Horatio Prince, © 2012

I’ll begin by saying that Freud was around in the late 1800s. He was the first person to try a ‘talking cure’ when it came to mental illness, so he is extremely influential and has contributed some very useful ideas to the field of psychology and psychotherapy. He treated female patients with hysteria, an illness which caused a loss of bodily function, for instance limb paralysis. They all claimed they had been molested by male family members, and when they talked through the ordeal, they were cured of their illness. Freud claimed that these women were not molested, they wanted to be, but knew it was bad, and had repressed the desire.

Before you go mental at Freud, you must realise; this is the 1800s! It’s only in the last 20 years that people have accepted that child abuse is a lot higher than was first thought. Over 100 years ago, the idea of it was unthinkable and it was thought to be extremely rare.

This idea of repression is what Freud’s theory is most famous for. He claims that our mind has three levels: the conscious, the pre-conscious, which is accessed via dreams and therapy such as free-association, and the unconscious. It is our unconscious desires which we repress in order to function normally.

Id, Ego and Superego

Our psyche, according to Freud, is split into three. The first construct is the Id. This is where all of our instinctual desires come from. The Id, you might say, is the devil on our shoulder pushing us to do whatever we want to do. This is where our repressed desires come from. The second construct, the Superego, is what you might refer to as the parent, moderating our behaviour to accord with what society expects. It is our conscience, our ability to know that what we want is not always right. 

These two constructs are controlled, to some extent anyway, by the Ego. The ego is the sense of self. It translates what the Id wants into some kind of acceptable behaviour. For an example, Freud might claim that playing a musical instrument is the Ego’s way of controlling the Id’s urge to masturbate!

Psychosexual Stages of Development

The ideas of the id, ego, and the superego slot into Freud’s much more controversial theory that we all go through psychosexual stages of development. He proposed that three aspects of childhood affect whether we become ‘fixated’ at a particular stage; the Oral stage, the Anal stage, or the Genital stage. These aspects are breast feeding, toilet training and genitals.

The Oral Stage

If a child is excessively gratified (in other words, allowed to go on breast-feeding for a long time) they will become fixated in this stage. They will also become fixated if they are frustrated (in other words, not allowed to breast-feed for as long as they want). Freud claims that these fixations cause a person to revert to the behaviour patterns associated with the childhood phase, in subtle and indirect ways. A gratified person will show this through being very optimistic, desiring a regular income, being generous and cheerful, and liking soft foods. They have the attitude that ‘good things last forever’. Conversly, frustrated people become pessimistic, hostile, cruel and clingy. They have the attitude that ‘good things never last’.

The Anal Stage

Freud claims that here, a child gets sexual satisfaction from retaining a full bowel, or from excreting. I think you can all see straight away that this is INSANE! He claims children as young as 18 months have a definite sexuality and are aware of it!

The anal character manifests in adulthood via behaviours such as hoarding, attention to detail,  persistence, and an urge to clean things. The hoarding comes from the desire to hoard excrement, and so on.

The Genital Stage

This is where things start to get really freaky. If you didn’t think it was already bad, just wait! Freud claims that 5 year old children want to have sex with their opposite-gender parent, and see their same-sex parent as a rival for the opposite-sex parent’s attention. This relates back to his hysteria patients mentioned above. Women have an elektra complex, and men have an oedipus complex. Young boys know that their desire is wrong and they fear castration; they view girls as being boys who were castrated! Instead they attempt to appease the father by relating to him. Conversly, the girls do not fear castration, but go through experiences of mourning the loss of their penis and feeling inferior to males – Freud coined the term ‘Penis Envy’ to explain the phenomenon.

If you’re thinking that this is absolute bull, Freud would have a response for you! You only think that because you have repressed your memories from 5 years old and younger, along with your oedipus/elektra complex!

He’s really thought of everything!

