Dealing with disappointments can be difficult and nerve-racking. Somehow or another, we need to face the difficulty to either trying to resolve the problem, or to let it be. When we feel disappointed, it seems like there is no way out of the situation. That we would feel at lost ends with the issue. 

But while being disappointed, majority of the time, we’d transfer that disappointment into anger or sadness. To be in control of ourselves is something we need to do as much as we can, to avoid any other unnecessary stress. 

Take a deep breath

Then take the time to think about solutions and other alternatives, if it is an issue, then we need to try the best we can in finding a way out of the disappointment. If it is a result, then we need to accept that it has alraedy happened, while being in control of ourselves, to accept what has happened, and not let it occur again. 

Though sometimes, the disappointment keeps reoccurring, and feeling at complete lost seem like the only thing we can feel. And yes, it is true, that sometimes mistakes do happen ever so often repetitively. Solutions after solutions do not seem to work. Then perhaps, it should be something which we need to compromise or give up on? 

Which ever the path you choose to take. Remember that disappointment is always a part of our lives. And we need to either accept it, or change it. However, don’t let it control your life or take over your everyday thoughts. Life still needs to go on. 

In School… removing your mind from the boring biology teacher you had to feed your imaginations with what your mind could grip… there she was … a girl who stole your heart and at the mention of her name your knees grew weak… to impress her, you make maddening jokes until the tutor kicks you out of the class…this was just to see her smile…. I call those times the preliminary days needed as pedestals beside the rock…

The fact that the intricacies’ of life are unfair comes to play in this episode… At this stage, fate makes it plausible to have all you ever wanted or needed as a young lad… there she was outside the chapel looking down and using her foot to draw some UFO; and biting her  nails…(WOW!!!) he knew he had to make her his regardless of the numerous jockeys at her tail…. He did his part to ensue generosity and love, at the end was still not worth it …..

He makes an advance on this girl with complete trepidation but she disdained him an utmost upheaval but in due course as a result of gossips and ideas from her peeps she gave him a shot… but this time he fell more deep than before and almost got drowned. To put him in his predicament was easy… she had to consider the codes of feminism or what he calls pitfalls… his decapitation began to set in and this time his heart was also taken…..

Now …. All this young lad could see is an end from the beginning…

At the age of eighteen, I married the first young man who swept me off my feet, saying all the right words that I wanted to hear. We entered into holy matrimony, two children who had no idea what it meant to make a life-long commitment. Ten years and two kids later, my husband made a shocking announcement, that pretty much floored me. He announced that being married wasn’t quite what he had expected it to be. My mate, along with three other of his buddies, decided that they all had tied the knot, at way too young an age. They had decided to get a divorce and start dating for a while. ‘And, who knows what the future may hold for us? Some day, maybe he and I would fall in love a second time and get hitched up, all over again!’ Was this hair-brained remark suppose to soften the blow and make this easier to accept?

I felt mauseated, like I was gonna throw up, then realized this was because my heart had just dropped into my stomach. Emotional pain was gripping and gnawing on my insides, without any mercy at all. This made death look like a place of relief, from the unbearable hurt that I was being forced to endure.

What ever happened to all those ‘repeat after me’ promises we had made to each other, at the altar of a church? Were those just a bunch of words we said, to get it over with and to make our relationship legal? The man who made all these touching vows to me, was about to walk out the front door and leave me with two little kids, to raise alone. He was robbing me of the family bond I thought we had established together! I felt like ‘life’s rug’ was being jerked out from under my feet.

After many years have passed, time has definitely brought about a lot of healing. But, the very hardest lesson has been, learning how to trust again. If we are constantly looking for hidden motives in every dark corner of life, the one who gets hurt by this the most, is ‘SELF’. Reality is, not everyone is out to get us, nor does everyone have an evil motive behind the things they say or do. ‘TRUSTING’ is just like learning how to walk, all over again. You just have to put one foot forward, then pick the other foot up and put it down systematically, in front of the other one. Keep this up and soon you will be able to run!

