“Hi baby!” He took off his jacket and threw it in the couch. He unconsciously slammed his bag on the floor and pulled me next to him. “How was your day, my peanut?”

“I’m very good! Everything’s well except that I missed you badly” I said wrapping him with the intention of smelling his collar. There was a feminine smell in it. I knew that he went to see his other woman. “So, how was work?”

“Oh, you won’t believe it, I was dead tired but the thought of seeing you when I come home fueled me to finish the day’s work?” His smile was wide enough I could see his tonsils. I smiled back. 

“That’s so sweet of you! Come, let’s eat your favorite dish before it gets cold.” 

Day 2

 I woke up seeing a stem of yellow rose with a note in the bed. ”Need to hurry to work. See you later. Love you all my life! Ben”  

It was a good persuasion to start a day, I thought, but deep inside me commands me to focus on my agenda because I only had 8 more days left. 

“How is he going?”

“He’s with her. They’re about to dine in La Deliciousa”, Ed reported.

“Thank you. Keep an eye on them.”

Day 3

“Baby, I won’t be around this weekend. A client is coming and I have a role in the company’s presentations and I am a VIP in the assembly. I’ll be back by Sunday late afternoon. I will miss you badly.” He hugged me tight that he can almost break all the bones in my body. I was almost convinced he did it in purpose. “You sure, you’re alright alone?”

“Yes, I will be.” I tried to fake a smile, tried to assure him that I am perfectly alright. Then I gathered strength to hold his face, looked at him straight in the eye and whispered, “Promise me, you’ll make me proud during that gathering. Promise me, you’ll be back home.” then I gently kissed his lips. 

“I will”

Day 4

“Where is he?”

“He’s in Primo Beach with the lady.” Ed confided firmly.

“Do you see any of his workmates?”

“No. They’re a couple. They’re not with anybody else.”

“Have you checked if they have booked overnight?”

“Yes, they did. They’re leaving noon of tomorrow.”

“Thank you!” 

Day 5

Ben’s call had awakened me. “Hi cupcake! I missed you. You know what the client loved our presentation. He specifically mentioned me in his speech last night. It was overwhelming. I knew that I did well because of you.” His voice was so pure that my eardrum’s about to explode. 

“Oh, that’s very good news. Are you coming? I will prepare your favorite humba.”

“My bad! Our employers have invited us for dinner. Please don’t get mad with me, my pumpkin.” 

“I understand. Enjoy then. I love you.”

“I love you too. Catch you later tonight, I missed you like crazy.” He hung the phone. My heart stopped beating for 10 seconds. My blood’s temperature has risen a thousand times. You bastard! But I wanted to keep my composure. I have to wait for the next five days. 

Day 6

“Early for work?” I asked while watching him fixing his things. He seemed to be hurrying. He seemed to be panicking. 

“Yes, honeybunch. I forgot about a report I need to submit. I’m cramming to get it done. I felt like I’m cheating with my time with you.”

“Excuse me? Cheating?” Is he trying to open things up? Is he trying to suddenly become honest? No. I don’t have to hear it on the 6th day. Everything will fall on its place on the 10th. “You’re absolutely not cheating on me, are you?

“Darling, I’ve been busy these past few days, and I felt like I no longer have enough time with you. I feel so irresponsible as your husband. I’m so sorry pretty doll.” His shaky voice did justice to what he said. But it never convinced me. 

Day 7

“Who is he with?”

“Still with the lady. They have gone shopping in Shopperz Mall. By the way, I have sent you a zipped file of all their pictures last weekend. I have mailed the hard copies to you. When do you want me to send the video clippings?”

“I need it ready by Friday. Can you forward them to me today?”

“Not a problem. Just wanted to confirm that I have received your payment.”

“Thank you.”

Day 8

“You look handsome in your shirt.”

“Oh thank you, lovely.”  Ben giggled. He looked very excited.

“You smell good. Are you attending a party?” I tried not to sound suspicious and malicious.

“No, sweetie, won’t be attending one.  I am going to meet a couple.”

“Oh, a couple! Enjoy then. I love you.”

Day 9

Tomorrow’s my redemption.

Slowly, I opened the drawer. I pulled out the captured photos of Ben and his concubine. Ed’s shots were almost real. My Ben was very happy and had I been a stranger staring at their photo, I would say that they looked lovely together. My Ben was smiling heavenly with this purple-haired mannequin. She never failed the photos; she looked like a goddess in all of them.

