But it gets worse, when we do not have faith. When we do not belief that anything good can come our way, then everything is impossible, and when impossible sets in, nothing seem to change anymore.

It does no harm to have faith once in awhile, and it doesn’t kill to belief that things could be better. When a person has faith, their mind is conscious of what could and might be. The mind will not drag a person’s day and night down, you’d wake up feeling a sense of meaning in life, and go to bed peacefully. If you have a religion, then pray to your God to help you get through what you are going through. Because although we are physically alone in to fight this world alone, with faith, God is always with us to get through everything.

If you do not have a religion or belief in a God, then just belief that life cannot possible stay bad forever, what goes down, must come up. And like a graph in a chart, up and down is the part and parcel of life. If you can’t see it that way, then perhaps pick a religion and start believing. Does it kill to belief that there is a God watching over us? And if you say if there is a God, then why is the world the way it is? Well, God has forsaken the world, for this is a sinful, cheating world, but he has not forsaken the people of the world who live in it. And if you intend to question the work of the Lord, and ask him to give you a better life, then understand this, “do not put God to the test”.

Either way, life go round in circles, and a bad trip even if it seems to last forever will eventually get better. Also look at the reflection of your life, and analyze if there is perhaps something you are doing wrong, or what could be happening to you may be karma biting you in the ass. 

I have always been an obedient and patient child.  As much as I can, I treat people with kindness and respect.  But then as they say, bad things happen to good people.  

So now I’ve got no choice but to hold on to my faith as tight as I could.  Keep on believing that everything will be alright.  All is well, all is well.

To help myself get through this, I compiled a few sayings about faith which I hope can also give hope to those who feel like they are so messed up with life they want to give up.  May you find hope in every situation you encounter no matter how tough.  

Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods. — C.S. Lewis

The way to see by Faith is to shut the Eye of Reason. —Benjamin Franklin

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog. — Corrie Ten Boom

Faith is a passionate intuition. —William Wordsworth

Faith: belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.  — Ambrose Bierce

Faith is not something to grasp, it is a state to grow into. —Mahatma Gandhi

Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof. —Khalil Gibran

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. —Voltaire

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.—Hebrews 11:1

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. — Ephesians 6:16

I have spent three years teaching grade-school kids and though it wasn’t the most glamorous job on the planet I had my share of fun, tears, ups and downs.

Not only that but during those three years I spent with fifth and sixth graders, I have taught them a lot of things from proper cursive writing to spelling and basic grammar rules. In a lot of ways they in turn have also taught me the basics of life’s biggest and most important lessons. Here’s what I have learned from them, young as they are:

PATIENCE: Franklin Jones said “You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have, for instance” and let me just say, he is completely right. A classroom of hyper kids with different levels of intelligence and contrasting personalities is enough to drive one crazy. But a teacher should be patient…it is a must; or else he or she will not have the right to be called a teacher at all. It was just but three years and I feel as if my kids have done so much to stretch my patience to the limit. But I am thankful for it because in a way, it was a great lesson especially for a short-tempered person like me.

FAITH: Not all the kids in my classes were perfect little angels. Far from it, many of them were naughty and dull and incompetent. But having imperfect beings in my class taught me a valuable lesson on faith. No matter how bad or dull they were, I just had to believe in them the way they believed that I was a good teacher. In grade school, I learned to believe in the smallest dream and to have faith in the smallest of positive change each child manifests. And when I believed, the kids also did their best to live up to what I believed in them. This I have proven over and over again.

LOVE: A child’s love is like no other. I’m glad that I was lucky enough to receive such kind of love and at the same time, learned how to love in such a way. My kids taught me how to love completely and unconditionally. I remember one particular time when I spent at least fifteen minutes scolding my Grade V kids because of their bad behavior. They were not speaking at all, just sitting there contritely listening to me scold them. But when I was saying goodbye (coldly) before leaving for my next class, one of them shouted out, “Goodbye teacher, I love you!” It was enough for me to forgive them right on the spot. Tell me, is there an adult who would display such kind of love? After a scolding and criticism, who in the’r right minds would tell their perpetrator the words “I love you”? But I think that’s the kind of love more of us should demonstrate: unconditional, complete and unwavering.

More than the grammar lessons or the writing exercises I have given to them, I feel so blessed that they had given me these wonderful lessons in exchange. They are young and seemingly unaware but in their harum-scarum ways, they have also become teachers of life’s essential lessons.

