Will u ever help me guard my heart

If you answered yes to at least one of the questions above, that means that your husband is hurting you and you should do something about it. I will not use the word abuse, because that is too strong of a word. Instead I will say hurtful. After all he is hurting you right?

Try to go to a marriage counselor and see if that helps. Try to be equally willing to help each other out with a counselor and see if it will better your marriage.

If that doesn’t work out and your husband is hurting you in one way or another, leave him.

First of all, be honest. Tell your family and friends that your husband hurts you.

If you are planning on leaving your hurtful husband, here is what to do.

Open up a private bank account in your name. Put some money into your account every chance you can get. Pack a change of clothes and other main items you need like grooming products, your wallet etc.

Keep your cell phone on you at all times. When your husband is hurting you, call the police and have your man arrested. Tell the police that everything your husband has done to you. They may ask you if you want to press charges. That is up to you.

Stay with a friend or family member until you can get back on your feet. You can even offer to pay them rent. Do not let your husband try to find you. Be very discreet. When you finally live on your own, change your phone number to a non published phone number. Plan to get a Post Office box instead of mail being sent to your home address. And make sure that your living quarters are as far away from your husband as possible.

Get a Divorce or plan on never seeing him again.

Marriage is very hard. If you have a fantastic husband, kudos to you. But these days, too many woman have hurtful husbands and it shouldn’t have to be that way.

According to the professional school counselor, “April 2007″, an MA in guidance and counseling is required for school counselor certification in 42 states. The number of hours required for certification of graduate credit varies from 18 to 48 credit hours. “Some states may tack on additional requirements for technology education, gifted and talented, special education and awareness as well.

“Twenty-one states require more guidance or teaching experience, and 8 states require a teaching license. Twenty-two States require applicants to pass standard of professional qualifications (eg, educational guidance and advice regarding the PRAXIS examination, ‘ Educational Testing Service), and forty-five states require criminal background checks of the applicant. ” (National Education Council) As the pilot shortage in some places, some states have alternative certification and certification procedures to meet these emergency needs.

Counselor Certification may result in state licensed, but it varies from state to state. Certification and the license does not mean the same in all countries. There are also different levels of certification of primary and secondary school counseling. Some states are “certified all levels” as well.

Schools generally do not require candidates to School counselor certification, complete a personality assessment, but contributes to the school counselor candidate has knowledge of his personality. Complete the Myers-Briggs personality type assessment of personal awareness can help. school counselors are required to make the long hours, sometimes without a break, under stress. The instructors are usually caring, compassionate, caretakers, and the ability to multi-task.

It’s a good plan to consult with a state university in the state license is desired / certification. Most states have a reciprocity agreement in place for licensed counselors is also moving to a new state.

The beauty pageants exhibit somewhat similar trends. The contestants are representatives of the people and culture of their homeland. The world will look at their country the way the contestant presents himself/ herself. For, it is not possible for most of us visit most of the countries in the world, So we base our opinion from what we see readily. Initially beauty was distinguished by fair skin and blond hair both in men and women and a very slender figure. This was recognized in all cultures and this was a time when the prevailed the autocratic rule. But as time has passed and the elimination of bias on color, race and religion began, and as education, governance and societal justice began to take shape, the definition of beauty began to change. What was then regarded as beauty was now declared to be a culture bias. Beauty now meant acceptance of any color, religion and added to that a good personality and character. In fact it came to be widely known that Beautiful people are more than often dumb. This was the phase in between 1950 to 1980s. But that too passed and now people judge beauty independently depending upon the individual, though certain trends change from time to time. Today Indian culture has learnt to accept gay beauty pageants as well. But what we forget that gay people were a part of our mythology like Shikhandi from the epic Mahabharata fame.

In fact, with many intercultural marriages and migrations the cultures of people have undergone change and their lives have changed leading to a shift in the focus as they perceive beauty. Today, models like Vishakha Raut, Yana Gupta, Naomi Campbell and Tyra banks walk aside Claudia Schaffer and Heidi Klum. They are in great demand despite their different cultural backgrounds as well as their color. Even age has not stopped their beauty given the advances in beauty care products, a good diet and exercises.

