This fantasy gal, Sherrie, was becoming larger than life to me. I know it is human to have unrealistic imaginations, dreams of an ideal person, but I was becoming infatuated. I would see this hot, energetic, aggressive, young, lady with all her exuberance floating through the office as though her life was one of perpetual freedom. And my life seemed to be one of deeper and deeper responsibility and sacrifice, with only the illusion of a grand reward. The irony is that this young lady seemed attracted to older more stable men, as though she knew there was something missing from her carefree lifestyle. So between her sales appointments she would drop in my office with, her cup, and ask about trivial things, account updates and such. In my fantasy world I could see myself with her in an alternate world.

            However, I would also overhear her chat with others in the office. A recurring theme was her disdain for her ex-husband. She would go on and on about his anger problem. Evidently he would get angry over the most “trivial” things, like over use of credit cards! And inside I was thinking she must be talking about me, I would be angry too! I started to see this lady as spoiled and demanding. I could see my face in this picture, in the far distant future as the ex, getting trashed. One day Sherrie really unleashed on her assistant for an error that probably had cost her a sale. It was a significant error but Sherrie turned into a raging monster. I realized that this lady with the hard-body, also had a very hard heart.

            At lunch I took a long walk, away from that insane place where I work. Often I need to step back for a larger perspective. Walking by a park I saw the parents with their children. I also was wondering how many of them are single parents, trying to drive a “three wheeled car”. I noticed the expensive cars in contrast to the cheap cars, and thought about how competitive our society is. Our office can be very competitive, and who knows, someday they could let me go. I prayed to keep my focus on the things that count. I prayed to love my wife with the love of God.

            Back at my desk, (right on company time!), I wrote my wife a letter. “Dear lover, the woman of my dreams, thank you for your sacrifices, and for being patient with me. Thank you for so many great years. I am so glad our daughters look like you. I want to be near you tonight. I am thinking of your hair touching my face, of your soft body, and soft heart. Will you please go out with me on Valentine’s Day?” We did go out, and we renewed our focus. In my mind she is the most beautiful woman in the world.

Voting should not be considered as simply a right, it is a responsibility bestowed upon us as American citizens.  This being such, merely voting does not fulfill this responsibility.  Rather, a citizen has the responsibility to pick the candidates and decide the issues that will represent them and help to create the voter’s image of America.    

The critical responsibility of a voter is to be well versed in politics and informed about pertinent issues and the individual candidate’s platforms.  Every American has the opportunity to vote in regular elections when they are 18 years old. However, the key responsibility involved in voting is not an exclusive to American citizens who are eighteen and older.  As a teenager, one must develop their political views and make choices.  What issues most affect me?  Which issues am I passionate about?  Being well informed should be consistent and not reserved just for election times.  In fact, being an informed citizen is a lifelong commitment.  

CIRCLE, the Center for Information and Research on Civic Learning and Engagement at Tufts University reports a startling disparity in voter statistics for the state of New Jersey revealing that young voters do not participate in all important elections.  53% of young voters between the age of 18 and 30 cast their ballots during the 2008 presidential election.  Yet, in 2006, only 22% of the same youth voting block participated in the mid-term elections. It should be realized that every opportunity to cast a vote and make choices about the issues that affect your daily life and your government is significant.

Not only does a person running for an office represent a political party and a set of principles, but their individual voting record is very important.  It is not enough for a person to affiliate themselves with a political party, because even the views of members within the party can differ substantially.  A candidate who speaks about an issue should be accountable for their stance.  A voter must decide if they agree with the views of the candidate. But in order to do this, a voter must be well informed about politics. 

As a teenager, I am only beginning to see the impact of state and national legislation on my daily life.  By maintaining a full understanding of current events, young people can prepare to enter the political sphere as a voter who upholds their personal responsibility to their fellow citizens.

To go about my life next year, I listed the following resolutions that I believe will make me become healthy, productive and happy person.

Continue exercising regularly- although doing exercise is my routine, it is an on off activity. Sometimes I skip it for valid reason such as when I get sick. Exercise keeps me from getting sick of diabetes, high blood pressure and arthritis. Exercise improves my health and adds years of my life. For the next year, I don’t want a heavy exercise but a moderate one that is done on a sustainable and regular basis.

Have proper diet- it is said that we are what we eat. Foods aside from providing us sustenance are also natural medicines. They contain nutrients and anti oxidant properties that can boost our immune system.  Some foods especially those that contain lots of fats and cholesterol are not good for the health and may even trigger the occurrence of some diseases.  In the coming year I should be more selective on the foods that I eat so that I would be as healthy as ever.

Be more productive- I should keep myself busy. It does not mean that I will work myself to death just for the sake of doing something. My intention is to make myself preoccupied to keep myself away from bad thoughts and activities. Undesirable ideas pops up when I’m doing nothing. By making myself busy I could be more productive and earn more money.