I see people, mostly women my age, worrying to the point of panicking when marital status is discussed. Marriage, it seems to them, is a sort of security and without a ring on their finger to signify they are “taken”, they are doomed!  Not for me.  I am at this stage where I am certain I love exactly where I am —this blissful stage of singleness. Do not get me wrong. Like every normal woman at her 20’s, I also take down mental notes on how I want my wedding to be; from the motif, entourage, reception, and of course the ultimate wedding gown! I also have a list of the possible names I would give my future mini-me’s. But that is just one of the many gifts of being single.

Preparation. This is what I sometimes refer to as my planting season. I believe this is where God is molding, fixing and honing me into the perfect partner and parent He intends me to be. This is when He teaches me to budget my resources, sort out my priorities, manage my tasks, balance my time and develop a sense of responsibility. A daily real-life learning process where I realize my values and obligations as an individual, and discover my skills and gifts that can bless others. He provides me with opportunities to choose my preferred way of living, ministry to serve, places to see and explore and meet people who can be potential future partners.

Since being single means having more than enough time for my Me-time, it brings me closer to the Original Author of Romance. Instead of going out on a date, I stay at home read the Bible or other inspirational reading materials, write on my journal, attend the Feast, meet my Caring Group siblings, or simply spend some quiet time with Him. Our relationship has grown deeper from Creator-creation, Master-steward to Father-Daughter and Best of friends. He allows me to have more time reflecting on and about life. Moreover, I am able to spend more quantity and quality time with my family and friends. Simply put, being single has blessed me in a way by being grateful and being a blessing myself to the people surrounding me.  People who cares and accepts me. This is the perfect time for me to shower them with the gift of time and good memories.

Not having a partner—yet, is my Heavenly Father’s way of protecting me from heartbreak after heartbreak. He protects me from what He knows are not good for my being: chauvinists, liars, “jerks” and possible abusers. He really knows what’s best and prepares the perfect time to give it to me.

Being alone is not always akin to being lonely. More often than not, it is the exact opposite of it. It is an experience of exceptional freedom. A time to enjoy life at its fullest; without guilt or hesitations. The perfect opportunity for growth and choosing wisely for our future and those of our loved ones. Ali Smith wrote in her book that singleness brings protection, provision, proximity and preparation. I could not agree more.

Indeed, life is exuberantly joyful and fun when you are single, especially when you have a great God who guides your every step and never gets tired of being your Loyal Partner, come what may.

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When is it spanking? When is it abuse?

Many will quote the Bible verse “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” The Bible Says: “He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes” (Proverbs 13:24) and “Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13-14).But this was written in the Old Testament.

But the New Testament adapts the parenting instruction advising that a Christian leader should be “one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence, (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?). So then in considering these verses located in I Timothy 2:4 and 5 we can draw the conclusion that a good Christian leader leads his family with Christian doctrine not by striking them. The ultimate authority is Christ so the wise parent lives a Godly life leading by example.

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Encourage not discourage your child.

A child is to be disciplined with grace not beaten into submission. It is not about breaking the will of your child, but building up your child. We are given instruction on how to not discourage but encourage our youth. Physical punishment may keep your child in line while you are present to inflict the punishment, but what happens once the child is on his or her own? A child who is grounded in faith has a foundation which is instilled and helps a child to make appropriate decisions on his or her own.

Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. “

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs provides a promise and a command, not a suggestion.

Grace can undo poor child training and one of God’s gifts, His righteousness is one of the best instructional tools known to man. Train your child with consistency, God’s doctrine and by example tempered with grace and love. We cannot make our children righteous as it is a gift from God. We can teach them God’s word and by living in a Godly way, they will seek the righteousness of God. “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God” Romans 10:17. Is the child hearing the word of God?

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The author of the best-selling book “Raising a Thinking Child, Myrna B. Shure PhD wrote in her book Thinking Parent, Thinking Child “I don’t say “Never spank” an occasional spanking won’t hurt your child, and it may legitimately relieve your own anger and frustration. However, if you rely on spanking, you’ll encounter many unintended consequences. Perhaps the most serious result is that it teaches your child to disregard his own feelings.” Caring for their own feelings is the first step towards learning empathy.

