If you want to know for sure that you are not going to regret making one of the most important steps in your life towards happiness, ask yourself these few questions before proceeding to do what it takes to get your ex back. The first question to ask if you feel sentimental to nearly every single romantic song you hear. The next question you may ask is if you are suffering from an eating disorder, whether it is pigging out or loss of appetite. The third question can be what the signs of anxiety that I am exhibiting.

If you get to answer any or all of the three questions and see that you are suffering from the pain of losing your ex, it may be high time for you to take the right steps in getting your ex back. Lack of action will only delay your reunion or may be even make you lose the opportunity of getting them back because they already have found someone else. One of the key secrets to getting your love back is by getting to know the tell tale signs that they are still interested in you. These are psychologically based researched material that will help you identify those important clues that will make you know if there’s still a spark of interest left that can be reignited. Start now and take action so that you can get your ex back and live happily ever after.

You might want to read my others pieces in the series:

One Pea is too Many

One Pea is too Many, Part Three

One Pea is too Many, Part Four

One Pea is too Many, Part Five

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Well, Demi recently had struggled with eating disorders and cutting and decided to get some help for herself. Her representative gave some detail and lead on the situation to People magazine with the direct quote: “[Demi] fought through eating disorders and has struggled with cutting. … Demi is taking control by getting help.”

The ‘catalyst’ for her rehab trip was one of the other females going on tour with them. The person who was thought to be with them was Joe’s ex girlfriend, Ashley Greene since she was photographed with the Jonas Brothers this week. Demi told Celebuzz that she was able to stay friendly with him on tour because, “you have to, ‘cause you work with him… When you’re hurt, it’s easy to move on, so it was very easy for me to move on.” Demi’s family says it wasn’t Greene though and that Demi had a run-in with a dancer on the tour.

The reason Demi has these problems is because she was a victim of bullying herself. She left school because of how harsh the bullying often got to be. She told Cambio that she “actually ended up leaving school because of [bullying].”

‘”I just called my mom and I was crying and I said ‘I don’t want to go to school any more, It was a rough time, I was by myself.”‘ This is what Demi said to a close friend, who ended up confirming to TMZ that bullying was the main cause of her reason for going to rehab.

The one thing many of her fans can be glad about is that she isn’t going to rehab for drug like many of the other celebs.

Demi Lovato apparently long-suffering eating disorders many of which failed to recover. In addition to other serious disorders of self-mutilation.

Sources close to Demi Lovato said their problems were more to the point necessary to enter a clinic.

About self-mutilation

Self-harm or self-mutilation is to be physical harm as a means of relieving psychological suffering. Sometimes the psychological pain is so difficult to handle, which opts for damage to the body in an attempt to control the situation. The sensations are at times self-harm depends on the individual and the situation being alive. Sometimes it can provide calm, in others a “wake up” to feel “real” a person who thinks dissociated no longer feel anything in life.

The methods of self-harm vary widely from person to person, cuts, burns, beatings, hair pulling, breaking some member, etc.. Also vary the depth and intensity of the lesion. Some are made very deep cuts, others opt for a lot of scratches on the skin, however, the size of the wound is not related to the psychological pain of the person, ie someone just scratched, does not mean that suffer less than that which is cut deeply. The intensity of the lesion may be increasing according to the time when the individual is self-harm, some people may start with scratches, superficial cuts go to deeper cuts, and so on. It is a compulsive and addictive as drugs, leading to a gradual increase in use.

When you mentally abuse somebody, this person feels week and powerless. You threaten a person by facts that you put in a wrong context.

A mental abuser will not say he is wrong, but his or her victim is. This is not blackmailing people with knowing facts against them. No, this is making facts against somebody.

So blackmail can be a mental terror, but in that case both victim and criminal are not straight and are both worthy of each other.

In an abusive situation one person is stronger than the other. Maybe because of more social back-up, since mental abusers tend to be good braggers and highly socially aware. They are great liars and manipulators.

Usually, they do work in networks. It is the bully that rallies the troops against one victim and you simply cannot say no, for otherwise you might become a victim yourself. Or this person is so great in telling lies, or believes its own against the victim. This person becomes isolated.

Isolating the victim and criminalizing it, so it feels guilty and thinks it has brought it all on itself, is the key to any abusive situation. When others join under the reign of the manipulator, this victim will be snared away everywhere and will get no recognition as a victim. Often even aid workers tend to pick up the signs wrong.