I played some of their video clippings. They looked fabulous. He was always protective of her. He was always making her his attention. He was so fond of her. It made my stomach hurt. No not only my stomach, it’s like needles pricking in my skin slowly and then pulled out slower when it was inserted. The pain was endless.

The mannequin could have been a successful trophy wife; unfortunately, she is with the wrong man. She is with the man I loved for two decades. She stole him from me and I couldn’t snatch him back.

Since the day, I found out he was cheating, I would cry each night. I despised his coldness. I puked on his pretentions. I felt dirty whenever he touched me. I hated him totally. I would punish with impunity. I would avenged my shattered being.  

Day 10

I put on the dress he bought for me on our last year’s anniversary. I had some make-up on and tied my hair. I wore the necklace he gave me on our fifth year. My sandals were also his gists.

I was holding the cream pouch which his foster mom bought for me on one of our tours in Europe. Inside it was my dad’s gun.

“Hey, you look stunning there.” He grinned.

“I do?”  Am I a stunner now?

“You’re like a fallen angel. I’m so lucky to have you.” He kissed me.

“Yes, you are”. And she’s luckier to snatch you?

The table he set-up was wonderful. There was a heart-shaped strawberry cake, two wine glasses quarter filled, and fresh blue roses. He played our favorite song I wanna grow old with you. He looked very compassionate, very real but I knew he wasn’t. This was a scripted fantasy.

A teardrop fell on my cheek not because I was persuaded but because I felt betrayed, cheated, deceived!

He pulled a chair for me and I sat before him. My hands were shaking. Too ready to pull a trigger.

“Ben, why?” I asked sharply, tears dripping in my face.

His look was quizzical. “Why what, sunshine?”

“Why did you do this to me?”

“Because I love you. Because you are my world! If I can give you everything that makes you happy, I would. I love you, E.” He stood up and stepped forward to embrace me but I managed to push him away.

“Stop this pretention. Stop making a fool out of me. I’ve been waiting for this day to finally end everything.”

“End? What are you talking about, E? What do you mean?” He was on tears. He’s on his knees. “Please don’t say that. I beg of you. Let’s talk this out. Let me know what’s going on. I cannot live a day without you. What is happening?”

I pulled the gun and pointed it to him. “Don’t try to lie. Don’t try to lure me because you can’t. I know you’ve been cheating. I know you’ve been fooling around. I have enough.”

“E, what is happening? Please explain. If I have wronged you without me knowing it, I am deeply sorry. I love you always and forever.”

Bang! He fell to the floor, lifeless. He was covered with his lustful blood.

I couldn’t force a tear. I looked at him without regret. And I had found inner peace. I felt that he had paid for all the pain he caused me. I laughed!

I went back to the table. I knew that he would write a note. Every anniversary, he would read a love note before we eat.

It read:

My beloved wife, 

Before this paper get soaked in my tears. I would like to tell you that I love you with all my life. You are everything to me. When I wake up in the morning, I thank God that it’s your face I see. When I sleep at night, I thank God that it’s you who is beside me. When I go to work and get so tired of the people around, I think of you as my inspiration, my strength booster.  I am sorry I have been telling you the same thing for the last twenty years.

Fifteen years ago when I found out that I was adopted. I was broken and I hated my biological family for giving me away. But I realized that life is too short to hate so I have tried all my might to reconnect with them without your knowledge. I am very sorry. I had been trying to contact them for the past five years. Gladly, six months ago, I found out I have a brother. I wanted to surprise you so I invited him and his wife to visit us. Do you know that they are just living nearby with his wife?  I wanted to introduce him and his wife to you right away but I think I would have to surprise you. My twin brother will  be coming over tonight with his wife. 

I love you happy 21st anniversary.

You are my life; I know I am your life as well.

For ever faithful,

Ben. 

The room has darkened. I felt pain everywhere. I burst into tears. I couldn’t rewind what just happened. I just killed the man whom I loved.

The doorbell rang. I stood up and walked blankly, tears seemed not to stop from falling.

I opened the door and saw two familiar faces.

“Hi, good evening. I’m wondering if I get the right address for Ben Ten? I’m his twin brother and this is my wife, Lyn.”

I don’t know.

There are so many opportunities and doors to be opened, I guess to be truly successful (in the eyes of our materialistic society of course) the chances are like that of winning the jackpot through the lottery. But how should I know? I’m young, naive, gullible and sometimes too innocent to see the truth.
I like to be a bystander, a wall flower if you will. I like to see what surrounds my life and what ultimately help shape me into the woman I am today. Before I go on, I would like to ask you a question. Have you ever tried to see yourself from another perspective? Say, for example, the universe. How would the cosmos see YOU in this vast universe, situated on this small, tiny conflicted little planet we call Earth.

