Valentines Day can also be a hurtful time for some. Many can be confronting a cheating partner. The arguments to work late or get away from home that day. The phone with lock codes or left in the cars so you can’t see calls or messages. The I am hanging with friends that day. Anything to be away on the day that is nationally known to be with the one you love.

So a person has to face reality. They have to decide do they face reality or continue to live a lie. Do they pretend to be happy or fight for the relationship.

Only you and your partner can decide that. Maybe if this is you, it is time to sit down and be real with them. If you are cheating ask yourself why are you doing it. Do you need someone else to validate your worth? Is your partner not enough? Are you not happy with them? Maybe you should leave. Maybe you should be grownup enough to talk to them and tell them what it is. It isn’t fair to let another person think everything is okay while living a lie. It is pure selfishness.

If you are being cheated on you have to decide if that what you are willing to live with for the rest of your life. You have to decide if you deserve more or are you ok with living a lie. You also have to look at the health part. Are you ok with the fact they they may not be using safe sex? Are you ok with the fact that you maybe putting your own life at risk? Are you able to ask them and believe them? Could you believe someone that is already violating the vows?

You have to decide whether to fight for your relationship. People do make mistakes and maybe people change. Most never do.

But you are the one that has to live with the decision no one else. 

But remember, If you want things to change you have to do things different. Things cant remain the same. Both people have to do things differently. One person can’t make a relationship work it takes TWO.

It is what makes TWO people make it. A relationship does not consist of one person. Actions speak louder than words!!!

VIOLENCE IN OUR COMMUNITIES: A COMMENTARY

On Friday, February 10th we had another school shooting.  It happened during lunch hour in a cafeteria filled with elementary children happily eating lunch.  All we can ask is why?  The school is about 20 minutes from my doorstep and diagonally southeast as the crow flies.  I know several of the teachers and students that work and attend this school.  We share sports programs and the arts.  It is a good school.  Who would have thought such a tragedy would strike here and with a child so young carrying a gun and somehow getting it past the eyes of a watchful and caring staff.  It is heartbreaking. 

We don’t think of these things happening is small, rural communities like the one I live in or those children live in but it even happens here.  Why?

When I was growing up we only occasionally heard of a murder, maybe a few more robberies and off and on a case of domestic violence but it was rare, very rare, especially in rural communities and we never heard of such violence and tragedy in our schools.  What has gone wrong?

Where are all this hate, fear, bullying, desperation, violence, vengeance and moral decay coming from?  Is there anything we can do to stop it?  God help us.  I sure don’t have the answer.  I wish I did.

Maybe it is the broken families, lack of stability in the homes.  Both parents work, they have to.  They have no choice.  Maybe it is because there is only one parent to start with and you just can’t be mother and father and bread winner all in the same breath.  Parents are pushed beyond their limits and children end up ignored and without the discipline and moral upbringing they need.  We may love our children but we are too busy trying to survive to let them know just how deeply they are loved.  There is very little if any family unity anymore. 

The TV becomes the nanny, the babysitter and it doesn’t teach very high morals.  The same goes for the video games and internet games we and our children play and the media plays their part in the nightly news and the daily paper too as they lean toward scandals, violence and all manner of sensationalism with next to no reporting of the good that happens in the community, State, Nation or the world.  We are being fed a very heavy diet of negative with little to no positive.  Children learn what they live.

Schools push for the competitive edge, win no matter what it takes when it comes to sports or any other competition and academically every child still passes to the next grade and still gets some sort of award even if they haven’t truly learned or earned it…No child left behind.  It is sending mixed signals to the child.  It is okay to fail in one area or another.  Why do my best, be my best.  The effort is a waste of time.  We are all going to get some special award and our diploma anyhow.  So what if I can’t really read or write or even do basic math.  Machines will do it for me.  I don’t have to read a book.  I can listen to it or watch the movie, same difference, right?  Who really cares so long as I’m not in the way?  I don’t have to learn math, I have a calculator that with just the push of a button will give me the correct answer so why study.  Who really cares about the process?

