Through life as through a story that already has a scenario, plot, and conclusion, has been an understanding for someone who understands about life.

Live like crossing a road, and takes time, so that eventually reaches the final destination point.

Humans through a journey called life, has a beautiful, sad, sick, happy, and they called the flavor and feeling.

Having an ultimate goal of living death, nothing is eternal, all humans would have died, as well as a body, and soil.

When life is still present in the human power, it can be felt, but when dead, all gone, vanished, and no one in the know anymore.

Life is a devotion, life is giving, life is a pleasure, so enjoy devotion to God, devotion to man, and to nature.

Wealth, a lot of treasure, a collection of objects that are expensive, everything is just a moment, you are not able to enjoy it when subjected to the death.

Life is to die, death is the fate, destiny is a promise to God, as a part of life.

SOME QUOTATIONS ON IDEALS

What are ideals? How can we arrive at what are ideals? What are the criteria we can use to determine what ideals are? Ideals is perfect example; an excellent or perfect example of something or somebody, or something that is considered perfect example according to Microsoft Encarta Dictionary. Ideal is a principle; a standard or principle to which people aspire. Thesaurus has ideal as perfect, model, idyllic, supreme, superlative, ultimate and best.

Doing or accepting ideals is a parameter for judging maturity and knowing one who is aspiring for greatness. Doing the ideal or towing the part of ideals is the way to determine a truly learned and discipline one in a society. It is a way the society knows who is truly responsible.   

Are you aspiring to join the league of men and women what are termed great in the society? Then here are some quotations for you that will challenge you to living a fulfilling life here on earth.        

1. Humanity cannot forget its dreamers; it cannot let their ideals fade and die; it lives in them; it knows them as the realities that it shall one day see and know. – Allen

2. He who cherishes a beautiful ideal in his heart will one day realize it.  Cherish your visions; cherish your ideals; cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built. – Allen

3. Every one of us has in him a continent of undiscovered character.  Blessed is he who acts the Columbus to his own soul. – Anonymous

4. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. – Bagehot

5. Be true to your own highest convictions. – Channing

6. God hides some ideal in every human soul.  At some time in our life we feel a trembling, fearful longing to do some good thing.  Life finds its noblest spring of excellence in this hidden impulse to do our best. – Robert Collyer

7. The ideals that have always shone before me and filled me with the joy of living are goodness, beauty, and truth. – Einstein

8. Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. – Emerson

9. We aspire by setting up ideals and striving after them. – Fosdick

10. We must always remember that God has given to every soul the responsibility of deciding what its character and destiny shall be. – Jefferson

11. To have striven, to have made an effort, to have been true to certain ideals-this alone is worth the struggle.  We are here to add what we can to, not to get what we can from, life. – Osler

Sometimes we ask ourselves, why? Why things happen when the do? Why they happen like they do? Why? Why? Why?  

Some years ago I learned a lesson about asking why… something along the lines of “ours is not to question why”… I try not to but sometimes you just can’t help ask. When something so out of the ordinary happens to you find your self asking “Why me?” Even when it’s something good you may ask; Why? 

When I met “Muse” I asked why a lot. I wondered why he was so familiar to me. Why did it feel like I’d heard his voice before? Why was he so sweet? Why was he in another country? Why was he … well you get the picture. As time went on I get to know him the funniest things began to happen. He would say things that I’d heard him say before. Only I had never asked him the questions. 

Then one day I got the strangest chill and I reached for a journal of mine. There it was…the answers. I had dreamed him. I know right now; you’re all thinking I’m cracked or some kind of crazy. But it’s true. I dreamed him. Years before I met “Muse” I dreamed about him. I wrote down the kind of man I wanted in my life. I even sketched in qualities and back ground. I dreamed some of our conversations. I dreamed his green eyes and dark hair. I dreamed the way we felt for each other. I even dreamed us breaking up. 

Once I had the truth right there in my face; I tried everything to keep it from happening. But it seemed I was on a path and couldn’t change it. I didn’t want the devastation of the dream to be real. It just wasn’t meant to be. So now I was questioning WHY? Why couldn’t it last? Why did it have to be this way? Why; was I allowed to meet him, love him; and have it fall so badly apart? I told “Muse” one day when we were together; I had heard his voice and knew it… I knew that voice and he knew mine. 