The following results are born from frequent and harsh spankings:

• Spanking can cause a child to feel overpowered and helpless leaving him or her angry and frustrated. Needing to regain power they may feel the need to exercise power over those who are less threatening to them. This is how a bully can be born.

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• A child may withdraw emotionally from the parent who spanks them frequently losing trust and an emotional bond with that parent. They may also rebel from the very values that parent is striving to instil.

• Spanking causes a child to avoid the behaviour which caused the spanking but not to think about proper behaviour.

• Spanking may teach a child that hitting is an appropriate way to express anger and they may lash out physically when they are angry.

In conclusion, spanking should not be the only form of punishment. A parent needs to learn how to instruct a child as to the consequences of bad behaviour in a positive way to make discipline a teaching tool. Train your child in the ethics of the law, not the letter of the law so they can make wiser choices and they will feel more confidence and a stronger self-esteem when faced with life’s trials.

GOD IS GOOD; ALWAYS

It’s fairly early still, this new day has just begun and I think, from what I see in these early hours it is going to be one of those gorgeous days that is filled with warmth and renewal and new life that comes with the spring after the bitterness of winter storms and struggles when life is filled with slippery paths and ever present dangers. 

The sun rose brilliant over the mountaintops, its rays filtering down through the canopy of leaves in their springtime green gowns, crowned in jade and emerald with touches of olivine.  It is wonderful to wake up and see a new day, new dawning come to life and spread its light into the darkness.

I watched the sun (or was it the Son) spread light across the newly planted fields that glittered after last night’s rain and the light spread its way into the village casting what seemed a zillion sparkling diamonds on the river as it rippled its way through the heart of the village.  I heard the birds begin to sing their morning praises and watched a couple of squirrels skitter down from somewhere in the high branches of the old oak in my back yard.  They almost bounced onto my deck and then froze.  They weren’t expecting me and I startled them.  I didn’t move.  I just watched and took a sip of my morning coffee.  Their goal had been a visit to the bird feeder at the opposite end of the deck but there are no treats there now.  Of course they were going to check it out anyhow, just in case.  It looked like a good and promising path they had chosen. 

Though I think they must know I won’t hurt them they didn’t chance skittering by me.  In a flash they were gone in the opposite direction to show up again on the stone wall across the yard from my deck.  They scolded a bit and I went inside and cut up an apple and spread it with just a skimming of peanut butter and a sprinkle of chopped walnuts.  They didn’t get all of it.  I kept three sections for myself.  Carrying the pieces of apple outside, I put them on the stone wall and went back to the deck to watch and wait and enjoy these quiet and peace filled hours of this new day.  I didn’t have to wait long.  The squirrels were back and happy with their morning feast. 

I really shouldn’t do that; feed the squirrels, this time of year.  God provides well for His creatures.  There is plenty for them to eat.  I enjoy their company though so now and then I slip them a special treat and it makes me happy to see them enjoy it.  As that thought crossed my mind it was quickly followed by another; God enjoys our company too and now and then He gives us a special treat, something really good we are not expecting.  God is good, always and always provides for us when we need it, and gives of His store house according to our need.  My birdfeeders are empty now.  I don’t feed the birds from spring through autumn.  They don’t need me now or my handouts.  Everything they need is all around them.  All they have to do is go get it.  

I will soon be placing some potted plants in them for the summer and fall, until winter comes again.  I really don’t want to tempt the skunks, raccoons and possum to my dooryard along with other possible creatures from the wild.  As much as I enjoy watching these creatures that venture into town from the wild, they don’t belong in the village.  They could get hurt and they could hurt us.  Sometimes we don’t belong on the path we have chosen either and if we continue on that path we can get hurt, no so unlike the wildlife that venture into the village tempted by thoughts of something better and their own way. 

“I slipped them a special treat;” those words seemed to hang in the air around me as I watched this new day come to life.  God had slipped me a special treat this morning too, sort of like I did with the squirrels, only better.   This morning shed new light, a different point of view, new perspective.  I’m thankful, more than words can ever express.  God is good, always, even when we think life is bad.

