Valentine’s Day should rather be a moment set aside to give care to our loved once, show love to the unloved, the poor, even to our enemies, the sick people, the prisoners and the likes. By this act of charity shown to these people we have gained bountifully than lavishing time, talent and treasure on unprofitable immoral acts.

Every good thing they say have a bitter side of it. I am not trying to spoil the D-day but at the same time not trying to praise those who promote amorous and sensual life without envisaging its implication to the moral lives of people. Now coming to the other side of it, children and mostly youths are being affected here; of course they are the major victims due to the erroneous views by some groups to acclaim Lover’s day.

In some cities of the world, the lover’s day is being coined a sexual jamboree; a day which law permits for sexual immorality rather than seeking for a best way to curb the menace. In fact, some see immorality as constitutional legal and thus celebrate it the best way they could to gratify the body. In a situation like this, immorality is highly propagated and not putting in control.

Hotels, restaurants and party houses are big time sponsors of these acts. They go extra length via the media to re-twit the minds of the young concerning love which are but virtual. No doubt this season is one big time when promiscuity is on high record. The future leaders of our time learn more of licentious and blind acts capable of tarnishing their images in the near future.

The media as one of the chief sponsors are not left behind. They have indeed contributed a larger quota via dissemination of such misguided information published on dailies. Government on the other side have done little to take it as a major role to educate the minds of young people and then the religious bodies (Christians) have also done little on their own part.    

It would be rather late to do something serious now to re-educate the minds of people concerning Lover’s Day but I believe there is still hope for the future and thus every sensitized leader in the family and the society at large should rise up and face this challenge. It is a wake up call.

I’m going to start my story before university, back when I was filling out UCAS forms. I was stuck. I wanted to act, but I also wanted a job after I got my degree. I wanted to apply to drama and psychology courses, so that’s what I did. Writing my personal statement was an interesting experience. It was as if I had dissasociative identity disorder, as I was trying to gage my statement so that it was clear I wanted to do psychology, but also clear that I wanted to do drama. Eventually I was offered places at York for writing, directing and performing, York for psychology, and Sheffield for Psychology. I accepted my place at Sheffield after much deliberation, deciding that it would be better to do Pscyhology, as to be a Clinical Psychologist, I need a degree, whereas I don’t to act.

The first day of Uni…

I arrived at Stephenson Hall on Oakholme Road. My brother and my mum started to unpack whilst I went on a hunt to find my room. I walked past it twice before realising that it was my room, and not just a store cupboard. It was next to another girl’s room – we had a mini corridor to ourselves. Through two sets of doors was a big corridor full of activity as new students unpacked and met each other. I heard the girl next door whining about forgetting test tubes (for shots) and I thought to myself ‘Oh God, I am not going to like this girl’ — I now live with her! How wrong I was.

The first semester…

I quickly formed a friendship group based on location, mostly. It included Becky (the girl with the test tubes), Nancy (a pint-sized giggler), Helen (a private-schooled party animal), Jon (a shy opinionated guy), Joe (a circus enthusiast) and Richard (a mumbling scouser). We all thought Nancy and Joe would hook up, because they kept hanging out and drinking tea. Nancy was appaled at the idea. We akwardly got to know one another, and often hung out in the evenings at the weekend. We quickly started talking about living together. There was a big drama because the girls were originally going to live together, but then the boys said they wanted to live with us. I really didn’t want to do this, but I was overruled. Christmas came, and another drama happened. I discovered that the girls I thought were my friends had gone to London without me for a trip. I felt so betrayed and friendless. That first semster was one of the hardest few months I’ve had in my short 20 years. I was not looking forward to going back.

Semester Two…

Despite my reservations, I quickly fell back into the university routine, aware of what my friends had done to me, but also willing to overlook it so that I still had friends. We began looking for the dreaded seven bedroom house, and quickly found one that everybody seemed to like. Thankfully, it was offered to another group of students. I had the idea of looking for a three bed and a four bed house next to each other — we were in luck! I got a call saying that there were two houses on Spooner Road suitable. We looked at them and loved them. That’s where we call home. I live with the other three girls, and the guys live two doors down from us. My perfect scenario. Things seemed to be going well!

That is, until I got some results back from Christmas examinations. Oh crap! I got 43. Barely scraped a pass. I’m an A* student, so this was pretty devastating for me. Moral of the story here kids — REVISE FROM THE FIRST YEAR! I’ve learned my lesson now, and currently average 78%, a 1st Class grade. Phew!

The second semester was blisfully uneventful. I had a house for next year, great friends and a really interesting course. All I had to worry about was exams! And worry I did. After my first results I was desperate to do better. I studied so hard, and although I probably could have done more, I felt that I was doing enough to get a good grade and still relax.

I was pretty much correct, as I achieved high 2:2s and 2:1s, and as these grades are only for passing the year and don’t count towards my degree, I was happy enough. 

One lesson that I’ve taken from my first year is that I am at univeristy for studying, and although going out is great and I still do it weekly, we are expected to take initative and do some work as well to get good grades. Although a good lesson, it’s not the most important…

IT DOES GET BETTER! That is what I learned. I was struggling so much to enjoy myself in the first term, but by the end of the first year I was so happy to be at uni, with friends, independence and knowledge!