He agreed he felt the same way, and so had sought me out. We were like magnets to each other.

When I had heard his voice I was over whelmed with that feeling.

I had the most intense relationship with him I’ve ever had in my life. I wondered why such a thing could happen and go so bad. No answers came. Then I began to notice, I wrote every day… I wrote most of the day… everyday! They were poems, poems to “Muse”, poems about “Muse” poems everyday. I still months after it ended write poems. I have never written so much in my life. My poems surprise me with the clarity of depth and emotion they hold. I put my words on audio and created film shorts about how I feel and felt for “Muse”. 

Was this the reason we met? Was this why he had walked out of my dreams into my reality? Was it? I have written notebooks of poems to “Muse”. I post some of them to my twitter and every day I find someone that some of the poems touch. Then there was PSHome. Had it not been for “Muse” I may never have been there. I went to find him. I would never have believed it would lead me to writing. 

That’s right, PSHome has lead to me being published…I wrote an article for a magazine. The magazine is about Home and for Home. It was a contest to find new writers for the magazine. I made it. I’m now one of their writers. So now I feel like I know why… I have my answers, some of them. I see how events lead me to where I am. As always, I am the one who at every turn set the wheels in motion. I made the choices that lead me here. In every instance where I felt like I couldn’t do anything else; I was ultimately the decision maker. In all this I was guided by the Universe. The universe listens to us; it hears our deepest desires and gives them to us. Sometimes we are open to them and we recognize them when they come. Sometimes we have our eyes closed tightly and what we want passes us by.

Don’t dis-pare, if it really is what you want and what you set your self to; it will return. It may not be the way you envisioned it, but look deeper. See if it isn’t what you really wanted and needed. From the first I was on a path to “Muse.” When my mother died I found strength to be who I always thought I should be. I set my self on a path of writing. I wrote, but inspirations came slowly. I think some part of me was still too timid to let go… all that changed when I began to know “Muse”. He woke me up. I let myself experience every emotion I had. I kept nothing locked away. I smiled everyday! I laughed every day! I felt something… every day!

I am grateful to him and the universe. This path I’m on is where I am meant to be. I don’t have any communications with “Muse” right now. It is as it is suppose to be. I fought my dreams out of fear that they could not be true. I wanted so much for them to be real. (The good parts that is.) lol. 

Now I wait for the rest of my dream(s) to come to fruition. I am on the path to who I want to be; and I am living my future… even now.

So though we are taught not to ask why, ask it! Ask why; sit down in the quiet and ask WHY?

Ask for answers and wait… wait for the answers. They will come. 

“The Universe Takes Notes”

The paradoxical union of the predestined and the evolving symbolizes the essence of our quest, …. where the predestined is the product of the noosphere (collective mind), the general and global, while the evolving is the product of the individual mind, the specific and personal.

This is how our universe was designed and created, purposefully, yet allowing for freedom of choice.

Our challenge is to align our individual minds, choices and lives with that of the general and global.

This can be achieved through any number of ways, and using any number of tools, ranging from meditation to mythology, and from scientific search to selfless service. Truth, beauty, humor, justice, love, detachment, discipline are but a few ways of reaching this union.

Through the achievement of this paradoxical union, one becomes a self-actualized human being and transcends the levels of ordinary existence to live a purposeful, grounded spiritual life. This is the way of co-creation. To discover the general mission and purpose of the universe, and to align oneself with it, with the freedom of expression of one’s own gifts and talents to bring this renewal about. This is the way of renewing the world, and renewing oneself. This is the path to happiness and enlightenment. This is happiness and enlightenment.

