear that she would also tell me I was and only make me feel worse.  She yelled and threw my clothes at me telling me to get dressed.  I did this and soon I felt as if I only had one friend, my white friend, and all others had isolated me; treating me as if I was a trader of  my tribe choosing to take part in the slavery of my indigenous, ethnic people for wealth and companionship.  When my best friend moved the following year and attended another school the name calling continued and I was left with little options.  I wanted to know what exactly I could do to change their perceptions of me so I tried to not “talk white.”  
According to my classmates, this meant that I was to “talk black” which, in turn, was how the rappers spoke on the MTV music videos I had watched. Seeing as in my neighborhood everyone spoke this way, black or not, I was expected too as well.  I watched reruns of “The Jeffersons” and “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air” attempting to learn what it meant to do this.  I also listened to my brothers Bone Thugs-N-Harmony CDs and read the lyrics from Tupac albums.  I believe I learned more about “bitches,” “40s” and how people had parties during the first of the month more than anything else.  I had no idea what I was doing and felt completely uncomfortable speaking in broken slang but I wanted to try my best to let everyone know I was Asian.  I briefly contemplated turning over to broken English which was common among many of the Cambodian and Korean students in my class.

“I walk-ded to da store” I would say to myself twisting my hand towards the ground and making a scissor motion with my index and ring finger.
“Teacha! I dun undastand! Why you no halp me?” I yelled flailing my arms in the air.  I didn’t imagine I could do this for much longer and believe my teachers would have an anerism listening to me read aloud so it was out of the question.
The following morning when my father dropped me off at school I entered the school yard and searched for classmates who had led the brigade of insults.  I saw Anthony who was standing against the wall closest to the front door, one knee bent with his foot on the side of the building the other planted on the floor talking to another boy who often joined in on the laughing.
“Anthony!” I said, walking towards him.
“Hey, like, how it is going white girl?” he put his hands on his hip and tilted his neck, twirling his finger at the base of his neck.”Yo, don’t call me dat aight?” I immediately snapped, staring him down placing my hands on my hips and pushing my neck forward.”Ummm what?”I sucked on my teeth, “I saaaaaid don’t call me dat!  I ain’t white, aight?” Anthony and the boy stared at me, their mouths slightly open as I hoped they would and beam with pride that I was finally not “talking white.”  Instead they burst into laughter.”What? Now you’re trying to talk black?  You so crazy white girl” he scoffed and walked to stand in our designated class lines.
I was at a lost of what to do with the concept of fitting in, “talking white,” having friends or anything else that involved engaging with people who only acknowledged how I spoke and acted not what I said or did.  I eventually stuck to myself and my teachers who cared about how I did in school, constantly telling me I was a great person and had tremendous talent.  It was more of a self esteem boost than I ever received at home or from my classmates.  Eventually, about a year before I began high school, people stopped calling me names because I realized I stopped allowing it to bother me.  I believe I over came all of it once I acknowledged that some people are born and bred to define others by what their eyes can only see.  Every so often I hear a person in passing call me white and it brings back these memories to remind me of what it meant to lose the innocence in believing the world was created equal, something I have come to ensure my children understand is possible in their hearts and how they treat others, in spite of backlash they themselves may receive.

I will always take pride in being from North Philadelphia and the unsightly images and richness I was exposed to where changes were not left just to the seasons.  A part of this city taught me how to love myself because it always loved me and I plan to continue holding responsibility to that faithfulness.

This feature is inspired by a short heart-felt expression of concern a writer expressed about cyber-bullying. Josy Varghese’s feature can be seen here. http://webupon.com/web-talk/cyber-bullying-3/ My article started as a response to Josy’s, which I realized quickly, was too long for just putting in a comments box.

THE NATURE OF CYBER-BULLYING

Cyber-bullying is just an Internet version of bullying in the school, or work place. The difference is that the bully may not know or be known by his or her victims. They find a website, blog or social networking page and target an individual or group for sustained and controlled threatening, hostile, libellous behaviour with an aim to generating ridicule, fear, and distress. Cyber-bullying can often be related to bigotry and prejudice, being motivated by racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance, etc. It may be casual or systematic.

