My first Celebrity let the public know most of their Souvenirs were

From Broken Relationships/ Relationship Blues Bluer than Blue…

The Aquarius in me just had to come to the Rescue…So I presented

My Case: If I were your Best Friend I’d be Second 2 God

I put my Case in writing as an Irresistibly Shy Eloquent Poem…

My Celebrity responded! Yes, Aquarius HAD IT ALL WORKED OUT!

Aquarius I am the Perfect Universal Relationship Expert…

There was Dear Abbie then came Dear Zappy…

I am the Solution to all things except a cure for a Motor Mouth ouch

My 1st Celebrity immediately visited my Aquarius Pond

I was so “Happy!” I was so “Pleased!” I saw a pole baited Hook

Stuffed with Mom and Dad? I swam back to the bottom of my

Deep Blue Sea Pond! I swam back up to the top one more time making

Sure my eyes wasn’t playing tricks on me…I’m like you’re Twenty-8

Or Thirty years Grown you need your parent’s APPROVAL…

RED FLAG!!! I didn’t bite! So my Celebrity went searching looking

For someone the Mom and Dad would APPROVE of and “Found!!!

Dumped me became Un-reachable so I stopped Reaching: ‘The End”

My 2nd Celebrity

Well established has been a celebrity since early childhood…

Famous Rich nevertheless sometimes missing that ordinary Lifestyle

Zappy to the Rescue…Zappy the: Ordinary Girl/Friendship Queen

I Aquarius presented my Case! My 2nd Celebrity presented their Case

To me: I can only accept you as my Best Kept Secret: Second 2 None

So I introduced my 2nd Celebrity to a new word: Compromise…Lets

I’ll be your best kept secret for one year if then we’re better than best

You must personally come again and Crown me Official Best Friend

The only response I received was…You got a DEAL with three…!!!

As I previously stated I’m Aquarius so I have everything worked out…

My 2nd Celebrity need do nothing except…Enjoy our new Friendship

Better still enjoy my Unfathomable insights oh how different I am

I am a Paradox Princess a Novice Diva an Earth Angel…so crazy so fun

Irresistible shy a Real Sweetie not Religious not self-Righteously prone

Initially I frowned on being a secret before I understood Hollywood

My 2nd Celebrity gave me two new definitions for the word Secret

Confidence (adj.) Mystery (n) instead of covert, dishonest or BAD

My Best Kept Secret, isn’t it amazing how life and situations change

Nevertheless my Famous Rich 2nd Celebrity remembered their Roots

Remembered where they came from but it was I Zappy who prompted

My 2nd Celebrity discernment the realization that if all Famous Rich

Celebrities are Un-reachable out of reach to a Middle American

Wouldn’t that be somewhat un-successful and pompous?    

In reality the only secret was the one secret Abbie never knew but

Zappy the Relationship Expert always know, when a person likes you

It has nothing to do with you it is always an attraction and need with-

In the other person for you, and I proved this fact. A few months before

My 2nd Celebrity was due to come too me I intentionally gained weight

And dressed so Country…country would have blushed…

But My 2nd Celebrity didn’t fall for it! So now I reveal where my Phrase

If you don’t know me by now derived from…

My 2nd Celebrity smiled Deep and said to me: Don’t you know I know

You by now!!! Don’t be afraid of me! You ran too me, now you are afraid

And, you now want me to run from you, not a chance in hell Zappy…

My 2nd Celebrity Personally “Crowned me late 2002 as Official Best Friend

Thereafter Heaven called my Best Friend who proved to me there can be

A human Angel on earth I guess Heaven was jealous because Heaven was

Missing an Angel my Angel, time does not heal or fill the void, time only

Matures a Soul so that Soul within, puts the Soul back to a workable state.

I don’t watch a lot of TV last year I was flipping through channels an up-

Coming Celebrity caught my Attention with talented humor; continued to

Keep my attention I was impressed, later I found out this person has an

Acting Career, a very talented singing voice, and other professional credits

I ascertained there maybe a way to communicate with this young person as

A Teacher Mama! So I did! We had some computer fun, yet this

Celebrity remained un-reachable like they were the First Lady of the United

States of America and we know after My 2nd Celebrity experience these

Want to be Un-reachable Pedestals’ shouldn’t be Reached…the End

I have one regret gossip asserts this person is having marital problems

I’ve been hearing some of the advice and support I totally disagree with

If this person had been reachable, life would have given me

Great pleasure to offer unconventional yet much better workable advice

Anyway…back from Hollywood to the Country where I belong where I am

A Success, where reachable is just simply common sense and normal.

