As a therapist for couples as well as many sexual issues, I can tell you that the many times the root of a couple’s issues is that one or both partners has not really been honest about the kind of relationship they want.  We live in a society that tends to hold one relationship paradigm as an absolute; all others are “wrong.”

 We like having choices. Imagine walking into a Starbuck’s, and having the server assume what you’d like to order….what you “should” want to have.  No, you walk in there and tell them very specifically how you’d like your beverage, and you generally get what you’ve paid for.  Not so in relationships many times! One person has not been clear (even with him/herself) and the other partner gets something he or she did not bargain for.  They have consciously and/or unconsciously tried to follow what society says they “should” have.

 Now imagine going into Starbuck’s and having the server tell you that you are wrong for wanting your beverage the way you do.

 Why should we care what sexual behavior any athlete or politician chooses any more than we should care about their order at Starbuck’s?   It is their own business, as long as it is safe, legal and consensual, and agreed upon with their partner(s).

 The menu for relationship style choices for both genders and all sexual orientations are: 

 1.    Marriage for life with one partner.

a.    100% fidelity.

b.    Open relationship.

c.    Don’t ask, don’t tell.

2.    Serial monogamy.

3.    Living together, unmarried.

4.    Co-parenting, unmarried, living separately.

5.    Single, enjoying sexual freedom and variety.

6.    Single, enjoying celibacy.

 …or any combo of the above, as agreed upon by both parties.   If you don’t like one of the items on this menu, don’t order it.  But please allow others to enjoy their choice.  Of course, sometimes people change their mind about their choice.  Operating from integrity and letting a partner know this vs. withholding and acting out behind their back can minimize the pain.

 Naturally, the heart is more complicated than a latte, but if those who prefer #4 on the menu above could shamelessly claim their choice and be allowed to enjoy it, then perhaps the media could get back to focusing on what really affects our lives. 

Ebony Ebodarbla is 21 years old. For her, it is not love without an unusual, exciting, and daring experience. She would not mind if her sweetie needed to be completely sure before falling for her. It is  rather difficult for her to resist someone who is amusing and enjoyable. Her seduction method expresses strong emotions. Her ideal date is an exciting and romantic evening together.

Favel  Freflagolhai is 26 years old. She thinks that it is not love without starting out as friends first. She would not mind if her sweetie expected complete loyalty from her. It is  rather difficult for her to resist someone who is beautiful, smart, and elegant. Her seduction method is amusingly unconventional, and never exactly the same. Her ideal date is a a long walk to an isolated, particular place to have a picnic.

Bahjibaji Bahjoy is 24 years old. For her, it is not love without flirting. She would not mind if her sweetie always had to get the last word in.  It is  rather difficult for her to resist someone who is philosophical and independent. Her seduction method is a superb ability to be able to change readily to meet new circumstances. Her ideal date is an intense exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings in a small restaurant, eating light meals. 

Calca Calaussta is 23 years old. For her, it is not love without romance. She would not mind if her sweetie needed to be the center of attention. It is rather difficult  for her to resist someone who is friendly, pleasant, affable, and  fashionably elegant. Her seduction method is to be able to ask the right questions. Her ideal date is a long walk in a wonderful mountain landscape.

Some people say that only widows’ husbands don’t cheat, but it isn’t true. Faithful men do exist despite of the common notion that all men are polygamous. In fact women are no less polygamous. But this is a short post about the lady with a faithful man. How did she manage to keep her man only to herself? In the first place this is the woman he does not want to cheat on. She doesn’t need to be perfect in the eyes of all the people around her, but in his eyes alone. She doesn’t necessarily need to know ten ways of folding the pancakes or to have her hair dyed in the most fashion colors.

Such woman has one very important quality – she is natural. She is herself, she is who she is. This is the character feature that attracts men the most. She may not know how to cook, but she must have a sense of humor.  She may not be beautiful, but she must be very good when it comes to making love.