Unlike those Hollywood romance films, a recent study discovered the possibly inevitable fact of men tending to think themselves more sexually attractive than women actually find them, while girls tend not to think that men are really serious about wanting them.

Obviously, encounters between potential sexual partners are unpredictable at best, though those conducting the study feel that there may be deep-rooted reasons for signals getting crossed when such encounters happen.

All too often women are fed-up with those unwanted advances, while men seem repeatedly confused by reaction to their sexual advances in such situations. Men have always had to had to make the decision about whether an individual is sexually interested in them or not, but it seems that men in olden times were braver, the reason the gene-pool today is so diverse.

Missing mating opportunities is for men a big deal, because these sexual encounters are only rarely successful in terms of reproduction, simply because fertilization of an egg is such a hit and miss affair. The fact that guys have over-inflated opinions of how sexually appealing they are makes many encounters unproductive.

When 200 college students were put into a test speed-dating scenario about first impressions, each interacted with five others of the opposite sex, rating how interesting they seemed to others and how interested in others they seemed to be on a sliding scale.

Misperceptions varied greatly, the study offering clues to why this might be so. Men valuing long-term relationships were less likely to assume that women wanted them much more than they actually did than those, on the prowl for casual sex only.

Equally interesting was the difference in reality and perception of those men who women ranking low on the attractiveness scale. Better looking guys tended to be more realistic about women saw them, because they were more image confident.

Unsurprisingly, most men most often misread signals when with attractive women, probably because prettier women inevitably get the most attention, so they can be choosy. Most women like the male attention, but often get tired of fending off those who read sexual overtones into every encounter.

Research  being done in this area provides insight into potentially harmful misunderstandings about sexual intent, helping cement the idea that since men tend to over-estimate female sexual interest, it might be worth it for the girls to tone down flirtatious tendencies..

On the flip side, men wanting to avoid unexpected rejections the guys could work on being a little more cautious in their approach, as well as learning to properly read direct signs from women before making any move on them. Belief in yourself can lead to a satisfactory sex-life, but over-confidence will more often than not have you falling flat on your face.

What do you do when disappointment comes? When it weighs on you like a rock, you can either let it press you down until you become discouraged, even devastated, or you can use it as a stepping-stone to better things. ~Joyce Meyer

The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way. ~Robert  Kiyosaki

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. ~Martin Luther King Jr.

Ones best success comes after their greatest disappointments. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love. ~Jane Austen

God makes the life fertile by disappointments, as he makes the ground fertile by frosts. ~Henry Ward Beecher

Rigid beliefs make disappointments seem unbearable, whereas realistic beliefs help us to accept disappointment and go on from there.  ~Eileen Kennedy Moore

None of us are ever going to get to the place in life where we have no more disappointments. We can’t expect to be sheltered from every little thing. Disappointment is a fact of life–one that must be dealt with. ~Joyce Meyer

The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.  ~Thomas Hardy

Our desires always disappoint us; for though we meet with something that gives us satisfaction, yet it never thoroughly answers our expectation. ~ Elbert Hubbard

You have to be able to take rejection and disappointment at first and not let your confidence be undermined. ~ Juliet Mills

Some of the things I have noticed is related to education. They seem to think that closing down libraries and cutting the funding for education is going to save them money, but it is not. If anything, it will cost them more. Why? Mainly because:

1.     Some of the  people who commit crimes do it because they aren’t educated enough to get a proper job that brings them enough income. Most people find it hard to manage their finances and the Government isn’t exactly helping them understand how to deal with debt. So what do people do? They resort to committing crimes that ultimately gets them a Criminal Record and a lot of hours of unpaid work.  Because of the limitations a poor education brings to someone, the Government has to spend money on taking these  offenders to court and sending them to Probation Offices. No matter how many hours of unpaid work they do, they will never get the expertise and experience that is necessary in order to get a normal job. 

2.      A lot of people are not educated with regards to contraceptives or sexual health and they don’t know they have a choice in this. So most of them just have baby after baby after baby and the Government has a duty of care to provide them with help in raising their children and that often means financial help.