Reduce expenses and save money- I should budget my money properly to make it sufficient for my needs. I should also do away with the things that I don’t really need or those that are luxurious. In that way I could save more money. The money that is saved can be added to my bank account which will grow as time goes by. I can say saving is good for a person irrespective of his age. Saving will be most beneficial to the younger people.

Enjoy life to the fullest- life will be dull and boring if one has to focus too much on his work. Doing a variety of activities makes life more interesting and enjoyable. After a day or several days of work I should give myself a rest and a recreation. There are many things around me that are inexpensive to enjoy with. And these things include viewing and exploring nature like the forest and mountain, going to the beach with friends or colleagues, eating outside, watching movies and reading magazines and books. I already enjoy these things, but I want to enjoy them intensively next year.

Make more self improvement- education is a continuous process. In my former organization, the military, officers and soldiers were sent to military school at different stages of their career to update their knowledge and to learn new skills to better equip them to carry out their duties. I found that practice useful in my personal and civilian life because I believe that a person needs knowledge. A person should always educate himself informally as long as he lives, and age is no hindrance for anyone who wants to acquire knowledge. I too have to educate myself more to be better in the activities that I am into. It is fortunate that with the advent of the internet, any person can surf the web to learn things or acquire new skill without going to school and without paying money. 

Do something that will contribute to common good or to the benefit of the community- a man is a social being and he should participate in the activities of the community in which he is a part of. Examples are planting trees, cleaning and ridding the creek of garbage, and contributing a small amount of money for a worthy cause.

How do we decide? Should we opt to relinquish our unhealthyness in a favour of a more pure and relaxed life? Or concede to the easy exit of abandoning our new ideals? Perhaps the internet holds the answer:

Search trends from Google indicate distinct patterns in New Years Resolution related searches, that show high numbers of searches around the end of the year, but sharply dropping numbers after NYE. This suggests that try as we might, resolutions are generally but a theme of the New Year, and not a lasting commitment.

However there might still be hope! Research has shown that if a person holds and believes in qualities such as belief in their own abilities and self-control, they are far more likely to acheive their resolutions for the New Year.

So, who can decide whether or not you can better yourself in 2012? The net says nobody; you’re doomed to fail. Other research is more encouraging, saying that with the right ideals you can acheive your resolutions, but when it comes down to the wire, only you can decide if you have a succesful New Years Resolution.

Happy Holidays!

After my marriage fell apart, I had three kids to raise, I put all of my focus on them, to make sure they made it through the tough times ahead for us.  I will not lie, it was not easy, it was very hard, I was even to the point of giving up at times, but they gave me the strength to keep going, as much as I gave them.

Finally they were at the age, one now a family of his own, second starting out with a new hubby, an one with me, but at the age he could care of himself, now I finally realized,  I am missing that person in my life, the one who can comfort you on cold days, an make you smile on sad ones.

I forged onto the Internet,  my first site of all places was Indiamatch.com.  The reason I went there, is I had made some friends from work, who were from India an they seemed really nice, so I thought I wonder if all the fellas are like that.  So I signed up.   I will admit it was not long until I started getting guys to say Hello, but most of them were all younger then me, but they kept saying that they liked older women, more mature.  I took it as a compliment at the time.  So wrote back to a few, then one hopped on one day, an he seemed really nice, we sent some mails back an forth, then we decided to talk on phone, he seemed all well enough,  but I soon found out over time, it was not what it seemed.  

He was saying how he would come to the US for a job transfer, wanted to marry me, etc, all the sweet things a woman who has raised kids by herself wants to hear. Before long there was asking of money, to help them out just a pinch, an I will admit, I was taken by the charm, and sent some, then it was more, then more.  Each time hearing that they were gonna come soon.  So many times was I told am flying in and giving a date, and so many times did I sit an wait for the time to come an go by.  It was not until after many cash transfers, and gifts sent, which ended up costing me more to ship then paid, and bought gifts for family too, that I was one day told coming and giving flight into, it was the day after thanksgiving.

Family members drove me to the airport as they did not want me meeting this person out of the blue alone.  I went an bought a red rose, and we sat at the airport, time came, time went, the flight number arrived, I watched an watched as everyone came down through the flight area, did not see him arrive.  Went up to try an get info from the ticket counter, and of course, their policy is not to say anything about any passengers, so waited another hour thinking maybe caught next flight.  Finally after two hours of sitting, I went up to the counter an begged them to just tell me if the name was listed on flight or not, finally they told me “NO”  that name is not on our list.  I was heartbroken,  an now had to face my family with shame that we had to leave. As we walked out of the airport, I took my rose, crunched it in half with one hand an dropped it in the trashcan on way out.

We drove back to their place, along the way, it was total silence in the car, I spoke not a word, my one son, just reached over  and held my hand along the way.  While I was driving home from their house the phone rang was him saying his mom was ill and could not make it.  But you know, there is such thing as a phone so I did not look like a fool sitting at airport.  Of course there was always some kind of excuse.  But I think that was the point that I realized, this was just me being played for a fool.   

