I was not yet born, but there were many who were turning 18 and heading to Vietnam; and one of those young men happened to be my dad. Some survived and others did not, while others suffered the unmentionable; they all encountered things that those of us who take our freedom for granted will never imagine. These young men, just like the young men over seas fighting for our freedom today are truly special individuals and as an American I am proud of each an every one of them.                 

Now I am not writing a war story, nor am I going to tell you the stories and horror; what I am going to tell you about is the pride I felt inside meeting and getting to know some of these brave men, personally. My dad, who will forever live in my heart, past leaving a big void in my life, but about two years ago he had been contacted by an individual that he fought along side with in the Vietnam war! Some of these fine men had been searching, meeting and communicating with one another for the last 6-7 years and now my dad became part of this group. It was about 6 years ago they held their first reunion; it must be difficult to attend a reunions and meet someone again for the first time in over 45 years. These fine young men were now older, but moved on with there lives, and today they are well rounded proud Marines. They have seen and remember things we cannot imagine, their experiences shaped them into who and what they are today.

                My brother and I got my Mom and Dad to a reunion the year before his passing;  there was some urgent need in my heart and the need to make it happen was in fact very important to me, and we did. Mom and Dad went to San Diego in 2010, and dad was in fact a bit nervous considering the last time he had seen these men was now fifty years ago. I guess he just did not know what to expect; the unknown can be very scary! They met, they talked, they laughed about the good ole days; while the wives, yes they too were invited they went shopping. In that week as well as the years that separated them now had narrowed, almost as if they had been together the entire time. Well as faith would have it my brother and I were so happy to have gotten them together that October, you see dad past away in February 2011, quite a surprise to all of us. He was laid to rest in a National Cemetery; for my dad is and will forever be, “One of the few and the Proud”, he is a Marine.

                Well, my family was honored to be invited to join their 6th Reunion, in Myrtle Beach South Carolina, and oh what a joy it was for me, because in each and everyone on of these Marines was a little something that reminded me of my dad; it was bittersweet and yet so beautiful. I felt a bond with them immediately; I had already developed a bond with one individual since the planning of the 5th reunion that my dad did not attend.

                I whole heartily believe that it was not only their training and discipline that they were taught fifty years ago that united them; but the fact that when you put you life into someone else’s hands over and over for weeks on end,  is that bond created that can NEVER be taken away.

                God Bless them all, JT, Watson, Clifford, Wales, Bolton, Wheeler, Brace and the wives of these fine men for protecting our country, and keeping the patriotism alive

Now is the time to take control. Stop people from abusing, mistreating, disrespecting or unappreciating you. One step at a time. It becomes easier as time goes on. You began to demand respect. You can do it quietly, you don’t have to yell.

You can simply start by saying NO when you dont want to do something. You can tell your kids you arent their maid or slave. You can tell your parent to stop treating you like a child. You can tell your friend NO. If these people care they will still be there. If not they didnt anyway and you may be better off.

Empowering yourself becomes easier as you take baby steps. Your family and friends may suddenly ask , “What’s wrong with you?” I had to say I know you love me, but loving me is not enough anymore. I want respect and appreciation. It may shock them initially but as you stick to your guns it works.

You feel better and become confident. I am doing it everyday. Everyday I get stronger where it counts. Taking control of my own self worth. Demanding that others realize it as well.

Good luck on your journey. Baby steps…You will get there

The company you keep. Are they dream killers? They don’t want to see you progress as long as they are down.

The company you keep. Are they motivators? Do they inspire you to become successful in your life? or do they criticize your goals and dreams.

Earlier I was discussing wealthy people, and how they socialize with each other. Wealthy people are wealthy because of a reason, they start from scratch and build financial wealth. Some wealthy people have built their hard work through hard work and positive thinking.

The same company you keep will bring negativity to your life. If you party everyday with the company you keep and you are broke financially and they are broke too, what signs are you giving? You don’t need these types of people in your inner circle. Associate yourself with other people who have become wealthy doing the same thing you are doing.

To be successful it comes with learning and training with people who are successful. Becareful of the company you keep because some people have no ambition, no desire to become anything more, than what they are. Surround yourself with positive career going friends. Someone that can help you succeed.

April 6th is Tartan Day.

It is estimated that there are around 6 million people currently living in the United States who can accurately claim Scottish ancestry.  Today, April 6th is the day that former President George W. Bush declared ought to be dedicated to celebrating the Scottish contributions to American culture and heritage.  The Presidential Proclamation was signed in 2008 and was intended to recognize the need to “celebrate the spirit and character of Scottish Americans and recognize their many contributions to our culture and our way of life.”

