We arrived at the PSB around 7 PM, Oh my people that were there. We stood in the line to check in, to see him, children screaming, thugs and bunch of strange looking people. We gave them the stuff for my son, and checked it in, and assured us he would get it tonight. We also put money on his books so he could get something if he needed it. After signing in we went to set in the lobby, to wait for his name to be called. People were coming in, left and right, standing around talking loudly, and I felt out of place. And it was getting late, and was beginning to wonder if we would see him. Just then his name was called. Getting on a very crowded elevator, we were stuffed in like sardines.

We stepped off the elevator and looked for him at one of the windows; he was standing in the back. He looked happy but sad to see us. His body language always told his story. We couldn’t figure out how to use the phone, to talk to him, and then we finally did. He wasn’t in his street clothes anymore, and just been allowed to take a shower. We tried to get some truths out of him; we encouraged him not to lie. He cried big sobbing tears, it had been awhile since I actually witnessed him cry. We told him we couldn’t get him out, He seemed okay with that. He smiled a few times and even laughed, and tried to make jokes. The sister that turned him in is the one he wanted to talk to the most. He also talked to the other sister that is always worried about him, kept telling him to not get in trouble in there because she knew his temper. Assuring him that we loved him and no one was mad at him, we just wished he would have taken care of this before he left to go visit relatives.

We tried to talk about his wife, the fines etc. He was never really one to talk about anything that bothered him, pulling information out of him one word at a time. He was really upset over his wife getting angry when he talked about her. We needed information and this wasn’t easy. Telling him he could get help there for his anger, or talk to someone about his problems, I was sure there were a lot of resources out there for him and he needed to take advantage of them.

As we were leaving, I looked back, there was a little lost puppy standing there, and it was my son. My heart and my feelings are being put to the test right now, but it is right by leaving him there. He has never been in this spot, caged, no being free to do as he wished. Just as hard as it on him it is on me, simply because this was my child.

Actually learning a long time ago, that my children had to live their own lives, couldn’t pick their mates, couldn’t be overbearing by telling them what to do. Praying, for my children to make the right choices, hoping they choose the paths in life. Learning from my mistakes along the way, helped shape me.

As we were leaving, we looked up; there he was standing behind the pathway, on the fourth floor waving to us. This was again hard on all of us, but it is up to him, to take some time to reflect, read his Bible, and makes some plans for his own future.

There is a part of my children’s life that I haven’t known yet, my father is still alive and well. With this part of their life gone, I am sure it is hard on them, especially my son; every boy needs a father, and father to be part of their life. He never really had this or the girls either. This could be my fault and seriously carry it with me every day. Moving away with my children, so far away from their father, to another state, they didn’t have a chance to get to know the real man. The man that didn’t claim them, the man whose cares was more important than theirs. Seriously never talked bad about their father, hoping someday he would change, but before he had a chance to he died. This left a major part of their lives missing.

My son acted out, with lies, and has tried to make people think he is something that he wasn’t. He painted awful pictures of his family including myself, his grandparents and sisters to other people in his life. After being removed from his wedding in July, all his family, not just me, we didn’t think we would hear from again for awhile. He burned a bridge with a lot of people, especially my brother. Then the phone rings and it was him, I asked why he hadn’t called, simple reply I couldn’t. The only real time he ever called was for money and this time wasn’t any different. No, I didn’t give him any, but he found away to another state anyway. Didn’t know he needed to go to court, until the police showed up with a warrant for him at my house for him.

If you were raised by a controller, you were set up for unique problems. In order to maintain some control over your life you may have become counter-controller and rebel. Or you may have elected to maintain control by manipulating others or being overly assertive. 

Link for the part 2: http://gomestic.com/family/seven-kinds-of-father-part-2/

I often wonder how a man can deny his own child. I am yet to get a cognitive answer to that question.

Don’t men have a conscience?