What’s great for Freud is that his theory encompasses all human behaviour. He has an explanation for everything. If somebody buys cheap presents, likes to hold on to items and money and are rude, they have an anal personality. If they are really nice and generous, they have simply repressed their anal personality and are overcompensating!

This is great for Freud as he can explain everything, but it also lacks scientific proof. He only studied cases of single patients, and there is a massive overemphasis on the sexual drive. 

My theory is that Freud had these desires, and felt the need to make them okay by creating this whole theory of personality!

Thoughts?

Ego, used in every day speech refers to a person’s sense of themselves, who they are, where they fit, how they rank, etc. There are those who are not preoccupied with these questions, they don’t see life as a competition or trial in which they must constantly be alert as to their ‘rating’.  But there are those who seem to spend their lives singing; “I I I, I I I” so that almost every possible encounter must contain some ‘proof’ of their worthiness to live.

This second category is what we usually focus on when speaking about ‘ego’ because it is so abrading.  Why is he telling me his exploits?  Why is he trying to impress me?  one often thinks when in the presences of the ‘Egotist’ as we tend to call him.

Many of these Egotists need to prove their right to exist by seeking to aggrandise themselves.  The ‘Need’ comes from a subconscious sense of themselves as failures.  They suppress this by piling ’successes’ on top of it. They need to be ‘The President’ of every organisation they join.  They need to constantly speak of what “I” did.  They need to take on every task which offers or appears to offer status.

This is a clear indication of the over compensation of an ‘inferiority’ complex. 
Many of those who chant.. “I I I, I I I” (I went, I did, I saw, I was, I said…so that ‘I’ is the subject of almost all discourse) feel somewhat inferior.  They have a low self image.

When in the presence of someone they consider their ‘better’ they feel a resentment bordering on hate.  They know their hatred is irrational, yet they can not shake the annoyance that this person IS ‘above’ them in the ‘ranking’.

Egotists don’t need to impress their inferiors hence can be ‘kind’ or ‘forgiving’ or ever so ‘democratic’ around them. But when in the presence of someone they ‘know’ is ’superior’ must constantly recite a litany of their exploits.  

The more abrasive the Egotist to you, the higher you are ‘rated’ in their subconscious ‘test scores’

Let them, the grammarians, forgive me for the topic, but if most of them would not forgive me, then I bet to differ, and proclaim that on a very light note I am serious about it. It should always be their job as faithful as they are to proof-read scripts, to ensure correctness, acceptable and allowable, well formed language; only to turn and be stripped of their hard-earn possession, or have their girl child badly defiled or raped. Have you for once thought about how society can curb these menaces other than having these criminals put into the non-reformatory prisons just to suspend their bad deeds?

I am not an expert in virtues and vices but a concerned citizen of society who wish that the cheapest cause of a serious effect is given the due attention.

I believe the roots of all crimes are the recycling vices that hover around human society. Show me a crime and I would be eager to know the vices from which the crime evolved. Lysander Spooner, in his Vices Are Not Crimes: A Vindication Of Moral Liberty, says of vices as the errors which people make in the search after their own happiness. Of the lot, the ‘Great Soul’ Mahatma Gandhi, says of the roots of violence as “…pleasure without conscience; knowledge without character…”. Now, then, the reservation about where we first acquire pleasure and knowledge, and the corresponding character and conscience? In other words, who are the first stakeholders to blame for the ill development in individual’s id, superego and ego? Which would be your choice of answer, parents or teachers? To me both answers are correct. Wondering why?

For the sake of this article, let us allow those professional classroom teachers rest as they muse over their low remuneration in the country and the supposed better one in Heaven. Even though classroom teachers play important role in the total development of an individual, their duty lays under the school as a major stakeholder. Charity would always begin at home, so it is imperative to deal with the basic stakeholder.