These contributions include; discovering penicillin, the pneumatic tire, the telephone, the steam engine, television, chloroform, tarmac, the vacuum flask, the navy, the bicycle (but did not patent it), the pinkerton detective agency, the concept of a political economy, radar, and the list goes on and on…….

Many literary greats born and raised in Scotland  have influenced many others on the other side of the Atlantic ocean, including Robert Louis Stevenson, Robert Burns,  Arthur Conan Doyle,   and the unforgettable,  Sir James Barrie.  Inasmuch as we would like to add the exceptionally talented J.K. Rowling to our list of literary greats, she was in fact, born in Gloucestershire, England, there is no doubt about her Scottish influences.  However, we can certainly claim that those involved with America’s Declaration of Independence were Scottish.

To see a list of events, visit http://www.tartanday.org/

The point behind apologizing for something you have done is to let the person you have hurt know that you acknowledge your wrong-doing and that you will not do it again.  The problem with this is that many people will be forgiven and then go back and do the very same thing they had recently apologized for.  One would think that after apologizing for it that the person would realize they should not do it again.

Over the years I have had people in my life who have done hurtful things to me and apologized for them only to do it again.  Once someone attempts to apologize again I will usually tell them I don’t want to “hear” sorry, I want to see it!  What I mean by this is that I don’t just want them to say the words, I want them to prove that they are sorry by not repeating the same act.  

Saying “I’m sorry” should not be something that is said just to get the person who is upset with you to forgive and forget.  The words in themselves mean that you feel bad about what you have done.  However, when the person saying the words continues to do the very thing they are apologizing for then the apology means nothing at all!

                I was not yet born, but there were many who were turning 18 and heading to Vietnam; and one of those young men happened to be my dad. Some survived and others did not, while others suffered the unmentionable; they all encountered things that those of us who take our freedom for granted will never imagine. These young men, just like the young men over seas fighting for our freedom today are truly special individuals and as an American I am proud of each an every one of them.                

Now I am not writing a war story, nor am I going to tell you the stories and horror; what I am going to tell you about is the pride I felt inside meeting and getting to know some of these brave men, personally. My dad, who will forever live in my heart, past leaving a big void in my life, but about two years ago he had been contacted by an individual that he fought along side with in the Vietnam war! Some of these fine men had been searching, meeting and communicating with one another for the last 6-7 years and now my dad became part of this group. It was about 6 years ago they held their first reunion; it must be difficult to attend a reunions and meet someone again for the first time in over 45 years. These fine young men were now older, but moved on with there lives, and today they are well rounded proud Marines. They have seen and remember things we cannot imagine, their experiences shaped them into who and what they are today.

                My brother and I got my Mom and Dad to a reunion last year, there was some urgent need in my heart and the need to make it happen was in fact very important to me, and we did. Mom and Dad when to San Diego last year, and dad was in fact a bit nervous considering the last time he had seen these men was now fifty years ago. I guess he just did not know what to expect; the unknown can be very scary! They met, they talked, they laughed about the good ole days; while the wives, yes they too were invited they went shopping. In that week as well as the years that separated them now had narrowed, almost as if they had been together the entire time. Well as faith would have it my brother and I were so happy to have gotten them together in October 2010, you see dad past away in February 2011, quite a surprise to all of us. He was laid to rest in a National Cemetery; for my dad is and will forever be, “One of the few and the Proud”, he is a Marine.

                Well, my family was honored to be invited to join their 6th Reunion, in Myrtle Beach South Carolina, and oh what a joy it was for me, because in each and everyone on of these Marines was a little something that reminded me of my dad; it was bittersweet and yet so beautiful. I felt a bond with them immediately; I had already developed a bond with one individual since the planning of the 5th reunion that my dad did attend.

                I whole heartily believe that it was no only their training and discipline that they were taught fifty years ago that united them; but the fact that when you put you life into someone else’s hands over and over for weeks on end, it is that bond that created that can NEVER be taken away.

                God Bless them all, JT, Watson, Clifford, Wales, Bolton, Wheeler, Brace and the wives of these fine men for protecting our country, and keeping the patriotism alive

• Why study? Why care? Why make friends? Why does all of this shit happen?

• Why am I supposed to live by the standards of society? Why is society to strict as to what’s “normal”? What is normal? Why am I expected to act normally?

• Why should I give a flying fuck as to what everyone thinks? Why does it seem like I do care? I’m writing this article aren’t I?

• Why am I writing this article? Am I just bored? Or do I have a point?

• Why do people judge off of one interaction? Why is it a hit or miss off of the first impression?