When we talk of international beauty pageants, there is a coming together of contestants from different cultures. There is a lot of exchange of each other’s experiences in life and they get to know each other. As a result, even if one does not win, one takes behind a treasure house of stories, experiences and memories of new friendships. There are minor instances of misbehavior, sometimes, arguments and misdemeanor, but then when does argument not occur if a group of people come together. A proper counselor support can deal with this problem and can help many contestants overcome their initial shyness as well as treat any one who cannot cope with the professional standards for long. If the contestants are made to understand their larger purpose against their small drawbacks, it will surely prepare them to stand holding their head high in the competition stages, whether they win or not. It will help them from protesting against exploitation they face an if they cannot tackle it then at least report it.

But like some twists of fate, I had the chance to get to know that teacher and I found out she was not really a monster, but inside her is a true person. As it happened, she was our Values Education teacher and Guidance Counselor.

Though a teacher need not be designated as a Guidance Counselor to be in the position to guide and counsel students. A teacher as a second parent is more than enough reason for her or him to help in nurturing the human nature. A teacher gives light to new orientation especially the things the students learned from other medium and believed to be correct but actually not. Students themselves are not devoid of problems and become vulnerable and at times misled. Teachers are the ones who can best help and assist them as they spend more time in schools. These kids would sometimes believe what their teachers say than their own parents. Guidance and follow-up is an inherent duty associated with the teaching profession.

Borich wrote the three concerns of a teacher inside the classroom: a) his own self-competence and performance, b) the methods, instructions, and materials used and the teaching task itself, c) student-concerns – impact of the teacher’s inputs, how the students learn and are learning.

A teacher’s concern is the cognitive, affective and psychomotor development of his students coupled with guidance, love and acceptance of student uniqueness. A teacher does not only focus on the confines of the four-cornered classroom but to the extent also of knowing through follow up whether students lived with righteous guiding principles a teacher imparted.

Let me quote Borja in his award winning declamation piece: “Go into education. Open the minds, lift up the spirits, ennoble the hearts of the Filipino youth”. Teaching is not merely producing intellectuals, but guiding, leading and bringing students to empowerment of their whole being. It may be tough, but a teacher as a guidance counselor knows best.

To read the full article, please go to the author’s website.  This article has been moved do to copyright concerns.

Men are innately promiscuous. I should know. I’m a psychologist.

I counsel various people such as traumatic victims of accidents and schizophrenic patients.

Some people are criticized for being weird. It’s fulfilling to be their confidante. I didn’t graduate from the Ivy League but  I’m grateful that I have the knack to help people recuperate from psychological ordeals.

Obviously, I’m not an ideal woman adorned with flamboyant and trendy garments. I’m just a plain Jane. (Coincidentally, that’s my name.) So I was so flattered when a very gorgeous patient named Gregory Bezel liked me.

Gregory happens to be the only son of a controversial politician. The Bezels championed the promotion of laws against government anomalies. Being an influential aristocrat, Gregory was a piece of work. His family had a hard time convincing him to seek professional help. Seven years ago, Gregory’s girlfriend died of a contagious disease that made her throw up uncontrollably. Gregory was so depressed that he couldn’t distinguish what was reality from imagination.

I came up with an experiment that helped him cope with his depression. His dramatic change was stunning. Next thing you know, Gregory became my husband.

After our five years of marriage, Gregory began to change. He had many mistresses. At first, I thought I was just being paranoid but eventually, blatant evidences began to show up.  My family advised me to talk to my husband instead of asking for legal settlement. I only want one thing- divorce. I was culpable for some mistakes, too, but those mistakes are not as severe as his infidelity. I want to sue him and have him incarcerated. I actually want him to be convicted and be sentenced to lifetime imprisonment but that will be overrated.

I have many friends to testify.  However, I know that Gregory can bribe the most credible lawyers to defend him. He can pay astronomical bail. If we divorce, he will win the custody of our child for sure.

“Just do what you think is right.” This is what my fellow psychologists advised me.