(insert racial tensions between the black and white cultures of North Louisiana)
I’m sure my dad probably doesn’t remember this conversation but it has stuck with me.  Riding in the truck home after a cross country practice in high school he was telling me about his day. As the principal of an elementary school he had to make a trip up to the local school board office. There he had to argue with the payroll department for his janitorial staff to receive their appropriate pay and benefits. This was part of an ongoing battle of mishaps that never favored the janitorial staff. I asked my what made him keep doing that. I still remember his reply, “Because I can see them as people”

The other story comes from a friend. I will not use names because I did not ask permission to share even though he gladly shared the story with me…….A homeless man in Asheville approached two guys in college on summer break and asked them for some money. One of the guys asked politely what he needed the money for. The homeless man said he just wanted to buy a beer. Surprised by the man’s honesty the college guy offered to buy him a beer in exchange for some conversation. The three men shared a beer and discussed their lives and relationships with Jesus.

   So I’m going to prepare you and make you aware so that you understand how to deal with people with personal problems. A personal problem could be talkative, liar, theft, trust issues, scary, shy, flirty, sexually exotic, prideful, boaster, need for attention, know it all, playful, aggressive, depressed, etc…. There are so many others but these are off the top of my head. First you need to identify these personalities immediately. You may have a best friend and the only time you don’t like them is when they drink or when they are around someone you like or they like. Maybe you don’t like them if they are not drinking or around someone particular. These are behavior patterns, and at whatever point you don’t like them is the problem area. This is the point where, in their eyes, you change to them also, they might or might not know or notice, but they will eventually. When this situation or point rise that’s when you have to be proactive.

    To identify these patterns watch them, and listen to everything they say. Always keep in mind when people get in front of large crowds, is when they are more comfortable to talk freely not watching what they say. This is the time you listen, but not with a judging ear. Just be in tune with listening and you hear more, and read in between lines better.  Notice what I said, “Listen then you hear more.” Don’t get so use to hearing people talk, and not listening to people talk. Reading in between the line you pickup on things a lot better, because what people feel can be exposed when playing or in large crowds, but you’ll have to read in-between the lines. Don’t focus to much on that,naturally you’ll pick it up, trust you instincts. Sometimes people are telling you the truth while they are playing. “Aww, I hate that shirt. I’m just kidding it’s nice.”

    Don’t just do this in one environment. This is with different environments some or most people change, with social nature, or comfort levels. Guards go down and the true them comes out, you are to know when guards are up and when there down. Ever notice the truth comes out of you when your very upset, and a lot of other people you know. This is a behavior, and your personality is more truthful, while some people are naturally truthful, and don’t sugar coat nothing. That’s a personality, open & blunt or could be cocky. You give it your own title that is all we are doing. Labeling personalities and when they trigger. We do this with our kids, and with people naturally. Some people are more knowledgable doing this. Career’s dealing with multiple personalities daily. Doctors, Lawyers, Salesman, Law Enforcement Officers, Teachers, Parents, etc….

   So after your pretty good at spotting these personalities, and the personal problems they have. The ones that are important are the ones that effect your relationship directly with them. Remember, after you get to know someone, you really don’t have to do this. Every new person you meet, learn their personality so you know what your dealing with. What they have done to others, they will do to you, if they haven’t already. You just have to determine if they have changed, cause people do change. Please, don’t confuse this with judging people, we are learning them. Let their actions tell who they are, and some not all of what they say. Talk really is cheap.

    Now you have a friend that steals. Keep your things safe when their around and you’ll have no problems. A flirt, keep your man away from them, you’ll never have a problem. Make sense? The problem is when they do something and you were caught off guard. You didn’t identify who they were quick enough. That makes you think people are horrible. Well, they are not, try to consider why they do it, or you may already know. Background, who raise them… Traumatic events, etc… NO Father in childhood.. And some people are open to the idea of change, so keep that in mind…

    Now this part might be weird or different but it will make sense. Label your friends and stay within the perimeter. What does that mean? If you have a study partner, cause that’s how both of your relationship blend for both of you best. It goes no farther then that. “So you wanna hit the club tonight?” “NO Thank You!!” You have your club buddy, and this never goes into nothing farther. Having to do with school or personal, etc, is kept separate… You both click better in that particular environment, any other environment expect problems. Or just expect to bump heads. I think you get the picture. Some friends might cover every aspect, or just one or two. It’s like taking the bible study teacher at your church to a strip club. Weird example, but it’s exactly what people do, and that was metaphoric.

   Now carefully choose categories to put people in. Allow time to tell you how to govern this, and remember friends are not bad you just have to remember it’s a relationship, but we use friendship to take the relation part away. Relationship is a connection and it takes teamwork. You cannot change no one, but you do have control over yourself & your actions. You can change you. So if you befriended someone, find the real source why and use this information to find out what went wrong. Don’t allow people to use you and take advantage of you, that’s not a friendship, that’s game. Don’t waste time out your life trying to please someone that don’t really care about you. And when you need them they are no where to be found, but the one that’s trying to be a true friend your pushing them further away.