The point behind apologizing for something you have done is to let the person you have hurt know that you acknowledge your wrong-doing and that you will not do it again.  The problem with this is that many people will be forgiven and then go back and do the very same thing they had recently apologized for.  One would think that after apologizing for it that the person would realize they should not do it again.

Over the years I have had people in my life who have done hurtful things to me and apologized for them only to do it again.  Once someone attempts to apologize again I will usually tell them I don’t want to “hear” sorry, I want to see it!  What I mean by this is that I don’t just want them to say the words, I want them to prove that they are sorry by not repeating the same act.  

Saying “I’m sorry” should not be something that is said just to get the person who is upset with you to forgive and forget.  The words in themselves mean that you feel bad about what you have done.  However, when the person saying the words continues to do the very thing they are apologizing for then the apology means nothing at all!

                I was not yet born, but there were many who were turning 18 and heading to Vietnam; and one of those young men happened to be my dad. Some survived and others did not, while others suffered the unmentionable; they all encountered things that those of us who take our freedom for granted will never imagine. These young men, just like the young men over seas fighting for our freedom today are truly special individuals and as an American I am proud of each an every one of them.                

Now I am not writing a war story, nor am I going to tell you the stories and horror; what I am going to tell you about is the pride I felt inside meeting and getting to know some of these brave men, personally. My dad, who will forever live in my heart, past leaving a big void in my life, but about two years ago he had been contacted by an individual that he fought along side with in the Vietnam war! Some of these fine men had been searching, meeting and communicating with one another for the last 6-7 years and now my dad became part of this group. It was about 6 years ago they held their first reunion; it must be difficult to attend a reunions and meet someone again for the first time in over 45 years. These fine young men were now older, but moved on with there lives, and today they are well rounded proud Marines. They have seen and remember things we cannot imagine, their experiences shaped them into who and what they are today.

                My brother and I got my Mom and Dad to a reunion last year, there was some urgent need in my heart and the need to make it happen was in fact very important to me, and we did. Mom and Dad when to San Diego last year, and dad was in fact a bit nervous considering the last time he had seen these men was now fifty years ago. I guess he just did not know what to expect; the unknown can be very scary! They met, they talked, they laughed about the good ole days; while the wives, yes they too were invited they went shopping. In that week as well as the years that separated them now had narrowed, almost as if they had been together the entire time. Well as faith would have it my brother and I were so happy to have gotten them together in October 2010, you see dad past away in February 2011, quite a surprise to all of us. He was laid to rest in a National Cemetery; for my dad is and will forever be, “One of the few and the Proud”, he is a Marine.

                Well, my family was honored to be invited to join their 6th Reunion, in Myrtle Beach South Carolina, and oh what a joy it was for me, because in each and everyone on of these Marines was a little something that reminded me of my dad; it was bittersweet and yet so beautiful. I felt a bond with them immediately; I had already developed a bond with one individual since the planning of the 5th reunion that my dad did attend.

                I whole heartily believe that it was no only their training and discipline that they were taught fifty years ago that united them; but the fact that when you put you life into someone else’s hands over and over for weeks on end, it is that bond that created that can NEVER be taken away.

                God Bless them all, JT, Watson, Clifford, Wales, Bolton, Wheeler, Brace and the wives of these fine men for protecting our country, and keeping the patriotism alive

• Why study? Why care? Why make friends? Why does all of this shit happen?

• Why am I supposed to live by the standards of society? Why is society to strict as to what’s “normal”? What is normal? Why am I expected to act normally?

• Why should I give a flying fuck as to what everyone thinks? Why does it seem like I do care? I’m writing this article aren’t I?

• Why am I writing this article? Am I just bored? Or do I have a point?

• Why do people judge off of one interaction? Why is it a hit or miss off of the first impression?

