Restoration Promised                            

Text: Deuteronomy 30:6 – The Lord your God will cleanse your heart and the heart of your descendants so that you will love Him with all your heart and soul and so you may live (New Living Translation).

Have you ever offended someone and the person has not forgiven you? How do you feel? The greatest torment one can pass through is, bearing the burden of sin. It weighs one down completely. Are you in such condition? Is there any unforgiving sin confronting you? God wants you to know that He will cleanse you from all unrighteousness as you come back to Him (I John 1:9). God purging all our wicked affections is not in our own power to do. This is what Moses was telling the Israelites here in our text, that when God circumcise their heart then they will serve Him better.

You cannot serve God in sin. He is of purer eyes to behold iniquity (Habakkuk 1:13). He does not compromise with it at all. He is promising you and your family restoration to His love so that you may live and serve Him better. Only then, we could receive answers to our prayers (Isaiah 59:1, 2). A life of sin is abomination to God and humanity. Remember that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). When God grants you forgiveness, you should also forgive yourself that you might have peace. What God demand from a sinner is to return to Him (Isaiah 1:18, 55:7, Jeremiah 3:12 cf. Luke 15:17-24)? He will restore you totally, as you return to Him.

FFT: A pure heart is a gateway to God. How pure is your own heart?

Prayer Points:

1) Thank God, for His mercies endure forever.

2) Ask God to cleanse you if you have sinned against Him.

3) Ask God for abundant life too  love Him (John 10:10).

Many people could probably write a book on how many times they have been challenged to forgive someone 

Anyone that wrongs a persons needs  forgiveness a stranger pushed me and beat me up of course I’m angry and at first probably want revenge that is the natural feeling for most of us

How we are able to choose to deal with our situations the sooner our feelings are dealt with the sooner to our Forgiveness appears the anger and bitterness go away 

For many of us this is hard to do controlling feelings emotions 

True Forgiveness strengthens character, calms emotion,conquers hate,

hate destroys all 

Thinking of the past is a that holds forgiveness back,constantly dealing with those kinds of emotions keeps the resentment alive 

Many people try to deal with their emotions on their own and prolong their Forgiveness Help is available on line could be the most comfortable way 

 Needing Help may be hard to accept It is great knowing their are places to contact Help Guide can assist 

I am going to share with your some romantic ways of rending apologizes to your wife.

Without wasting time let me move on to show you these methods.

1)      Approach her when she is lonely. Knee down before her and take her hands. Look into her eyes and say “I am sorry” to her.

2)      Buy her some nice flowers and she will forgive you.

3)      Write a song of forgiveness and read it to hear loudly.

4)      Take her hands and sing any song of forgiveness to her.

5)      Go and sit beside her quietly for some minutes without talking to her. Appear very worried. Go to her and ask her what you have down wrong. She is not going to say anything to you since she will be already angry with you. So when she doesn’t responds take her hand, wait for some minutes, look straight into her eyes and say “I am sorry my dear”

6)      Buy her a new car if the situation is very serious.

7)       Tell her you love her very much so she should forgive you.

8)       Buy her a nice ring.

9)       Give her money to burn her heart.

10)   Ask her what she wants and buy it for her.

11)   Sit beside her and tell her funny jokes.

12)   Tell her she is the only one you love on this earth.

13)  Get a nice quotation from the bible about forgiveness and read it to her.

TIME HEALS BUT FORGIVENESS MAKES YOU WELL

I’m along in years now, elderly, and like all of us my life has had its ups and down.  Life is never easy for any of us.  Loved ones leave or die and we feel a horrendous loss like a part of our heart, our life has been ripped right out of us.  Someone gossips about us and spreads rumors without knowing all the facts or twisting truth taking things out of context and injecting their own conclusions and it tarnishes your good reputation.  We over-extend our self financially and end up with financial issues that cause us grief much to our distress and at times, our embarrassment.   

We all sometimes make bad choices or others make bad choices and we get hurt, emotionally, physically, financially and even spiritually.  Sometimes we find it difficult to get beyond the pain, the grief, the hurt, the anger and the frustration that is left behind in the wake of the injury. 