    Think about this… If you we’re paralyzed tonight from the neck down to your toenails. Is the person you spend your time with going to be there by your side the entire way through or the person your pushing away? Remember paralyized mean you depend on the people who care for you cause you cannot do anything but move your head. Who do you have in your corner? The people you hurt or the people that hurt you? Who would be there at your bed side? The people in your corner? Would they be there? The people your pushing away? This will help you make the right choices on who you give your time to, cause you might need to re-invest time.

EXAMPLE: Your wife has been telling you for years to get rid of those friends. Now your wife is gone, you finally get hurt. None of those friends drive pass the hospital for 6 month’s. That wife you hurt is right by your side, and she wants to know why you hurt her for them. They don’t even care about you. 

    I’d hate for you to be depressed due to being paralyzed and a negative response with the people you tried to impress, and feel bad because the people you pushed away is risking everything for you. If your real friends and family ever hold any event or invite you to anything you had better support them it’s important that you show up. If you stay ten minutes, you better show. Now if anyone happens to go to the hospital are you going to support them. After talking about you. Just think about that. I wrote an entire article on that also…. I hope this information assist you. “Now! Check Yourself!”

I have fed off your hunger
So I intend to continue
Absorbing the pleasure
Sharing dreams with you

You are close to my heart
Upon my mind each day
Its something about you
That touched me this way

You still remained special
The reason of why I write
Its something about you
Feelings tell me I am right

WHAT A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE

That’s right! A good friend’s father died on New Year’s Eve. The poor man had gone out in the morning to do some shopping, without forgetting to get a bottle of champagne to have in the evening with his twelve grapes of good luck as it is a custom on such a night. He had lunch and a good nap. By the evening, he was dead. 

LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA

It’s what I say. smiling is a lot better than not smiling. They say it’s also good for the skin and to show what a good job our dentist did on our teeth. It helps us to relax. The trouble is that, as one goes around, one sees very few things to smile at. Last night, for instance, few people had settled to sleep under the arches of the ancient square and it was such chilling one! The government are doing the opposite to what they swore they wouldn’t do during the election campaign and they say that the worst is still to come. Ah!

THINGS ALWAYS TURN OUT FOR THE BEST

We better believe so, or we might as well end up under a passing train. I always mumble what a poet said once (can’t remember who) “When it’s so dark, it means it’s going to dawn”.

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

I think I could agree on this one. As long as we have a roof over our heads, food on the plate and a sound health we can strive for things. This is very true.

EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING

It is what psychologists tell us, don’t they? If one thing goes wrong, don’t worry. There is something good for you out of it. If one’s partner has dumped us, we didn’t most probably deserved them. 

OH, GIVE IT A REST!

I will. Sure, I will. it is only that it’s one of those days.

DON’T SMOKE! IT’S BAD FOR YOU!

Do you know why I can’t give it up? because I don’t want to. Few cigarettes a day do help me to relax, puts a good smile on me and allows me to give it a rest. 

Am I right or not? What’s your say?

If you have already done the deed, felt bad about it but were sensible enough to make sure that your other half could never find out about your bad behavior, you really have nothing to worry about. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her right? Just think about what would happen if you did tell her – she could break up with you and you don’t want that. She could make your life hell for a long time and you certainly don’t want that. OK, honesty is the best policy but is it really the best policy right now?

Not telling your other half about the bad behavior that you displayed doesn’t mean that you can do it again and again. In fact, if anything, it should persuade you to travel in the completely opposite direction; learn from your mistake, brush it under the carpet and prey that it never comes up and get on with your life and your relationship!

The thing with dating a love rat and to be more precise, being cheated on by a love rat is that they don’t do it to upset you, they do it because they can and they think they can get away with it. When you confront him, you are more likely to have him running to the hills, avoiding commitment and any sort of confrontation that it might take to improve the relationship. To be completely honest, confronting a man like this is going to be more harm to you than good and you are not going to get anywhere.

Most girls love a love rat simply because they see him as a challenge; they think that they are the one girl to change him. The reality of the matter is, if he is still being his love rat self, you haven’t changed him and you are not the girl for him! Rather than standing there crying and shouting, it is possibly a better idea to take a deep breath and walk away with your head held high and your dignity still intact!

Today was no different than any other day. I woke up, and proceeded to do nothing. What is there to even do in Shreveport? Nothing once you hit a certain age because you have done it all.

The only thing to do is think.

The first thing that comes to mind is you. How you have changed since our lips touched. You feel distant, and it is hard to confront you about it because honestly I cannot. There is something in the way, and we both know what that is. Your boyfriend… the one you cheated on with me. We both did not intend to do so, but we both like each other so much that it just kind of happened. I wish you would talk to me. I wish you would tell me what happened. One day you were flirty and now you are nothing but dry in the words you say to me.  Is it the guilt? You have to be guilty because you normally would not do this. You are not that kind of guy that goes around and cheats. I blame myself because I pushed, but at the same time, you had to want to since we kept going. At least we only kissed, but I just wish you would give me something to work with. I am tired of being in the dark, and I hate feeling played.

Let’s hope for the best… Until tomorrow.