I think it is about time we gave the distinction between couples and parents (fathers and mothers) with the criterion, teaching. In my candid view couples or partners, or even lovers, should not be considered as parents for the mere fact they have children or wards but the fact that they are teachers; teachers of values and virtues in a positive and sound atmosphere. The common and true adage goes like “we have 18 years to TEACH our children independence…” There are a number of texts in the Holy Bible which cite parents as teachers or trainers, and I believe other religious or holy books do the same. The ‘rites de passage’ of the African traditional religion also stress on parents and the community at large as the main teachers of society. So it is very clear the major role as parents is to teach; but many couples or people enter into the institution of parenthood without prior knowledge of this important duty, not to even talk about the content of this duty. So, with lack of knowledge, society would always perish. Society always bears the brunt of more serious crimes mostly because some so-called parents failed to act as teachers.

The human nature is such that it is continuously learning; from the foetus to the foot of life. Children would therefore learn from the pre-formative stage through the formative period, through to adulthood. By the time a person reaches adulthood the subconscious mind is already made up with whatever good or bad  it has passed through. So the adult human becomes giant in what virtue or vice, or most of the time the mixed, ingrained in them. The vicious mother would pass nothing but a pile of vices to the foetus. Sometimes the male couple causes the expectant female to be vicious; hence the male too becomes vicious inducing vices in the female to the unborn child. These couples would be doing anything but failing to be parents.

Direct transmission of vices occurs during the formative period where the children can feel their environment with their senses; in this case the couples, but not parents, display vicious character in the presence of the children. The worst happens during the weaning period where most women for varied reasons can just cut the nursing period. This act has been shown to be the cause of many psychological complications such as negativism, aggression, fretfulness, stereotyped activities and complete disregard of the mother. Even at this point a good-positive-minded and loving parent can manage the situation to nib in the bud any serious future development.

It is my utmost hope that couples who wish to raise children learn to be teachers, not just that but with love, good and positive minds so that they become the mothers, the fathers or the parents they already claim they are. Remember the adage that “we (as parents or as teachers) have 18 years to teach our children independence, why try to do it all in the first years?” I believe there would surely be a good turn for society, especially my happy home Ghana, if this piece is carefully considered in order to curb the crime against you and me, and the grammarian who is solely engaged in correction of grammatical errors.

Practicing Egoless state in life?

I am different but not different from you.

Image via Wikipedia

Benjamin Franklin asked,” you can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife?” And, there is the answer. For a mistake committed by someone, will I treat and behave with the person the same way as I will treat myself for such a mistake? If the answer is “Yes” then I am not seeing the other as different from me but as a part of me. But if the answer is “No” then I am operating out of ego. Leftover food is offered to be servant maid but never to the esteemed guest, which means we are operating out of ego.

With ego, we treat others differently. Hence disharmony. In the absence of the ego, we treat other equally. Hence harmony.

Let salaries, positions, possessions and progress depend on individual responsibilities and capabilities, but let treatment and behavior of others be on the basis of equality. Didn’t every religion with different expressions say the same, ‘Do unto others what you want others to do unto you. Do not do unto others what you do not want to be done unto you.”

It is truly liberating to realize,” I am different but not different from you. We are different but not different from each other.” Loving you is loving the ‘Me” in you. Hating you is hating the “Me” in you.

Here I am at 61 years old, coming to the conclusion that the life I led as a young man was the reason for the way it is for me now where sex is concerned, but I wonder how many others around my age  suffer equally, if suffering is what you call it. I did, from the age of 15 until I was 58 smoke heavily, and had TB as a child to boot.

the doctors told me, five years ago now, that my smoking and my obesity had been the root causes of the erectile dysfunction that started afflicting me in my mid fifties, and there was nothing they could do. Suddenly, what I had always perceived to be the very essence of my masculinity was deserting me, and I no longer got an automatic hard-on at the thought of sex.

It had nothing to do with my loving partner, who was very supportive and can still get me going easily, but simply the failure of my body to produce the relevant hormones and chemical compounds needed for solid erections to occur. Not only that, but the lack of these same compounds had the devastating effect of diminishing my desire for sex, so that I was happy if we managed it a couple of times a week.