Sometimes we can fix it.  More often we can’t and we have to just pick up the pieces and move on.  It is not an easy thing to do but time heals, if we let it.  This is when you need to truly live just one day at a time; don’t cling too yesterday and don’t project the future, just live today.  It is all we really have anyhow, just today.  We can’t go back and change one single moment of the past.  It is over and done with.  We do not know, cannot know what the future holds or even if we will see a new tomorrow.  None of us know that.  We can hope and dream and even plan for days to come but we cannot know what tomorrow will bring until it becomes today. 

Eventually, after a few days, weeks, maybe even a few months, depending on what the situation is, the immediate pain subsides.  The anger, the feeling of loss or the embarrassment eases and slowly fades into the shadows of your mind.  Time heals but it also has a tendency to leave scars behind.  Too often we find our self hiding behind those scars.  With withdraw into our own shell.  We stop truly communicating.  We over-react to a look or a comment that we might otherwise blow off or simply ask, “Did I hear what I think you said,” and ask for an explanation…and worse we refuse to let go and we dwell on all the hurt.  

Sometimes we even do the unthinkable, what we would not do.  Instead of doing unto others as we would have them do unto us, we do unto others as others have done unto us and the cycle of damage rolls on from person to person and generation to generation.  As long as we allow past injury to dictate our present behavior it will never go away and nothing will change,  It will always be there to haunt you.  They say time heals, maybe, but it sure can leave some ugly scars behind.

It took me a long time to get this, really get this, accept it and put it into practice in my own life.  It is not time that truly heals…FORGIVENESS is the true healer.  It is hard to forgive when you have been seriously hurt.  It is hard to forgive those who have hurt you.  It is hard to forgive yourself for your own wrong doings, bad choices but learning to forgive is the only way you will ever truly heal.

Forgiveness is a whole lot more than “I’m sorry.”  “Okay, I forgive you.”  That is just the beginning.  You may never get an apology but you need to forgive anyhow.

Let me give you an example.  When I was a child and even into my young adult years there was someone who was treating me very badly, saying bad things about me and attempting and occasionally succeeding to do bad things to me.  I feared and hated this person.  I even tried to tell others whom I thought would help and do something about it what was going on but to no avail.  This person wouldn’t do that.

I had misunderstood.  I was the one to blame.  They wouldn’t believe me or maybe they did believe me but couldn’t or wouldn’t accept the possibilities or maybe were too insecure themselves to help. 

For years I feared and hated this person and avoided this person as much as possible.

I would literally quake inside if I found myself in a situation where I had to be alone in this person’s presence.  Eventually I learned to forgive, forgive for my own sake because I couldn’t live with that pain anymore.  I couldn’t live with the fear and the hate and ever truly move on in my life and be happy.  I couldn’t change what had happened.  I couldn’t make this person a better person.  I couldn’t make this person respect me.  I couldn’t make this person love me for who I truly am.  There was no way to retaliate and not bring myself down to their level of wrongness.  There was nothing I could do and it left me hurting and broken until I forgave this person and truly meant it.  You have to learn to love (agape kind of love) the person even when you abhor the behavior.   You have to come to recognize it is not the person you hate, it is the behavior.  Without the negative behavior you could really like that person.  It is love (agape love) that heals and forgiveness that makes you well and the love and forgiveness comes in time.  So I suppose, in a sense of the word, time heals.

Forgiving a person does not mean you ever have to like or trust that person again.  It doesn’t mean you have to be their friend or even be around them.  It doesn’t me that you will forget but you will learn from the past and are better able to keep yourself out of such situations.  It is the forgiveness that actually makes you well and able to truly move on and not let clouds of yesterday darken the sunshine of today.  You can finally dump the garbage and all that old baggage that is making your life painful, sorrowful and stuck in a bad place.  Forgiveness does that.

Not too long ago I talked with this person and I told them exactly how I felt and what their actions had done to me, how it had hurt me all these many years.  I told them I forgave them and even though I loved them as a person I could not like them because of their behavior toward me.  I did not and do not like the behavior and that for a time it had left me very broken.  Unfortunately the person laughed and said. “Yeh, but I enjoyed it and I told you no one would ever believe you.  I made damned sure of that.” 