That night I canceled my sub to the site and just concentrated on my family an work, as it really devastated me that that happened to me.

Family kept telling me not to give up, so they seen an Eharmony add on TV, so one day I went on there, and as you see in the commercials, there is a lot of questions and such you have to go through.  So I thought OK, will give it a month to try, well there is no simple plan, so signed up for the three month plan for 60.00.  It was days an days before I even got a hello.  Yep, then send you tons of pics to look at, but that’s it.  Some I sent a “Hello” nudge to, but no reply,   and when I did get couple of replies, we did the whole step by step thing, sending questions you pick ahead of time back and forth, then likes an dislikes, an so forth.  Finally you get to the can send a mail step, if you try to give to much info too soon, they block it, like your email address, for they want you to meet an mail through them so they get full credit for it.

I found that I was asked several times,  what size are you, what is your weight, some were even asking much more personal questions, which I feel should never of been asked at all.  I will admit couple seemed nice, but much to my disappointment, yet again, I was asked for money an led on.  Some even tried to pull the scam, have to go out of country, usually part of Africa for business, then begging me for money to get back as lost wallet, etc.  And every time I said, contact your bank, they will send it, the story just got longer an longer.  One had the nerve, to actually say his son wanted to talk to me, as we were on phone at time, and the kid (which sounded like another man) was saying  ”Mom”  ”please help us, we need the money to come home to you, and my ps3 was lost in luggage, please buy me new one and sent it)  I told that guy to get lost fast.

But it happened more then once, several times.  Finally found one who seemed nice enough, he actually even sent me flowers for my birthday, had them delivered, I estimate the cost was about 40.00,  but the next day, he had the nerve to asks me for 500.00.  So guess that was the interest on the flowers?   That ended right then an there.   

I did meet one that seemed nice enough, but then he wanted me to send pics, guess he had to approve of full body shots first, so I said no way, never heard from him again.  I did meet one for coffee, he seemed nice enough, and he told me how he was in a band and going to be playing at a hotel close by in a month or two, so hardly communicating as he said was busy with band, went to the hotel with daughter an listened, and said a hello to them during break.  Much to my amazement, never heard from them again either.

So as can imagine, that pretty much discouraged me against Eharmony, so daughter told me to try Match.com.   Much to my dismay, thought to give it a try, But I found I was having the same issues, many guys acting nice, then starting to lead you on with problems an needing cash.  I was even shocked to see the one who had asked me for 500.00 after sending flowers, was on there, using a different name, but same pic.  So I contacted Match.com and told them, to check out this link on Eharmony, same guy, different name, and how he was trying to scam me for money.   Met one on there seemed nice enough, and we arranged to meet for coffee, he was nice, talked.  He told me going through a divorce, but still living with wife due to finances, I thought, well, that is possible with economy now days,  but then next mail got was asking to meet at hotel, etc.   

Am I crazy, what happened to actually meeting someone, even if its coffee, getting to know each other a bit, then maybe having a second date or meeting with dinner or such, what is with,  HI, wanna meet at the local hotel for the night?   He kept sending me several mails asking to meet, but he wanted SEX.  I was not looking for a one night stand, I thought those sites were for meeting someone to build a relationship with, an finding a love to share an be with forever.

So left Match.com,  then forgot about all of it for couple years, then one day Eharmony said had a free weekend special, so daughter said, try again mom, maybe things go better this time.  So went on and days no nothing. One guy said hello and I said hello back,  after all the stages of questions once again, we got to the mails. Mails are simple enough, but its nothing like I thought it would be.  We gave each other numbers as I had decided this was not working, and was not going to pay 60 a month to just look a guys who took a look at my pic but that’s it.    I am not 35, size 5, but have a warm an loving heart, an so much romance an compassion to share with the right guy, but I am beginning to think these sites discourage more then they help, an with the economy, I cant afford 60 a month to just look at blank pages day after day.  

I think now days men are looking for women half their age, and size 5 rather then looking to find a true, caring person, who actually wants to build a relationship with someone that will last for the rest of their lives.  I have found that these sites, no matter how many commercials I see on TV about how they found love,  they are not what they are rounded out to be, they can be somewhat discouraging, and scamming to many women out there, and if your lucky enough to have a stash of cash hidden under your bed to pay for months an months of blank pages, then maybe something might come around.  I read on their site once that it sometimes may take a year or two to find the one,  that’s an awful lot of money to dish out for a maybe.

I just find that if they really want to help people find true love, then why do they charge at all, or why not only 10 a month, why do they want a fortune in cash for maybe.   I guess I am finding that I am really discouraged with these dating sites, an guess Mr Right must be buried among the paperwork in them, or he is like me, finding the place discouraging an decided to cancel his membership also.