Some of us aspire to be something when we grow older, to make a difference in this world. But how many people truly achieve this common goal? I bet a lot actually, but how am I to credit them when I don’t know of their names, faces, personalities? There are too many people on this earth, but if I could, I would try to know their stories. I would want to know what collection of experiences has created their memory, if they had loved, had a family or other similar questions. If you’re reading this, I strongly wish for you to share a part of yourself with me. Communication now-a-days is a very powerful tool, and why not utilizes this gift to its full potential?

Rewind back a bit, before I asked that question. What sort of external influences help shape my personality and even physical appearance if I may add? What aspects of myself have I somehow subconsciously absorbed from living in Downtown Toronto? Would I be a different person if I had lived in the country side? Question like these are always circulating around in my head, generating more doubts on top of already existing doubts.
Hopefully my words do not cause too much confusion, and my somewhat philosophical questioning gets you asking yourself questions.

Life presents opportunities, both in large grand entrances and in subtle barely noticeable caresses. But we all have to live life if we like it or not. And I plan on enjoying every moment I can.

Where are You Lord in this problem?

Why aren’t You helping me?

Are You real God?

Are You mad at me Lord?

Am i not Your son or daughter?

Can You still do a miracle on this problem God?

Doubting. Taunting. Complaining.

But i have ONE BIG GOOD NEWS for us…………………… GOD IS REAL (and HE KNOWS everything).

We our complacent in our own situations because it s not in favor for us… but i tell you God does not need to consult you and me first before He allows any event to happen in our lives. I mean, He is Lord, we cannot manipulate Him just for things to be favorable to us. So the best thing to do is not to be a doubter but a believer.

Whether you love Him or not, He loves you.

Whether you are weak or strong, He can use you.

Whether you believe on Him or not, He exists.

Whether you cannot see or hear or feel Him, He is there.

Whether you want your life or not, He has a purpose for you.

Whether you are white or black, He created You.

Whether you are in an island or in a city, He can reach you.

Whether you are bad or good, you are not an accident, He carefully designed You in His heart before you existed.

…………………………………………………………….erase now all Your doubts, because when you start believing on Him, He will show You who He is, as tangible, as audible, and as real as us, humans.

you try to suggest God’s reason for letting it happen, but why is it that at times, our past that we seem to have forgotten,

just hits us right in the face without any visible reason? Why is it that for a moment you feel like you are the king of the world,

and the next moment you feel like a solitary monkey who just lost the mating fight to a fellow? Why is it that the past we run from,

always catches up with us, and those past times we cherished most are hard to come by? Why do we have to go through downfalls,

keep secrets, urge to rule the world, strife, do the unthinkable and why do we always want to elevate? These are questions,

a layman would ask. But you know what, none of us really have an answer that will satisfy every one, 

because maybe we are not meant to ask these questions, or think this way.

maybe we are just meant to live our lives and roll with the punches.

Although there is one being with all the answers, and he is God. 

He is always, and always will be there to handle our doubts. 

How many times do you let your child climb onto your lap while you’re eating and let him/her join with you?

How many times do you see your child crying and give him/her a hug?

Well, if all the answers were no, then I have doubts about your parenting style. If you want to see your child happy then you should be happy all around them. While your watching T.V and your child runs up to your legs, lift him/her onto your lap and let him move about on your lap until him/her finds a comfortable spot, then you could hug him/her gently.

You should also talk to him/her often as possible, show you care by actually caring, talk to him/her in your native language or your nations language and you should in fact correct them so they learn to accept their mistakes, this will most definitely help you in caring for your child in the future.

Try feed your child a variety of foods, but do not over feed and most definitely do not spoil. If your child asks for a toy, tell him/her you’ll go with her tomorrow, or the day after to get it so they become patient until they are old enough to know that they cannot have everything.

If they do start throwing tantrums try  not to hit but but talk sternly so they become afraid to see you angrily. Also, to end this guide, don’t always try to look onto the Internet for advice, learn to know your child and learn your own techniques, remember, always try and improve. Hope it helps and good luck.

The origin of kissing originated in prehistoric times when mothers chewed food pierced from its mouth to feed.
Kisses later became the test used by the Romans to know if their wives had drunk in his absence.
The Kiss “stimulates the brain to release endorphins into the bloodstream creating a sense of well being,”
kisses to provide more health benefits are those in which only the lips together without much passion or emotion. The more “exciting” and are passionate kissing, “more adrenaline is released into the blood,” and the greater the health benefits.