A cyber-bully will often incite others to join in the ridicule and the intensifying hate campaign. Cyber-bullies often operate in gangs. Photos published online in all innocence, will be commented on in a very unflattering way, as the target is mocked as overweight, balding, ugly, lacking fashion sense, etc. A few people may join in and assume the bullying is just harmless fun.

A thrashing by a bully in a playground hurts, but at least it ends, even if bruises and black eyes take time to heal. Cyber-bullying can take on an edge of permanence and forever. A comment mocking someone, as effeminate will stay online indefinitely unless someone can have it deleted and blocked.

The adage that ‘sticks and stones can break bones but words can never hurt’ does not ring true. Words can devastate us, especially if rumours can be made to ridicule and harass us throughout cyberspace.

The victim may ignore the remarks or try to delete them from web pages where it is possible to do so, but the bully may well saturate the site with comments and threats so that keeping pace is difficult for the victim. The bully may even set up an independent blog specially to encourage people to mock the intended victim, and this will ridicule and malign everything the intended victim says and does.

While the victim may not know a cyber-bully, s/he (more often he) will probably know or have access to the identity of the victim, and disclose personal, private information about them. Lies will be told, private addresses and phone numbers will go public, and the victim’s lovers may become victims of the campaign themselves. The victims of cyber-bullying are often children and the bullies often children themselves. With schools adopting a zero tolerance attitude to physical bullying, its cyber-equivalent takes over, and instead of being seen by the classmates in the playground, the victim’s humiliation is seen by potentially the whole of cyberspace. Cyber-bullying can be used in chat-rooms, web site comment boxes, and social networking sites and increasingly by mobile phones.

Sometimes cyber-bullying and physical bullying can unite as in video footage of happy-slapping attacks going out on Youtube.

Victims of cyber-bullying can become very introspective loners, depressed and even suicidal. Self-esteem can really suffer when it seems as if the entire world is against you. The local bully in Basingstoke, England can gain support from a bully in Sudan or Australia. The victim can find that friends fail to take the threat to him or her seriously or avoid getting involved from fear of attracting similar attacks.

HOW TO RESIST THE CYBER-BULLIES

In the wider social groups, chat rooms and forums, friends should rally round to protect a friend from harassment, even if the victim doesn’t directly request it. Forum and chat-room moderators should track discussions and close down a bully’s account and block his / her IP addresses. Direct threats and incitements to racism, etc are criminal offences and should be reported to the police.

Sites like Facebook have the power to ban obvious bullies and many sites will let you block the people you dislike – friends should always rally to the support of the victim but often don’t. If possible see who else the bully writes to, and if he / she bullies them too.

The internet is not totally censorship free and bullies can be made to see that their hateful words can be deleted, blocked, banned or used to bring them before school authorities, teachers, head-masters, employers, the police, courts, etc.

The main thing to do if you suspect you are being cyber-bullied is to talk to someone about it, including parents and teachers. Log the evidence too. Keep copies of every insult, threat and defamation encountered.  Copy links to every website used in attacking you. Try to find clues as to the bully’s identity. See if the cyber-name used occurs in other forums or web pages. Does this individual or group bully others also beige? If so, try to unite with the other victims.

If outright threats of violence, crime, etc is made, report them to the police.

A number of anti-bullying groups exist who can advise you further. Don’t suffer alone or in silence. The Internet can be used to fight back and drive the bullies into the cyber-oblivion they so richly deserve. 

A useful link on Cyber-bullying advice – http://www.stopbullying.gov/topics/cyberbullying/

Arthur Chappell

Information about bullying suggests that there are three interrelated reasons why students bully:

·         Students who bully have strong needs for power and dominance

·         Students who bully find satisfaction in causing injury and suffering to other students

·         Students who bully are often rewarded in some way for their behaviour with material or psychological rewards.