 I can understand certain circumstances that exist that do not allow some men to contribute financially to their children such as loss of income or health issues, but that does not relinquish them of their parental obligation to their children.

Another question I have is how can a man turn his back on his own, and then turn around and take up the financial responsibility of another child who is not his own? I am not against men who enter another relationship and put forth help with that family, but he should not trade one for the other but equally support both.

Child support is meant to give aide or assistance to the children, it helps the mother to provide adequate care of the child and it  help to take care of such expenses such as food, shelter, clothing, medical expenses, school supplies and other incidentals. When a father denies his own child these basic necessities in life they are in essence denying them the opportunity to become all they can in life.

It’s never too late to begin to give financial assistance to your children because as they grow the financial needs also grow. Paying child support will send a positive message to that child, it will say to them that they are not forgotten and they are still important in their father’s eyes.

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Is your biological clock ticking?  Do you think I’m addressing that question to women?  If so, you’d be wrong.  Research suggests that males are subject to the sound of their biological clock’s tick-tock as well as women are.

Researchers at the University of Valencia in Spain found that while males can reproduce later in life, if they do their children may be subject to a greater chance of having abnormalities.  The downside of the late-life reproduction – at least as evidenced in test mice – included behavioral problems and a shorter lifespan for the offspring.  The youngsters also had lower weight when they were weaned than the offspring of younger fathers.

Sperm Count Less in Older Men

This is not the first study to suggest problems for older men having children.  For example, a University of California, Berkeley analyzed the sperm of men from the ages of 22 to 80 and found that the sperm of older men were fewer in number, more immobile and subject to other problems.

More Older Men Becoming Fathers

However, all the research not withstanding, there are significant numbers of older men who have chosen (or maybe it just happened?) to become fathers late in life.  According to the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics, in 2004 about 24 in every 1000 men aged 40 – 44 fathered a child, up almost 18 percent from a decade ago.  And, consider that in England, since 1980, there has been a 40 per cent increase in the number of men between 35 and 50 fathering children and a 20 per cent decrease in the number of fathers under 30.  And in Australia, the average age of fathers is now almost 33 years old, almost three years older than fathers who had children 24 years ago.

Older Men Examples

Think about the following list of well-known males and the age at which they had children:

Former British Prime Minister Tony Blair (45)

Musician Mick Jagger (57)

Musician Phil Collins (51)

News media mega-owner Rupert Murdoch (72)

Actor Michael Douglas (age 58 with mother Katherine Zeta Jones)

Singer Rod Stewart (60)

“Beatle” Paul McCartney (61)

Singer Julio Iglesias Sr. (father of the Julio Jr., at 89)

Actor, writer, director Charlie Chaplin (73)

Actor Anthony Quinn (81)

Artist Pablo Picasso (68)

Opera legend Luciano Pavarotti (twins at 67)

Talk show host Larry King (at 65 and 66)

Actors Warren Beatty (at 62) and Jack Nicholson (at 53).

90-Year Old Father?

And you don’t have to be famous to be an elder “pater.”  Although there are a number of men who claim record holder status as the world’s oldest father, one of the acknowledged record holders, an Indian farmer named Nanu Ram Jogi, fathered a child for at least the 21st time, at the age of 90.  Go Nanu!

Read more at The Writin’ Cowboy

*Get him a funny t-shirt that will make him laugh-can be found at wal-mart

*sing him a song- Find a karaoke version of his favorite song( or any sweet song that reminds you of him) and sing it

*You could just try and give him a hug ( that sometimes can be the best thing)

*if you really want to go out there use all your saved up money and get him what he has been asking for alot recently

*write him a poem. (it doesnt have to be good just make it come from the heart)

*

            It was the weekend of the family camping trip.  This year it was my brother James, my cousin Robert, and me.  This was a tradition that my father started.  Since he passed away last year, I figured that I would carry on the tradition.  “Let’s set up camp here”, I said.  All the while I was thinking that he would not pick this spot, but no one said a word.  It was time to build the fire so I gave James the look.  “Yes dad I will start it up”, James snapped.  He has become so bitter since Dad died.  He resents me for being the oldest.  Also, he resents God for taking Dad in that accident.  That is why Robert is here with us.  I’m hoping the fact that Dad always studied with Robert will influence James in some way.  Robert starts his new job as a preacher next week and I am hoping James will go see him preach.  “What should I be doing?” Robert asked.  I pantomime a man praying and start setting up the tents.