2) Why cry?

Humans are the only one on Earth that releases emotional tears when crying, but why cry?
To mourn, we need an emotional stimulus such as pain or loss of love, which would be external. Internal would be due to the thoughts and resolutions that would have on your life or that of others. When emotions affect us, the brain neurotransmitter stimulates the cranial nerve (or facial), which supplies the lacrimal glands to expel tears, apart from increased blood pressure in the head.
The main lacrimal gland produces tears and emotional reflex, and it is believed that in times of stress, this gland is dependent on maintaining a balance of hormones and chemicals, eliminating excessive
There are many reasons to mourn in the society we live. One of the most important is death, and said that if you did not cry when someone died, the pain became a physical pain, as it had not been fully released. Other reasons include the experiences of life and love.

3) Why we sleep at night?

We slept mostly at night by the pineal gland, a structure we have in our brain and in other species is identified as the third eye because their reaction to sunlight. In our species, the pineal gland produces melatonin derivative of serotonin, in the dark, this neurotransmitter is responsible for inducing sleep.
The reason that our species we sleep at night because it is a favorable evolutionary strategy, we must bear in mind that we are biologically better equipped to develop our business in the light of day, depending on the light so that our sense developed vision, allows us to detect threats, food sources, signs of the group, etc.
Animals that are nocturnal activity cycle does not normally have a vision like ours, his eyesight may be poor in daylight and exacerbated at night or relying on other senses like hearing and smell.

4) Why do men wake with an erect penis?

This phenomenon of nocturnal erections naturally as night time is one of the greatest moments of male hormone production (testosterone), not associated with sexual stimulation. The mechanism that activates these erections is equal to that occurs in sexually stimulated erection. A normally healthy man should experience from 3 to 6 at night and morning erections. These episodes must have erections lasting approximately 10-15 minutes, and this is confirmed by special studies to confirm these events.
Finally, we should note that this occurs differently depending on the age of man, the older, lower compliance is due to the aging of the circulatory system. The fact that men wake with an erect penis is one of the things that tell us that does not suffer from sexual dysfunction or impotence.

5) Why do women become so fucked up for a few days of menstruation?

Surely you have noticed that on some days during menstruation their girlfriends or wives, they become rather sensitive (if not fucking), and inevitably irritating, but whatever you do all will feel bad, but this is not entirely the fault of them, the biggest fault of their hormones, and some women become more screwed up than others.

The scientific answer is based on that progesterone acts on GABA receptors and increases the frequency of chloride channel opening. Chlorine hyperpolarizes neurons (having a negative charge) produced an inhibitory action on them (so fucking turn.) Also involved in the modulation of other neurotransmitters (DA, 5HT, NA) processes involved in depression and anxiety.

6) Why do blacks have big penis?

For genetic reasons and natural and social evolution. possibly African tribes in the past would take a position by having their sexual exchanges in which the penis size was important both for insight as to the design.
It occurs to me that this position is proper to be on all fours, among other things because this must be one of the first position is used because it resembles the mating of domestic animals. Well in this position and size if the theory has darwuininana individuals with these characteristics could play more and better and bequeath to their descendants as property which over the centuries was becoming a feature of the black race.

“My fiancé is a great guy. He’s honest, responsible, loyal, good-looking, funny. My parents and friends love him. I’ve never felt so safe with anyone. We have the same values about kids, family, money, religion. I know I love him and he’s my best friend but… I’m not sure that I’m in love with him. Do I love him enough to marry him? How do I know that I’m not making a mistake?”

I usually know within the first fifteen minutes of a counseling session whether or not the person is making a mistake. But it often takes much longer than that for my clients to assimilate the information I offer them, work through the exercises I prescribe, and begin to dismantle their engagement anxiety so that they can transform what we think of as “cold feet” and begin to feel excited about their wedding and marriage. We typically address three key areas to facilitate this process:

1. We distinguish between red-flag relationship issues and normal engagement anxiety:
There are two kinds of fear that arise during engagements: the first is a signal that there’s a serious red-flag issue in the relationship and the second is a signal that you’re about to make the biggest commitment of your life and, yes, it’s scary. What are the red-flag issues I’m referring to? Some are very obvious: your partner has an addiction issue (alcohol, drugs, work, gambling), there are betrayal or trust issues that haven’t been healed, there are incompatibilities regarding core values like having children or religion. Other red-flag issues might be less blatant: your partner has serious control issues that he’s not willing to address, you’re young (early twenties) and aren’t ready to commit to one person, you have the feeling that your partner doesn’t really love you but is more in love with the fantasy or idea of you. There are certainly other red-flag issues, but these are the most common I encounter in my practice.