Inspired by the book The
Misfits by James Howe, the no name-calling day that was created in the book
has been expanded to a week to occur annually in an attempt to not only stop
bullying but come together as an educational community to spread the positive
message of actually being kind to one another.  Schools are engaging in different activities
during this week to eliminate name-calling. This year it falls on the week of
January 23 – 27, 2012.

Bullying, once seen as a way to build character, has now
shown clear as a major obstacle in people’s lives. Not only is it prevalent in
Schools, hindering children’s education, but many adults also fall prey to
bullies in the work force, in their neighborhoods, even in their families.  Through the rise in new technology bullying
has adapted and become sneakier within the digital world, where bullies can
hide behind an unknown phone number or anonymous username.

I congratulate this idea and hope it gets the word out, as
well as participation for it. Maybe with the start of a whole week without name
calling, we all can work up to eliminating bullying all together. It is a far
off stretch, but every step counts and I believe this week is the first major
step on the journey to end bullying.

For more information, go to http://www.nonamecallingweek.org

Talk to a trusted adult. You deserve backup. It’s always good to involve a parent but – if you can’t – a school counselor usually knows how to help. Sometimes both are needed. If you’re really nervous about saying something, see if there’s a way to report the incident anonymously at school.

Block the bully. If the harassment’s coming in the form of instant messages, texts, or profile comments, do yourself a favor: Use preferences or privacy tools to block the person. If it’s in chat, leave the “room.”

Be civil. Even if you don’t like someone, it’s a good idea to be decent and not sink to the other person’s level. Also, research shows that gossiping about and trash talking others increases your risk of being bullied. Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Don’t be a bully. How would you feel if someone harassed you? You know the old saying about walking a mile in someone’s shoes; even a few seconds of thinking about how another person might feel can put a big damper on aggression. That’s needed in this world.

Be a friend, not a bystander. Watching or forwarding mean messages empowers bullies and hurts victims even more. If you can, tell bullies to stop or let them know harassment makes people look stupid and mean. It’s time to let bullies know their behavior is unacceptable – cruel abuse of fellow human beings. If you can’t stop the bully, at least try to help the victim and report the behavior.

                Bullying a sad part of life, and I am sure many of us have endured it at some point; but should we have to?  Being a teenager is hard enough, hormonal changes, a need to fit it; while trying to break away from “being a baby”.  Take all those things I just mentioned and add bullying and it makes us stop, and realize “why” suicides among teenage years are very high.
Physical bullying

Image via Wikipedia

                It saddens me to think, that I personally know of two individuals who because of bullying chose to end their lives, scary. The first person did not succeed and I am happy, he is young and I love him very much. The second person was not so lucky, had she survived her attempt she would have been a vegetable for the rest of her life; oh what a sad thing. To be alive, to exist with no life at all. To all the teenagers out there I say find someone you trust; and talk about how your feeling.

                Some teenagers don’t know where to turn, they are afraid so they say nothing; nothing to the school, or their parents in fear that the bullying will become worse and more severe. Oh what a horrible situation to be in; scary and frightening.

                Since teenagers who think they are grown up cannot make real decisions for themselves; I feel it is time that rational adults take a good hard look at what type of bullying is occurring in their neighborhood, schools and after school centers. The saddest part of it all is that adults today don’t want to get involved; they feel it’s not their problem; while some will say “if the kid can’t take a little bullying he is weak”. The last part is the saddest I have seen it played out, some who ignored it while others decided that suicide is the answer.

                So how is one to deal with bullying, as the bullied, as the parents of a child being bullied? It is time we all take account for our actions and the actions of our kids. Know what your kids are doing in school and out, know who they are hanging out with; if possible meet their parents. If you should notice your child or a child you knew suddenly changes his behavior, you need to pay close attention; something is just not right.

                Bullying has become a big problem in this world, should it be considered a crime? Some say yes while others say no. I think that there is a limit, boundaries of how far bullying should go; and when it becomes out of control disciplinary actions need to be taken; before it is too late. What is too late? A child hanging oneself, taking a bottle of pills, jumping in front of a moving vehicle; and so I ask what is truly too late.