For just a few seconds I cringed and recoiled like this person had just punched me in the gut.  For just a few seconds I wanted to strike out as venomously as I knew how but I didn’t.  I just walked away.  This person knows my feelings.  This person knows I am no longer holding a grudge or any hate toward them personally and that it was, is their actions and attitudes I hate and will no longer allow to hurt me.  I have forgiven them and shifted the burden.  It is now their baggage, their burden to carry and what they do with it is their problem.  I will probably never forget those injuries from the past but neither will I dwell on them or use them as an excuse for my own behavior.  It is finally over and I am well.

I”ve never followed politics very closely until 2008. If anythng positive has come out of Barack Obama’s Presidency, it is it has broght a new interest for me and possibly for many others about the business of governing our Great Nation.

And now as we are narrowing down to logically only two candidates for the Republican ticket, what is transpiring between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich strikes me as really queer.

Mr. Romney is a very wealth man, who is unscupulous in how he uses this wealth. Consider the vicious, falsehoods he has levied at Newt Gingrich. He impresses me as a desperate man totally out of control with nothing to stand on but to contrive blantant lies about his opponent, Mr. Gingrich. Numerous sources have brought these accusations to light as being misconceptions and in many cases outright lies.

Why do lies and falshoods attract smart, intelligent people, indeeed patriots who love this Country, into total belief? Yes, so many have swallowed these lies “hood-lin-and-sinker”, Wake up folks, the bacon is burning! What a qeer situation this is!

Even queerer, is so many have expressed the fact they believe Mitt Romney is the “safer” candidate. Safer from what? How can anyone believe the ruthless, viciousness Mr. Romney has displayed is safe? Even his wife has stated that they were never convervatives. And Mitt’s professional records prove this. Why is it that Newt’s past marital problems become the BIG moral sin of the century?

I suppose a man who believes homesexuals have a right to participate in the boy scouts constitutes no moral issue? Neither does a repeated stand for aqbortion. And of course, bearing false witness against another, as Mit Romney as done repeatedly with Newt Gingrich isn’t so bad, huh? No moral sin here? God’s Word, the Bible, is clear on all these issues as being sins….and any sin is a moral issue.

What really strikes me as totally queer is these points of view, actions, and opinions of Mitt Romney directly relate to his character. If he is going to flip floop on issues he has supported all his professional career, how do we know he won’t flip flop back to these liberal beliefs should he become president? Frankly with the weakness demonstrated by Mitt Romney, as evidenced by him stooping to sinful tactics as falsehoods as the only means he seems to possess for trying to beat Newt Gingrich, I doubt seriously if he can beat Barack Obama. President Obama has him beat in this department!

The moral issue of Newt Gingrich is a serious matter for most Evangelicals. But based on testimony from several well respected Evangelical clergy, and the backing of the American Family Association, it seems clear that Mr. Gingrich has confessed these short comings (sins) and has taken them to the only One who can forgive him. Why are we allowing someone like Mitt Romney to bash Newt Gingrich over the head, yes, as Sarah Palin said, “crucify” him, when Almighty God has forgiven him of these trangressions? Are we bigger than God? This attitude, is also queer.

And queer too is condoning Mitt Romney’s sins by backing him for a candidate for President of the United States, when the very existence of freedom, liberty. justice – our entire American way of life – hangs perilously by a very thin thread.

1. Understand what happened.

The crucial first step. If one does not understand how events spiraled out into they way they were, how can they ever expect to know how to avoid history from repeating itself? Understand what happened, why it happened, how it happened. Evaluate anyone else and yourself in the issue clinically and objectingly. Your feelings may keep you from truthfully admitting to yourself what happened–but if you can come overcome this obstacle, you will become a stronger person with a clearer, more honest sense of self. Don’t be the person who deludes themselves to serenity but wonderingly keeps finding themselves wound up in misery. 
2. Talk to someone not involved.
People involved in a conflict have already developed their own opinion on the issue–making it hard for you to fully express yourself in fear of repudiation. Talking to someone unbiased allows you to fully gather your thoughts aloud without this fear. Though they might not get all the sides, they can give you advice for your side. From there, it is up to you to interpret their guidance and apply it to everything you know about what happened. Sometimes, all someone needs is a friend to let them vent out too– you will find a lot of anger and frustration released just by talking and discussing.
3. Ignore your hatred.
Nothing is more temperamental and short lived than hate and disgust. When people hate someone, they tend to naturally avoid them. Reasonable human beings understand that most conflict is best be avoided. If you are a type of person who is aggressively violent and catalatic, you probably find yourself in many dangerous situations much due to your offensive tactics–and you need to grow up. Do you see most adults arm wrestling and hitting each other over the heads with chairs because they are angry at each other? No. And if this happens, obviously, there is serious consequences. When something makes you angry, your always the angriest the moment it happens, descending. Life has no time for grudges. Hatred is an honest, natural emotion–but it is a barrier that blocks everyones path with foolish decisions to getting on with their lives.
4. Tie up loose ends.
In lost causes, most things are said and done. But, if for example, you attend the same school or work at the same place, meetings and accidental bump-ins result in awkward and very uncomfortable circumstances. Work something out with these people–things left unsaid are things said everytime you look into each other’s eyes.