The second kind of fear is what we commonly think of as “cold feet”. Personally, I don’t like the expression cold feet because it doesn’t accurately describe what people experience during their engagement, which is a real fear. I’m not one to mince words; I call a spade a spade and when people are in transition, they’re scared. They’re scared of the unknown. They’re scared of jumping off the cliff of the familiar life and landing in new and unfamiliar territory. They’re scared of committing to one person forever. Getting married is enormously scary and to say otherwise is to avoid a basic truth about this significant life transition. So once we determine that there are no serious red-flag issues in the relationship, we work to normalize the fear and learn how to make room for it during the engagement without letting it running the show.

2. We redefine love:
Our culture has a lot of misconceptions about love, and no where do they appear more prominently than around engagements and weddings. Prior to getting engaged, my clients share that they felt positive about their partner and excited about the prospect of marrying him. But once he popped the question, suddenly she puts him, and their relationship, under a microscope and wonders: Do I love him enough? I know I love him, but am I really in love with him? And then the waterfall of buzzwords around love and marriage cascade down her brain night and day: Is he my soul mate? What if I’m settling? Do we have enough passion? Is he (my all-time favorite and the one that gets most women) the one?

Oh, dear one, if these words and phrases are causing you to question, you’re not alone! It only means it’s time to redefine what it means to love someone, to choose to marry someone, to make the conscious, daily choice to love and commit. As one of my clients astutely said: “I had to fall out of love with my fiancé so I could learn about what love is and then fall in love with him all over again – this time from a healthy place. I learned that love is not a feeling but a choice.” During our bridal counseling sessions, we spend a lot of time discussing the truth about love, romance, and marriage until the fantasy is cracked open and my client is grounded in real love.

3. We explore the underlying causes of the anxiety:
The word anxiety is somewhat of a catch-all phrase that encompasses a wide spectrum of emotions from fear and terror to depression, grief and uncertainty. The crux of the Conscious Weddings Counseling Sessions – and the impetus for pioneering bridal counseling over a decade ago – is to shed light on the thoughts and feelings that typically create what we think of as wedding cold feet and engagement anxiety. These include:

• Grief about letting go of the single identity and lifestyle
• Fears about making the commitment of marrying one person
• Confusion about how to separate from family of origin
• Uncertainty about walking toward the unknown of marriage
• A recurring sense of loss about: deceased relatives, past relationships, previous transitions

In other words, oftentimes the anxiety that arises during an engagement has nothing to do with one’s partner. Once we make sure there are no red-flag issue and redefine what real love is, I help my client to remove the projection from her fiancé then guide her through the underlying causes until the anxiety dissipates and she’s able to have the joyous wedding and healthy marriage of her dreams.

Sheryl Paul, M.A., pioneered the field of bridal counseling in 1998. She has since counseled thousands of people worldwide through her counseling practice, her bestselling books, “The Conscious Bride” and “The Conscious Bride’s Wedding Planner,” and her website, www.consciousweddings.com. She’s regarded as the international expert on the wedding transition and has appeared several times on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, as well as on “Good Morning America” and other top television, radio, and newspapers around the globe. Phone sessions available.

What would the person with the condom say when approached about it?  “No that’s not mine.  I never wear a condom.  Don’t know how that got there.  Maybe someone put it in my pocket.  I would never cheat on you.  I don’t have a reason to carry a condom?

Many doubts run through a person’s mind when this happens.  Unfortunately, nothing can be proven except for the fact the person had the condom in their pocket.  The only other thing you can prove is thankfully, it wasn’t used.

Maybe they were thinking of using it but never got the opportunity to do so.  Maybe your confrontation or exposure put the fear in them not to even think about it again.  Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.

So you begin searching the person’s items just to make sure there are no others or if there is a whole box.  You don’t find anything and begin to feel a little more reassured.  You’ve always trusted your spouse.  They’ve always been honest with you.  This should not put doubts in your mind or in your heart about your spouse.

Have it ever occurred to you it could just be someone who visited may have mistaken the jackets that were hung up?  That’s it.  My spouse would never cheat on me or even think of such a thing.  We have a great relationship.  We love each other and we’ve been together for over 10 years. 

Wow! What a relief.  Your mind can run away with wild thoughts.  Thank God for my faith and Thank God I trust my husband.