How you say things, who you are saying them to and how you want a person to hear what you are saying. There are certain words that hold a certain meaning no matter how you try to sugar coat it, it doesn’t change the meaning of the word.

Allow…..Permit……

In a relationship there are two people. My husband and I talked about these words last night and about a post I read yesterday. You see we are a team. We work together. We discuss our plans, we decide how to do things and we compromise if we see things differently.

That is why they took out the word obey in the vows. There is no need for another adult to lead another. It is two grown people in a relationship.

We don’t allow or permit one another to do things. Those are controlling words, no matter how you sugar coat them. You see them on street signs. You are allowed to park for 2 hours, You are permitted to park in the green to unload. 

We don’t need permission to do things in a relationship, both are adults. You give kids permission. You allow kids to do things. Employers give permission and so forth.

In a relationship why should your partner permit or allow another adult to do anything? Adults know what their limitations already are. If they don’t then they don’t respect your relationship.

If you have to set guidelines, rules and barriers maybe you picked the wrong person. Maybe you don’t have the same values and morals.

When we give advice to others regarding marriage or relationships we should always be careful of the words, especially women. We can’t say something one way then pounce on a man for saying something the same way except using the word woman instead of man.

I recently saw a post about how to change a man into prince charming. Oh the women were all on it. But if the post were about changing a woman into a princess and what a man wanted the women would have a fit. So women have to be fair about language..words……

So yes language…words is everything…You cant play word games…..So I dont like the words permission or allow in a relationship nor does my husband, that is our preference.

So in a relationship …..

If you have to give Permission or get permission to do something

If you have to allow them to do something or be allowed to do something

Maybe just maybe…..Hmmmmm….My personal feeling is if I was in a relationship like that…I would feel like I never left home. I would still be under my parents control.

He smiled and explained it all. During the halftime he even cooked dinner, while I watched Madonna. I realized how much fun I was having just cuddling up with him watching a game that I didnt really understand.

But that didnt matter, he watches the chiiler channel, lifetime and national geographic with me. I have come to love the history channel and hooked on CNN. Now I pass on ESPN can’t do it that much but I have learned to appreciate and gain so much knowledge sharing what he likes as he does me.

Like I pass on ESPN he passes on True TV. We all have our differences but it is a blessing to share our differences. We lie in bed sometimes talking about the days events, politics or news. Everyday we learn something new about one another.

It would be boring if we were the same. But we both love to walk on the beach and photography. He loves t play the piano and sing. I love to dance and listen to old school. But we compromise. As I read I can listen to him play and sing. I still hear music. I love to hear his voice.

It is the differences that make people special. It is the differences that people should appreciate about one another. No one should try to make someone into someone else. They should accept the differences and love them. If it isn’t hurting them they should embrace them.

The differences shouldnt drive you away, if you look at them differently you can actually learn to appreciate them. As I read my books I stop sometimes and look over at him while he plays and smile and I hear the words. Most of the time it is words he writes. Words that speak of me or us, our love our relationship. The sound is not disturbing, the sound is soothing, it relaxes me, it comforts my soul.

So embrace your differences. Be open to change. There is a whole new world out there to explore if you let yourself do it. Dont let the lil things bother you, instead smile and remember that, that is the one you love.

Even if it your child you are looking at. It makes the lil things that use to annoy you seem trivial. Now you can look at them and smile. 

Now you can remember why you loved them in the first place.

How Relations Ends?

In early stages of new relationship, it’s normal that of you feel that you are in infatuation stage and are enamored of each other. However, this stage is usually shot live, may be three or six month, or even a year or two if you are lucky. The things which you love in your partner may start annoying you afterwards. If this is also happening with you, then you have to maintain silence, though this is the worst step. Because lack of conversation can have worst consequences, of you are bottle up then one day all will explode with a huge bang.

Learn To Compromise:

To be in bothersome type relation you need to have a neutral time frame i.e. when you are not emotionally attached. By remaining calm and unemotional, you can tell your partner that his actions are disturbing you. There is no need to get defensive, if he responses in a negative way or if he wants yourself to change. You have to learn the amazing art of compromising to hold the relation for long time. Surely, both of you can have bad habits, and both of you have to compromise on each other’s habits. Doing so, is not very hard, and is the best idea instead of breaking relation.

Resolve Your Issues:

You have to converge all of your differences and difficulties on a single point, to grow your relation. After fighting both of you have to come up with a decision and solution, you cannot leave the fights, unresolved. It can damage your relation, psychologically, physically and emotionally. You have to clear all the misunderstanding, else they can spoil your relation, of you keep them too ling. You have to resolve all the issues as early as possible. You cannot sleep well, if you have a burden on your heart. You have to talk to each other on every issue to end them. So, the sun of the next morning can bring happiness and joys for you.

Importance Of Communication Skills:

The thing which is very important for a relation is to learn how to communicate with each other. Being a couple you both should know this point. You have to share each and every thing with your partner. You have to tell your all sorrows to your partner. Beside this, you must have enough patience to listen each other.

Importance Of Listening Skills:

Listening skills are also very important in a relationship. You have to listen carefully to your relation partner, in the same way you were talking. Only then you will be able to manage a healthy relation that can survive firm all the hurricane and storms.

In Christ,

Power Play

What is the difference between negotiation and compromise? Which do you think is better in a Business?

Both the question are really confusing and frustrating and do you know the reason why are these question confusing? Because nobody has given answers of these questions in simple words. There is confusion between people because some people say that both are the same terms and some say compromise is the end result of negotiation.