Churches are not much if any better today.  They no longer teach morals and God given laws.  They are politically correct and just about anything goes.  That helps bring more money into the coffers when no one is offended in any way.  Many now speak of God as a higher power, not Lord God Almighty but whatever higher power you choose to believe in, be it the Judeo-Christian God or some other god or whatever power you choose, wind, rain, stars, the moon, the cobra, the cat or a tree.  It makes no difference as long as you believe in something beyond self.  Not every church is this way but a lot are today.  I’ve been there and listened to them.  God forbid we offend anyone and stand up for God and His teachings.  I’m sure God is very offended and that bothers me. 

No wonder children, our young adults don’t know right from wrong.  Oh some will blame it on Satan and his legions of fallen angels called demons (You know, the devil made me do it.) and that may be correct to a point but it is each of us who make the choice.  We decide for our self how we choose to behave.  How can we choose when we are not taught morality in the first place?

We are a society that has become segmented, segregated and morally corrupt.  Drug and alcohol abuse is no longer just ghetto garbage; it is rampant in the highest echelons of our society and affects everyone from the homeless wino in some back alley to the CEO of our multibillion dollar corporations to the government leaders of our communities and nations.  We reap just what we sow. 

It is sad when we see young children becoming so disconnected with reality and life and living and the wonder of being human and alive that they no longer feel life is worth their next breath and they put a gun to their head or their neighbors or peers and squeeze the trigger.  BANG and it is over in a split second.  No more worries, no more fears, no more feeling lost and alone, no more being bullied and belittled, no more nothing.  Is this what our society as come down to?  God, I hope not.

Maybe we shouldn’t have thrown God out.  Just a thought on my part. 

A feeling is a simple characteristic; it’s sometimes subtle, yet sometimes aggressive. Most feelings are given more complex names than emotions that they stem to, like rage is the feeling of anger, but aggravation works better than rage. I’ll try to keep this simple.

The Soul Shows its Colors

People’s souls can be classified by colors, but that’s not very important. I’m truly in love with someone of the exact opposite color, while my friend is of a like color. These colors themselves are not important, but rather, the feelings tied in are. Feelings of a gold, blue, or green soul state peace, healing, and good will; red, black, and dark colors means aggression, like manner and desires. The feelings are what you should look for, not colors or anything else; do you have a feeling towards theirs?

Finding the Right Feelings

Ok feelings can easily be defined as simplistic instincts. That’s the gist of it; feelings drive you in your action, whether literally driving or more affectionate drives. Keeping this around PG-13 as much as I can. These drives can introduce you to a person in a pleasing manner if they think alike, or perhaps not pleasantly. These feelings also allow you to “judge a person not by their skin, but by their spirit”, much like Yahweh(or God) of Middle Eastern religions. These are what you should be worried about: being yourself, and no one else! If the person does not like you for who you are, perhaps you are not meant to be, and shouldn’t worry yourself; at the same time, ignoring it is a bad idea, and developing enraged emotions(stemming from a feeling of distrust or dislike, most of the time both) can harm the both of you. Also, sometimes, people will judge you wrong at first site; such feelings are to be expected, since love is a dangerous battleground.

Try This on for Size

Oh yes, time to see what they’re hiding. Since I’m a guy, I cannot say that this exact method will work on men, so it might need some changing around. There are several generics here; custom tailor them!

1) Easiest and most classic method: date and see what happens. Oldie but goodie! But, hey, that’s not right; let’s see some others first.

2)Gaze into their eyes, look past the skin. Focus on their full name, and let it form an image(please, try to avoid erotic! This will require a lot of focus!) Let the name become an energy; it will have a color. This is the soul color that means next to nothing. From their, let the energy form the person, and it won’t always be the person sitting in front of you, but don’t worry. Let the image, most likely a blob at first. Let it form something you can talk to; then, that little voice in the back of your head? Send him to talk to it, and trust your feelings. Your feelings will talk with theirs; you may not get it 100% for a while, even professionals have problems, but relax, and if you find someting suspicious, or untrustworthy, ask them in person. Recommending discretion; you might affend them or others.

3) You could contact a palm reader. Wait, method 2 works better, though you might not feel comfortable doing this, since people can consider this Spiritualism. It won’t hurt you, or anyone else, but if you’re iffy, try another method.