Article 8 (Experience)

December 26, 2011

In most aspects of life experience is thought to be something to be looked up to, something that almost everyone aspires to attain.  Elders are supposedly wise people that have lived a long, fruitful life.  We are taught at a very early age to respect our elders, to listen to their commands and learn from their experience.  I believe everyone has heard the phrase “Learn from my mistakes, so you don’t make the same mistakes I did.”  Experience is also treasured in the work force.  Unions and most companies operate from a position of seniority.  Senior employees can best be described as the employees with the most years working for the same company.  Senior workers receive the most pay, the best days off, the best shifts and the best assignments.  Also, in the event the company needs to “downsize”, the most experienced employees continue their employment while the newer, less experienced employees are “laid off.”  Freshmen, in either high school or college, are allowed to pick their classes only after the upperclassmen pick their classes first.  Freshmen receive what’s left over.  On sports teams freshman carry the water, carry the equipment and clean up after practice.  Now, I am not totally for or against any of these practices.  I believe they “are what they are” and most everyone knows what the rules are going into the game.  These rules, for the most part cannot be changed.  It is just the way things work.  The above examples can be considered external forces of experience.  I like to use the term external when describing this type of experience because you did not experience the event or learning moment directly.  This type of experience is either applied to you in a voluntary manner, as in the case of the elder or involuntarily applied as in the case of the workforce. 

Now I would like to discuss what I call internal experience.  Internal experience is what we, as humans learn to increase our rate of survival.  For example, when we are driving an automobile, situations will arise which require us to perform an action.  The first time someone pulls their automobile out in front of us, causing us to come to a quick stop, we are “shocked”.  Our hearts beat faster, our hands sweat, and we are in disbelief the event occurred.  But, as time goes on and we become more experienced, we are prepared for the event even anticipating its occurrence.  Because of this anticipation we are ready, our reaction time decreases and instead of feeling shocked, the event itself and outcome are almost expected.  We can say we have become programed.  Another program event that may be familiar to you I like to call the sour milk experience.  One time and one time only, I drank milk from a container and the milk was sour.  It took me approximately 3 seconds to realize my mistake and without going into further detail I am sure you can guess what happened next.  Well, from that point forward, I always smell the milk before drinking it.  I consider myself programed to always smell the milk before drinking it.  These are just two examples of internal programing.  Internal programing takes place by experiencing an event personally not from hearing about an event or learning about events “in a classroom setting”.    

Each and every one of us, by experiencing a vast amount of events, has been programed to think and act in certain ways.  Most of this programming has been for the good, meaning that it helps us survive and live a life without having to “taste the sour milk” too much.  But just like everything else, we must make certain that our programming is helping us achieve the future we want and desire and not sabotaging us from becoming who we want to become.

Our current behavior is conditioned by our programing.  Our programing is dictated by the way we perceive our experiences and events.  For example, if we touch a stove and the stove is and has always been cool, we would continue to touch stoves without caution; always “knowing for certain” that stoves will not burn us.  Now, if we touch a stove and the stove is so hot that it burns our finger, we will began to use a little more caution in the future before we  touch stoves.  You see it is not the hot stove which dictates our future behavior; it is how we feel about getting burned by the heat.  Because I have been burned in the past, when I see a stove I use caution remembering how it “felt” to touch a hot stove.  This type of programming is apparent, or should be apparent, in all aspects of our behavior.  How we have been treated in past relationships, how we feel about saving money versus spending money and purchasing material items, how we feel about exercising and being physically fit, how we feel about the feeling of getting drunk, smoking cigarettes,  etc.  You see how we feel about all aspects of our life can be traced back to how we feel about a past experience.  If you felt great about exercising for the first time you are more apt to continue to exercise in the future to attempt to regain that same feeling.  If your first experience with alcohol is remembered as a fun time, where you were the life of the party, you are again more apt to attempt to try to repeat this night. 