That, of course, could only happen through the taking of Viagra, which stimulates blood-flow to where it needs to be, for a while at least, though the one or two hour sessions of years past were certainly no longer on the cards. I suffered huge feelings of inadequacy and felt all but stripped of everything it was that made me a man, and if it had not been for the patience, love and support of my wife I could have easily sunk into deep depression.

The whole thing was compounded even further when, having at 58 quit smoking after 40-odd years, the latent, severe rheumatoid arthritis – kept in check, apparently for years by the cigarette use – was free to erupt with venomous intent, subjecting me to intense pain if I even thought of trying to get physical. God, it seemed – even the earth goddess Gaia in whom I believe – was determined to punish me in the cruelest of ways.

Gradually, of course, medication helped get the arthritis under control, and the various tablets aimed at giving those with ED a helping hand so to speak, enable my wife and I to still enjoy an active, if severely curtailed sex-life compared to twenty years ago. Yet still I find that the drive simply is not there to anything like the same degree, and I can easily go a week or ten days without even thinking about it.

Though sex, when it happens, tends to be relatively short it is nonetheless exceedingly sweet, and we never tire of enjoying those moments of physicality, even if they are becoming rarer. For me, the horror, in some respects, is the acknowledgement that I  simply no longer feel about sex the way I once did, and the images that would have excited me back then just no longer have the same impact.

At this rate, within ten years sex will, for me, be no more than a fond memory, and even though I dread that coming to pass, because I desperately want to hold on to what vestiges of my masculinity remain, I am  realistic enough to accept that nature will always have me do what is in my best survival interest, and where I can no longer father children, sexuality becomes superfluous. Life may begin at forty for some, but sixty sees the beginning of the end of sexuality – for me at least – and I find that kind of sad.

When I joined the club there were a number of ‘officers’.   Matt was President, Joan was Vice President, on and on.  Alvin’s only listed position was ‘Secretary.’

In truth, Alvin did everything.

He didn’t do everything because there was no one else.  He didn’t do everything because he had endless time. He did everything because of his own pathology.

People who tried to do anything wound up being stymied at every turn, because Alvin had to do everything.

The Web Page was a year out of date, the conference had a few glitches.  The business was in the doldrums because Alvin had hired an enormously obese woman who could barely walk 60 feet without an inhaler.  Anyone who volunteered to help was discouraged, so everyone sat down and did nothing.

Alvin was proud of saying how he did everything, but never added the ‘badly’.

Many organizations have an ‘Alvin’  this is a person whose ego demands that he do everything.  That he can’t, never registers. 

His behaviour demotivates the other members.

Organizations need to implement policies which ‘force’ an officer to step down, which demand others try to fulfill the requirements.   Even if something is done badly, the fact someone else tried, someone else gained competence is the value.

When Alvin shuffles off this mortal coil will there be anyone left in the group?

 Ego mentioned here is not the one comes in Sigmund Freud’s three part model of psyche-Id: ego and super-ego. In this writing, here please consider ego as “illogical-undesirable-pride”. Normal pride is slightly different.

Ego is Ever Green Overhead. Ever- Green means till one is alive, he will be with some amount of Ego; after his death also, his ego may pass to his children in the form of family-pride. Ego is overhead, it costs.

In the Stone Age, while human being was struggling for existence, he never cared about his ego. That time, getting food and shelter, escaping from cruel animals were extremely important to survive. But this is e-era… That means not only electronic era, but Ego-Era also…

In social life, ego affects everywhere. In marital life ego is a major factor. Today in couples, percentage of love is getting replaced by percentage of personal ego and self-prestige.

Now in any job or business ego is a parameter. Go to marriage function, ego takes various forms. Ego wears good dress. Ego wears more prestigious rings, and much more prestigious shoes. Ego buys better cars. False prestige drives more and more sophisticated cars.