3.     Lack of education can limit people in life. If they don’t have access to education, they’ll never understand how to get a well paid job and they’ll always be signing off (which again means that the Government has to spend more money). In my experience, I have noticed there are quite a few people who can’t read or write their own names, so how are those people expected to get a job? They can’t. 

Another thing they are failing to see is the justice system. I honestly think it is no longer working because those people who offend once keep coming back. They get stuck in a vicious circle of unpaid work and they never finish their probation. Even if they do, chances are they still won’t get a proper job mainly because they now  have a criminal record to set them back and they still haven’t learnt their lesson. I can’t say that all of them are like that, but the majority are. They end up doing probation due to the lack of education and what the Government is doing is making them paint a few fences, pick up some litter and do some gardening. That is not going to help. They need to be shown that there is an alternative to committing crimes. We just don’t know how to do that yet.

The next thing I’ve noticed is the number of services they have in place and the number of branches these services have. I have to say I am absolutely shocked by that. I don’t understand why we need so many services that deal with the same thing, just under a different name. I don’t understand the need to pay so many people to do the same thing ineffectively when you can pay fewer people to do a proper job.  We don’t need so many services and trusts for the NHS when hospital staff are unable to obtain a phone number from a patient. We don’t need so many educational organisations when the Government is closing down our libraries- the places that actually keep people informed of their rights, liberties and obligations. To be fair, it seems like the Government is trying to keep us in the dark because if we don’t know our rights, they don’t have to respect them. And that is completely wrong!

A solution for all this chaos would be a centre or a town where people who weren’t fortunate enough to go to school can live and attend different courses meant to show them how to manage their finances, their communities and personal lives. We need a centre where everyone can stay for a limited time and where they can learn how to handle their problems. We need to educate our citizens, not close down libraries, increase university fees and make education inaccessible. As a community, we need to speak up and let the Government know how real life is like. They don’t know because most of them grew up in rich environments and they never had to worry about the next day. Most of them went to high profile universities and they still fail to see how important education is. Most of them use private services as opposed to the NHS or other national services. Why? The answer is simple: they don’t trust the quality of their own work. And if they don’t trust it, how are we meant to trust it? How are we meant to go to a hospital and trust that the doctor who is in charge of our treatment is qualified or knows how to put a proper diagnosis? We can’t. That is why I think all the MPs should work in the public sector for a couple of years prior to becoming an MP and they should be obliged by law to use public services. But then again, this is my own personal opinion and I shall not be held responsible for any arguments it causes.

However, if you have any ideas that might help our society in these dark times, post a comment below and we can start doing some good! They best thing I can think of is having community courses offered by local volunteers in order to educate people and give them a chance to speak up for themselves. 

 Let not loneliness scare you. It seems a curse. But it is only apparently so. Actually it is a boon, because it is in loneliness alone, in a atmosphere of solitude and seclusion that the mind of an intellectual works most. Deep concentration and the resulting meditation are possible only in seclusion. The lives of all great men are an eloquent testimony to the fact that great things of life, be it art, science, literature, culture or philosophy have been achieved by men who forced themselves into self-imposed loneliness and solitude and brought out gems of thought humanity is proud of. Let us convert loneliness into an opportunity and let loneliness make us strong.

Least alone while all alone. This paradoxical statement is attributed to one of the men of wisdom, who when asked to elaborate The implications of his statement, said with a smile that you cannot be said to be alone when you are busy with something, your­self or your thoughts. Moreover, those persons are always with yon whom you remember or with whose thoughts your mind is occupied. When you are engrossed in thoughts, you become unaware of your physi­cal body. In this case the question of your being alone or in some body’s company does not arise The flight of thoughts may lake the man round the world, may make him soar high up in the sky or make him comfortable on The waves of the sea. Does such a man miss any body’s company or to be practical does he need someone to talk to? To give an illustration, when you are busy with preparations. For your examination, you do not want that anyone should come lo you and disturb your concentration. Only a disturbed and empty mind needs company because one needs com­pany when one has nothing at hand lo be occupied or to be busy with.