She was surprised to see that days news paper lying at the place where the paper boy threw it, as her husband has to read it as he sipped the coffee instead he was reading, perhaps for the umpteenth time the letter that was received from their son in USA the earlier day (E mail, video conferencing etc were not in vogue). Before she could broach him on this Panickar was ecstatic   and excitement got the better of him-normally a calm and placid man. ‘Gowri I know what is running in your mind .You must be feeling what a moon struck father I must be to keep on reading this letter. What an affectionate boy our son is.  Every word is drenched with love, regard and longing to meet us. Now I am almost sold on his suggestion that we settle with him in America. “Gowri said it is all right. Even my friends said that is the proper thing to do considering he is our only child.  I am also eager and longing to meet him and our daughter in law.  And in this seven years we have not seen them our grandson must have grown to be a handsome boy like what Unni was as aboy. Also it will give us a chance to live in America which we have not been to. With all that I think we should stick it out here as long as possible putting our trust in Guruvayoorappan to keep us in good health. We should “let the young things have their own life.” Panickar after a considerable pause said  “well I quite agree but we will make the trip, spend some time with them and find out how it goes”.   It was therefore decided that way, and the succeeding days found him being at the travel formalities. Getting visa was not that difficult-it was many many years before 9/11.

Along with efforts for travel documents by Panickar  Gowri was busy getting things Unni liked, eats and others, with nostalgic memories and a sense of pleasure of seeing her son soon  going at these.  

Panickar  one  day called his neighbor and colleague across the low compound wall to tell him excitedly about his trip to see his son and prospects of settling there and if it happens he will sell his house only to him. His neighbour concurred it will be the most appropriate decision considering he is their only child and an affectionate one at that.  

Soon they found themselves in Los Angees-thats where Unni was based. There was a party at the house soon at Unnis for his colleagues. Panickar was very happy that both Unni and his wife played excellent hosts.What more he introduced his parents to the guests like a true proud son. Panickar and Gowri were talking about this for long that night when they retired to bed. All was well discussing all good old happy incidents. Gowri was at the daily ritual of making Unnis son sit with her at prayer .She was keen he should imbibe Narayaneeam which she was reciting every day.  

After two months or so, there was a party thrown by Unni’s senior colleague. Unni’s parents were on tow and were seated in deference to their age though it was a buffet dinner. When Panickar went for his wash leaving behind Gowri who was content with finger bowl and paper napkin, he could hear his son and daughter-in.-law in involved discussions with the host.  The host was asking Unni how is it his parents were still around. Unnis answer ‘they ought to know and think of returning’ was to say the least a shocker to a disillusioned Panickar. Being a mature man he did not show any emotion to his wife and also to others in the drive back home.   On reaching home expressing it was a wonderful get together he and Gowri retired to bed when he told Gowri his desire to return to Palakkad quite agreeing to her thesis that young things have to be left to themselves. Gowri was happy that at long last he was subscribing to her views but she then had a problem. She had grown fond of her grandson and Narayaneeam was half way. Panickar supplemented further reasons of missing his friends, relatives, visits to temple etc.  The next day they talked it over with Unni and his wife who raised a formal query ‘why’ and arrangements were made and they were back home where they belonged. Panickar never disclosed to Gowri the ‘change in heart’ that made the decision to return. He did not live long and passed away in the satisfaction perhaps, that he did not betray his son to his wife.    

Commitment phobias are real. They are caused by baggage left over from past experiences and relationships. It’s not necessarily a reaction to something that you have done but instead a reaction to what someone else has done. It has to do with how the other person has chosen to deal with things that have happen to them.

Most phobias are caused by extreme trauma. A child gets bit by a dog and in return begins to fear dogs. Someone gets bit in a relationship and in turn becomes fearful of them. Most people already know this and can understand it. In today’s society relationship issues are talked about a lot, there are a bazillion people trying to give you advice but yet nothing really ever seems to get done or you don’t know how to apply it to your life and situation. I’m not going to try and fix you, or your relationships; what works for one person may not work for another. What I would actually like to do is just give you some understanding of what can cause issues and hopefully, with patience, you and the person your with can come to your own solutions. I don’t believe in tricking or manipulating someone into getting through something, or doing something they aren’t ready to do. If you feel you need to do that to have the relationship your in, then maybe it’s not a healthy relationship for you.

So, what kinds of trauma’s cause what kind of relationship issue?

Lack of Attachment can be caused by trauma in a past relationship or relationship that was around them; such as divorce, death or abuse. If your dealing with someone like this than you need to look at their past relationships and whether they actually went through the whole grieving process. Children of divorce tend to detach from other people due to loss of their parents marriage. A lot of people don’t realize that it’s not only the adults that need to grieve that loss but the children too. They may not have lost both parents and spend time with them on regular basis but the structure of the family has been lost. They need to grieve that.

It may also be caused from the loss of another relationship that they are not done grieving yet. The end of the grieving process includes healing that if they haven’t finished the process they may not be healed. They need time to do that. It will take patience and understanding for both of you to get through this.