From Cloud to Cloud computing is there is role of ego. While praying Cloud to rain farmer is egoless and but when comes to his community, society his ego plays.

Many psychology teachers who can teach about the “ego” may also have ego. Psychiatrists, who treat ill effects of chronic ego, may also have ego. From bicycle to airplane, ego exists, but varies. Ego has several forms.

Go to IT Industry; look at the ego which works more than software engineer. Ego works more than manager. If you advise your team, in front of everybody, then he/she will not be hurt, rather his/her ego will be hurt. Then you need to pay for that.

Go to education institutes; say a lecturer is having masters in science and Ph.D. But senior principal who was just Masters in science and by the virtue of his experience, age and expertise he became principal. Then if both need to teach same subject to students, then students start comparing them. Then their ego will clash. Some lecturers try to prove the subjects -which they handle are most difficult. In the same subject teachers, once again competition comes, if they teach different chapter. Lecturer “A” thinks lessons he teaches are more complicated than those of lecturer “B”’. Take class room, if student asks doubts more than expected, it hurts teacher’s ego.

Go to engineering industries, Foreman always tries to tell to workers that he has got more practical knowledge than his supervising engineer.

Take the topic of relationships. When in-laws start comparing Elder-brother-law with younger brother-in-law, then elder one’s ego is get hurt.

In hospitals, especially ego between nurse and doctor plays. Ego between surgeons plays. Ego between different doctors in the same locality plays. Few times, more than the actual disease, doctor’s ego affects the admitted patients.

Ego plays master role in young Teenage girls, if they are beautiful. Ego will be boosted if they are rich. If they are intelligent, then it will be more boosted up.

In decent-class society, if they want to hurt their disliked ones, they do not to hurt him/her, rather hurt his ego. In this process, they criticize and condemn the most liked things what their competitor/disliked one likes the most.

When announcement and declaration of “Top 10 movies of 2010”, whose ego got boosted up and whose ego has got hurt. It depends how they take it. Same case with “10 Best Songs of 2010” or “Top 10 business men of the world”

How does the 11th one feel when “Top 10 Scientific Discoveries Of 2010”, “Top 10 foods for 2010” etc were announced and declared?

Finally, when it comes to optimize the own ego and adjust with others ego. It needs some logic and more of a philosophy. Because all knowledge is finally merge into philosophy.  It takes maturity of mind. It needs acceptance. It needs self-confidence. In India, from ancient times, there is a proverb saying whatever you do in the name of God and not in the in your name. In India, divine sayings all individuals are only one self. That is why “Nobody is doing anything and all is done by the almighty- the God”…That means actor is real God, and person “who does” is not actually the instrument of God. So one can get relieved from ego of “I did”, “I am the one”, “I have achieved it”, “and It is me” etc. The God is the one which is doing, and getting done. If one trust God is the reason for all reasons, causes and effects then he can be free from ego. Same will apply if you want to cope-up others also. When the egoistic person is troubling you, do not be panic, rather try to satisfy his ego. Never hurt his ego. Increase your patience, tolerance and inner potential so that abundance of water can extinguish fire.

What could be a boner? per Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary a boner is a noun and offers 3 definitions. 1: one that bones, 2: a slipshod or stupid mistake, 3: sometimes vulgar : an erect penis. Here we have a tendency to are talking regarding the third definition “an erect penis”. to be told a way to get your best boners, or the last word erection you want to initial understand how the penis works and the way an erection is made. The penis is created of 3 chambers, 2 massive chambers on high, that comprise the erectile tissue and one smaller chamber on rock bottom from that urination and ejaculation takes place. When a person is sexually aroused his brain releases a hormone that causes blood to enter his penis and fills the erectile tissue. The cells fill with blood till an erection is reached. When this happens, the blood pressure within the penis rises dramatically and it enlarges and stiffens to “bone like” standing, pointing upwards, this is often where the slang term “boner” originates from. As an erection disappears, the arteries within the penis slender once more. Then the veins open, removing the blood once more and also the flow returns to traditional.