In the past, higher education through an on-campus class is conducted by a professor or instructor. Today, aided by technology for fast and instant communications, formal education can be had online.

Basics

First, you are taught how to access the class manager website. The first instruction is how to create a username and a profile.

With these, you will be able to access assignments, the class syllabus, and readings. You will also be able to access chat boards where everyone (instructors and your classmates) interact. The class manager site is also where to download and turn in your assignments.

Communications is done by way of instant messenger services and emails. Classes are set so that students can have specific assignments for specific dates. All these are flexible. Classes are designed as fast or as slow as the individual student can make it.

The benefits of this new development in education are varied. Some are clearly obvious. 

Accessibility

Accessibility is one big advantage going for online education. This is also one of the main differences between an online class and its traditional counterpart conducted in an on-campus classroom.

One scenario is about students being unable to have the time to physically attend their classes. The person might be working, a housewife with children, or maybe has some other full-time commitments.

With online education, you can set your own schedule of classes and directly focus your energies on your lessons. You decide your own time for discussing with other students, consulting with your professor and studying the lesson modules.

 Individualized instructions

Students learn concepts in their own way at their own pace. Lessons are learned by listening to them (audio) or reading them (printed from downloads). Some lessons are video-taped or presented in PowerPoint (audio-visual) by instructors and can be viewed by the students just like in a classroom.

In traditional classrooms, some students are naturally shy to speak up. With online studies, any one can “talk” as much as one wants, without pressure. This is by way of online chat and instant messaging.

Advisers

In online education, you have your online education counselors. Their job is to guide you through the whole program and help make decisions.

These counselors work within your schedule. You can set your virtual meetings with them tailor-made to your time availabilities.  

Fast communication

By its very nature, online education focuses on more communications. The instructor and other students are available through message boards and emails, both of which are instantaneous.

In real life meetings, it is very hard to get everyone into a group. With the ease of online accessibility, meeting with all the classmates to discuss or chat on a project can be done almost anywhere and almost at anytime.

Benefits

Online education works best for students with troubles in traditional learning environments. People with fulltime daily commitments (work or care of children, etc.) or with disabilities can benefit with the flexibilities of online education. Is it a better alternative? That, of course, would depend ultimately on the student

Men can be victims too of abuse!

People tend to think only woman are victims in relationships. Men are victims and abused by a lover very often.

Abuse is a control issue. I think that when you cannot control the situation then you become abusive. I think I been through this phase a few times in my life. I was unable to get my words out correctly. I had a issue with people listening to me.

When you bottle up your hurt there is a good possibility then you will become abusive towards other people.

Men can be victims of domestic abuse. Men fear from telling about their abuse because men have grown up with the idea they need to be so strong at all times.

Abuse is a control issue – abusers are also afraid of what they cannot control.  I do not think that abuser think they can manipulate the situation they are afraid and do not have a clue what to do with their anger.

People tend to think that abuser want to manipulate and control and humiliate another person.

This is not often true. It’s their own fear and lack of knowledge that leads them to use force.

Any abuse is forms a type of suffering with the victim and the person causing the abuse.

I do not think that people who abuse are heart less and hate people. They most likely dislike the situation they are in at that present moment and they lash out.

There has to be some types of support line set up that abuser are not afraid of seeking out help with this facility.

So men have no clue they are being abuse, I know a man who is being abused by harsh words from the woman and she holds his car note. She has the power to take his transportation away and he will not be able to go to work.

He is in an abusive relationship.

I know another woman who abuses her father, she talks to him nasty. He needs to live in her house, he is elderly and deaf. She will not allow him to eat and she cusses him out all the time. He is living in an abusive relationship.

I do not think that there is accurate statistics because of the fact men are afraid to speak out.

The individual is suffering and afraid of what they cannot control and they experience pain. Because they are males do not mean they cannot cry.

The abused and the abuser need to look at their self’s and the relationships that ere in and see the suffering that is effecting them all.

We need support groups set up to help establish the issue and help bring relief to all involved in the situation.

Abuser are hardly given help, but punishment

We need more help support groups set to help the abuser.

Abuser learns their methods from someone or something.