5. Plan for the future.

Things are done. The feelings, the thoughts, and the emotional value is still there, however. When big break ups and fall-outs occur, your heart and mind are often on overdrive of the predicament. One way to stop mulling on the past is to start planning for the future. Look up. Look at all the things you can do in your life, all the people you can now spend time with now that there is nothing left for you to give to them. Becoming lost in the past makes the roads unclear for the future, and sadly it happens to many of us.

6. Be alone for a while.

Solitude is often one of the best tools for self discovery. Be alone for a while. Read a book. Go on a walk. Play some video games. Just enjoy and observe life. Explore your hobbies and interests. In abusive and detrimental relationships, people often find they have lost their sense of self during it, because of the influences the other person administered. There is no shame in what you like and what you do in your free time as long as it’s not hurting others. Don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can not do with yourself.

7. Live your life.

After many years, feelings of anger and hurt dissipate. You’ve moved on with your life, they’ve moved on with theirs. Nostalgically, you might find yourself comparing and contrasting the way things were compared to now. We learn to forget the things people say and do to us, but we never can learn how to forget how they made us feel. Wounds heal. Time is short and it goes by fast. By living your life, you continue to seperate these events day by day until you don’t even think about it anymore. Living your life, as happily and truly as you can, is the ultimate step to letting go.

Miss your presence
Expression of longing is one proof that your presence is so meaningful to him. But, every man has a different way. If he never said “I miss you”, do not immediately assume that he did not miss. Little things like greeting a light, telephone, say hello, or ask to meet, are also included in the expression of longing.

Care and want to know
Curiosity about your condition is a sign that he wants to be part of your life. Worry if you do not hear is one proof that he cares.

Jealous
Many say that jealousy is a sign of love. Yes, this is no doubt. These feelings arise when him was afraid of losing your attention. So, be happy when you see him jealous, but soon solve the problem. If not, he could lose confidence or even become possessive.

Compromise
He did not hesitate to find a way out for any problems that occur in your relationship with him. This signifies that he is sufficiently value the opinions or desires because it does not always give priority to his ego.

Apologizing and forgiving
Apologizing when he made ​​a mistake or forgive after you hurt him is a proof that he did not want any problems in your relationship. Forgiveness is also a form of genuine sacrifice.

A good motivator
Being a great love can be seen from how much the couple wants to see you happy, one with positive support. When office work piling up or you’re troubled hit an issue, he did not hesitate to give encouragement and assistance.

Compliment
Gratitude for attention, sacrifice, or your love him is a form of appreciation. Keeping all forms of well, including the trust, proving his love is high enough levels.

Thinking a step ahead with you
This is a form of belief him to undergo a serious relationship with you, such as talks to build a more harmonious relationship until marriage. If you have reached this stage, it means he is pretty sure that you are a candidate companion of his life.

I, E.S. “Taz” Bright, have a bad temper. When I say bad I mean quick, explosive, ignorant, punch holes in the bedroom door, yelling, screaming, cussin’, make-ya-feel-two-inches-tall, bad temper. When in this evil mode, I have the unfortunate ability to push a victim down a flight of stairs, listen to the sweet sound of his bones breaking and sleep really well later that night. The fact that your tendons have ruptured or torn is no reason for me to feel bad, it’s a freakin’ cause for celebration. (I’ve got the party hats) In this magnified state of anger, remorse is a foreign concept that makes no sense to me- it might as well be German for all I care. Yes, when judge Taz has listened to your pathetic attempt at pleading your case and has come to his final verdict, no amount of heart-felt pleading, earnest apology, tears or intense regret on your part really amounts to a hill of beans. Those who are close to me may see a light -hearted, laid back, funny, friendly guy and think, “There’s no way you’re that bad, Taz”. Folks, that is only because Christ is in control of my life. Without Him I would be a raving, ranting, destructive, vengeful, lunatic running around Houston bent on the destruction of anyone who has violated my space, my honor, my rules, my precepts or those I care about. I say all this about myself so you can fully understand how close to home the topic of this article really is. Also, if we are not willing to admit our weaknesses, we will never overcome them.