            As I am nailing the stakes in the ground I think about how I have fought back the same doubts about Dad that James is dealing with.  I decided to sit in his seat by Mom and be there every time that the door is open.  Going through the motions should not be wrong if it is for the greater good.  It is what he would have wanted.  That is the idea behind this trip.  Dad always used to say that “nature brings us closer to Him.”  I sure hope he was right.

            “Your tent is ready James”, I shout.  He says nothing as usual, but shuffles inside anyway.  I hear him light a cigarette as I admire the roaring fire.  He was always the better scout.  Robert is admiring the pine trees, no doubt in some sort if deep meditation with his invisible new boss.  While I notice myself hammering Robert’s tent pegs in harder than I did my brother’s, I start to wonder which one of them makes my life harder.  I have been the pious one in the family, but no one seems to care that James is not.  “Robert you are good to go”, I repeated twice to snap him out of whatever trance he was in.  He seems to notice the exasperated look on my face, but says nothing.  I rush through the raising of my tent and start supper.  It’s a strange feeling standing in the shoes of my father, but to save James I have to take the lead.  The sooner we eat, the sooner Robert can engage James in conversation.  Then I can step in and stop the selfish behavior of my brother.

            Supper passes without much conversation, the tension is thick.  I give Robert a nod and he begins to speak.  “You know James, I start a new job next week”, Robert said.  James nods.  “Forgive his rudeness Robert, tell us about it”, I say with fatherly rage.  “That’s fine, it is preaching at the Johnson Street Church of Christ”, Robert announces proudly.  James stands up immediately and gives me a hard glare.  I hear him mumbling as he walks toward the woods.  “Thank you for trying”, I tell Robert quickly as I head after my brother.  It looks like I am on my own in bringing my brother back to church. 

            I find James sitting on a rock about a mile away from camp, expressionless.  “You are so full of shit”, he snarls at me.  “What?” I try to act shocked.  “You knew damn good and well where his new job was.  What is it big brother, do you need someone on the pew to make you seem less self- righteous?” his snarl has become a shout.  “Look here…” I barely get out before he starts again.  “You don’t believe in God big brother.  The only problem is that you do not have the balls to admit it.  I am trying my best to fight the doubt, but I do it in private.  You hypocrite!” he spews.  Before I can answer he tells me, “get your act together brother.”  “Excuse me, but I brought you out here to do the same thing”, I finally admit.  “This keeps getting better, you are not Dad you prick!” his face is now inches from mine.  “Don’t you need someone to build you back up?  I am your big brother James and have done my best to be a good example.” I choke out before I start to cry.  He starts to shake his head and pace around me.  “At least I half-believe”, James is starting to speak softer.  He eases his arm around me and sits me down.  As he does, I break down completely.  “You have been so busy trying to take his place that you have not taken the time to grieve Dad yourself”, James is almost whispering now.  My mind races and I see that he is not only right, with my eyes welled up he sounds just like Dad.  “What do you mean you half-believe?” I manage to ask through my grief and embarrassment.  “The faith meter is at about fifty percent there brother.  I believe that there is a higher power, I am not just ready to show love for him anymore.  I am not ready to swallow everything in the big book anymore, but if you would have asked I would have told you.  Dad would have asked.  If you need a label brother, I guess I am an agnostian”, he stops when he notices the bewilderment on my face.  “Oh, I get it,” I finally got it.  “Trips is over big brother”, James says as if he is doing me a favor.  “Why?” I asked.  “We can do this again when you are where you need to be.  You have some healing and growing up to do”, James said with concern in his voice.  “Can you do me one favor on the next trip?” I asked.  “What’s that?” he asks as he grabs his knapsack.  “You plan it.  You have done more for me than I could ever do for you.  You should carry on the tradition.  If there is a Heaven, Dad has to be looking down with pride,” I say as we start walking toward the campsite. 