As long as there is good sex and spiritual understanding between two individuals, the man will not feel the need to cheat and such relationship is doomed to be successful. In addition, if the couple shares common interests and she happens to know how to cook his favorite meal… There is no doubt and argument that the woman of the faithful man is the one he feels good with. And how much he feels good – it depends on the woman beside him.

Affection.  A desire to be near the person, to do small things that show that you are thinking of him or her.  A propensity to touch them in small ways that give pleasure, reassurance and comfort.

Caring.  The feeling that means that you really care about what happens to that individual.  You want what is best for them.  You want them to be happy.  You want them to be successful.  You want others to like them.  etc…

Devotion.  You feel connected to them in such a way that you will be on their side of any issue.  You want to always be aligned or united with them in any endeavor.

Fidelity.  A desire to be with this person exclusively.  To exclude all others to the level of intimacy that you share with this one person.

Friendship.  You accept them as they are, faults and all, and quietly encourage them to grow.  Without pressure or force.  You enjoy being around them for who they are and who you are when you are with them.

Respect.  You regard their thoughts, ideas and person as having value.  You understand that they are different from you and yet their ideas are just as important and worthy of consideration as your own.  You understand also that they have personal space and the right to enjoy that personal space when they so desire.

Lust.  You also have a yearning to be close to them physically and intimately.  You want to share with them those parts of you that are kept private from the rest of the world and you want them to share the same with you.

This is just the tip of the iceberg of the emotions that are involved when we talk of love.

Sex forum: To Do or Not Do, That Is the Question! It is easy to take note of the Decision on the spot When it Comes to sex, especially on the first date. In Which case, no risk of regret after Greater Than Being During the pleasure. ..

Several days to wait to put yourself in the hands of fate (pardon me, the pleasure!) Intalinre the first, If You Do Not Miss the Opportunity and never know how the male sex Concerned WAS, how terrible is the feeling of Day Two, You will walk as “Boulevard of shame”?

It is likely That you met the man with WHOM to Be a copy of the big exception, in Whose Presence Impulses HAS Hardly mastered your pet (and Women Have only one). Caught between a languid kiss, a well-Placed hand, the IMPLIED glance with a whiff of perfume and sexy , it’s understandable That You Get Your Ideas That more or less guilty. However, you should keep your calm and lucidity and think well ahead.

According to a sodaj appeared in the journal Sexuality Research & Social Policy American, 30% of women who tend to find partners through social networking sites have sex on a first date. They could justify saying that they had several meetings in advance – meetings online . 

However, the second encounter in real life with The Man Who Made Sex in Many Cases no longer exist. Here is Some Issues Which you should meditate on the before going to the facts:

1. Expectations Afterwards. Even if you Hopedale respctivul That is “the one” fast forward a sexual affair is Often Difficult to digest. Loses ITS magic connection between you and your partner disappear arguing That May Not it is emotionally ready.

2. You do that all the men? Maybe Not Quite your style, But certainly this question arises in HIS mind. You Will Be Perceived as a slight woman with a history of SEXUALLY Dangerous.

3. Can You Be Fair? If You Have Sex on a first date, it means That yield easily. And When You Have Been framed in the category mentioned, you Will Be always suspected of infidelity .

4. aaaa …. So Both wanted! It Might Have just the man to Have Been Committed as one (there is of-guys!), HAD Which Would Some Expectations from you and I want a Possible Serious Relationship. Now you Both wondering if you want in a man: sex .

5. Game Over. Men like Challenges. If You Everything just get handed on a platter, they lose interest. They want to move to the next level, you know, What about computer games: After You Have Trained at basic level, advanced level crossing.

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Consistent with the notion of out-group, fidelity, like any concept can be defined negatively: to be faithful is not to be unfaithful … And it generally defines infidelity as having sex with someone other than his regular partner. So we will remain on this idea, even if she deserves to be qualified.

Will or coercion?

The answer is simple for married people, proving adultery excluded by law: the fidelity here is certainly a manifestation of the will – because there is a contract – but also a constraint, imposed as it turns out … Adultery is a fault that could cause the divorce. And one can reasonably think that the desire to provide legal loyalty is one of the main reasons to marry. In summary, it is here more a legal requirement that a mark of love.