You now have it; I hope you enjoy. As Leonard Nimoy would say, “Peace. Live long and prosper”. As such, that’s the hope I have for you.

Let me begin by acknowledging something about myself, as a youth close relatives consistently reminded me, “Don’t trust white people!”

This view has been passed on to others throughout black communities and it does dominate the perception of many whom engage into its meaning. As I absorbed the rage relatives felt and developed my own dynamo of fury from the energy of their hate.

During my youth I was taught by white nuns and was instructed on spiritual matters by white priests in parochial schools. But by the time I left their institution and began to attend public high school, I had rejected my former white tutors and their spiritual beliefs, especially the belief in God. I would not submit to a white savior in Jesus Christ. At that point in my life, I openly proclaimed myself an atheist and black militant in the making.

Though I continued to encounter remarkable white teachers, whose mastery of their skills helped to increase my knowledge and perceptions, nonetheless, I kept keenly focused on them as being the enemy, while I listened to what they taught with both ears. I still clung onto what I had been advised by some of my family. I would not trust white people.

My views and attitudes did not change much after I graduated and briefly attended college. I remained a black radical, defiant against the system.

The responsibilities of a dad who fathers his children have ways of turning many boys into men. So I emerged from my youthful cocoon to spread my wings as daddy.

I was hired to work a job as a telephone lineman in order to feed my family. It was a hard and dangerous job, but I was determined to do what I had to do to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I was during those times, one of a few black men who were hired to be linemen.

When I began the job, two white experienced linemen were assigned to teach us what we had to do on our “training crew”.

One was a brutish muscular man who was blunt and seemed to cuss with every sentence he uttered. He was always anxious and easily enraged. He constantly yelled and screamed how stupid you were if you made a mistake. We called him Wild Bill.

Fudge was the other lineman. He took time to show and instruct what work needed to be performed, what safety measures needed to be taken, and how to make the best outcome from a work day. He was a prankster and fun to work with.

Fudge and Wild Bill trained us for several months. Those of us who survived the training were dispersed to other line crews. Fudge and I remained in contact almost everyday, when we reported to work and when we left for the day.

Our work routine remained the same for a few years, until one day Fudge approached a group of linemen and asked if they wanted to go on an inland fishing trip together in the Sequoia National Forest. He quickly asked me if I would like to go. After entertaining the idea and discussing it with my wife, I agreed to join the fishing party the next day.

Fudge had picked the early springtime for the fishing trip. Eight of us began the journey to the mountainous forest. Another black person, Rod was a part of our group. Snow was still on the ground on most of the 26 miles we were to trek. While many of us raced to reach rendezvous points, when we tired and sat to comfort the pains in our bodies from our fast gaits Fudge leisurely walked by displaying the trout he had caught along the way. After sore and blistered feet and no catch in my fishing pouch, we pitched our tents over the snow and under a sky filled with illuminating stars. It was beautiful to look at an open sky and to feel the clean air blow through my nostrils. We arrived at our final campground the next day. Though my fishing pouch stayed empty, the journey itself was rewarding. All of us had time to talk to each other about who we were, about our wives, our children, our hopes, sports, and the things we liked. We forgot about work. When the trip was over, we would return to our labor.

I learned about Fudge during that time away. He was devoted to his family. He loved his wife and his children, whom I meant before we went on our trip. He also cherished friendships. He was an average person, who loved nature, fishing, and life itself. He liked to pull pranks, like throwing animal dung at you. He never showed any distinction between one individual from another; he was helpful to all. And even if he did slip without my knowledge, I wouldn’t care.

He and I and many of the other linemen of our camaraderie went on several other inland fishing trips to other National Forests. We had good times together. I also eventually learned how to bring a few catches back home from our fishing trips.

Fudge wanted to learn how to play basketball. After work one day several of us drove to a nearby park and played the game. Rod and I taught him how to shoot and how the game was played. We again had a great time together. Several months later he suggested the idea about us joining an adult basketball league. We followed along. It didn’t take us long to figure out playing organized basketball was not a good idea. We did not have enough talent to compete with other teams. We lost every game and were often blown out. But, we did have fun.