My life lately has been filled with a lot of sadness; I’ve been deeply grieving and have gone through and still am facing a lot of fears, intimidation and having to be confronted with gossip and emotional hardships.  I’m seeing a lot of hate and anger going on and have felt like my life is shrouded and suffocating beneath a heavy shroud of gloom and doom, not knowing what tomorrow may bring; hoping for the best but anticipating even greater sorrows before all this comes to end.  I’m seeing loved ones being terribly hurt, a hurt that seems nearly unbearable and a situation that is so unnecessary if people would lay down their greed and jealousy, use some common sense, look in the mirror and quit playing the blame-game.  The gossip, the rumors, the vile tongue, the false accusations, the bold faced lies and twisting of the truth, the slander and stalking, the bullying are overwhelming. 

I’ve been feeling crushed beneath the weight of it all. Feel like I am drowning in the tears being shed with nothing I can do to stop the onslaught and it has little to nothing to do with me personally, directly, just with those I love unconditionally.  All I can do is continue to love them despite all that is going on.

Thinking about this as the morning spread out its light before me I couldn’t help but think how God must feel as He watches us; all those things we do that cause Him to grieve not so different from my own grief.  He loves us unconditionally, despite our mistakes, the wrong things we do.  He doesn’t like the wrong but He still loves us very much and God is always good and blesses us and gives to us even in the bad times, even when we do wrong.  He doesn’t like the wrong but He loves us, even those who are doing the evil that is causing us such pain.  How deeply it must hurt God to see His children ignoring Him, refusing to listen and behaving in such manner as we do, destroying, abandoning His blessings but scrambling for the special treat, putting want ahead of need, our selfishness first. 

I thought about these things as I watched those two squirrels.  Had they proceeded on their original path there would have been no reward at the end.  The feeders are empty.  Instead they used common sense, some discernment and didn’t confront the danger but avoided it by not following the path they were on.  Even though it wasn’t their way or maybe what they wanted in the beginning their needs were met by using common sense and they even got a special treat as well.

God has given us a new day filled with His light, a fresh start, a chance to do things right, follow the right path, make good and wise choices.  When we do that He provides for our every need, even a special treat now and then…But we need to keep our trust in Him and follow as He leads, not get caught up in the sorrows around us and not let the world around us trip us up or block our path and try to go it our own way.  There is danger lurking out there, pitfalls and snares we can get caught up in if we don’t follow the path God directs us on.  All we can do is help where we can, do our best and let God do the rest…get out of God’s way so He can bring forth that special treat, the happiness we hope for.  God knows where we need to be, what steps we should take and how to get there from here.  Sometimes we need to be like those squirrels, be discerning and not walk into a situation that has an ever present and possible danger staring you in the face where temptation lurks with its snares and traps and false promises.

God never said life would be easy or that we would not see sorrows and know pain but He did say we never have to go through it alone, that He is always with us and will guide us if we will follow Him.  God is always in control even when our life may seem out of control.  When we keep our trust in God we have nothing to fear, no matter what the world may throw at us however vile and humiliating it may be.  When we trust God, use common sense and a bit of discernment and listen to God, He provides all we need to get through each day, gives us the strength and courage to keep moving forward.  He fills us with hope and song. 

Life still may be tough and the walking rough but even in the darkest moments there is light that comes with each new dawn…and sometimes an apple with peanut butter and walnuts on it. God is good; always.

Sunshine’s by name;

Sunshine by nature;

How true is this??

Well not always but I will not be sharing any of my darkest secrets on here-ha ha ha -

It was a week yesterday that I decided to find out more about about The Cherokees.

Ever since I have become totally engorossed in their lives,beliefs ,faith and lifestyles.So for today I am going to be Sunshine Ray.

Lone Wolf

ever since

I have

been with child

this canine wonder

has never

ever

left my side .

He loves

my beloved man

Silver Creek

with

every breath

of his

canine being

and has become

my protector

for

every moment

when my beloved man is

not around.

I pat the green ground

by my side

and

Lone Wolf

without

hesitation

walks

or

almost

glides

to my side

in a floating motion.

His wise head

resting

on my knees

and those

deep seeing

eyes

almost lock

with mine.

Their untold message

so clear:-

‘I am your protector’

‘I am your saviour’

‘Yours and Silver Creek’s babe

I will protect forevermore.’

‘Never worry as l am by your side’

We sat together as one

watching

absorbing

and

allowing

our minds

to be inspired

by

each beauty

enfolding

and

carressing

each view

locked in our

hrearts

and

spirits

forevermore.

I tenderly rub my

swollen form

in which lay our

precious new life; a life

brought forth

by

the most loving connection

there could be.