Lack of Emotion can be caused by the same issues that the lack of Attachment are caused by. Sometimes people can be attached without showing emotion though. Without an understanding of why there is lack of emotions these kinds of relationship issues can cause more serious issues; such as, abuse, domestic violence and obsession. It is important to look into the reasons why they don’t show emotions. Is it because they truly aren’t interested or because they have something in their past that has caused them to block those emotions. Being able to voice how we feel about others is important. If those emotions aren’t released they can build and even if it’s love we feel for someone, it can still result in frustration which leads to anger. That anger isn’t necessarily towards the person we love, it may very well be towards ourselves, but when it vents, too much build up is never good. Someone who shows lack of emotion really needs to find a way to express it. If they can’t talk about it then ask them to write about it, or draw. There is a plethora of ways to vent those emotional frustrations, try to get them to use them.

Lack of Interest can be caused by just that, a lack of interest in you. It can also be a sign of depression. It is important to look at the lack of Interest and find the root before you try to deal with it. If they seem uninterested and you still feel like they care you need to be able to ask them flat out if they are. There is no reason for you to continue to try to fix something that isn’t there. If they tell you that they are interested and still you feel there is an issue than you both need to look at the issue. You both need to resolve the underlying problems together and figure out if there is depression and resolve it.

Other possible signs that there are commitment issues.

Common

• They don’t tell anyone else that they’re in a relationship with you.

• They don’t take you around their friends.

• They tend to only see you during the week, or just the weekends.

Less Noticeable

• A feeling that they’re disconnected from the world.

• They like to spend time in the dark alone. This could be depression but it could also be deeper issues.

• They feel they don’t deserve you or what you, or others, do for them, or they voice that they’re getting too much.

There are a million possible signs of commitment phobias and it would be difficult to list them all. It would also be able to diagnose the reason for each, or a combination of them, without knowing the whole situation. Some of them may need just that, a diagnosis from a trained professional and you should seek counseling. But no matter what it’s important to be able to communicate in a relationship. If you feel your needs aren’t being met then you need to talk to your partner about it. You need to be able to express your concerns and work them together. Each body takes two legs, if one is weak then you will continually walk in circles. In order to break that cycle you need to work together and learn to move forward. Encourage each other along the way, be positive and honestly look at everything with open eyes.

Thank you for reading my article today. I hope in some way it helped you to understand your own situation. If you would like to suggest anything, comment or share your story feel free to comment below or email me at hmweimar@yahoo.com. You can also find me on twitter, facebook, myspace and now google + or join me at Triond.com, share, create and learn.

Love is Pain – Love Hurts

LOVE, like the word ‘Spiritual’, it’s one of the broadest and most ambiguous terms we use. So People have many different ideas about what Love is and how it functions. People look for Relationships based upon these ideas, form Relationships based upon these ideas, and seek to maintain Relationships based upon these ideas. Regardless what our ideas are about Love, one of the most important questions we can ask ourselves is, “Is my idea of Love a sustainable model for Relationships?” In other words, “Is my definition of Love built to last?”

Imagine if my Philosophy of Love was, “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”. Since such a Philosophy charts the course of my Life, this means is that in all of my Relationships I approach them seeking and anticipating some painful experience or the opportunity to get hurt. Why would I do this? Because according to my Philosophy, pain/hurt equals Love. This also means that if I’m not experiencing any pain/hurt in a Relationship, it must not be Love. A person who embraces this Philosophy tends to self sabotage good, stable, productive Relationships because it contradicts their Philosophy of Love. So instead of accepting the reality that their Philosophy is wrong, they’d rather destroy the Relationship to make their Philosophy “look” right… Another name for this Philosophy is Masochism, and many of our People who embrace it don’t even realize that the reason their Relationships don’t, won’t, and can’t last is because of this Philosophy. Again, we must ask ourselves, “Is my idea of Love a sustainable model for Relationships?”

There are basically two types of People who embrace this Philosophy:

1.) People who think/believe “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”, yet they still try to get into Relationships with others.
2.) People who think/believe “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”, and they shun Relationships with others because they don’t want to feel pain or be hurt.

Both of these People developed this Philosophy from personally going through or observing mental, emotional, financial, and/or physical abusive situations, and thus concluded that abuse (pain/hurt) comes along with the territory and validates Love. The fact that we, as Adults, can cee the obvious illogic and flaws in this Philosophy is an obvious indication that this person experienced/observed and came to this conclusion at very early part of their development: Only someone who’s lacking the cognitive, intellectual, and emotional maturity/ability to cee how illogical and flawed this Philosophy is would come to this kind of conclusion; a child. More often than not, they quietly made this conclusion so long ago that they don’t even recall when they made it –especially if there was severe trauma associated with experiencing/observing that abuse. From that point onward, their lives primarily consist of a series of abusive/self sabotaged Relationships or avoidance of Relationships altogether, as a means to find evidence to support this conclusion they already have: “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”. The only thing sustainable about a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy is the mental, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse that a person seeks/anticipates. The only thing sustainable about being in a Relationship with someone who has a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy is the mental, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse you will receive from them, or the mental, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse you’ll be provoked to give them.

