1. Discard the excess to demonstrate their relevance. If you do not meet internally to the image you are trying to show the world, you’ll look just caricatures, but people will unconsciously try to put you in place.

2. Believe in yourself. Just like that, without any conditions. Just believe what you can do anything. Indeed, any complex problem can be decomposed into a sequence of simple steps and just follow these steps. The main thing – to know where to go, and go, no matter what!

3. Plan your business. Do not start the day without a plan of the day, week, weeks without a plan, etc. The plan for the next day is better to write in the evening and the morning update.

4. If you decide to do something, start as soon as possible, without thinking about the difficulties. The longer you’re going to start, the harder it seems to work.

5. Any, most uninteresting thing do not do mechanically. First, try to make it interesting. The case will be done faster and better. (Thanks to Dale Carnegie, the council rescued me more than once!).

6. Smile! Smile sincerely! Relaxing and calming effect (sincere, but not tight, the duty) smile so beneficial, that’s amazing how often people use this balm of the soul.

7. Ask if you do not understand. It is better to look a fool once, than to be his entire life. In addition, asking questions, you give the other party to understand that listening to him.

8. Get into the habit on a regular basis to do something new, something you never did.

9. This way you not only expand your horizons, but also emotional comfort zone.

10. Stop constantly complaining. No comments.

11. Stop the excuses to others. The more you come up with excuses to feel uncertain.Simply, if necessary, confident voice explain his action.

12. Never anything do not blame yourself. No comments.

13. Praise yourself for every completed deal, however slight.

14. Get yourself, “Daily Journal of success.” Record everything there that think their success. When you feel insecure, just read this magazine. It helps to always!

15. Fear – the chief destroyer of confidence. And how not to fear? Find the insurance, a backup plan, keep in mind a workaround, reduce the importance of the task ahead to accept the failure and act!

16. Let me make something perfect, and sometimes bad, worse than others. Allow yourself the luxury of not compare yourself with others. Usually, these comparisons are not in your favor, so is it worth upsetting yourself?

17. And most importantly – act! To act decisively, not looking back. When the bridges are burned, nowhere to retreat. We’ll have to go ahead! Even if a very scary …

1. Respect the other person.

Respect and appreciate the person they are talking to will make us tend to be cautious in expressing every word. Included, when scolded members of the team who made a mistake, so what we want to convey can be understood, and not make a talked or reprimanded become angry.

Communications expert, Dale Carnegie, in the book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People‘ even say, the biggest secret is one of the basic principles in dealing with people is by providing an honest and sincere appreciation to the person.

2. Empathy.

The ability to be able to put ourselves in situations and conditions faced by the other person will create smooth communication. Of the requirements to be able to have empathy is to have the ability to listen and understand in advance what people are saying that we are talking to. In the book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People“, management expert Stephen R. Covey even put the ability to listen as one of the 7 that habit.

3. Clear and transparent.

Sometimes, for some reason, we feel the need to convey a message. A good message is a clear, transparent, and understandable so as to avoid multi-interpretation or misinterpretation.

This attitude will also make the other person believe that is what we are saying is true and nothing is covered up.

I first read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People when I was 14. At that time it helped me tremendously, and the principles shared in that book practically transformed my life. It didn’t last long though, only for about 4 months, the reason being that the rules prescribed by Carnegie implied that everything you did, you did simply to please people, while your own self stayed constantly in the shadow. So after a while of practicing his techniques it became clear to me that I might have been a nice person for others, but by bottling up my feelings I was not being very nice to myself. 

This effect described by me will be felt by all who try to listen most of the time, and not voice their own opinions, or by those who endeavor to control themselves and think very, very carefully before speaking. It is no wonder that those who have to negotiate a lot, or those who work with people on a daily basis, usually tend to have a lot of anger within them to the point where it becomes very hard to maintain.

Some of the rules of social behavior proposed by Carnegie include talking only of things that interest your opponent, listening a lot, speaking of yourself only when you are asked to, and even then avoiding speaking too much; never saying that a person with whom you are speaking is wrong; never complaining; praising others whenever possible; smiling a lot – in short doing for others more than you would do for yourself.