Loyalty, moral obligation?

We leave here with the legal provision. The event will be translated by an obligation of a different nature, very often the one that will result from the oath that is chosen within a given religion. Any infidelity becomes a morally reprehensible – but generally legal, the religious aspect, accompanied by a civil marriage. For believers, it will go for example to exclude a new religious ceremony.

Loyalty as a promise:

There is a private formalization of the concept of fidelity, next to the publicity that is a religious consecration: they merely give his speech. But a promise should be kept … But what sanction risk you one here? We are no longer under the civil law, nor in that of canon law … The decision belongs to the beneficiary of this promise: it may be, for example of a’’stage”and even a breach of common life … but it may well be no desire to punish.

Can – by being realistic for some, out of naivety for others, we often swear loyalty for a time or for life, for there is no love no promises …

Fidelity as frustration:

Staying faithful is always frustrating. Indeed recognize a sexual opportunity, or even love, always ends appear: the push is so frustrating. Attention also contrary to the desire to yield, because if it turns out that this was misleading as printing, frustration – although different in origin, but equally true – this will again!

Frustrations are advancing relationships: these would indeed be impossible if our drives did not meet any barrier. 

This frustration is real proof of love!

Loyalty is often part of a system of obligations because, basically, it was perhaps no inextricable link with love …

At the beginning of it, loyalty does not rhyme with frustration: it is almost obvious and therefore pose no problem.

Over time, this love continues to”blind”and we see around us again. The libido becomes curious, triggering a risk of infidelity.

One might wonder if not succumb means that you are in love. The answer does not prove easy … What is certain is that we respect the commitment, but this attitude is still not alone in love …

Infidelity often creates harm: to protect the person with whom one lives would it not love?

He arrives to finish the infidelities never leave our heads. By then are still, or is this freedom we recognized?

Practitioner of personal development since 2000 – yes, already! - I bring my listening and personalized assistance to both adults and adolescents.

I can also give them the benefit of my experience parallel teacher in higher education, and eighteen years of activity in backgrounds.

My tips apply to both the intimate sphere of life at work or coaching studies.

Love and loyalty

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Give wisely and carry a big stick

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I knew a man, a very tall and spare and gentle man, for several years before I found out that he visited prisoners in our county jail, week in and week out for decades,  He would write letters for them, carry messages fetch clothing or books,  But mainly he just offered himself.  He didn’t preach to them, didn’t pick and choose between the likable and the nasty, didn’t look for any return on his kindness.  All that mattered was that they were in trouble.

Why did he spend time with outcasts when he could have been golfing or watching T.V.?  “I go in case everyone else has given up on them,”he once told me.  “I never give up.“

<h3>Fidelity to a mission, person, or an occupation shows up in countless lives all around us.</h3>

It shows up in parents who will not quit loving her daughter even when she dyes her hair purple and tattoos her belly and runs off with the band.  It shows up in couples who choose to mend their marriage instead of filing for divorce.  It shows up in volunteers at the hospital or library or women’s shelter or soup kitchen.  It shows up in unsung people everywhere who do their jobs well, not because e the supervisor is watching or because they are paid bobs of money but because they know their work matters.

A cause needn’t be grand, it needn’t impress a crowd to be worthy of our commitment.  To say that fidelity is common is not to say it’s easy, painless or free.  It costs energy and time, maybe a lifetime.

And every firm yes we say requires many a firm no. 

<h4>The challenge is to find those causes that are peculiarly our own</h4>

Those to which we are clearly called–and to then embrace them with all  hearts remaining faithful to a calling, we can create the conditions for finding a purpose and a pattern in our days.

If you imagine trying to solve the world’s problems at once though, you’re likely to quit before you finish rolling up your sleeves.  But if you stake out your own workable territory, if you settle on a manageable number f causes, then you might accomplish a great deal, all the while trusting that others elsewhere are working faithfully in their own places.