• Why is there so much hate in the world? Why can’t people just learn to live as one group of people? Why can’t we act at peace, live at peace, and be happy?

• Why is this world so hard to live in? Why do we exist here? What is out purpose on this planet? What is the point of life?

• Why do we live our pathetic little lives when we really aren’t worth anything? Why do we care?

Why…

Can someone just please tell me… why?

MY view on it is really simple: Non of it really matters. Coorect me if I’m wring, please! I really just want to know why to care.

Please, if there’s anything you disagree with, tell me.

Over the last few years I have met my share of miserable people.  Try as I may I couldn’t change them.  In all honesty, no one could for that is something they would have to want for themselves.  For a while I would stay in their lives and they would be a part of mine but after a while it got to be too much.  I would then find myself rethinking our relationship and why I was in their life, or why they were in mine.  

Now If I am being perfectly honest here I have to admit something that a great many people do not know about me: I have two sisters! That may not seem like a big deal until I say that I haven’t spoken to either of them in three years!  They have (in my opinion) what I call a case of LAM syndrome (LAM-Look at me), the world always (and I mean always) revolved around them.  And when it didn’t that’s when the misery kicked in!  If they couldn’t get their way they were miserable.  If I was happy they tried to find things to shoot me down and burst my bubble.  After a lifetime of it one day I had decided I was done and I haven’t looked back.

The way I see it, your life should be about you! Your life should make YOU happy! So if their are people in your life that are making you unhappy maybe (just maybe)  it might be time to rethink your relationship.  Yes, life is short and you shouldn’t be upset but again, life is short so why spend it that way!  

So if you have someone in your life who is like that maybe it’s time to say “Misery loves company, only I’m not miserable and I don’t want her company”!

Who are they? Do things like gender matter? Are you like me and find that most of the people you get along with tend to be of the fairer sex? If so, what the fuck is that all about? Seriously. I’m as manly as the next guy; okay maybe not the next guy but surely the guy right after that.  I’m down with stereotypical guy things like sports and sex. Okay maybe not so much the sports (I only truly dig on basketball) but sex, well hells bells son, making the beast with two backs is a truly enjoyable thang. Okay, so maybe referring to it as making the beast with two backs (a Shakespearean reference for those with the puzzled looks, yeah you in the back, I see ya) ain’t the most manly of ways to describe said endeavor, but truly I prefer the poetic in print rather than using the vernacular like “fucking.” Why? It flows better, elevates the act a wee bit. And to be perfectly frank, I think it gets to the down and dirty a tad better. Let’s face it here kids, fucking is fucking, it’s primal, sure, and rooted in the more base instincts. But doesn’t most sex truly fit into this category? Sure we’ve all tried to make love, and some of us have actually succeeded, but that isn’t the desired outcome is it? It’s more “I’m freakin’ horny and I want to get off. Wanna get off with me? Excellent, take off them there pants and let’s get a gruntin’”. I believe that making the beast with two backs implies a joint venture, and in that venture both parties decided to get nasty. It’s the beast part ya see, carries the primal right along and places it exactly where it should be, acknowledged, yet a tad subtle.

Then again, maybe explaining why I prefer a term that refers to sex might also be part of the problem.

Regardless, the point is I prefer the company of women to that of men. Now let’s be clear, I got nuthin’ against men. I mean sure we’re babies when it comes to being ill, we’re stubborn and have difficulties admitting when we’ve made a mistake, we’ve got a few issues when it comes who comes first (that’s comes, not cums ya dirty minded freaks), us or you, and yeah we might have a problem with thinking that what we’ve got now in a relationship is worth settling down for (that pesky “life is greener” syndrome) but overall we’re good folk. And sho’ nuff women ain’t perfect. Y’all think that only you truly know what it best for us, or well, as we’re being all honest and stuff, y’all think you know more than us in pretty much any scenario. Y’all expect men to adhere to rules you’ve lain down, but reserve the right to follow those rules only when it suits your particular purpose.  You have issues with your own gender more than a man ever could (which frankly ladies scares the hell out of us and doesn’t do y’all much good as a unified gender), and when ya get together y’all have the dirties damn mouths and put us dudes to freakin’ shame. (Ok, that last bit is more a turn on, than turn off, but it does highlight a difference.) Easy case it point – back in my single days, when a guy friend asked me about my date the night before, it was simple and direct. “You get lucky?” or “you fuck her?” To which the response was just as simple – “Yup. She was awesome.” Yet you ladies will give the most intimate details of your encounter with a gentleman which really should start off “Dear Penthouse, I never thought I’d be writing to you but…”

Again with the sex talk, seems it’s on the brain today. I think I just might start a column. Dear Pappa D, My girlfriend just won’t blow me, what should I do? Signed Blue Balls in Biloxi. (Well Blue, have you considered starting things off by going down on your girl? Might want to teach by example. I’m just sayin’.)