Oh Silver Creek

we are so as one. Our hearts

spirits

and

souls united

with Earth Mother’s

loving grace

and her

blessings.

Oh Gods

of the

mountains

dales

valleys

and

rivers

unite in harmony

each breath

we take

and

each word

we speak.

Source: wikimedia.comSunshine Ray.

I sit high

on top of the mountain;

I sit leaning back to allow

the spring breeze

to blow through

my long dark

glossy locks.

How I allow

inspiring values

to enter my being and into the depth of my spirit.

Far down below

almost like small

insects

I see a hive of daily activity.

Our stallion

‘Morning Mist’

the leader

of our horses

is kicking

and

frollicking

in frenzied excitement

to his

heart’s content.

Next I can

quite clearly

make out

Crimson Red

with her

little group of children

her pupils

so eager to

learn

Distance hinders

but my

mind’s keen eye

tells me so much.

She tells me

all about

of little faces

eager

hungry to learn

in awe

wondering

and loving

each step

and

each day

of

Crimson Red’s

teachings.

They sit in full circle

young spirits entwined

so new

so fresh.

They absorb

each lesson

like a flower

to sunshine.

They wave their hands

in tune to her lead

like flower fairies ;

free flowing

brimming over

with

love and joy.

Beside me there is a rustling

from the

midst of the

yellow laden gorse.

In my mind

I knew

before

this rustle

became vision

that it was

Lone Wolf.

I

Source: wikimedia.com

I have already felt

the very first stirring

of life

from my womb.

Likened to the

the

soft flutterings

of a

butterfly;

of being at one

with Earth Mother.

I look far

down below me

with an inner pride

and

love

that was new

and so wholesome.

I coud

see the

beginning of a brook

which ran into

the silver thread

of

the river.

At the end

of the journey

many rivers

came together

and ran as many estuaries into the sea.

These

estuaries

I liken to our lives .

Which one

we take

is our desicion.

Source: wikimedia.comTHE RIVERS OF LIFE.

.

A splutter and a gurgle

From deep inside the earth

Is a flowing indication

Of a shimmering new birth.

Leisurely she’ll flow along

Over the earth and its charms

Bringing peace, love and solitude

Like a new babe in mother’s arms.

Over obstacles she’ll meander

Until she conquers her fight,

Compare we this to childhood

As we learn wrong from right.

Wearily she’ll flow along

Into estuaries she’ll divide,

These are the rivers of life

Which one? Is ours to decide.

Source: flcikr.comMy Journey.

I have a journey to travel beofre the birth of our little one.

To clear the slightly overgrown pathways to my heart and soul.

A pure and sure heart our baby will be nourished from;his very first look into my eyes will show me as a strong person with inner pathways cleared.

Silver Cross and my spirit entwined; fitting so well ;each contour;

fitting with ease.

My heart misses a beat as I see my man ;far down below me gathering together his horses;horses that had been injured or were ill;but had now recovered due to his gentle care;the care of a loving and tender hreart.

Lone Wolf also looked down and with bright eyes and wagging tail.

He understood;as he had that deep set gift given to him by our Earth Mother,of spiritual understanding.

A knowing which ran almost as if on an invisible silver thread from his soul to yours Earth Mother; a gift which will last while he is on this earth.

I know that I have this journey to travel but I am not alarmed or worried,I have a deep set trust and understanding inyou my Earth Mother . I accept my journey and I know that I will emerge a better person.

A cleansing of my deepest spirit; in order to be a true mother in all ways.

My Journey.

Oh Earth Mother

I trust you so;

Wherever I am

Wherever I go.

I see you in each sunrise

I see you in each life;

In Lone Wolf’s cries

Your prescence is rife.

I will follow you

As I travel along;

I trust you too

So sweet your song.

I will be cleansed

I will be wholesome.

I will be blessed.

I accept the outcome.

Earth Mother I do love

In Earth Mother I trust.

So like a white dove

This journey is a must.

Source: wikimedia.comSource: flciker.com

As Lone Wolf

and I

sit in

seren silence

those up till now

flutters

had blossomed

into a much stronger

kicking movement.

I look down

in deep wonder

and I see our baby

move as if in

an almost

slow motion;

Oh yes

‘Lone Wolf’

another

day has

begun..

One could viably argue that we are here to procreate, nothing more and nothing less. Just like any other animal in nature, we are driven to create and foster new life.