You must agree the most effective boners are the most important, hardest, most final erections that cause you to feel viral, sexually adept and manly. though this might be true partially the most effective boners are those that completely satisfy your ego creating you additional sexually aroused and robust. after you are fully sexually aroused there’s additional blood flow to your penis and it becomes tougher and your size will increase. Your penis shaft stiffens and becomes rock onerous. When the penis shaft is stiff and “bone like” it’s able to cause additional friction therefore manufacturing larger nerve stimulation to you and your partner. This helps to heighten and enhance sexual pleasure and fulfillment for the each of you.

Let’s face the facts; now and then obtaining your best boners are often a tricky task. To ease your mind you must apprehend that this could be a traditional expertise. A decline within the quality of your erection size and also the lack of your sexual energy can occur from time to time. This doesn’t automatically mean that you just are impotent. there’s an array of reasons why this happens. It are often due to easy a day stress, fatigue or anxiety to call simply many. But, if your drawback worsens or becomes additional frequent and your sexual response continues to slow you’ll wish to initial be honest together with your partner and be open regarding things. Second, you’ll wish to contact your physician to induce tested for an underlying soundness that might be inflicting restricted blood flow to your penis.

If you are feeling that your erections are waning and you’re unable to supply your best boners there’s a good vary of penis enhancement ways, procedures and natural supplements that you just will select from, do not be back to raise your Doctor for facilitate. Please be cautious of firms touting untested and unsafe penis enlargement ways and programs and do be terribly careful in your search. analysis has shown that a number of the enhancement ways on the market aren’t solely completely ridiculous they’re merely harmful. the most effective ways out there are those that are all natural, safe and effective with some proven analysis behind them.

If you are familiar with reality television shows you may have seen people being strategic liars. Often times people will ask others “Do you trust being in an alliance with me?”, and typically anyone who answers honestly “NO” becomes a target, while all others who often admit offside to the cameras that they lied and said “Yes”, are kept.

In many situations people want to hear positive comments even if they are false. While nobody wants to hear unsolicited negative comments, people should not ask for honest opinions if they are not ready, and open, to hear them.

While negative comments are depressing, there is very little to gain by only hearing good words. Good words pump up your ego but do not encourage real improvement.

Take for example a new restaurant owner. With an enthusiastic smile on his face he asks his customers how their meal was, he says he wants their honest opinion. Greeted by their friendly host, the customers typically say it was great. The restaurant owner is happy. Then comes the day when customers are more familiar and start complaining (which is often done to the waitress who then goes to the owner). Eventually the owner becomes bitter at hearing complaints. He may even blame the waitress as the bearer of constant bad news, or may become defensive saying “Let them run a restaurant and see if they can do any better.”.

An office manager may tell his staff he wants to hear their honest opinion of his management style. Woe be the employee who actually speaks up and mentions any thing negative.

At a point people just do not want to hear honest criticism even if it could help them improve.

A person who asks “Does my butt look fat?” does not want to be told “Yes”. A person who asks “Do you like my new haircut?” does not want to be told “No”. A person who asks “Do you trust me?”, does not want to be told “No”.

Everyone wants to hear what they want to hear, very few people are big enough mentally to withstand hearing the truth even though many people claim they want to hear it. It is just a pity that most people who claim they want “Honesty” do not realize that they are not able to handle the truth.

Another example is the employer who claims they want honest feedback from employees. This is seldom the truth and can be witnessed in many work places where employees who stroke their employers ego with only good comments are generally treated better than those who offer any negative feedback (even when in balance with good feedback). Ego stroking employees generally are of little true value to improving the company although they can improve the employers moral, but they are generally the “favorites”.

The truth is… most people cannot handle the truth if the truth happens to be negative. Pity that so many claim they value honesty.

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