Okay, focus. 

The question I’m analyzing here is the why?  Talking to my guy friends it’s seems I’m not alone in this feeling. Not by a long shot. So let’s remove the easy thoughts.

It’s not about looking better with the ladies so the potential of possible dates amongst our ladies friends increases. Nor is it about the potential for getting laid. While both are absolutely true, and a part of the answer, they are a minor part. It’s not really about getting laid or increasing the potential dating pool. While these aspects help they are a side benefit, not the main reason. So again why?

Here’s where I might lose my mancard. (Yup, we’ve got ‘em, and I’m a card-carrying member) there is comfort in the presence of women. Not the mother figure type of comfort, rather it’s a comfort in that there is a significant lessoning of competition. With a group of guys, or even just one or two, the natural instinct to prove oneself as better than the other dude occurs. I can spit, or pee, or throw random object X, further, more accurately, or just plain old better, than you. I’ve had more girlfriends, my toys are cooler, my job is better, my WHATEVER, is better than your WHATEVER. Sadly this includes, at certain points, a girlfriend, wife, or current lover.

That constant desire to be better than becomes tiring. While I can turn on the competition and play the game when I choose, it becomes rather repetitive and boring if that’s all that your relationship boils down to. At least with women we are allowed to, for the most part, simply be. There is comfort in this, whether we’ll admit it or no (I guess I just did so THPTPHPTPT)

Now let’s address the hard part, the part we ALL know but have a bit of a problem saying out loud. Relationships between men and women are only allowed to get to this level once the sexual aspects are addressed and either tried and failed, or discussed and on we move.

I truly believe you can only be a good close friend to someone of the opposite gender once the sex part is out of the way. This can come in many forms. You tried it and it didn’t work.  You both acknowledge you just are not attracted to each other. You’ve done the relationship part, it failed, you both now realize you’re better off not being “together” or one admits their feelings, the other doesn’t reciprocate and yet still, through some random alignment of the stars and your gods, y’all still hang out. Case in point my very good friend Sheila and I.

When I first met Sheila she was a goddess walking the earth, or so I felt. Sad part, she was dating my good friend Dave. In a mistaken case of ego gone awry, very early on in our coming to know each other, I confessed my desires. They were rebuked and rightly so. It was hubris that made me think she would leave her boyfriend for someone she just met. Over the years we both dated many people and had our ups and downs relationship wise, but through it all we remained friends, and in fact became closer as the years wore on. Not once did we have to go back and revisit that initial attraction that I had. (she never did, and yuppers I’m cool wit it). She digs my wife and I think her hubby is one hell of a decent guy.

Or another example, my good friend Anne Marie (not my current boss, a different lady). We quickly recognized a kindred spirit, bonded, and realized that, oh hell no, we ain’t never gonna get together.  We both wanted different things from our prospective mates, more in fact than the other was able to offer. We recognized, this and on we moved deep into the friendship realm.

Now maybe I’m speaking only from the guy perspective here but with all of my female friends, it was addressed in one form or another, which allowed us to move beyond any odd tension and merely get to know the other as a person and really, truly dig ‘em.  The only exception was my very good friend Jessica (Jess), and I think was only because from the get go it was an understood. She is afterall, one of my wife’s dearest and closest friends whom I only got to know through my wife.. In order for us to develop a friendship it was an implied understanding from the outset. Or that’s my thought on it, Jess might have a different take.

For the record here ladies, allow me to get this out of the way. When your man says that the chick he’s been spending a bit of time with is just a friend. If your man is a decent human being and cares for you, he ain’t necessarily lying to ya. I say this with confidence because if he’s a good friend with her, or developing one, chances are they have had this conversation and moved on. This could be as simple as the fact that he’s mentioned you about a thousand times, or more a more direct route. Either way, if you trust your man, trust in him and let it be. Now of course this general advice, so if you got an issue talk to me about specifics and we’ll get serious.  And in the interest of full discloser, my wife absolutely disagrees with me on this one. She advises y’all that if your man is telling you that he’s sayin’ they’re just friends. you’ll wanna investigate that one fully before trusting in what he says.  Men and women…can we ever truly understand one another?

So I seem to have lost track of my original quest here, which was that I wanted to talk about your friends and why they who they are. Mine tend to be mostly female, with huge props to my boys out Seattle and North Dakota way. Now I ain’t even come close to talking about the why of why they are your friends. But start the process, who are yours?