The trick with experiences and programming, although it is not a trick at all, is to do two things when remembering experiences and events.  First and foremost remember the event and the feelings you have toward that event as they actually were, not what you think or want to think they were.  And, second “Play the tape all the way through.”  By viewing the movie in its entirety or remembering the whole event and the effects of the event in its entirety you will have a much different “feeling” about the event and therefore a much different view of the experience.  Allow me to use some examples and some learning moments to further explain this point.  Imagine if you will a night out with your friends.  The local alcohol establishment is the location.  All of your close friends are in attendance.  Throughout the night everyone seems to be having a great time and the alcohol is flowing.  Due to your excessive consumption of beverages, you find yourself fairly drunk.  No problem you have a ride home so no one will get hurt.  One of the best nights you have had in a long time and you were the “life of the party.”  Everyone stops at the diner on the way home, to eat a hearty midnight snack and then you go off to bed to fight the bed spins and hopefully not get sick.  Your next day is wasted, due to the “unforeseen” hangover.  No harm, no foul.  You haven’t seen your friends for a long time and you deserved a night out.   A few weeks pass and you see one of your friends from the party.  You begin recalling the night saying things like “Wow, what a night!”  “It really felt good to get out!”  “We should do that more often.”  “I really had a great time!”  Unfortunately, you have just “unconsciously” programed yourself.   By remembering the event this way, you only played the tape halfway through or just viewed the first half of the movie.  By watching the whole movie or “consciously” programing yourself you would realize you were drunk so your memory of the actual night is probably skewed.  But more importantly, you forgot about the whole next day when you were so hung over it “felt” like you actually were sick with the flu.  This illness caused you to waste a day of your life.  Not to get into anything medical, but I am certain if you felt sick you did do at least some damage to your body.  Wasting a whole day of your life due to a self – induced sickness cannot make you feel that good about your great night out either.  It is so, so important to play the tape all the way through and to consciously develop your programing.  Do not fall prey to the self – identity crisis, do not unconsciously feel something that is not true, base your feelings in the entirety and feel in reality.

Let’s discuss a positive experience, which can lead to positive programing which will form positive behavior.  You finally decide to again begin or start an exercise program.  The program is researched and designed.  This time you make a promise to yourself that you will not quit what you start.  You will maintain this new, healthy lifestyle for the remainder of your life.  It is now “go time” but you can’t seem to make yourself go to the gym and begin.  You remember going to the gym last time and you remember the feeling of soreness.  You were out of shape and in all honesty the exercise sessions hurt.  In addition to the physical pain, the time spent exercising removed time you usually spent with the family.  Chances are you are going to stop after a few weeks anyhow.  That has been your pattern of the past.  Stop yourself and consciously play the tape all the way through.  Remember how in the past, after the initial soreness at the beginning of an exercise program you started feeling better.  You had more energy and were spending additional quality time with your family.  This time was not spent on the couch, watching television.  You were engaged and active.  You even began performing better at your job due to being more alert due to the workouts.  Your doctor complimented you on your weight loss and the improvement in your blood profiles.  If you continued to exercise you would probably live longer as well.  You see by consciously remembering experiences, as they really were, you can consciously change your programming for the better. 

People base their future behavior off of their perceived feelings of past events.  If you feel something is hard and not worth the effort chances are you will not continue that type of behavior.  If you perceive something to be fun and enjoyable you will be more apt to continue that type of behavior.  What I am asking you to do is to base your feelings of past events and actions on reality and not on imagined feelings.  Also, always, always remember to “play the tape all the way through”.  Exercise does in fact feel good; eating healthy wholesome foods feels good, being physically fit feels good, being in control financially feels good.  But, you must make certain you program yourself by watching the whole movie.  Advertisers, society and bad influences want you to only watch half the movie.  They want you to see skinny, friends enjoying fast food; they want you to see the part of the movie when friends and family have a couple of drinks and then the commercial ends.  The problem with watching half the movie is you base your “feelings” on that picture alone.  Not how the friends become fat from eating unhealthy fast food.  Or how the friends and family argue and fight because they “drank” too much.  Really think about credit card commercials; after the purchase you see the actor playing with the new toy but you NEVER see the credit card bill.  Remember watch the whole movie and base your feelings on its entirety.

I am certain everyone wants to be more educated, more physically fit, more healthy and more loved.  I am equally as certain no one wants to be tired, out of shape and out of control financially.  By basing your future actions on true feelings, which have been based on the whole picture, you can be assured you will make the correct decisions in each and every moment of your life.  You can be assured of this because you will feel good about making the right decisions.  I would like you to again reflect on the fact that this is your only chance to control this moment.  After this moment passes it is over.  Remember, do overs do not exist.  And please enjoy the ENTIRE movie!