Well, Larry King’s model offers a much softer approach. In his book How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere, while he mentions the all known rules of listening and asking questions, he also shows that there is more to a good conversation than that. From his point of view it becomes evident that the way your conversation will go depends on a lot of different circumstances, and the way that you choose to communicate would be different for every particular social setting. Overall Larry King is more specific, speaking on such things as body language, the types of questions one might ask, speech errors, topics for discussion, negotiation etc., etc.

I have read several books besides these two on the skills of good communication, but to be honest, I have not yet seen a person who would apply all of the rules to their own lives. I have always thought those rules a tad shallow, missing the real thing. What is the real thing? In my opinion it is love for God, love for yourself and love for another, and from those three, good conversational skills are usually formed.

If you come to think of it, all of the principles of good breeding depend on such things as the Golden Rule. I believe it’s time to go back to the basics.

Cover via Amazon

         After that disaster I strived and become adroit at avoiding parts in programs that require delivery of lengthy lines. My stage fright was such that I contrived to forsake being top in the class to avoid delivering a valedictory on graduation day.
          In college I maintained the same demeanor, earning honor grades, skippering the intramural basketball team and avoiding speaking before an audience. I never ran for a position in the Supreme Student Council despite the prodding of classmates and colleagues.
         After graduation from college I landed a job somewhat easily. Advancement opportunities came and I grabbed them. Higher in the ladder I realized I could no longer sidestep the task of addressing an audience. After some embarrassments I decided to face head on and conquer the monster I have been evading from my whole life. The decision proved to be a turning point in my life.
         In no time I got to become acquainted figuratively with authors like Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale, Og Mandino and a host of other inspirational writers. Their books were outstanding best-sellers and had emboldened millions of its readers to step out of their shells and embrace the glorious experience of overcoming feelings of inferiority and attaining self-confidence. And savor the hush of anticipation of an audience as they approach the podium to speak.
          The long transformation  process boils down to changing one’s attitude, believing in one’s self and having faith in one’s abilities.”You can if you think you can,” writes one of my author-friends. Inferiority complex, stage fright and shyness, whichever came first are universal afflictions. Millions have suffered them, millions have conquered them. Those who conquered had worked hard.                                 

           They had uttered these words everyday, “I will persist until I succeed.” Public speaking was the ultimate weapon that slew the dragon. Practice, determination and constant application  of the techniques of public speaking is necessary to become a good public speaker. Speaking at every opportunity offered or available is a must. Joining clubs like Rotary or Toastmasters is a fine supplement. 

           A person who has attained proficiency in public speaking the arduous way – overcoming the stumbling block of stage fright could be deserving of admiration. For he has conquered shyness and feelings of inferiority. He has cast away these demons from his doggoned life.

Lots of people believe that if you want to live successful life you must have well paid job, big house, expensive cars and wear new fashion clothes. But very few people understand that happy life is not what you have in your material world, it is how satisfied you are about what are you doing in your life.

We often look for our happiness somewhere over the rainbow, thinking that only God can make us happy, but the purpose of this article is to show that all people around the world is able to reach their success in easy way with little efforts. I am going to give for you the list of books which can help you, which helped me.

• Anthony Robbins. Awaken Giant Within

This book shows you most effective strategies and techniques for mastering your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances, and your life. The acknowledged expert in the psychology of change, Anthony Robbins provides a step-by-step program teaching the fundamental lessons of self-mastery that will enable you to discover your true purpose, take control of your life and harness the forces that shape your destiny.

• John Kehoe. Mind Power into 21st Century

Whys this book is good? Book shows us simply truth: our brains is the most powerful “computer” in the world. We do not realize what can we to do using our minds, words we say, how to use our imagination and understand personal dreams. Mind Power Into the 21st Century takes a practical approach, giving readers techniques that they can apply to their own lives. It is time to draw the tailpiece!

• Dale Carnegie. How To Stop Worrying And Start Living

Enough to live life full of worries, fears and anxieties. There is no need to disturb your happiest and best moments of your life. This book will show you how to conquer with your fears in easy way. So if you do not want to die young, you must read it!

• Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People

This practical no nonsense step-by-step guide will improve your ability to communicate with others and manage co-workers, your boss and other business relationships. In addition, also learn how to deal with people in your every day life and manage personal relationships effectively and successfully.

This article is not only about reading, it is about doing as well as books are. If you really want to make some changes in your personal life, so you must take some actions!

Dale Carnegie in his book How to Stop Worry and Start Living explains how in one experiment a group of students could stay awake for an entire week – and that was giving them something very interesting to do all the week, they did not want to sleep.

Knowing that your time is limited and there is a lot to do before your time helps to keep you focused and to sleep less.

Sleeping is necessary to keep the body and the mind in good shape yet most people do not have a good night of sleep simply because they are not tired. By working more you ensure each night of sleep will be the best you can have.

If you are doing a job you dislike, start your own education to get rid of that job. This action alone will make you so happy you will never be bored to go work again because you know soon you are out of that place.

Going to school will not guarantee you a job or business success anymore. Thanks to the speed of which technology improves, school is always a decade or so behind. Computers have been around for half a century and only now schools begin to employ computers to help students study. Half a century later.

A search engine will be your best friend in your education. Learn how you can start an online business either by writing content, painting for websites, making designs, working as a website maintenance man, even by helping other people improving their own blogs – whatever you do make sure you are the best you can be to beat all the competition.

Now the job you dislike will be end soon and your business will explode.

Above all your enthusiasm will be go big – you will never need to sleep eight hours again – you can’t wait to get up and start working again.

ST. JOSEPH’S COLLEGE: It is pretty obvious that everybody wants to succeed in life. However, it is sad to know that very few people make those necessary changes in life to become successful. It’s like ‘Everybody wants to go to Heaven, nobody wants to die’. Most of them resist change, but change is the only thing that is constant in the world. Ahhh….What a paradox! Let’s all realize that NOW is the time to change for the better.

‘So what changes should I make in my life now?’ The answer is simple…Whatever it takes to succeed! There are no parameters as such to measure the required changes. Everyone has got 24 hours in a day. Whether we make our future or break our future depends on what we do in these hours.

`Doing the same things and expecting different result is insanity’, says Shiv Khera, author of the International Best Seller, ‘ You Can Win’. If we want to have something we never had, we must do the things you never did. My dear friends…Success does not come easy. It takes efforts and patience to be successful. Reading positive mental attitude books can help a lot because all great leaders are also great readers. There are some really outstanding books which can literally change your life, like ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’ by David J .Schwartz, ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ by Norman Vincent Peale, ‘How To Win Friends And Influence People’ by Dale Carnegie and the list is endless. I would love to share with you some of the lessons these books have taught me.

a) Prepare to succeed: Nothing great is ever achieved unless you prepare to succeed. There is lot more in store for us, provided, we are committed to explore the treasure within us. Make changes in every thing you do. The way you dress, the way you walk, the way you speak, the way you think, the way you react to things, in fact every thing you do must reflect the ‘new you’, the ’successful you’. Once you do that, guess what? You start feeling great about yourself!

b) Have a game plan: Most people in this world fail in life, not because they plan to fail, but because they fail to plan. A clear-cut picture of what you want to achieve, by when you want to achieve and how you want to achieve is a must for success. Set realistic goals, visualise them and paste them on places where you frequently see, for instance, on the refrigerator, on the ceiling, on the bathroom mirror etc., so that they remind you of your responsibilities, whenever you tend to procrastinate them.

c) Accept challenges: A challenge is never an obstacle or a hindrance to our progress. That is where the opportunity for growth lies. Most of the opportunities knock our doors in the guise of challenges and all challenges compensate themselves with equal or greater rewards. So, don’t let those challenges hold you back. Accept every situation as a God-sent gift. Embrace it. It’s all a part of the game. Remember, with every challenge you face, you are one step ahead to success.

d) Stop complaining: This is what draws the line between a mediocre man and an extra-ordinary man. At times, things may not turn out the way we expect. But that doesn’t mean that we must start sulking. Some people find many things to complain about. They complain that the day is too hot, or the bus has come late, or the lecture is boring…what not? Sulking about things that are off our hands is a foolish thing to do. And what is the wise thing to do? Doing something productive that takes you towards your goal.

e) Never give up: Your success journey will never be a smooth ride. You may have to face many setbacks that throw you into a hopeless world. You may have to fail `n’ number of times before you succeed. Thomas Alva Edison failed nearly 10,000 times while working on the electric bulb. Had he given up after a few attempts, we might have been still living in darkness. So, never give up. You are the victors of your lives, not the victims.