There is a pure, undeniable, evil, ignorance in a bad temper. Ecclesiastes 7: 9 tells us, “Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools”. I love it when God doesn’t mince words, don’t you? He tells it to us straight up- “Hey you, with the anger issues, you’re a stupid, ignorant, unloving fool!” It’s kinda’ hard to argue with God- you always lose, always. There’s no getting around it, the Bible (and therefore God) says we are fools for letting anger get the best of us. As Christians we are to live at a higher, more mature level of existence with our fellow man. We are to show love to those who don’t deserve it. We are to be kind in situations that, according to the world, call for revenge, violence and getting even. Matthew5:16 encourages us to “let our light shine” so that the people around us may “see our good works and glorify our Father in heaven”. I’m pretty sure this means (among other things) 

“Taz, keep your temper under control, act kindly in all situations- even when you feel violated- so that people will see your kind acrtions. When they see your control they’ll understand that it must be the God you serve that gives you such peace in those times they feel should bring anger and a vengeful heart. As a result they’ll glorify me, your Father and God”. 

Imagine that….I keep my temper under control, people see it and then say to themselves, “How is it that Taz can be so calm?” As a result I get the opportunity to tell them about Christ and how He has given me peace that calms me in even the most difficult situations. Wouldn’t that be something? The ignorance of a temper would not accomplish this. Letting anger take over only results in others being hurt and to tell the truth, yes, I do feel bad…later…and I do eventually have to go back and apologize for my ignorance and any damage done to body or property. (I have a fondness for breaking things that belong to the one who has “violated” me)  Of course, by this time I have already misrepresented Christ and His teachings. I have lost all credibility in the eyes of the one who I have just unleashed my wrath upon. How then do I start to speak to them of the Love of Christ? The answer is I don’t. I leave that to a better man/woman who has the control that I lack. That is my missed opportunity- my regret.

Another example of the ignorance that emanates from anger is the effect it has on the ones closest to me. My wife- the angel that she is- chose to marry me because….well actually I have no clue why….. but I am sure it was not because she wanted to deal with the hard-headedness of a man with a temper- far from it. So how are our significant others affected when we cross the line into the land of ignorant fools? According to the Bible “An angry person stirs up conflict and a furious man commits many sins”. Again, God’s pretty straight-forward with this one. All of us married or involved Christians who have a problem with anger need to remember that we are the cause of strife for our loved ones. The significant other is only gonna put up with so much of this strife in his/her life. Who wants to go home to anger and tension after eight hours of dealing with bosses, negative co-workers, not to mention constant gossip at the job? Sometimes a wife or husband may stay at work a little longer just to avoid coming home to intense anger problems. Ouch! Yeah, I said it- and I’ll repeat it for ya too- a wife or husband may stay at work a little longer just to avoid coming home to intense anger problems. I say this from experience. I have been that husband who doesn’t make an already difficult day any easier to deal with. I have been the unkind, selfish, angry man who can’t see past his issues to help his mate. But, if I want to hang onto this Godsend that is my wife I need to recognize the strife I am causing and turn over my issues to the only One who can fix it- God in Heaven, my loving, all-knowing, caring, wise Father. With His ability to see into the future he can whisper into my ear the exact words/phrases to say to my wife and actions I need to take in order to calm her, show her love and be the man she needs. Without his power in my life I’ll just remain that selfish person who may eventually be selfish all by himself!  