• Why is there so much hate in the world? Why can’t people just learn to live as one group of people? Why can’t we act at peace, live at peace, and be happy?

• Why is this world so hard to live in? Why do we exist here? What is out purpose on this planet? What is the point of life?

• Why do we live our pathetic little lives when we really aren’t worth anything? Why do we care?

Why…

Can someone just please tell me… why?

MY view on it is really simple: Non of it really matters. Coorect me if I’m wring, please! I really just want to know why to care.

Please, if there’s anything you disagree with, tell me.

Over the last few years I have met my share of miserable people.  Try as I may I couldn’t change them.  In all honesty, no one could for that is something they would have to want for themselves.  For a while I would stay in their lives and they would be a part of mine but after a while it got to be too much.  I would then find myself rethinking our relationship and why I was in their life, or why they were in mine.  

Now If I am being perfectly honest here I have to admit something that a great many people do not know about me: I have two sisters! That may not seem like a big deal until I say that I haven’t spoken to either of them in three years!  They have (in my opinion) what I call a case of LAM syndrome (LAM-Look at me), the world always (and I mean always) revolved around them.  And when it didn’t that’s when the misery kicked in!  If they couldn’t get their way they were miserable.  If I was happy they tried to find things to shoot me down and burst my bubble.  After a lifetime of it one day I had decided I was done and I haven’t looked back.

The way I see it, your life should be about you! Your life should make YOU happy! So if their are people in your life that are making you unhappy maybe (just maybe)  it might be time to rethink your relationship.  Yes, life is short and you shouldn’t be upset but again, life is short so why spend it that way!  

So if you have someone in your life who is like that maybe it’s time to say “Misery loves company, only I’m not miserable and I don’t want her company”!

Who are they? Do things like gender matter? Are you like me and find that most of the people you get along with tend to be of the fairer sex? If so, what the fuck is that all about? Seriously. I’m as manly as the next guy; okay maybe not the next guy but surely the guy right after that.  I’m down with stereotypical guy things like sports and sex. Okay maybe not so much the sports (I only truly dig on basketball) but sex, well hells bells son, making the beast with two backs is a truly enjoyable thang. Okay, so maybe referring to it as making the beast with two backs (a Shakespearean reference for those with the puzzled looks, yeah you in the back, I see ya) ain’t the most manly of ways to describe said endeavor, but truly I prefer the poetic in print rather than using the vernacular like “fucking.” Why? It flows better, elevates the act a wee bit. And to be perfectly frank, I think it gets to the down and dirty a tad better. Let’s face it here kids, fucking is fucking, it’s primal, sure, and rooted in the more base instincts. But doesn’t most sex truly fit into this category? Sure we’ve all tried to make love, and some of us have actually succeeded, but that isn’t the desired outcome is it? It’s more “I’m freakin’ horny and I want to get off. Wanna get off with me? Excellent, take off them there pants and let’s get a gruntin’”. I believe that making the beast with two backs implies a joint venture, and in that venture both parties decided to get nasty. It’s the beast part ya see, carries the primal right along and places it exactly where it should be, acknowledged, yet a tad subtle.

Then again, maybe explaining why I prefer a term that refers to sex might also be part of the problem.

Regardless, the point is I prefer the company of women to that of men. Now let’s be clear, I got nuthin’ against men. I mean sure we’re babies when it comes to being ill, we’re stubborn and have difficulties admitting when we’ve made a mistake, we’ve got a few issues when it comes who comes first (that’s comes, not cums ya dirty minded freaks), us or you, and yeah we might have a problem with thinking that what we’ve got now in a relationship is worth settling down for (that pesky “life is greener” syndrome) but overall we’re good folk. And sho’ nuff women ain’t perfect. Y’all think that only you truly know what it best for us, or well, as we’re being all honest and stuff, y’all think you know more than us in pretty much any scenario. Y’all expect men to adhere to rules you’ve lain down, but reserve the right to follow those rules only when it suits your particular purpose.  You have issues with your own gender more than a man ever could (which frankly ladies scares the hell out of us and doesn’t do y’all much good as a unified gender), and when ya get together y’all have the dirties damn mouths and put us dudes to freakin’ shame. (Ok, that last bit is more a turn on, than turn off, but it does highlight a difference.) Easy case it point – back in my single days, when a guy friend asked me about my date the night before, it was simple and direct. “You get lucky?” or “you fuck her?” To which the response was just as simple – “Yup. She was awesome.” Yet you ladies will give the most intimate details of your encounter with a gentleman which really should start off “Dear Penthouse, I never thought I’d be writing to you but…”