“Live and Train with Your Goal in Mind”

Mike

Why do people cry once they say and when they hear the word “goodbye” in a relationship? When someone walk out the door leaving the word “goodbye” made the world stopped for a while. Made us numb, made us cry, made us speechless and then screamed out why. Friends say, let go and move on, he is not worth crying for. Maybe someone better is soon to arrive so, someone must say goodbye.

What a nice consolation, what a good bargain for a broken heart. But, what if that someone who bid goodbye took my heart when he walks out the door. What if, that person imprisoned my heart in his soul and he doesn’t know about it. Did anyone know the way to find him so I can take my heart back to me before the new one comes along? One more question, how will I ever know if the new one is the right one? What is the assurance that this new one will never leave me too?

Someone must say goodbye to give way for the right one to come. I wish this time it is for real before my heart get tired of waiting. I hope the new one is the perfect love that they say “will come once in a lifetime”. Someone to make me understand that love never dies but only needs one caring hand to keep it alive. Who, will make me feel my importance that I am worth loving for the rest of his life.

The Path To The Stars

By Dougal Mac Gregor

This booklet is a compilation of thoughts, reflections, and advices. This booklet is meant to help you understand the world around you better, arrive at better decisions, enhance the quality of your life, and ultimately find and complete your dreams. Please read each thought carefully, and take the time to mentally digest and understand it. Read them as many times as necessary for you to comprehend the message behind them. But most importantly; question everything, including that which is written here, and that which you take for granted or fact. You must never accept any one idea as the ultimate truth or fact; you may arrive at being 99.99% sure about an idea, but never accept it as 100% fact.

8. Destiny

We may be able to make decisions and choose our fate (at least based on what we know at the time), but it is also true that we are bound to other external constraints besides our memory. Everything in the environment is interconnected and is constantly reacting to each other (see Cause and Effect), much like a Domino Effect.

People like to think that the universe works like the human mind; based on reason. For the same reason, people like to believe that the universe is “fair”, meaning that if you do harm to others, the universe will harm you, and vice versa. Some people call this theory KARMA (yet others call it God’s will). Whether this is true or not, the ultimate fact that we know for sure is that we have a lot less control over our fate than we like to think we do or wish we did.

Here is an analogy to destiny:
Take control of the wheel, but choose wisely the road you will take.

This analogy makes allusion to the fact that we do not create our fate, but rather choose it. (And even our choice is not entirely under our control, see Free Will).

Advice: You do what you can do best, and KARMA (or the universe, or God, or whatever) will take care of the rest. Play it safe by helping instead of harming, just in case KARMA is true.

Taken from Dougal Mac Gregor’s “The Path To The Stars”.

Article 6 (Peer Pressure)

December 12, 2011

Beginning at birth and ending when we die, each and every one of us is affected by peer pressure.  Imagine if you will an ordinary funnel.  The funnel has two openings, the wide opening in which liquids are poured into the funnel and the small end in which liquids exit the funnel.  When we are born we are very similar to the liquid at the wide end of the funnel.  As a newborn or young baby we have no mental limitations, apprehensions, or any “real” knowledge of the world in which we live.  We learn through experience, trial and error.  In the beginning, peer pressure and discipline are extremely limited.  We cry and we get fed.  We cry and we are cleaned or burped.  Life is easy.  Fairly early in our existence we learn the word “no”.  Touching hot stoves is not an acceptable behavior and playing on the steps is also frowned upon.  Traits, that if learned teach us how to survive in this world.  It is at this point, if we are compared to the liquid in a funnel, we begin to fall into the cone a little further.  So, our first experience with peer pressure is received from our parents or guardians.  As our life progresses, we begin to experience peer pressure from different people and in different areas of our life.  We “act” like our friends want us to “act”.  Our teachers, coaches, advertisers and even society in general vie for our compliance.  Some of the pressure we accept and conform to and some of it we reject.  But, just like the liquid in the funnel, the longer we live or the closer we get to the bottom of the funnel the more restricted our decisions become.  Now, this restriction can be as tight as you let it become or it can be as loose as you wish.  By acting in an unconscious manner, by letting things just happen or just “going with the flow” you will find that most of your life is lived at the bottom, smaller end of the funnel.  All of your actions will be based on how you “feel” others will judge you.  But by living a purpose driven, action based life, always remembering to make your moments move you closer toward your goals you will be less affected by peer pressure. 