Yes, victims that are mind manipulated will act different from a normal person. Usually they get shy and avoid social contacts, or in some cases, they might start to act aggressive against others, as a response to being held down.

If mental terror, which is scapegoating somebody and giving him/her the blame for all that goes wrong, might not have the right effect, if a person does not respond to it, or not anymore, by growing more self esteem, mental abuse might lead to physical abuse.

When physical violence occurs it is usually because the mental terror had already gone too far or the victim has to be completely brought down. Some bullies are cowards and will stop there, some just cross the line and feel untouchable and above the law, believing that their victim will not take action.

During mental terror the victim can usually do nothing, except for trying to avoid the abuser, but this is not always possible, since most abuse happens in places where you cannot avoid it, like within a family or class.

Some people do mentally abuse their children, believing to be great educators. Look at parents, who sent their kids to therapy, claiming they are anti-social, but never really listen to them when they talk about their problems of being bullied at school. To them their kids are just hard to handle. Often victims are seen as abusers themselves and also become.

Some mental abusers take it a step further, as told and use also physical violence against their completely discourages victims.

Many victims get mental problems, like post traumatic stress disorder, or eating disorders when they are kept in stressy situations for a long time. Many are marked for life and might not be able to get a normal social life.

Some might act weird, become aggressive themselves and this causes that many snap and end up as criminals themselves.

Keep in mind this can happen to all of us.

So mental abuse should be taken seriously, because it might evolve further and society should be more informed and smooth talkers should not always be taken for granted.

The media, and all of its forms, constantly tries to appeal to men and women of various ages, backgrounds, and mentalities. The media will attempt to grab the attention of these audiences for the purpose of influence, product sales, and assistance. Although diverse approaches and schemes are required to communicate perfection to an assorted audience, perfection alone is an aspect that can appeal to all. For women the main approach is clearly body image. In a 1997 study performed by K. Harrison and J. Cantor among undergraduates, it was found that media consumption was positively associated with strive for thinness among men and body dissatisfaction among women. It seems that in this new age of technology and widespread exposure to the media, consequently what the media says, goes. For women, this can include advertisements portraying other women and their perfect lifestyles, which in turn forces women to compare what they see to what they actually have. Also, beauty products are used to comply with a certain level of attractiveness. The difference for men is that many of the attractions take on a masculine approach in order to appeal to male characteristic. For example, the products or advertisements will make men feel powerful or encourage them for the purpose of a positive response from women. The media can communicate ideas to males concerning hygiene, fitness, and personality, along with a need to become successful.

The media definitely has a habit of using the idea of perfection to communicate with society. Specifically this influence must be altered to a certain extent regarding men and women. For women, the approach is emotional and self-conscious. For men, the approach is masculine and engaging. For each, the main focus is to convey the social expectations regarding perfection brought forth by society. Sadly, results of this fascination with perfection range from young adults constantly dieting or resorting to non-mandatory plastic surgery, depression, and a large amount of body dissatisfaction from many people. One explanation for this event is that “individuals internalize attitudes that are approved of by significant or respected others ([29] Kandel, 1980).” With this information, one possible remedy that can bring positivity to this issue is changing the current roles of significant or glamorized figures. If these role models portrayed individuality, positivity and less focus on body image, it is possible that the pressure on society will decrease and change the negative effects of this phenomenon.

Reference:

Harrison, K. and Cantor, J. (1997). The relationship between media consumption and eating disorders. Journal of Communication, 47, 40-67. http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_mediaeffect.shtml   Retrieved February 20, 2009

Kandel, D. B. (1980), “Drug and drinking behavior among youth,” Annual Review of Sociology, Vol. 6, pp. 235-285

Signorielli, N. (1997, April). Reflections of girls in the media: A two-part study on gender and media. Kaiser Family foundation and Children NOW. http://www.mediafamily.org/facts/facts_mediaeffect.shtml   Retrieved February 20, 2009

Who can blame them? Who can blame those people for showing off the result of such tremendous discipline and sacrifice? Why discipline yourself in the basic means of survival (that is eating) when you can’t show off the emaciated result? Yeah…but the ones who can (and should) adhere to this recommended body image are the ones hoping or are currently making their living out of their looks. That’s like a mere 0.01% of the global population. The ones who are living an ideal life: the students, working girls, working moms, even the stay at home moms that constitute the “ideal” no. of the female population cannot, in reality, adhere to this upheld body image.