Again with the sex talk, seems it’s on the brain today. I think I just might start a column. Dear Pappa D, My girlfriend just won’t blow me, what should I do? Signed Blue Balls in Biloxi. (Well Blue, have you considered starting things off by going down on your girl? Might want to teach by example. I’m just sayin’.)

Okay, focus. 

The question I’m analyzing here is the why?  Talking to my guy friends it’s seems I’m not alone in this feeling. Not by a long shot. So let’s remove the easy thoughts.

It’s not about looking better with the ladies so the potential of possible dates amongst our ladies friends increases. Nor is it about the potential for getting laid. While both are absolutely true, and a part of the answer, they are a minor part. It’s not really about getting laid or increasing the potential dating pool. While these aspects help they are a side benefit, not the main reason. So again why?

Here’s where I might lose my mancard. (Yup, we’ve got ‘em, and I’m a card-carrying member) there is comfort in the presence of women. Not the mother figure type of comfort, rather it’s a comfort in that there is a significant lessoning of competition. With a group of guys, or even just one or two, the natural instinct to prove oneself as better than the other dude occurs. I can spit, or pee, or throw random object X, further, more accurately, or just plain old better, than you. I’ve had more girlfriends, my toys are cooler, my job is better, my WHATEVER, is better than your WHATEVER. Sadly this includes, at certain points, a girlfriend, wife, or current lover.

That constant desire to be better than becomes tiring. While I can turn on the competition and play the game when I choose, it becomes rather repetitive and boring if that’s all that your relationship boils down to. At least with women we are allowed to, for the most part, simply be. There is comfort in this, whether we’ll admit it or no (I guess I just did so THPTPHPTPT)

Now let’s address the hard part, the part we ALL know but have a bit of a problem saying out loud. Relationships between men and women are only allowed to get to this level once the sexual aspects are addressed and either tried and failed, or discussed and on we move.

I truly believe you can only be a good close friend to someone of the opposite gender once the sex part is out of the way. This can come in many forms. You tried it and it didn’t work.  You both acknowledge you just are not attracted to each other. You’ve done the relationship part, it failed, you both now realize you’re better off not being “together” or one admits their feelings, the other doesn’t reciprocate and yet still, through some random alignment of the stars and your gods, y’all still hang out. Case in point my very good friend Sheila and I.

When I first met Sheila she was a goddess walking the earth, or so I felt. Sad part, she was dating my good friend Dave. In a mistaken case of ego gone awry, very early on in our coming to know each other, I confessed my desires. They were rebuked and rightly so. It was hubris that made me think she would leave her boyfriend for someone she just met. Over the years we both dated many people and had our ups and downs relationship wise, but through it all we remained friends, and in fact became closer as the years wore on. Not once did we have to go back and revisit that initial attraction that I had. (she never did, and yuppers I’m cool wit it). She digs my wife and I think her hubby is one hell of a decent guy.

Or another example, my good friend Anne Marie (not my current boss, a different lady). We quickly recognized a kindred spirit, bonded, and realized that, oh hell no, we ain’t never gonna get together.  We both wanted different things from our prospective mates, more in fact than the other was able to offer. We recognized, this and on we moved deep into the friendship realm.

Now maybe I’m speaking only from the guy perspective here but with all of my female friends, it was addressed in one form or another, which allowed us to move beyond any odd tension and merely get to know the other as a person and really, truly dig ‘em.  The only exception was my very good friend Jessica (Jess), and I think was only because from the get go it was an understood. She is afterall, one of my wife’s dearest and closest friends whom I only got to know through my wife.. In order for us to develop a friendship it was an implied understanding from the outset. Or that’s my thought on it, Jess might have a different take.