In my opinion, there are three distinct types of peer pressure. Good peer pressure, bad peer pressure and our belief system.  Each type can be broken down into smaller subsections, but for the purpose of this article we will deal with just the three groups.  The following examples are examples of good peer pressure.

  The pressure of being arrested for breaking the law, which society as a whole agrees on, can be a very powerful motivator in remaining an honest, law abiding citizen.  Not only will you lose your freedom when you are arrested but most newspapers will print your name in the daily paper informing your town of this arrest as well as what you were arrested for.  There are actually people who would rather be put in jail than have their name printed in the newspaper declaring their arrest.  This type of peer pressure helps keep society safe. 

Exercising in a group setting can also have a very positive affect on an individual.  No one wants to be the last person to cross the finish line.  I have seen people push themselves well past what they thought they were capable of just to not be the last one to complete the task at hand.  The same person, who completed a one mile run in nine minutes while running alone, may be able to complete the same run in eight minutes in a group setting.  This is the power or peer pressure. 

Now let’s really review bad peer pressure.  Bad peer pressure makes people feel restricted.  This type of behavior holds someone back from being the best they can be.  It can also make mankind act in very violent, negative, even self – destructive way.  Have you ever heard the phrase “gang mentality”?  Not getting too technical, the basis for this theory is simple.  In a group or gang, people will either not help another human or even commit violent acts against another human out of fear of not being accepted by their immediate peers.  Even though these same people know what they are doing is wrong, they will continue this violent behavior because they are afraid of the group.  This example can be considered one of the most severe forms of bad peer pressure.  One can be considered stuck in the smallest, most restricted part of the funnel.

Negative peer pressure can be placed on an individual from his close family and friends as well.  Even though these people are supposed to be your biggest supporters and fans, be careful who you trust.  I do not want to sound cynical but there really is no other way to put this.  I will say it again, “Be careful who you trust”.  Throughout life, I have observed very loving parents hold their children back because they, themselves, did not want to “let go”.  For example, I have heard parents tell their children, “Why do you want to move to that city, you can get a good job right here in our town”?  You see, as loving as parents are, they can have their own interests at heart.  They may not be able to “let go” even when the move may be better for their own offspring.  Or, instructing your child on what he or she should do in life based on “what society says they should do”.  Some examples of this would be; children have to go to college to get “good paying, professional” jobs, how about “You have to work with your father, he is going to give you the business when he retires”.   Learning from the above examples or the experiences you remembered while reading this article, realize that you cannot change the way others act.  Nor should you try to change their behavior.  Become conscious and change the way you act and begin to treat others with true support.  Consciously act with purpose toward what you want to become and not what others want you to become.  While reading an article in a “Muscle and Fitness” magazine “Volume 72, No. 12”, Matt Rooney who is a Corporate Executive, Writer, Speaker and Coach was quoted as saying “Everyone wants to have more money or be fit, but nobody wants to do more to become more”.   When you begin to “go after” your goals, when you begin to control your moments and when you act with passion you will be forced to deal effectively with bad peer pressure.  Remember Matt’s quote.  You see, as you change, progress and take control of your life you will be a vivid reminder to the 99 percenter that it is possible to change.  They will be forced to admit to themselves that they could have changed and that they just chose not to work harder they chose to settle, they elected to “stay with the herd”. 