“…Success begins with a fellow’s will:

It’s all in a state of mind.

Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster man:

But sooner or later, the man who wins…

…is the one who thinks he can!”

Boredom, tiredness and depression comes from one thing: Lack of performance. When you work below your maximum capacity your body will reduce the amount of oxygen it consumes and lowers blood pressure leading you to mental drowsiness and low performance state. Check books about depression to see the scientific facts. A good one is Dale Carnegie’s How To Stop Worrying and Start Living. By giving all you got in the job, even if you do not get a promotion at least you get the satisfaction of working at your peak performance. In a business you need to sale to earn, peak performance is not an option.

1. Use a clock to measure the amount of work you do. If you are a student try to double the amount of books you read. If you are a sales man think of how you can double the amount of sales you make by cutting in half the amount of time spent with costumers.

2. If you are a programmer try to see how tools can double your productivity by using drag and drop commands to insert the code for you. Game Maker is a good example of the future of programming tools.

3. If you work with monotonous work such as assembling computers try to do that task as fast as you can. When the boss is looking for someone that can learn any job and is eager to do his best in any kind of job, they look for the most hard working person in the assembling line, this is how it works in Portugal.

Many things can still be said here, let’s leave that for another article.

Carnegie goes on to explain that you can say such a thing to an angry person without lying to them. After all, if you had the same life experiences and genetic makeup as the angry person, then you would obviously see things their way.

Carnegie goes further and writes, “The only reason you are not a rattlesnake is that your parents were not rattlesnakes.”

Thus, a friend recently put this question to me, “If you had the same brain and body and life experiences as Adolf Hitler, would you have made the same choices as Hitler?”

My Answer

The following is taken from an e-mail of mine, and is my answer to my friend:

“Looking at it from a purely physical point of view, I don’t know if I can say I wouldn’t make the same choices as Hitler. If you have the same brain and same body as Hitler, and grew up exactly in every detail as he did, for all intents and purposes you ARE Hitler.

The only arguments I could offer against such a thing would tend toward the metaphysical and/or spiritual. One could argue each of us has a unique soul, possibly coming with its own imprint from God or the universe or whatever is out there. If that should be the case, I suppose it’s possible even with Hitler’s brain and body and upbringing, we could turn out differently than he did. This would lean somewhat toward Calvinism, suggesting that God has a fate and possibly a mental state that is unique to each of us.”

What Do You Think?

Admittedly, my answer to my friend was simplistic. It was meant to be. It was only an e-mail, after all, and e-mails are not necessarily the best communication form available for such topics. I’ll probably talk this over with my friend in person the next time we see one another.

Also, though my answer leaned heavily towards spirituality and religion, even mentioning Calvinism, I was not trying to place my answer in a form that made any judgements. I was pushing no agenda, simply trying to come up with the best answer I could with my own Western world, Judeo-Christian background and education. Also, Hitler is used simply for the ease of having a common focal point of evil, what with the historical figure’s general reputation, and this is not necesarily meant to be a study of the actual man or of actual events surrounding him. Someone like the Marquis de Sade or Jeffrey Dahmer or one of a thousand other humans that have been labeled evil by general society could have been used as well. In other words, this is not about judgements of morality, but about metaphysical (and possibly scientific or spiritual) possibilities.

Something bothers me a bit about my answer, though, and I’m not sure what it is. So, I’m seeking other ideas, suggestions and arguments. I’m throwing it out there to anyone who would like to offer an answer or just their own thoughts. Please post below. I’d especially be interested in hearing any scientific possibilities, and ideas from non-Western philosophies, though all ideas are more than welcome.