For the record here ladies, allow me to get this out of the way. When your man says that the chick he’s been spending a bit of time with is just a friend. If your man is a decent human being and cares for you, he ain’t necessarily lying to ya. I say this with confidence because if he’s a good friend with her, or developing one, chances are they have had this conversation and moved on. This could be as simple as the fact that he’s mentioned you about a thousand times, or more a more direct route. Either way, if you trust your man, trust in him and let it be. Now of course this general advice, so if you got an issue talk to me about specifics and we’ll get serious.  And in the interest of full discloser, my wife absolutely disagrees with me on this one. She advises y’all that if your man is telling you that he’s sayin’ they’re just friends. you’ll wanna investigate that one fully before trusting in what he says.  Men and women…can we ever truly understand one another?

So I seem to have lost track of my original quest here, which was that I wanted to talk about your friends and why they who they are. Mine tend to be mostly female, with huge props to my boys out Seattle and North Dakota way. Now I ain’t even come close to talking about the why of why they are your friends. But start the process, who are yours?

Popular people, studies have revealed, tend to be less prone to mental illness, live longer lives and generally enjoy their lives much more. Even medical professional say that popular people have stronger immune systems and are rarely prone to suffering minor illnesses. Achieving a popular persona simply needs a little work on your part

Society is very different from that which older people knew, people increasingly entering into short-term relationships, because the desire to have children is much less strong than it once was. More mobility and greater independence makes us all less likely to get closer to others, hardly a recipe for gaining fans

In order to interest strangers, you need to learn to connect properly, instead of always fearing rejection.  This awful, lonely vicious, circle can be broken, if you work at it. Never shy away from direct eye contact this being the most important element of first contact.

Flashing insincere grins, though not making eye-contact, is a huge mistake. Look into those eyes, before letting your smile get slowly bigger, because this action reassures them that you feel genuine pleasure on meeting them, an impression made stronger with a gentle touch on their arm for an instant.

It is always a good idea to emulate the body language of the other person as well, because nothing will more quickly help you develop a relationship. The way they stand, their manner of speaking, and more, if copied by you will relieve any tension, because people tend to be more relaxed with those similar to themselves.

It is absolutely essential that you be genuinely interested in what they say, whatever your own opinions, because doing so, appearing truly interested and attentive will make them even more relaxed in your company. Be as complimentary as you can about them, not just their appearance, but also the things they say they like doing. Should  they begin to feel that you honestly value the things they love, they will be even more drawn to you.

One branch of psychology, cognitive consistency, is all about getting close to others, claiming that when your body language and speech mimic those of the person you are with, acting as if you like them, the feeling soon becomes reality, and they will respond in kind. The more this happens with social contacts, the more your own self-worth will improve.You simply have to be your own best friend, and truly like yourself.

Those you meet need to think that you alwys have something to offer, and are always ready to listen.to them, without making judgements. Being  true to yourself will make you a much more likable person, whatever your outward appearance, because the contents are more important than the packaging, every time. Never hesitate, in any crowd, to dive right in, and be that person that everyone wants to know. It is not rocket science, after all.

One.  She is careful not to discuss anything about her partner that reveals his true character.

It seems every time someone mentions his name, she appears uncomfortable.  She looks for an escape to keep from having to answer questions about him.  She jokes, digresses or even gets angry if someone spends too long in her eyes inquiring about her man.

Two.  She has no clue what she wants to do in the future concerning her relationship.

The conversation comes up about engagement, wedding or whether she should keep her man around.  She acts confused or “doesn’t want to talk about it.”

Three.  She exaggerates how great her relationship is with anyone who will listen, despite evidence showing otherwise.

“We have a good relationship.  He never does that…my man is great…we never have problems like that,” she says.  But her children tell you differently and the twinkle in her eye when she first met the man is long gone.  Don’t encourage her boasting with comments just pray for her, in your prayer closet, if you are spiritual.

Four.  She defends, lies, cover-ups, even gets physical with others when her partner is wrong.

She knows her man is not good for her, yet she will continue to defend him.  It is obviously that for years she has been sold on his brainwashing, so let her fall.  When she is down, offer to help her, but refrain from allowing her to get you to focus on her man.  Women who are in the break up to make up roller coaster ride are deceived by their men and will try to get others to be equally deceived—don’t fall for it!