Your belief system can have a positive effect or extremely negative effect on where you sit in the funnel.  Take a good look at your belief system to determine if the beliefs you hold true to your heart are actually correct.  Sometimes the claim is made that those who opposed Columbus thought the Earth was flat, but that wasn’t the case at all.  Even in ancient times sailors knew the Earth was round and scientists not only suspected it was a sphere, but they even estimated its size.  Also, make certain your beliefs support your goals.  For example, I was raised with the belief that everyone should own their house.  The theory behind this belief was that I should not pay a landlord.  The landlord would pay off his mortgage using my money and he would be the one that would get rich.  Besides, owning a home is the American dream.  Everyone I knew owned their home, so this belief became imbedded in me.  Years later, I did everything I could to purchase my home.  At the settlement table, I learned that I would be paying a monthly mortgage to the bank for the next 30 years.  This was okay because after 30 years of renting from the bank I would finally own the home. (Sorry for the sarcasm)  After settling into my home, it became very apparent that I had a lot less time to myself.  I had to make home repairs, do home maintenance, cut the grass, paint the walls, on and on and on…….Well, at least I owned my home.  After being in my home for about a year, I had good friend move to New York City.  He had a house warming party which I attended.  And, as usual, I started asking him some very pointed questions.  I wanted to know why he decided to rent an apartment and not purchase his own home.  Maybe I just wanted to “show off” because I owned my home or maybe I just wanted to educate myself about New York City but for whatever reason I continued to press my friend.  He explained that the rent was barely affordable in New York City but the purchase price of an apartment was “out of his league”.  Continuing, he said that he was not sure where he wanted to settle down and did not want to worry about the home market until he was more stable.  All good points, but I believe I was feeling a little “big headed”, and wanted to “show off” so I started showing him how he was basically “throwing his money away” paying a landlord.  If he purchased his own home he would be paying a mortgage, receive all the wonderful tax benefits mortgage interest provides and eventually own the house “free and clear”.  The American dream.  Well, my good friend decided to put me in my place.  He started to ask me how much I have paid in home repairs and home maintenance since I purchased my house.  He also questioned me as to how much time I now spend “working on the house” as opposed to exercising, writing or playing golf.  When something in his apartment breaks, he makes a phone call and it is repaired.  He does not spend an additional cent on the repair.  No time spent and no financial worry as he put it.  My head went down in defeat.  I was not upset with my friend, I was upset with myself.  You see, I did not examine my belief.  I just assumed I was taught the correct belief.  I was truly a product of my environment.  That is the way my parents were raised, that was the way everyone around me thought, and that is what they “passed on” to the next generation. 

Beliefs are the third and most persuasive section of peer pressure.  Really take some time and examine your beliefs.  Do you believe something that is in fact false?  Do not just accept what someone tells you, instills in you, or pressures you into believing.  Stay conscious of what you accept as a belief, because if you have the wrong beliefs you will end up stuck in the small part of the funnel.

In summary, do not allow others to dictate your action or motion toward your true desire.  Do not allow how you “feel” others will judge you stop you from taking action.  And as Matt Rooney so eloquently stated everyone wishes they had more, everyone wishes they were more physically fit, but not everyone wants to do more.  You may have to work hard, you may even trip or fail while chasing your goal.  Would you rather admit to yourself that you did not even have the courage to begin to work toward achieving your goals?  Or, would you rather give it everything you have and then fail.  You see, life is in fact a game.  I would rather be on the field playing the game. I would rather fumble the ball or strike out while at bat.  I do not want to be on the bench.  I do not want to be in the stands watching the game of life.  Now I ask you, WHERE DO YOU WANT TO BE, IN THE GAME OR ON THE BENCH?   

“Live and Train with Your Goal in Mind”

Mike

Friendship between the opposite sexes starts developing within the age bracket of 14 years. Any friendship between the opposite sexes before this age is abnormal and rare. It is at about 14 years that noticeable changes begin to occur in the physiological development of human being. The opposite sex becomes attractive to each other, and then they begin to enjoy the company of one another. This period is called the puberty stage; where the pubic hairs begin to grow and the girls start developing the breast. This is when the adult body begins to develop.

At this stage of development, youths needs proper guidance. The parents will do themselves good to give their children and wards direction and guidance to effectively manage them with the new development they are passing through. The Pastors could as well help direct the youths at this stage to help them manage the instinct that grows within at this stage of human development. Youths should be helped to relate well through fellowships, clubs, etc, both in the school and the church. As they meet in these avenues, it gives them opportunity to study one another and get closer to each other.

In choosing who becomes a friend, one should make the following considerations.

What do I want to become in life? This will help you choose people who have the same vision, thinking and dream.