            The ride home was spent in silence, but not for the same reasons as before.  We had finally said it all, plus Robert was pissed off at both of us.  As things turn out, neither of us are up to seeing Robert’s big debut.  I will ask him for forgiveness, if I ever feel like I have to. 

The linked article by Phyllis Schalfly was written in 2011 and outlines what we know today and, it appears, already knew back 50 years ago, that boys raised by there mothers, absent of a father in the home, become  hoodlums.  Pure and simple.  We knew it in ‘61 (and probably before that) and we know it today.  We see it everywhere.  Statistics don’t lie (prison populations prove it) yet we continue to denty it–to our own detriment.  We continue to buy in with the feminist man-haters that a man in the home (and children) is nothing more than the worst form of indentured servitude. 

Yes by all means ladies (OOPS, I made an insult, so sorry), I mean liberated woman of the world, abandon that husband who loves you, and the chilfdren who need you, and get out there in the workforce to work for a boss who doesn’t love you, doesn’t care about you or your problems, might sexually harrass you, and will certainly fire you for not doing your job and replace you the very next day!  Yes I’d that was a great trade-off.  BUT WE’RE DOING IT! WHY, WHY, WHY???  They,  the women are doing it, and WE, the menfolk are allowing it, and what great legacy we’re leaveing for history!?

Creative gifts from those who are able to make something.

When I was younger, I would often make my dad various gifts from arts and crafts supplies that would prove useful to him. For instance, a pencil holder made from popsicle sticks. It’s nothing complicated, just something to show that you care and want to make things a little easier on them for taking care of you.

Buy them something because they would love to have it.

My dad is a huge golf fan. Not so much that he’ll spend most of his time at home watching it, but because he enjoys the actual game and the polite feeling of playing. Sometimes, when I’m strapped for time, I’ll get him something nice, like a golf-ball piggy-bank, or some slippers with golf clubs on them. Something that reminds him that I remember about what he loves in life.

Spend time together doing something you both enjoy.

A father gives up his time and thoughts for his children, so what better way to celebrate him than to give up some of your own time for him. My dad being an avid golfer, one thing that we love is to go mini-golfing. Not too often, but on special occasions, we go out together, and we both enjoy spending time with each other.

Bring him to a place he’ll remember.

There are certain places around you that have their own beauty, but you have to stand there sometimes in order to be able to admire it. If you can drag your dad there, it is usually worth it. Spend time with them, maybe not doing something in particular, but maybe it’s just about the moment.

Cards are key for any event.

Sometimes, the best way to get your message across is with cards. Most often times the ones labelled under the ‘funny’ section. Why? Because dad’s are the ones that introduce humour to your life. Give him a card that has something funny written on it that he’ll enjoy for sometime. Afterwards, all you needs to do is write your own message on it to show love that speech cannot properly define.

Happy Father’s Day, to all the great dads out there!

Father’s Unite for one day of slacking and relaxing. There’s no such thing as sleeping in and lounging in front of the TV on a Sunday afternoon. Not to mention getting the best kind of gifts that you never get on your birthday from your family. For those of you in your 30’s or 40’s, now’s a good time to call up YOUR father and wish him a Happy Father’s Day. If possible, spend some time with him before he passes on. If that won’t satisfy you, how about the free buffet you get at home? Exactly. Nothing says Father’s Day like a stomach full of home cooking at no cost. So for all you dads out there, you might want to make the best of Father’s Day. It’s the only day you get to relax on. Unlike Thanksgiving, Christmas, or your birthday. Happy Father’s Day to fathers everywhere.