While in isolation, persons often try introspection and during this period, the mind stops chattering and wandering. In the words ef John Milton, “The mind, when itself and in its own place, can make a heaven of hell.” Obviously a man, who has withdrawn himself from the crowd and whose mind is at rest, is in heaven, no matter, whether he cares or tries for it or not.

Another great thinker, W. E, Canning spent most of his time in Library, He liked most the company of books, since to him books were like a multi-purpose friend, guide, helper, teacher, philosopher and what not. For development of faculty of intelli­gence; the discipline of meditation is prescribed. Contemplation is the next step in this direction, which leads to evolution of consciousness; isolation provides the proper atmosphere for carrying on and practicing this dis­cipline. It was for this reason that the ancient Rishis and Munis were re­cluse and lived in their Ashrams far away from the din, noise and turmoil of the society. Nature was their company and gods were their friends, who used to interpret in silence the dictates of the inner voice. Every particle of nature seemed to tell them something new. Day and night, they heard the music of silence. Who would say they were alone, although they lived alone?

All great persons like Buddha, Confucius, Moses, Mansoor, Jesus, Mohammed, Newton , Madam Blavatsky, Vivekanand, Gandhi etc. received their light in seclusion. All of them had to be alone for sometime, when their higher selves divulged to them The secrets of life. It is also a fact of life that the toppers al different examinations and competitions used to read and study with doors of their rooms, closed and kept aloof from all sorts of distur­bance. Their goals of life were their guides and the books their friends. Animals as well, to get nourishment from the food and fodder they eat, do chewing the cud in silence. Introspection and self study are done best in seclusion. If you do so, you will be surprised to see new vistas of know­ledge and new pathways of progress opening before you. A poet rightly exclaimed, “O Solitude! Where are Thy Charms?”

In a big crowd, there is hardly anybody to help or lift the person, who has fallen down. Then how one could say that he is not alone in a big crowd ? It sounds paradoxical but is a fact of life. The crowd saps the vigour of the mind and its possessor is at a discount to make use of it. So, avoid crowd and shun becoming a part of it.

Vacuum is against The Law of Nature, One receives only by giving. A controlled mind, born of medita­tion in aloofness, will tell us that by sending nut good and helpful thoughts, we get the good and help­ing hands of others. In this way, the still mind keeps in constant company of goad and thoughtful individuals. These words of Samuel Kogers are worth a heap of gold, “He only is alone, who lives not for others. Come what will, the generous man has his companion still.” When alone, one cannot sit idle, one must do one thing or the other and mostly constructive. The best things are produced under undisturbed conditions be they works of art, scientific invention, philoso­phies of life etc.

Nature tells us the green grass is busy in searching for its companions and keeps low, while the tree in isolation goes high to make explora­tions in the sky above.

Unfortunately if you’re one who does this, I have no quick cure for this but I can promise you that if you apply the knowledge I am about to share with you, then you WILL live a happier and emotionally healthier life. =)

First off keep in mind these three facts:

1. You are you and others are others. Not everyone will think, feel and act the same way you do.


2. You CANNOT expect some people to understand your perspective. There will be times where they will simply be too stubborn to even care.


3. There is no point in stressing over things you can not control. Sometimes all you can do is practice patience and let the wheel come around.

Alright! Let’s move on. 
I’m sure many of you readers have heard the phrase “STAY POSITIVE.” This is one way of learning how to do so. And all you need to do, is be aware, and control your mind. This is the way I see it; You control your thoughts -> You control your emotions -> You control your actions -> You control the situation.

CONTROLLING YOUR THOUGHTS
Sounds easier said than done, but don’t think about it too hard. You just need to be aware of what you’re thinking and learn to detach yourself from the negative thoughts by thinking nothing of them and emphasize on the positive ones.
There’s an old phrase I use a lot and it goes “What we think, we become.” There’s many other versions but that’s the shortest and most direct and it’s true. If you think more about negative things, more negative things will happen. Ponder on that for a while until you fully understand the concept. There are small drills one can do but just learn to catch yourself when you’re thinking about certain things. Over time you will learn to let negative thoughts pass easier and not cause such stress or worry and the positive ones will be easier to elaborate on. 