Within The NGE, “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” is obviously not a Philosophy we embrace. It is a complete contradiction to our Perspective of Love, and how Love functions to sustain model Relationships. Through our Cultural Curriculum, here are a few basic points we know and teach about Love:

L: 12th Letter in the Alphabet
First and foremost, the letter ‘L’ is a 90° angle; a Right Angle. There is nothing fundamentally right about Love resulting in pain/hurt. That’s equivalent to saying that mental, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse is right… Since the #12 is comprised of Knowledge (1) and Wisdom (2), it takes a level of Awareness and Discernment (cognitive, intellectual, and emotional maturity/ability) to recognize that abuse is not Love. Initially, this is their greatest challenge because they haven’t grown to Understand (3) the illogic/flaw in a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy. Just like anyone who ‘commits’ and/or ‘accepts’ abuse in a Relationship, their greatest challenge is recognizing that this is not Love!

The letter ‘L’ also represents the Principle called ‘Love Hell or Right’, and this is exactly the stance we take upon coming in contact with People who embrace a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy; you can either Love Hell (pain/hurt), or Love Right. It’s meant to acknowledge the pain/hurt People may experience in Relationships yet it denies pain/hurt as an integral component or result of what Love ultimately is. A common phrase you’ll hear Gods/Earths express is, “Love is the highest degree of Understanding”, and it’s impossible to understand something, especially Love, when you’re in pain or hurt. If you ever had a toothache, cramps, an earache, death in the family, etc., you ‘understand’ exactly what I mean…

Some Gods/Earths have a misconception that ‘Love Hell or Right’ means one must accept Hell (pain/hurt) as a part of Love, in order for it to be Right. This is untrue and is more of reflection of a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy that they grafted onto our Cultural Worldview. What ‘Love Hell or Right’ does mean is that we must be Aware (1) and Discerning (2) enough to avoid these kinds of Philosophies that entertain the idea that pain/hurt (abuse) is somehow intrinsic to Love. It also means that in Love, we must be willing/able to ‘go through’ any trials and tribulations (Hell) in order to adhere to what’s ultimately Right (“Just and True” 37/1-40). If we aren’t willing/able to avoid these Philosophies and endure trials and tribulations, our Relationships can’t/won’t be Right because we will, without a doubt, experience the same Hellish results as those who embrace these illogical/flawed Philosophies. The Principle of ‘Love Hell or Right’ charges a person with the responsibility of gaining the highest degree of Understanding from any/all experiences, in order to rise above any/all experiences to do what’s ultimately Right (“Just and True” 37/1-40). A person who thinks/believes that “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” is not thinking about the responsibility of Understanding or rising above anything, because according to their Philosophy, Love is equivalent to, not transcendent of, the pain/hurt they may ‘feel’. To them, pain/hurt is as far as Love goes…

At this point it is very important to understand that when one person subscribes to the Principle of ‘Love Hell or Right’ and another person embraces the Philosophy that “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”, it’s impossible for that Relationship to work. While one person will always be striving to gain an Understanding and rise above any/all experiences to do what’s ultimately Right, the other person will be seeking, anticipating, accepting, AND oftentimes manufacturing painful/hurtful experiences -because in their Mind, “If It Ain’t Rough It Ain’t Right”. These are two entirely different Perspectives that can’t be reconciled, and a Relationship like this will not work out. Some of us are under the illusion that we can win a person over who has a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy. So we get into a Relationship or even Marry them and work overtime trying to prove that their Philosophy wrong. It never occurs to us that any pain/hurt they ‘feel’, whether true or imagined, our fault or not, will only serve to validate their Philosophy. It also never occurs to us that it’s impossible to avoid ‘feelings’ in a Relationship, which ultimately means, something will always end up being wrong (painful/hurtful). Why? Because a person who thinks/believes “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” comes into a Relationship looking for what’s wrong with it. So what begins as our noble quest to show & prove or even save a person from themselves quickly turns into a life (or lifetime) of perpetual setbacks, misery, and disappointments; similar to a hamster running around in a maze that ALWAYS leads to nowhere… Although those of us who at least have Supreme Mathematics and the Supreme Alphabet have the tools to avoid this dilemma, many of us fail to apply the Principle of ‘Love Hell or Right’ for various reasons. As I stated, deep down inside some of us may really agree with a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy so we accept the abuse. Some of us may really believe that we can change someone, so instead of recognizing their Philosophy “cannot be reformed” (34/1-40), we “give all we have and all within our power” in hopes that one day they’ll cee the light (40/1-40). Giving all we have and all within our power is not wrong in it of itself, it’s just the wrong approach/procedure in this situation because you’re trying to give something to someone who clearly doesn’t want it. As a matter of fact, the consequential pain/hurt you’ll ‘feel’ from their rejection of what you strive to give them only serves the purpose of further validating their Philosophy that “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”…