For some, religion answers the question, sort of. Religion suggests that human are here to please their Gods, to face trials and tribulations that will prepare them for the promised land, the so called “life after death”.

Some cultures believe that we continue to live on Earth, in different forms, until we reach perfection, to move to that promised land. Reincarnation can be in any form, from a short lived insect to a long living tree.

People ponder the reasons of existence because they, collectively, fear Death. Most people are afraid of Death, the fear is so great that they need to believe that life, somehow, must go on. And because people do procreate, they build their lives around that procreation, they learn, work and evolve to foster the family around them. The family around them is loved, natural insticnt calls for protection, and again, fear of Death prompts the thoughts of existence.

The greatest thing about being a human is our ability to think, but it can also be one of our greatest enemies. As the greatest thing, thought brings us joy and love, emotions that we are able to express and share. As our greatest enemy, the ability to think can cause confusion and fear.

Hey, this could be all wrong, there could be more to life than just life, but one may never really know. Death is the only way to answer the question, but for me, procreation is worth living for.

Pastor of one of the largest megachurches to be found anywhere in the United States – Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas – televangelist Joel Osteen has definitely come a long way from the humble beginnings he inherited from his charismatic and hardworking father. Today, however, some have come to doubt that he truly is a representative of Jesus Christ because the ‘verson of gospel that he preaches is consdiered watered down and tailored to be easy to swallow, especially for folks who are only interested in making money and being comfortable. It would seem he provided his detractors with more ammunition to attack himsehim with when he spoke up concerning openly Mormon Republican Presidential Canditate Mitt Romney Wednesday on CNN’s “The Situation Room”, saying he thinks “Mormonism is not traditional Christianity, but Mormons are ‘brothers in Christ,’ especially since [Romney] says he believes that Jesus is the Son of God, that he’s the Christ, raised from the dead, that he’s his Savior” According to Mr. Osteen, “that’s good enough for me.”

And should it not be? Is the good pastor wrong?

The origins of the word ‘Christian’ would seem the same as the word ‘Negro’ – those referred to by the word didn’t ask for it; it was just given them by others. (Acts 11:26). As such, the idea of ‘ True Christianity’ could easily be a myth fostered by separatists in sheep’s clothing and hardly God’s design.

What the Bible says is: ‘If you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is the Lord, you are saved.’ (Romans 10:9). Now, should anyone care whatever in the world anyone else chooses to call themselves? Should not what counts be what – no, WHO – they believe in, and the choices they make as a result? The same ‘Word of God’ after all says, ‘by their fruit  you shall know them,’ (Matthew 7:20) not by what name they are called.

Sadly, a large number of Americans would argue that much of Romney’s fruit (or works) don’t speak too good about him, what with the tax issues, many employees who have suffered the sack at his hand in the name of making profit for his businesses, offering a bet on National Television for more money than  many citizens of the country see in a year, … and all the rest and so forth. However, it’s not the place of anyone to judge: the Lord knows His own.

So who’s right, who’s wrong, and why should anyone care? The Presidency is not about religion now… or is it?

1.)  Give him time to change out of his uniform when he walks through the door before you ask or tell him anything. ( note to men: if you don’t want to hear how your sons destroyed the backyard or broke your ” I love ME Award box”… Stay in uniform)

2.)  You do not wear his rank, thus, mind your manners around their Command and those he commands.  If there is a blue sticker on your vehicle that means the will be a salute when you enter a military post or base.  That salute has NOTHING to do with you.  Treat those who salute your man with dignity.  They are not saluting you.  And honestly, some of the officer wives friends I have known, disgust me when they think they are better then the enlisted fellows and women, or their spouses.  I have had that blue sticker.  It wasn’t for me.  It was for him.  Remember ladies..being respectful with appropriate manners is good for you to have and demonstrate at all times no matter the rank or branch of service you are attached to.

3.)  If he goes to war; do not spend that income foolishly.  I am not telling you how to spend your money, yet money is not just a financial form of currency; more importantly it is an emotional  energy.   How you spend it is a statement on your values and feelings.  Do you really need $300 shoes. If you need $300 shoes- get a job.  Yet , again, YOU DO NOT NEED $300 shoes!  They are going through difficult living conditions and often without decent food or hygiene facilities.  How do you think they feel when they find out you took hundreds of dollars and spent it on something that does not benefit the family?  If they are the sole income of your household ; you really need to be considerate and responsible.  That income came from him being gone at war.  With that said, always listen to them when they tell you to do something for yourself.  Get your hair done, get a  dress, and take damn good care of his children.  You can do that and more just do it with respect and consideration for how that money was earned.