As Christians we need to understand that we have “graduated” to a higher way of living. Ephesians 4:22 says: “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires”

Did you get that? Your FORMER way of life was one of deceitful desires- this includes a quick, explosive, ignorant, punch holes in the bedroom door, yelling, screaming, cussin’, make-ya-feel-two-inches-tall, bad temper. Our significant others deserve the peace and tranquility that is a result of the life given to us by Christ. We need to step up to the plate and become that peace-loving, positive, uplifting part of their lives. A verse that echoes Ephesians 4:22 is Colossians 3:8 “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips”. God knew what He was doing when he put this verse together. Remember how I mentioned all the things that happen when I am in the middle of my anger fit? They are listed in this verse. God not only tells us to put off unrighteous anger, he also mentions the things that come as a result of it- rage, malice, slander, and filthy language. That is the Wisdom of God!

For those who may say, “My temper is just who I am. God made me this way”. LIAR, LIAR Pants on fire!! Noting evil can come from God- nothing! So this temper you try to blame on Him is actually your own creation. Be man or woman enough to admit it and move on!

Furthermore, considering the words of Philippians 4:13, we have no excuses for not achieving a Godly demeanor. In case you are not familiar with this verse it says, “I can do all things, through Christ who gives me strength”. (Yeah…all excuses go out the window once you are confronted with that one huh?) 

So, to my fellow hot-tempered, short-fused, mad, ticked off, annoyed Christians- and to those of you who are not yet one of us but are looking for control over your rage- Christ must be the One we lean on in order to overcome this sinful disease that is the temper. We are poisoning our own wells if we continue on the path of wrath. Lean on Him and let Him fix the problem.

Sidenote: To the significant others of those of us with tempers. Give us time. We are not willingly this way. We are human and we know the problem. Pray for us- continually, be patient, remind us of the Bible verses we hold dear. With God’s guidance and your support, we WILL get better, we WILL grow past this sickening, hurtful sin!

Step 1:

Don’t take anything your Ex ever said or did personally, because nothing your Ex ever said or did was about you. Even if your Ex downright blames you for everything that went wrong in your relationship, realize their statement is only coming from who they are, which has absolutely nothing to do with the person you are.

Step 2:

However, not taking your Ex personally is a two sided coin. If during the heat of an argument you react and tell your Ex what an idiot THEY are, and how everything is THEIR fault, then it has nothing to do with them. Your statements only reflect the kind of person you are, which is a person who likes to blame and judge. This has nothing to do with your Ex. Therefore, consciously make an effort to be the person you are, regardless of how your Ex is behaving. Make a list of all the qualities you admire in others, for example: kindness, confidence, compassion, and respect. Chances are you already possess the qualities within yourself. Be very careful not to make statements that don’t reflect who you are, even when you may be tempted to give into the hurt and anger you feel.

Step 3

Release your judgments and opinions by becoming friends with Death. As morbid as this sounds, realize that in 100 years, you and your Ex will likely be dead, and nothing you ever fought about will be remembered. If your Ex has the obsessive need to be right and argue with you about everything, give in to their whim and say, “You are absolutely right.” Not only will this reinforce your relationship with Death and save you a tremendous amount of personal power, your Ex will find it impossible to argue with you because you are giving the non-verbal message that it really doesn’t matter. As one my favorite authors Wayne Dyer once said, “Have you ever noticed how hard it is to argue with someone who isn’t obsessed with being right?”

Step 4:

If the hurt and anger is overwhelming, distance yourself from your Ex completely. And no matter what, get on your knees and pray for your Ex every morning. Pray that your Ex will be granted all of the health, wealth and happiness you wish for yourself. Even if you are not a religious person, or you don’t believe in God, the act itself is liberating.

In twelve step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, they are taught to pray for people they have a deep resentment towards. At first, you will not mean a word of the prayer. But if you say the prayer consistently for two weeks, you will come to genuinely mean it, and find that there is a part of you that realizes your Ex is just a human being, with their own imperfections, weaknesses and short comings. If you go deeper, you will realize your Ex may also be a very hurt and scared person – even if they outwardly seem very hostile, aggressive and manipulative. Of course, no matter what happened to your Ex in their childhood or even in their day to day life – it does not give them a reason to mistreat you. But by being aware of the fact that your Ex has a certain set of issues to deal with on their own time, it will help you replace the hurt and anger you feel with compassion and understanding.