Many of the effects of abuse are the same for men as for women.

Abuser are likely to feel deeply shamed, frightened, experience a loss of self-worth and confidence, feel isolated, guilty and confused about the situation that they are currently in.

Men have such hard time trying to be man that they often park their feelings.

Men are often told they need to be strong, macho and when they are young they are told to fight back and type of tears.

Men are often afraid of showing any type of weakness for fear of being called gay.

I have one son who has always been big in height and weight. Every one said he has to play football because he was so big.

I have always hated this statement. Because he was big he had to play a tough sport.

I loved him just the way he was; if he wanted to play a sport fine, but why it does have to be that he needs to play a sport because he is big.

Society as whole does this to all male children who are big in weight and height.

What is man, unless he can stand on his own?

I once hit my kids father, He never realize the hurt he has bestowed on me for years.

I hit him out of anger and I did not know how to control myself. He never realized that his ill treatment towards me for so many years was abuse.

I thought he was everything to me and he used me up for night of rolling in the sack. The next day he was gone. We had a relationship in my mind for years and somewhere along the line he never realize that I was giving him my all and all.

I really thought he loved me and I was confused because it was actually lust and not love.

Dealing with him for so many years, I lost my self esteem and I slowly erupted.

When I hit him I had exploded and I was at the boiling point. I cried for help and he refused to help me. I did not know how to get out the relationship and I was too scared to move on for the sake of my son.

I wanted to try to make it work so badly that all I did was hurt me and my son. I was unaware of how to walk out on my own and afraid to not have a man around me. Even thou he was not even a whole man for me and my house hold. It was that he was in a man in my house for a moment.

The reality though is that even if a man is physically attacked by their wives or partners, many men will take a beating rather than hitting back to defend themselves and risk harming their attacker, and even if they do, they are aware that they then risk being accused of being an abuser themselves.

I can say he did not hit me back, all he ever said was our son asked him why did mommy hit you.

I have always wonder why did he not look into his own heart and ask his self what did I do for her to exploded.

In a way I felt relieve that I stood up and also ashamed that I hit him.

He never knew I was faced with a daily emotional verbal and mental abuse from him for years. I lost my self-esteem and I become an isolated person.

I wanted to stay with him to work things out because I was so tired of my family member’s saying when you going to find you a good man. You had no business messing with him, he is just a womanizer. He sleeps around. You had how many kids out of wed lock.

I prayed I could change his behavior and his ways if I stayed focused on the course.

I am sure we both abused one another and we are both victims.

Men can also be victims of sexual abuse as well as woman. We hear the stories in the news about Tiger Woods. But men are trained up at very early age do not look away from a woman who is giving away her treasures.

In a sense men are abused at an early age they are told to be strong.

The man who is staying in the abusive relationship knows he cannot afford to make changes for his life. He afraid to say it because he thinks it will make him looks less like a man.

I tried for years to work out the relationship with my kid’s father, I did not want my child to grow up without a father and know him without two parents. He should have had the chance to have two parents who loved him and wanted what was best in his life.

Children who have their biological parents in the same house hold become better adults and learn better and have good self esteem. People need to find each other out, and learn to respect one another as a person. Date before you have sex. Get married before having children. Learn and live together before the children come into the relationship.

If you are being abused remember you are not the 1st but it’s up to you to make your life better.

Regardless if you are a man or woman abuse hurts. It’s like a wound that will not heal and someone is pouring salt into the wound.

There are many men out there, who experience abuse and still being abused.

For any man or woman it’s OK to feel scared and frightened and confused and hurt.

I was told not to be afraid of anything and I grew hard on the outside but technical I am soft on the inside.

Men are taught from a early age, be tough and do not be a sissy.

I suffered in silence with a man who I loved and he hurt me more day by day.

He cheated and lied and made other relationships and even got married while I thought he was planning our future together raising our son together.

I abused myself by staying. I had no clue who I could go to, for fear my family would have told me I told you so. My friends told me so, my community told me and I thought they all were lairs.

I wanted to believe he was the man for me and he was trying to work out his issues for us to be a family.