Five.  She blames her man’s short-comings in life on:  “the man,” childhood, relatives, friends, money, neighborhood, illness, alcohol, drugs, and anything else.

The blame game may have worked for her, but as her relative or friend, don’t let it affect you!  She takes his bait, because she hears his problems all the time.  He has appointed her his public relations specialist on excuse making.  Whenever anyone says, “Why doesn’t your man keep a job?  What happened to his going to college?  I thought you said you were getting married, buying a house, and he was going to stop using drugs?”  All she can say is, “He’s working on it…I know what I said, he’s getting better.  Look at you!”  She avoids the truth, because she knows she is in love with a loser–ouch!

 Six.  She disassociates from anyone in her circle who speaks truth about the relationship.

The senior adults in her family don’t bite their tongue concerning the loser boyfriend and so now she doesn’t want to talk to them.  Her best friend got the courage to “tell it like it is,” now she doesn’t talk to her either.  A sibling and a cousin met her man a few times and declared, “He’s no good!”  So she doesn’t talk to them either.  See the pattern?

Seven.  She is often unhappy, confused, or easily angered when you talk to her.

She pretends to be happy around you, but she is guarded.  She may recall when you probed a little too much the last time you two talked, so she believes the only way she can keep you and your advice away is to keep all conversations short and to the point.  She may direct the conversation back to you and allow for story after story about your life to come forth, so that she doesn’t have to share anything.  This is an attempt to protect her bad choice in a man.

In closing, rid yourself of the worries concerned parent or friend.  Stop the late night speeches with your loved one.   Refrain from the gossip about your relative’s or friend’s bad relationship.  The more you do these things, the further away you drive this person into the arms of the bad boy. 

Act as if you don’t care anymore, and most of all don’t offer your support when it comes to helping her help her boyfriend.  By doing this, you are saying, “I am all for you staying with someone who is lying, cheating, or abusing you.”  When she notices that her family and friends are growing distant from her and her life decisions, she may break up with him, she may not.  However, she will most likely come around family and friends more if she isn’t completely controlled by her partner.  As one wise woman told me, back in my twenties, when I was with an abusive partner, “One day, you will wake up.”

The thing that makes it so hard to stop allowing people to use you is our constant need for approval and acceptance. The fear that someone would become angry with us, or how we think others will think of us. The hope that you will eventually get the same treatment in return, Karma … or something like that.

So how do you stop letting them do this to you?

SAY NO!

Stop caring what others think so much. I mean sure it’s nice to be liked, but at what cost? When it means that helping makes you miserable, wouldn’t it be much better for you to just say no and be happy? It’s one thing to trade favors, it’s another to be the only giver.

If you find that you have friends like this you could either confront your friends when they ask for another favor. Stand your ground, and remember that ultimately anyone who is willing to use you is not really your friend. Chances are the ones that are truly your friends may not even realize they are being seen as users and will profusely apologize and return the favor.

That’s another thing, never be ashamed to ask those you’ve helped to return the favor.

Don’t let people walk all over you, stand your ground. You matter, and your feelings and life matters. You don’t and shouldn’t ever have to put your life on hold multiple times to please other people.

• Emotion supports words, statements, short stories, or inquires (questions) said from your mouth. It adds more meaning to these things as well.
• What makes a person feels comfortable around you are when they feel like they are similar to you. Because if they feel like they are similar to you, they want be worried about you being offended from them or not being interested in what they are interested in. Because people one to feel liked, so they know you are similar to them, then they know that there will be things both of you can enjoy, like, or share together. They also don’t have to worry about getting you into something you wouldn’t want to get in. That’s the reason why people act the way they do, because they don’t want to say something to you that makes you feel bad or feel like you don’t belong, or have no experience, or connection with. Because they know that if you have not experienced, they would be just spoiling for you or taking the fun out of for you.
• Also it helps to make humorous comments every now then around people at the right times about a scenario that is going on with them or you to lighten up the atmosphere and relationship tensions (know what I mean? Lighten up their day. Make them feel better you know). Also especially do this to women because they like it when you tease and flirt with them if you’re a Man anyway… Ha-ha! (This stuff can give you great ideas for rap verses/punch lines or help you get better at create more catchy ones.)