Justice Jewel (10th) is Love
In our 12 Jewels the 10th Jewel or ‘Justice Jewel’ is Love. When most People consider Justice that don’t consider it’s Relationship to Love. This tells you a lot about how they view Relationships as a whole… Justice being more than rewards and penalties based upon one’s ways & actions. Justice, in part, represents Integrity (Justness), Fairness, Harmony, and Equilibrium (Equality). These are all components of Love, and there is no Integrity (Justness), Fairness, Harmony, and Equilibrium (Equality) in a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy. In order to successfully demonstrate these components, one must be considerate, caring, respectful, honorable, committed, affectionate, sincere, and a host of other qualities in order to reinforce a sense of Justice. Can you imagine going before a Judge who doesn’t possess the components of Justice or the qualities that reinforce it? Do you think you’ll get a fair shake? Well imagine the results of a Relationship with someone who doesn’t possess the components of Justice or the qualities that reinforce it… It’s impossible for a Relationship like this to be Loving and offer someone a fair shake.

Since the Justice Jewel “Love” is ‘10’ or Knowledge (1) Cipher (0), Love is Knowing the importance of the Cipher; Reciprocity. A Relationship is a Cipher, a Bond. In order to maintain that Bond, the components of Justice (Integrity [Justness], Fairness, Harmony, and Equilibrium [Equality]) and the qualities that reinforce it (considerate, caring, respectful, honorable, committed, affectionate, sincere, and etc.) are held together through Reciprocity. Reciprocity is the willingness/ability to complement each other through mutual, corresponding, interdependent exchanges and interactions that sustain this Bond. To Reciprocate is a process that begins with sharing/giving, not taking! It’s interesting to note that when many People are asked about Love and Relationships, they usually begin by talking about what they want or desire to get from somebody. RARELY do you hear someone begin a conversation about Love and Relationships talking about what they’re willing/able to actually give… It tells you a lot about their ideas concerning Reciprocity, and if they ever even thought about it at all, now doesn’t it? Also, think about what kind of Reciprocity a “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts” Philosophy demonstrates. Would you like to be on the receiving end of that?

Justice functions as a System of checks & balances designed to maintain stability. Therefore, Justice is “Just I Cee Equality”. In a Bond (Relationship), it’s Just “Us”, not you and me, “Us”. This is important to understand because some People may assume that the ‘I’ in Just I Cee Equality is an individual or ‘I’ as in EGO. When it’s about “Us”, not you and me, “We” approach a Relationship realizing that “Our” Bond hinges upon the components of Justice (Integrity [Justness], Fairness, Harmony, and Equilibrium [Equality]) and the qualities that reinforce it (considerate, caring, respectful, honorable, committed, affectionate, sincere, and etc.). In other words, we are essentially One (1) and that’s how our Cipher (0) must function in order to keep it together!

In conclusion, these are just “a few” of the many examples, illustrations, and break-downs we learn about Love within our Cultural Curriculum, and I didn’t even go through the many examples, illustrations, and break-downs within 120 Lessons. The point in sharing this was to demonstrate how our Culture possesses various Cultural references that fully explore, expound upon, and define Love, it’s components/qualities, and how it does/doesn’t function. And as we explore, expound upon, and define Love, we examine what adds up and what doesn’t. We consider the validity of such statements like, “Love is Love”, “Love knows no Color”, “Love is how I feel”, “I fell in Love”, “I Love you but I’m not in Love with you”, “Love is Pain”, “Love Hurts”, and of course any other ideas we hear about Love. Make no mistake about it, that it’s a very sick, abnormal, Masochistic Psychology that embraces the Philosophy that “Love is Pain” or “Love Hurts”. Love does not consist of nor is it equivalent to mental, emotional, financial, and/or physical abuse. A person who thinks/believes this is only capable of hurting themselves and causing pain to others. Until they’ve actually critically analyzed the illogic/flaws in such a Philosophy, to cee why it hasn’t/doesn’t work to sustain Relationships, they will continue to hurt themselves and cause pain to others. This doesn’t mean that People like this are somehow diabolical or deliberately out to hurt themselves and cause pain to others. They may be nice, attractive, funny, social, and even high functioning intellectuals who simply embrace a Philosophy about Love, and probably other Philosophies about Life, that ultimately hurts them and causes pain to others. They simply haven’t learned how to Love someone or sustain a Relationship… Keep in Mind that they may have been embracing this Philosophy for the last 25 years, so building with them, investing time with them, talking to them, praying with them, and etc. is not enough to change almost a whole generation of illogical/flawed thinking. This is the reality of what you’re dealing with, not what you hope things to one day be. In our 10/1-40 we learn that “we lost no more time searching for that-that does not exist” in regards to a Mystery God. Well the same thing applies to searching for something that someone doesn’t and cannot cee in themselves. If they ultimately do, it must be under their own power and “in their own ‘GOOD‘ time” (39/1-40) because “Self” is the only “Savior” (‘S’ is the 19th Letter in the Supreme Alphabet). It’s our job to make Knowledge Born about the Principle of ‘Love Hell or Right’, not try to make them, force them, or coerce them to think/believe anything differently, ESPECIALLY someone who, based upon their Philosophy, is fighting against your Love from the door! I know many of us believe that nobody’s hopeless, and I agree. Yet there are People who think/believe they’re hopeless based upon the illogical/flawed Philosophies they embrace. Because of their allegiance to these ideas, they become incorrigible and there’s nothing you can do about it, mentally, emotionally, financially, and/or physically. There is a lot of “Self” work a person has to do to before they’re even willing, let alone capable of, Understanding that “Love IS NOT Pain” or “Love DOES NOT Hurt”. It takes a lot of sacrifice, studiousness, and commitment on their part, and up until this point in their Life, you may be the first person who ever showed them anything different. The reality is that once a person has reached their 30’s and above holding fast to an illogical/flawed Philosophy like this, it’s possible yet very rare that they are willing AND capable to make the sacrifice, be studious, and have the commitment to change their Philosophy on Life. If you think/believe otherwise, you’re in for a World of pain/hurt, because that’s what they ultimately believe Love is; pain/hurt. And until they actually think/believe anything different, that’s all you can and will get from them.