I know that no one has to suffer in silence.

I wish I had a agency or someone to go to before this ordeal continue on growing.

Men are not impervious to any pain, just as women are prone to pain.

I still suffering from the bad relationship with this man, I have hard time developing a good relationship with man for my future.

I am striving every day to make changes and change my thinking method. I have to remind myself that all men are not dogs. I have to remember that all men do not think with their penis.

If you are no longer in the abusive relationship with this man, I still love him because he helped me to conceive a handsome son. I am still thankful for the sexual experience but I am not thankful for the emotional abuse he bestowed on me.

Regardless if it’s male or female you are worth of someone loving you for you, giving you respect and kindness and giving you a fair relationship.

I want you to know you can get over this ordeal, but it will not be a quick fix.

I am not saying you will find a new relationship over night but you will find yourself and your self esteem again.

I thought I might need a counselor but it’s so hard to find one that I could afford. I found my counselor with Jesus and the bible.

But if you can find a counselor then seek one out for yourself and do not be afraid if you are male in a abusive relationship. I know we all fear being ridiculed and laughed at but it’s something you might have to go through in your life.

My own family talked about me and still talks about me in such a nasty way. It’s hard to believe we share the same blood line. But I am faithful that I made the right choices in my life.

I had to go through something to get me to better place. Life is no road with flowers all over it.

Those people, who laugh at you or ridicule you, please don’t worry about them for they have their own insecurities of their own that they are dealing with at the present moment,

I want you to realize whether you are a male or female there is hope for you to get out the abusive relationship.

I realize also it was not my fault and that I deserve better.

No one deserves to be insulted or abuse in any form and that the abuser learns new behaviors and to be dealt with one day at a time.

No one wants to be treated like a doormat; I was treated like a toilet bowl for years from a man.

Being treated like a toilet is hard, to be have any thing poured on you and then flushed away like its nothing they have done; When you sit on the toilet bowl youhave only one agenda to get rid of things in your body, wipe your self clean and flush the toilet bowl and leave the bath room.

I was treated with the effects of a nasty liquid being poured on me for years and all he did when he was done was flush my dreams beliefs and love down the drain.

I am no longer any ones doormat, or toilet bowl. I am standing on my own and making better decisions for my life. I do not want abuse any one and I do not want to be abuse. I have learn what triggers my anger and I have also learn that I cannot control anyone or anything but myself.

If you have a counselor who has any professional ethical base, he or she will not judge you. They will not tell you that you are wrong because that may get in the way of the therapeutic process. Instead they will listen with unconditional regard for you as a person, and they will help you to make your own judgments. Just don’t expect a counselor to judge how you choose to live your life; instead you will be respected as an individual!

Your Counselor Will Not Give Advice!

If you engage a counselor just to get some kind of advice or mental health magic wand, you will be disappointed! A counselor does not give advice because the realm of their training allows them to help you to restructure your thoughts so that you can be your own advisor, making healthy decisions and choices as you go about life!

Your Counselor will ask Incisive Questions

Your counselor will ask you the kind of questions that your friends and lay people are not trained to ask. The questions they ask will routinely be straight to the point; they will be questions that will force you to think in resourceful and positive ways how to create a better future for yourself.

Your Counselor Will Not Gossip about you!

There is a strict code of confidentiality between the counselor and his or her client. Don’t expect that if you go to a counselor your neighbor or friends will know – unless you choose to tell them!

Your Counselor Will Help You Think Better

Usually, the reason why someone will engage a counselor or therapist is because they need help in coping with some issue in his or her life. Usually this problem they have is due to faulty thinking patterns and styles. The professional counselor is adept and helping you break out of dangerous thought cycles, and replace them with thoughts that are much healthier.

Your Therapist will not have a prescription pad to give you medications

Not unless your therapist is a medical doctor that is! Most therapists are not medical doctors, they’re professionally qualified in counseling psychology and methods. They will prescribe other things than medicines, but this will most likely involve things like reading and other thought stimulating endeavors!

So, now that you have a clearer picture of what counselors do and don’t do, how about meeting or choosing one?

T.J. Lorimer.