4.)If you are not having intimate relations with HIM- you do not have intimate relations with anyone else.   That includes emotionally intimate relationships too.  We all flirt to a degree, yet keep it innocent and nothing you expose your children to.  Anything you post online is there forever.  Your actions can effect his security status  and more personally: embarrass him.  Be beautiful, sexy and a woman other men look at, just remember to only do what you can live with as a woman, wife and mother.  If you can sit and discuss it with him and it doesn’t bother him… You are on solid ground.

5.)  SUCK IT UP.   Okay, get help, therapy, talk to your religious person,  go to the groups set up during deployment for support and resources.  However, remember YOU are a living  breathing representitive of all he has accomplished.  Carry yourself with dignity.  It isn’t fair and you may do more then civilian spouse next door, and have greater hardships, yet you knowingly married a man in the service and thus – suck it up.

6.)  You want to help him? Then be a better YOU.  The better you …you are the ‘better’ you have to give to him and your offspring.  Change begins within. Stop blaming or complaining and go to therapy, church, school, work…yet do something that gives him something to respect.  They do admire what we do..so give them a continuing reason to embrace you.

7.)  When paralyzed by emotion and / or overcome with anxiety see rule number 6.

8. Have a sense of humor.  Laughter is great. Laugh at your children, your family and friends but never laugh at him or his expense unless he set the joke up himself knowingly.  Military are known for having a unique sense of humor.  Enjoy the laughs.

9.)  No matter what troubles you may be experiencing with him being gone NEVER pack up and leave him while deployed.  Have the decency to talk to him face to face AFTER he is home from war.  Get help. Make an effort and give it 6 -9 months of you both working on your marriage before you even think of uttering the “d” word.  Having been next to them in war zones as a civilian, and being mortared myself, ducking bullets and being scared, UNLESS you have experienced the training and realities of our military- check that bad attitude.   Calling it ‘quits’ because you do not like him being gone is a chickensh*t move ladies.  As mad as they may get at us, the thought of us being there for them with their children , is the one thought they fall into that gives them the courage to muster forward.  You yank that comfort from them, while they are deployed, and you have become an enemy.  Out of sheer respect for them taking you into the bonds of marriage and , as so many do; handing over that hard earned pay to you in trust and a sense of responsibility for your welfare… Keep your ass put!

10.)  You are not his buddy, boss or underling.  You are his wife.  As his wife take an attitude of wanting the best for him.  You may be best friends..and if you are…think….would you treat your best girlfriend with the lack of respect you treat your husband? Do you tell his secrets? Or do you conduct yourself as the safest possible place for him to land after free falling back from war into the world?   Be his comfort, confidant, love, lover, partner, advocate, and do so with self respect and integrity for you both.

11.)  Keep the details of your marriage private.  Of course talk to your counselor, mentor, pastor and some things to your best gal pal.  Yet , do not talk of your marriage to your children, parents, in-laws or his co-workers.  Especially keep all details of your love life or lack of sex life out of common knowledge.  What you say through a filter of anger, isolation, frustration and temptation can ruin how people will see him and you.  Children never need to know the intimate details.  And as your friend , I do not want to hear about his penis.  He doesn’t want me knowing about his penis either.  Yes, there will be the time and place to vent, yet pick those to vent on with due diligence.  Keep it to trained professionals.  Call a damned hot-line.  Yet remember some words and images can never ever be erased from some one’s memory.  So don’t go there in the first place!

12.) We are lucky enough to be rewarded with more ‘ first kisses’ then most couples.  Kiss madly, passionately and deeply.  Take those kisses.  Savor them.  Linger in the moments of reconciliation and retuning.  Fall for him all over.  We are stronger for enduring these hardships of being separated, standing as the only parent for our children, keeping his home running and safe, and having time apart to reflect on how much you really do love him.  Take that kiss with abandon and lust.  Loose yourself.  Get lost in each other. Get found in his arms.  Let him hold you tightly and protectively.  Be the puzzle piece that only fits him.  Kiss, kiss madly , deeply, stealing your breath only to submerge back into his warmth. Kiss…kiss and kiss that man.