So what gives?

Why is there a never ending quest for something that cannot be anymore? Diet formulas keep sprouting up like mushrooms. Trainers came into existence out of the blue. The world’s most beautiful women are one time or another been rumored to have had an eating disorder. The ones on the cover of every magazine are the ones having a BMI of a 14 year old girl.

As I struggled for almost an entire day to give this article any credibility on the authenticity of a reason on why it should be written, I  finally figured out the answer. And it is something I hold dear. It applies not just to body image but as to everything else: If it bothers you then you have something to do with it.

Do you? Do you have something to do with it? How many dieting pills had you bought in your lifetime? How many diets did you try? How many clothes did you buy the minute you lost a mere unrecognizable 3 lbs.? How many announcements did you make when you figured out you went down a one dress size? We all have a thing to do with this disillusionment that sometimes causes the headaches of our very own doing.

I do.  I have something to do with it.

We complain and complain and complain of the very vehicle that holds this very own special self. Our very own special self cultivated by time, seasoned with love and made more special by the fact that we had learned a lot and can give a lot.  Mere body image is something we can and we should just shrug off.

True, taking care of one’s self is reflected on the size of our body frame. But we can only do so far…

People do get treated better if they have certain good looks, I have personally seen this in my life. Back in 8th grade, when I was in Algebra I, I had a cruel teacher that would never help anyone during a test, except that one girl.  She was a good looking girl who was also a cheerleader, and whenever she didn’t understand anything she would walk up to the teacher’s desk, and the teacher would practically tell her the answer. Other students tried but failed to get the teacher to do the same for them, but it was just that one girl who was able to get that advantage. It made all of us mad, but there was nothing we could do about it. We just ended up getting the bad grade while the cheerleader made all A’s.  That was the first time that I noticed that beauty could give a person advantages over another. I agree that people who have good looks do get treated better in our society. (Ackerman) People who do not have this image sometimes put themselves through a lot to achieve it.

Hurting oneself in order to achieve beauty is very dangerous and can cause many health problems. Whether they are anorexic or bulimic or take hormonal steroids, they expose themselves to have their harmful side effects. Dickinson states that from 1990 to 2000 that over a million teenage boys were found to have harmful eating disorders. (Dickinson) That is serious. Girls too have problems with eating disorders and keeping their desired body image, due to the pressure of society.  It’s not only teen agers who feel as though their image in society is key.  Adults are often found with not only eating disorders, but plastic surgery as well.  Going under the knife, as it is often expressed, can cause many problems as the patient gets older. 

Today’s media is what has set the standards for beauty.  People see how society says they should look through television, magazines, and the internet.  These factors add intense pressure to a person, which could make them go through drastic measures, such as not eating or taking steroids, to accomplish beauty for themselves.  Hall tells a story of a boy who was pressured to look not thin, but “strong and virile”. (Hall)  He was pressured through his peers at school, whom all had the right “body image”. (Hall) He ultimately accomplished his goal because of other people’s opinions, and not for himself. (Hall) Sometimes it might not be through the media, but from pressure of friends or family.  It is important that a person is content with their image, because being content could raise their self confidence and allow them to achieve great things.

People sometimes go through a lot to achieve their self image. Society has put pressure on individuals, saying that in order to succeed in life, you must have beauty. It’s a fact people take drastic measures to look good, but I ask myself, is it all that important?  Beauty is a rewarding trait to have, especially in today’s society, but it should not get to the point to where one is physically or mentally putting themselves in harms way in order to achieve credibility in society.

Works Cited

Ackerman, Diane. Subjects/Strategies: A Writer’s Reader. Ed. Paul Eschholz and Alfred Rosa. Boston: Bedford St Martin’s, 2002. 496-500.

Dickinson, Amy. “Measuring Up.” Breaking News, Analysis, Politics, Blogs, News Photos, Video, Tech Reviews – TIME.com. 20 Nov. 2000. 11 Jan. 2009 .

Hall, Stephen S. “THE TROUBLED LIFE OF BOYS; The Bully in the Mirror – New York Times.” The New York Times – Breaking News, World News & Multimedia. 22 Aug. 1999. 14 Jan. 2009 .