CONTROLLING YOUR EMOTIONS
This is the ONE I think everyone usually struggles with, because most don’t understand what causes them to feel the emotions that they do. And it really is all in the mind. (Hence “Controlling Your Thoughts” being the first step.)
Once you learn to control your thoughts, the types of thoughts you allow your mind to become attached will be the source of the emotions that you feel. So if you’re thinking more about the happier and positive thoughts, chances are you will feel more positive more often. Believe me, this is a good feeling. NO ONE enjoys being unhappy or upset, disappointed, etc.


CONTROLLING YOUR ACTIONS
This is the easiest part once you have the first two steps down. Think about this. Who controls your body? Who moves your hand, foot, leg, arm, head? Who thinks the things you do? Who controls you? (Do not get smart and change the simple WHO to WHO ELSE… the questions remain as written.)
Controlling your actions can be a challenge but that doesn’t mean it’s not possible. You just need to practice restraint. Refrain from fighting back, refrain from getting the last word, refrain from pointing fingers and feeling the need to prove you’re right or that you’re the strongest. Just think about those things and remind yourself how many times you’ve done that in the past… week at least. If your reminiscence shows you NONE then you’re either the Buddha or a liar.
I don’t mean to sound like your parents but… actions DO speak louder than words, and you would be wise to THINK before you ACT. 


CONTROLLING THE SITUATION
Not everyone can find themselves experiencing a difficult situation and leave with a calm & assertive energy. A lot of people walk themselves straight into walls of trouble whereas others can easily control the outcome by simply applying the first 3 steps listed above. 
Kind of like allowing someone else to think they’ve won and you’ve lost when really, you don’t care who wins or loses, because you’re above that influence. You realize that arguing can be a waste of time and with the ease that people can lose control over their own emotions, allowing the situation toe escalate would be severely counterproductive. 
So in order to control a situation, you must know either how to adapt and quickly change your mind on a matter, or when to stop trying so hard and let the river carry you for a bit. 

In a nutshell, disappointment can come from many directions, and it’s easy to be knocked off balance when another loses control over theirs. But if you condition yourself, if you condition your mind then disappointment will mean as much to you as a fly at a barbecue. See it this way… If disappointment appears on the menu, it’s because YOU put it there. 

I hope this blog has given great insight. For you deep thinkers, there may be some loose ends that I left for you to improvise and challenge yourselves with. So get creative, and enjoy the blog and feel free to come back to it should you ever find yourself disappointed, and just remember… it really is all in the mind, and the mind can be controlled, but it has to be YOU behind the wheel. =) (Just be fair to yourself and the other drivers on the road, you may be the center of your own world but you are not the center of THE world.)

Stay Positive!!

-Kyle ‘Epic’ Mendoza 
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Perhaps over the years I have acquired a realist “no bull” kind of attitude, for I simply do not have the patience to deal with people who make repeated attempts to hurt me whether they realize it or not.  Actually, the fact that someone can hurt me more than once without realizing they had done it is the most bothersome part of all.  Now had I never been promised at all I would not be sitting here now thinking (and rethinking) things that were said.  Unfortunately it results in an empty promise and a disappointed me (twice over)!

The way I see it, one should think before they speak! A promise is a guarantee that the person will keep their word.  What does ones word mean if the promise is broken? Absolutely nothing!  And a promise broken by someone who was supposed to love and care for you makes the dagger to your heart that much stronger.   Disappointment is a horrible feeling, one I know all too well.  Yet, I can’t help but wonder why someone would make a promise they had no intention of keeping.  

Unfortunately a broken promise does hurt and the person who made (and broke) that promise should have thought hard before making it.  I never promise anything unless it is something I am damn sure I can follow through on.  I would much rather someone be pleasantly surprised than heart-brokenly disappointed.  But then, I always say what I mean and mean what I say!