Step 5:

Own your personal power. Because when you are who you are, regardless of the situation or circumstance that comes your way, then this transforms you into a very powerful person. This is the step that absolutely baffles your Ex, because by you being who you are, and not letting them get you down – it sends your Ex the non-verbal message that you are who you are and they are who they are. But most importantly, it tells your Ex that you are not going to take any of their crap! When you respond to your Ex’s hostility with kindness, and your Ex’s blame with compassion, it frustrates them to no end, because your Ex cannot get you to play their game.

Step 6:

Come to understand that you are doing all of this work for no other reason than to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work in order to manipulate your Ex, and make them want you back, your Ex will subconsciously sense your intentions, because at one point or another, you will slip and let your intentions be known without realizing it. When this happens, you will give all of your power back to your Ex, and will have to start all over again with Step 1.

Step 6 is often tricky, because if you master each step up to this point, your Ex may very well want to reconcile. At the very least, your Ex will begin responding to the kindness you send their way in a positive fashion. But regardless if you want to get back together with your Ex, just be friends, or just get over the obsessive thinking – remember your sole purpose is to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work just to manipulate your Ex into responding the way you want them to, it may work for a very short period of time. But I guarantee your Ex will pick up on the fact that your intentions are not genuine, and you will lose your personal power. Not only that, but when you genuinely become who you are, you attract the right kind of people to your life. And maybe your Ex is not the person you are meant to be with! And the only way you will know if you are meant to be with your Ex or anyone else is if you are genuinely who you are.

Step 7:

Forgive your Ex, no matter what they did or didn’t do. Unfortunately, it may not be enough at this point to say, “I forgive my ex.” And leave it at that. Forgiveness has little to do with words, and more to do with action. Before proceeding with this step, I recommend reading up on the topic of forgiveness, and reading heroic stories about the power of forgiveness. I once read a story about a woman whose daughter was brutally raped and murdered by a man that was eventually caught and sent to prison. As anyone can imagine, the woman spent years of her life in rage and obsession over what this man had done to her daughter. I am sure there are no words to express how much pain this woman was feeling. However, she somehow stumbled on a book entitled, The Course of Miracles and began reading about what the power of forgiveness could do for her. She started to pray for the man, and eventually sent him a letter, letting him know she had forgiven him for the actions he took against her daughter, even though she didn’t condone his behavior. To make a long story short, the man wrote the woman back and apologized profusely. The woman felt compelled to see this young man in prison, and she held him as he cried during their first visit. To make a long story short, they became friends, and she became his number one advocate in attempts to release him from prison.

There are not a lot of people walking on the planet as courageous as this woman, but it is an extreme example of what is possible within each one of us. I thought about this woman before I reached out to my Ex with forgiveness in my heart. I sent a gift to my Ex and the woman my Ex left me for, which seemed to pale in comparison to this woman’s story. Of course, it took me a little over a year to reach that point, and a lot of soul searching. To this day, I love my Ex with all of my heart on a platonic level. We live in two totally different cities, but still call and send each other emails on occasion as good friends.

I am also in a healthy relationship with someone I am deeply in love with. Next week will be our two year anniversary. I do not think I would be as happy and as deeply in love with this new person as I am now, had I not let go of the anger, bitterness, and resentment I once felt towards my Ex, which is another reason why forgiveness is so important.

A lot of people believe turning off your feelings for a person you once were in a romantic relationship with, or even hating them is a way to show that they are “over” the person. But I believe the exact opposite is true. When you are completely “over” a person, you really wish them nothing but the best – and you are totally detached emotionally from how they act or react. Another point to consider is the fact that love isn’t real unless you loved your Ex for the person they are, not the person you wanted them to be. And just because the romantic relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean your Ex isn’t a lovable person.

Find a place of serenity. . .

Find places of healing, discover people, things, and places that nourish your soul, bring you back to center, help you heal.

Life is not an endurance contest. Not anymore.We are not in a race to how long we can go without, how much we can go without, how much pain we can stay in.

Although sometimes we go through dry spells and droughts, we are not cactuses.

There is a place in each of us that wants to heal, that can heal, that will heal. It’s a place of love and acceptance.

It’s a place of forgiveness, honesty, openness, nurturing, and kindness.

You can find it quickly, if that’s what you’re seeking. You will recognize it instantly because of how it feels. It will bring you back to center. It will bring you back to calm. It will bring you back to joy.