Peace,
Saladin

www.atlantisschool.blogspot.com

• Preservance of Conscience,
• Commitment to Convictions, and
• Mindset of Contentment. 

Preservance of Conscience

Conscience is the most naturally built inner core of a person reflected through his/her moral code of conduct. It is based on the fact that core of every person in its purity is ideally moral and truthful. It is only the circumstantial factors that change a person to sub-human level. With this notion in mind, it becomes the duty of an individual to preserve his/her inner core from getting deformed by external pressures and project it as his/her personality.     

Commitment to Convictions

Everyone has his/her own convictions about things he/she applies his/her mind on. With this, it becomes the pious duty of the person to remain committed to his/her convictions and behave accordingly. But persons, in general, in-spite of having convictions behave in diffrent ways under external pressures or for serving their vested interests. Since such persons have their own inner contradictions for their not being committed to their own convictions, they behave in unantcipated and confused ways. This reduces their value not only in the external world but also in their own mind.  

Mindset of Contentment

I have very little wealth and lead a simple rural life in loneliness with bare minimum needs and desires. With all what I have, I feel comfortable, healthy and contented. Conversely, my brother has retired from a government job, gets a hefty pension every month, has a lot of wealth. The day he retired from his job, he wept bitterly for his loss of Rs 35,000 a month by retiring. He now runs a hardware shop, works from 6 in the morning to 12 midnight to earn more wealth, and feels highly deprived and has a number of incurable diseases in his body.  

I have given this comparative statuses of two of us to underline source, need and effect of contentment in life. As is clear from the exemplification, contentment comes from mindset of a person. Feeling contented has many pluses and adds a great value to one’s life.  

All three attributes of one’s personality are interrelated and cultivating even one provides benefits of other two also through auto-cultivation. 

Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why,

Yet, sometimes seeming to divine a purpose.

Albert Einstein

All creatures, knowingly or not, share a common interest, survival. All are instinctively committed to tenaciously clinging to life no matter the cost or suffering endured. Yet, only we humans are granted the gift of conscious choice. We can decide to give-up or press-on. We can reach for life’s brass ring or settle for mediocrity.

The thread that links great achievement and the people who make these events happen is an unswerving dedication to a moral cause in the face of opposition, derision, disbelief and repeated failure. Although the successful outcome of any endeavor is never guaranteed by ones dedication, alone, no worthy goal is ever reached without it.

A case in point is the strategy for success of Benjamin O. Davis, Jr., who, after being rejected by the Army Air Corps (the name of the present United States Air Force prior to and during World War II) because of color, rose to become the first black general in the United States Air Force in 1965. General Davis’s role for this remarkable achievement was none other than his father, Benjamin O. Davis, Sr., the first black general in the United States Armed Forces. Both father and son, though continuously obstructed by racial prejudice, believed that establishing an unblemished record of achievement, honorable service and strict adherence to military discipline would present an unassailable image to assure their ultimate success.

Another example of the power of commitment is the work of one of our founding fathers, James Madison, who helped draft the U.S. Constitution. Most of the delegates to the Constitutional Convention of 1787 wanted a weak central government dominated by a confederation of independent states. It was James Madison’s dogged determination that almost single-handedly brought about the ratification of a constitution based on a strong central government but limited by a counter-balancing Bill of Rights to protect individual liberty and states’ rights from government encroachment.

How rewarding life would become if we just followed in the footsteps of these outstanding leaders and focused our efforts even half as well as they did. Just imagine what each of us could accomplish. The ultimate legacy of a committed life is a better world for others and and contentment for ourselves and the people we love.