The entertainment industry does not say to their viewers that they should be as skinny as their stars, there is no way that we can blame people who do not even know us for our own issues. Yes, most stars are in shape and skinny, but that is their job. They have to look their best, and most of them do hit the gym or find some method of exercise. Trying to blame the stars or the entertainment industry as a whole because we have a disorder is ludicrous at best.

There have been many therapists and studies that have found that an eating disorder is a way for someone to have something they can control in their life. While this is not the reason that all people that suffer from anorexia or bulimia have these issues, it is the reason for some. If we are going to try to make the entertainment industry pay for someone who says that they just want to look like the stars, are we also going to go after our families, skinny friends, or people on the street that are too ignorant to realize that some people with weight issues do try to help themselves?

Weight issues come from many different avenues; however, the only person that should be held liable for the way in which someone handles their issue is themselves. As someone who was bulimic for seven years, there were many times that I tried to blame someone else for my problems. “I wouldn’t be fat if my parents had taught me better eating habits”, or “I will show anyone that has ever said anything about my weight that they are wrong.” There were reasons that I wanted to lose weight, but not because someone else was skinnier than me. I wanted to be skinny, so rather than do it the right way, I chose to throw everything up. I say I “chose”, because that is what I did. I chose to shove my finger down my throat, there was not someone else there that did it for me.

When society tries to say that we should blame the entertainment industry for our lack of control, this is a shame. When did it become the norm to blame our problems or issues on people who have no idea who we even are, rather than making people step up and take responsibility for their own actions? Eating disorders are hard to deal with and understand, but it is still that person who chooses to utilize the disordered habits rather than doing things the right way. Rather than trying to blame someone else that is skinny or in shape, we should be trying to make the person that is dealing with the eating disorder learn the correct ways of dealing with weight issues. In doing this, the accountability goes to the person that has the problem, not to some entity that has nothing to do with them or their life. Overcoming an eating disorder has to start with the sufferer accepting responsibility for their own actions. Blaming the entertainment industry does not solve the problem, and it certainly will not help the people who are dealing with these issues to get any better.

Back in the 1800’s apart from rich merchants, bankers and the various ranks of royal personage, these types were often fat in body and wallet (Jacks ph1). Only the poor ever considered dieting, the rich did it when they couldn’t walk around on their own unaccompanied.

Nowadays, we are usually referring to a food regiment designed to change something. There are diets for those who wish to avoid certain chemicals in foods, such as salt-free diet or lactose-free diets. There are diets to increase the consumption of certain nutrients, such as a high-potassium diet. There are even diets designed to encourage weight gain – usually implemented by bodybuilders and those suffering from malnutrition (Dr. Gruber). Society over the years has told us what the prefect body is, women have to be a size 0, 1, 3, 5, and men a size 28-34 just to be accepted in the world today.

Dieting just to fit into the cosmetic societal perfect image, when you’re already in good shape and healthy by medical standards is an ill-fated venture.

There are over fourteen different kinds of diets popular in the world today, some work and others don’t. It is getting to the point where you can’t go to a news stand or even a store, without seeing someone on a magazine trying to show you the new size that is acceptable and how you can look that way too in just 7 days. The models themselves don’t look like that, airbrushing is a beautiful thing. Some have died from some kind of diet, their last thought being “just another 5 pounds”. Look at the word die-t correctly, and you can see how it can be risky.

When dieting just to fit in to an accepted image, this can have some side effect on the body; Dizziness, Gastroenteritis Disorder, meaning that the stomach secretes acid and prepares to accept food only at fixed times. Irregular meal times and skipping meals confuses the body, weakening digestibility and causing frequent burning sensations. If symptoms continue, it can lead to a stomach ulcer or inflammation of the stomach; feelings of helplessness and depression are natural and a general lethargic disposition can settle over a person when living on less than optimal caloric energy.

As this cycle repeats, the body droops and sags and a melancholy mood sets in, which can lead to increasing irritation and annoyance (Ecure); constipation, edema, undergrowth/malnutrition, skin abnormalities and countless other symptoms.

If you’re going to diet, do it for a healthy reason such as if you’re over weight to the point of being life threatening if you don’t start loosing the weight.

This should be the only reason for anyone to diet. Being overweight or obese increases the risk of many diseases and health conditions, including the following: Hypertension, Dyslipidemia; high cholesterol, Type two diabetes, Stroke, Sleep apnea and respiratory problems (CDC). Bottom line diet if the doctors say it’s ok to do so, not because a runway magazine thinks you should.