Over time and changes in the path of our careers and our lives, our group disbanded and we all went our own separate ways. Every so often I would contact Fudge to see how he and his family were. His kids grew up and he helped some of them go to college. At last call he was still working hard, but still loving his family and life.

During the times I came to build friendships, I have had many blacks come to me and call me “brother”. Many of these same men broke into my home, stole things from me, tried to swindle me out of whatever they thought they could and even flirted with my wife. I have also had other blacks and other races graciously smile while they knowingly lied to me face to face. And others still, who have tried to do harm to me or my family or friends, while pretending to be friendly. From these experiences I have come to reason what has been so in comparison to what I recall what relatives once warned.

I have come to this true real recipe about life, each individual should be evaluated as an individual, not by what race or ethnic group or what social group they have been so labeled. There are thieves, liars, con-artists, crooks, and socio-paths in every classification of people. And no classification should bear the brunt of the wrongs of its few.

Knowing about Fudge and so many others made from the same batter, has helped me to sense a different taste on life.

Here are five signs that your relationship is over.

1. You just can’t stand the sight of him/her
   

   The sound of his car pulling up on the driveway makes your heart drop. You feel heavy in your thought, and you secretly hope that he/she doesn’t open the door and comes in.

2. Abusive in all forms
   

   When you are told to “be happy where your husband/wife is happy”, then it is abused, or “this is my house, you don’t bring in the money”. That is a form of mental and emotional abuses.

3. Disrespectful and Distrust
   

   If you look at the person with disgust, and it is just irritating you when he/she talks. You hear the provoking tone of questions such as “are you sure about that?” or “is that so?” These are doubts, and a sign of distrust.

4. No willingness to work on the big issues
   

   You just cannot see the future with your partner in any circumstances. You and your partner seem reluctant to work on the big issues. You can’t find a middle ground. You can’t find any compromises on either part.

5. You can’t recall any good memories
   

   You can’t remember any good times, or good things about your partner. Resentments had build up over the years that your mind is flooded with bad memories. You repeat the same bad cycles when you are around each other. You realize that you are not the best person you want to be.

This is five best possible signs that tell the relationship is over. No matter how much you try or willing to go on, you will find yourself exhausted and depressed. Then one day, the moment comes, when nothing else mater, and you will just throw in the towel. You will dare the world to stop you. You care for no one’s advice or opinion.

My moment came when I found myself at the bottom of the well, but that still didn’t stop me. I have no job, I have no savings, I have three kids, and I have no home. Fear was no longer a factor. I was ready to shake off the dust that covered my life. I needed to shed my skin to be reborn again. Now, when someone asks “how do you know when”, I give my five reasons above and said: “you just know!”

As time goes on the more that we find that lies and distrust are the emotions that have almost become the only thing that we can feel. For whatever reason that is there has to be a way to break that chain. Will people change their habits of hiding their own shame? Maybe, maybe not. That is mostly what the lies are for. To save face and not have to admit that there was a mistake. To not face the shame that they created or why things have gotten where they are.

If everybody used perfects excuses and lies would that mean that the justice systems would fail and let a murderer go free because despite evidence the excuse was more than enough to have that person acquitted? No, evidence is evidence, so why would the rest of the world rely on lies and excuses to get them out of trouble is beyond common thoughts and views. The more that someone uses lies and excuses to get what they want or to get out of trouble the more that others distrust them. The more that a person is burned the more likely that they will stay away from getting burned again.

That is where the distrust comes in. The more that some one has taken advantage of someone else, or has used and abused this person the more that the distrust puts a thorn in that persons side. The warning bells of gonna get hurt or used. Then the question arises of if they can do this to me why don’t I do it to them? Well that is how things fall apart in every kind of relation ship. It goes from being one sided to being two sided and fighting occurs or all communication stops. There is no communication of discomfort of the positions that have been laid but just simple shunning that creates voids in the hearts of both parties involved.

Greatly understanding and knowing that the lack of communication and caring, causes further dishonesty and distrust. If communication were lines of war then many people would have been buried because of what they are and are not able to do. Regardless of how you feel there is always a way to fix things. But it all has to start with communication and making yourself trust when you feel no trust at all.