But there is a difference and very obvious difference but before answering my second question I would answer my first question because understanding of the first question will let you toward answer of the second question.

In simple words:-
Negotiation = Win – Win (Objective of any negotiation process is to get win – win result)
Compromise = Win and Lose (In process of compromise one party has to lose some thing whether it is small loss for him or big )

Always remember one important thing that negotiation can be done without compromise but compromise can not be done without negotiation.

After understanding answer of my first question it is obvious that in business negotiation is always better than compromise. When you are in business you have to negotiate many things but negotiation is a broader term and is very different from bargaining.

            I think it can be. Sometimes. I do not think that it is good all the time. Sometimes compromise is a bad thing. I think that without compromise are country would not be here. We would have torn apart each other. Now we need to answer the question, What is compromise? Compromise is defined by the Webster 1828 dictionary as, “A mutual promise or contract of two parties in controversy.” So that means two people, or groups make an agreement when they disagree so that they both get something out of it but…. not everything they want.

I think that compromise is a good thing because the people agree to it. They agree to compromise. They agree to not get all that they want, but some of it. An example of a good comprising is when the Declaration of Independence was proposed, it had a paragraph about banning slavery, the North where for it but the South said they would not vote for it if they kept it in, and it had to be unanimous so they took it out. Another good example is the Constitution they had in it that the way you voted was by population, so the states with the most people would have the more power. That was fine with states like Virginia and New York because they were big states, but it was not fine with states like Rhode Island because it was a small state so they compromised. That is how we got two senators for each state in the Senate, but in the House of Reps it is done by population.

I think that compromise is a bad thing when one side of the people compromising is forced into it by fear or not understanding what the compromise means. When they don’t know what they will get out of it or what they are giving up. For example The Patriot act we are forced into that. We did not get to have a say in anything people think it is a good compromise. We give up some of are freedom for the Government to protect us, for security. If you ask me I think “ Those who give up freedom for security deserve neither freedom or security.” Benjamin Franklin.

This idea of ​​commitment is quickly extended to all the symptoms, to dream and to all the productions of the unconscious. Freud states that neurotic symptoms “are the result of a conflict [...]. The two forces that broke (wish and defense) are, again, in the symptom and are reconciled, so to speak, by the commitment that represents the formation of symptoms. This is what explains the resilience of the symptom: it is supported on two sides (cleavage): I want X defense, i.e., pleases and is in the interest of both. “

Any symptomatic manifestation is always a compromise? The value of such an idea can not be contested. But there are rare case reports in which either the defense or the desire manifested so prevalent, so much so that at least at first glance, it seems to be then defenses that are in no way are contaminated by desire, that is, by that against which they operate and, conversely, a return of the repressed desire that will express it without compromise, without any action on defense. Such cases constitute the extremes of a gradient in the appointment, must be understood as a complementary series.

Examples:

§ Defense prevalent – reaction formation: extreme-investment against preventing the return of the repressed. It is characterized by extreme acts of self that make explicit the reverse of what is repressed. E.g., extreme hatred for someone, masking the intense love repressed.

§ Desire prevalent – psychosis: lack of counter-investment since it invaded the id ego.

Understand Your Requirements:

Unless you have understanding of what you really want, you cannot get the guy you are interested in. Therefore, wait a while and enlist your needs. While doing so be realistic and honest. Never write down that you want a rich guy. Finding a rich man is fine, but making it condition is not good. After figuring put your requirement, the next step is to locate a place where you can find such person.

Body Language Projection:

To get a man of dreams, you need to show your interest in him to him. Body language is the best tool to do so. You can do this by touching his hands or arm while conversation, cross legs while sitting, and make a deep eye contact with him. Never try to cross arms, or scowl on face. Try to be open and pleasant.

Be Calm:

You cannot find all the personality trait of your dream boy in a day. Before you can open yourself, go slow, and be relax and comfortable. Never ask too much questions from a man if you really wants to get him.

Show That You Are Unique:

On a date, mostly boys have to pay all the bills, but to get hold of your dream man; you have to open up your pocketbook often. You also need to pay bill sometimes. By doing so, you can show your boyfriend that you are quite different from other girls, and this gesture is welcomed by every boy. It makes a man to feel that you are one team, and you both can be together. In this way, maybe he can start trusting you by sharing his worries with you.

Respect The Male Ego:

As good compliments are liked by every girl, and they love when somebody praise them. Similarly, guys also want to hear exactly the same. Respect his ego, and let him to maintain his ego by praising him, and giving him compliments.

Importance Of Compromising:

If you want to live with your dream boy, you have to compromise. Compromising is the key to have a successful relation. Dictator and authoritative women are never liked by men.

Be Clear that He Is The Right Guy:

When you start exploring a man, you may get a shock that this is not the man you wanted. From distance, that guy may be appealing to you, but when you started knowing him, you find that there is nothing common in us. Then you will want to have a breakup. In few dates you can realize this. Don’t try to make him what he is not. There are countless fishes in an ocean, just start hunting somewhere else

Do not be afraid to show your vulnerability. Maybe you believe that big boys don’t cry or that only cold blooded women succeed in this world. This is probably true when it comes to your attitude towards the world but not when your partner is concerned.  Another key thing to a happy relationship is “acceptance”. You have to adjust to each other and accept him/her with all of his or her faults. Of course, this does not mean you have to put up with his laziness or messiness. Also try to find common interests so that you can spend as much possible time together. Find some time during the week which is reserved just for you two.

Remember, your satisfaction with the relationship, as well as the satisfaction of your partner will contribute to mutual satisfaction and successful relationship.