What kind of friend do I need? Should the friend be the one that will help you fulfill your dreams? Is it the friend that cares and willing to support you? Is it the one that supports your vision or dream in life?

He/she should be a Christian. Two cannot walk together except they agree. Agreement between friends comes where they are of same spirit, orientation and belief. This is achievable when both are of the same faith.   

When you have made this considerations, one can go ahead to choose who becomes a friend. You should choose a Christian if you are a Christian too. Then choose one with whom you have kindred spirit. have a personality that harmonizes with your own. The word to describe this essential element in friendship that will definitely lead to partnership is Affinity, and it is defined in Encarta World English Dictionary as;

1.  feeling of identification: a natural liking for or identification with somebody or something 

2.  connection: a similarity or connection between people or things 

3.  somebody attractive: somebody to whom somebody else is attracted 

4.  cultural anthropology kinship by marriage: a relationship by marriage, not by blood 

5. biology language similarity in structure: a similarity in structure, e.g. in species or languages, that may suggest a common origin 

6. chemistry likelihood of chemical reaction: a measure of the likelihood of a chemical reaction taking place between two substances 

7. immunology antigen-antibody attraction: the attraction between an antigen and an antibody. 

Negatively it means that the one must be free from anything that would offend the other’s tastes. Positively it means that the mind, character, intellect, speech, habits, and tastes of the one are pleasing to the other as in definition (4) above. Especially must this be true of mind and soul. You should choose one who has a character. Know that beauty, money or wealth is never source of happiness in friendship. Character matters so much in friendship because if you have a friend with character, you will avoid troubles.

Friendship is a time of study. You study your friend to know him/her the more. You study character, behaviours, likes, dislikes, etc. It gives you opportunity to assess the person and find out the kind of character, feelings, emotions and temperament he/she has. It affords you the opportunity to know how he/she reacts to issues. This will enable you to vouch for that person. Any person you cannot vouch for is not a friend you know. As you study and asses the person who is a friend, you like your findings to what you want to become in life. If there is affinity of both, you can go ahead and accept or ask for the person’s hand in marriage at the right time. Time of friendship exposes the persons involved. Their true character is known. But in courtship with friendship, there are pretences and misconceptions. When courtship develops from friendship, there are little or no pretences. This is one of the reasons one should endeavour to make friends before courtship.

Again, friendship gives you opportunity and varieties to choose from. When you have two or three friends, you can now make your choice from them. When you keep waiting for the man that is serious, you can accept whatever comes that is serious. Note that not all that comes claiming to be serious are truthful. You will not have options to make a choice. Good and satisfactory choices are made where there are options. Friendship affords one opportunity of knowing more of different characters of the opposite sex. It broadens your perspective about the opposite sex and this will help you to adapt to changes when finally you marry.  Friendship is a fact-finding and knowing period.

Many people ignore friendship before courtship especially Christian ladies. Their reason is they do not want to fall into temptation. They forget that any Christian without integrity and character is not genuine. Peter Kreeft noted that “We could never become saints under the best conditions, only under the worst condition.” You can only prove your being saint when you refuse to yield to any advancement.  Avoiding temptation is not by refusing friendship rather by refusing to yield to temptation and being yourself. To avoid the problem of enduring your marriage, one must first befriend the person he/she intends to marry. Most ladies will not want to listen to a man who is asking for friendship. They will only take a man who tells them about marriage serious. Yes in as much as we know that some men are subtle that does not mean all men are the same. Again you should be yourself. You cannot stand well if you cannot resist temptation. It is not by keeping them at arm’s length that you will stand rather it is by maintaining your integrity and faithfulness.

When one has made friends, he/she can now look at the best in character, one with kindred spirit and one with accomplishment among the friends to make a choice. Good time of friendship will lead you into choosing your life-partner. The choice you will make matters so much and therefore, know that you are choosing your destiny. You are choosing your own happiness or misery. You are choosing whether the rest of your life is to be lived in the heaven of ‘perpetual love’ or, may be, in the hell of disharmony and perpetual friction. Other people are not choosing for you. You would be indignant if they attempted to choose for you. Surely, you insist that this is your choice. Know enough who you want to commit your future and destiny into his/her hands. The Lord be with you!