You may be fond of claiming that you can take, it or leave it, when it comes to sex, but reality could easily be very different, and moving, unrestrained, from one sex partner to another, may be far more unnatural, in truth,  than you might ever have believed.  The release of the hormonesn vasopressin and oxytocin, is stimulated, in people,  by the sex act, though how these affect the human brain, is not yet well understood by science.

The unassuming Prairie voles, apparently, only ever have one sexual life partner, having a specific, mental, smell-based map of their partners, firmly imprinted on their brains. Strong hints are now surfacing, that the hormone pair mentioned, could be related to the feeling of love in humans, studies of primates, man’s closest relatives, having shown that monogamous apes, unexpectedly, have higher levels of vasopressin, in the brain reward centres, than is the case with varieties who have many sexual partners.

Andreas Bartels, and Semir Zeki, researchers at University College, London, some years ago, located areas of the brain, that are, in humans activated by romantic love, conducting a study of brain activity, finding that only a small area is active in love, compared with brain activity involved in, for example, ordinary friendship, the area concerned being responsible, also, for so-called gut feelings, and in generating the euphoria induced bynarcotics.

Brains of people, who are supposedly deeply in love, look unlike those of people experiencing strong emotions, but actually more like those of people high on drugs. Love, therefore, employs exactly the same neural mechanisms, as those are activated during the addictive cycle of activity, making humans most likely to be, quite literally, addicted to love, when we experience it.

A lot of variation is evident, it must be said, in the vasopressin-receptor gene, observed in human biology. Future scientists may, conceivably, be able to genotype people, and also predict their future fidelity, or likely lack of it. Already proved possible, to tinker with genetic inheritance, with startling results, by scientists working with prairie voles, strengthening the ability of these creatures in creating partner attachments.

Researchers have also been scanning the brains of lovers, helping understand what love is all about. Researcher at Rutgers University, Helen Fisher, suggested that love is a three-tier process, involving lust, romantic love and long-term attachment, each of which tiers having unique chemical signals.

Psychologist at Concordia University, Montreal, named Jim Pfaus, believes that yhe immediate aftermath, of lustful sex, mimics the state induced, in humans, by the taking of opiates like heroin. Chemical changes occur, including increasing levels of serotonin, oxytocin, vasopressin and endogenous opioids (the body’s natural equivalent of heroin), serving perhaps to relax the body, induce pleasure and induce bonding.  

Romantic, or obsessive love, is the sort that induces people to home in, on a particular mate, in a state characterised by feelings of exhilaration, some thinking that this shares some neuro-chemical characteristics with the condition of manic depression, romantic love, in earnest, being one of the strongest human  drives on Earth, even more powerful than hunger, and unrelenting.. Unstable,  in truth, this type of love can progress to long-term attachment, co-operation in the  raising of children, and feelings of calm, security, and emotional union, though it is possible to love more than one person, at the same time, because all that nature intended for humanity was simply to reproduce, and love was never a factor..

Men are made lustful much more easily than women, the reason why visual pornography is more often associated with the male. Men lust after youth and beauty, women being more attracted to money, education and position, but love is about much more than simple genetics. People learn from sexual and social experiences, that arousal comes naturally, but long-term success in mating requires this social education to take place, which may account for some people tending to date the same “type” of partner, over and over again, in search of the right one.

Speculation exists, that humans develop a kind of “love map” , as they mature, forming a kind of blueprint, containing all the things that they have learned are attractive to themselves. An inner scorecard, if you will, seems to be something that people use, to rate the suitability of mates, though humans being born with a “soul mate” wired into their genetic selves is highly unlikely.

Love, it would appear, may simply be a chemical state, with genetic roots, and environmental influences that control it, making it theoretically possible, to create a more sociable or more loving human being, and the possibility is, that information, about genetic roots of fidelity, may in future answer questions, such as your partner really loving you, or  not. Getting a kick out of someone, so research tells us, is a natural chemical high, love therefore being, as we all knew, simply a special kind of chemistry. Why mess with it?