The idea behind National Coming Out Day is to celebrate sexual and gender diversity. Basically, if we can provide a supportive environment that empowers closeted LGBT to come out, our community will strengthen each time someone does. The day is also there for straight supporters, too. All in all, this wonderful event increases awareness of LGBT issues in a world where they are still not properly addressed. 

This year’s Coming Out Day was the first I have ever taken part in. In some places they have marches or parades, in other places they give out information pamphlets and hold seminars. I think these things are amazing and it is so great to see the support from a community that is strengthening each year. However, I didn’t actually participate in any parades or marches and I didn’t hand out any pamphlets or hold a seminar. I did my bit for National Coming Out Day by, well, coming out.

This may not sound like much — telling someone I’m gay for the first time — but for anyone who hasn’t been there, who has never had to tell someone that their sexual orientation is ‘not normal’, it will be hard for you to imagine just how big of step it is. 

With all the celebrity coming out parties – lots of them coming out by Twitter/Facebook — and a general lack of exposure to homosexuality and gender diversity, coming out is probably a little hard for straight folk to understand. First of all, it’s not a single event in a person’s life. Coming out is an extended process that involves a person slowly coming to terms with their sexual orientation and, eventually, telling people about it. It’s not common for a ‘normal’, non-celebrity, to come out to everyone at once. In fact, I’d say every gay* celebrity was out with their family and friends before releasing their coming out magazine cover/press conference/sitcom episode. Little by little, a person can identify themselves as gay to other people — of course, they first have to indentify as gay with themselves. 

For me, the day came — October 11 2011. Ten eleven twenty eleven. It had a nice ring to it, so I thought I’d take the plunge. There were two people I wanted to tell the most. One of my best friends who had moved away to a different town and my older sister who (in the least cheesiest way possible) is another of my best friends. I happen to be on the other side of the world at the moment (just randomly) and I won’t be going home for another few months, so I didn’t know if it would be so good for me to come out right now. But I read over the National Coming Out Day website and a few other resources online and decide that I needed to come out now. It was just something I had to do.

So there I was, sitting at my desk with a pen in hand, a blank sheet of paper staring back at me. I’m not going to share what I wrote — it’s a really personal thing. But the gist of it was this:
“Dear ______.
Well, today is National Coming Out Day so I thought it would be a great time to tell you that I am gay. I’m sorry I never told you before now — there were so many times that I wanted to say something but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. You have always supported and helped me and I can only hope you will continue to do so now that you know I am a gay man. We don’t have to mention this next time we speak if you don’t want to, or we can. Whatever’s fine — I just don’t want this to be an awkward subject. I’m still the same person I always was! Please, never forget that, no matter what happens from here, you will always be one of my best friends.”

Writing these words down was a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. But the hardest part came next; sticking a stamp on that baby and putting into the hands of complete strangers to deliver. I thought about it for a few days — the envelope just sat there on my desk. In fact, I ended up rewriting one of the letters. After that, I had to send it. Letting go of those letters has been, simultaneously, the most liberating and the most scary experience of my life so far. I didn’t know how to feel as I waited to see what kind of response I would get (and to see how much my life was potentially going to change). It was almost unbearable, to be in such a limbo.

From my sister, I got an email response the day the letter arrived. It was heart warming and supportive, and there was no better response I could have asked for. After reading it, I just started crying. I don’t even know why — I was so happy, but at the same time, I was scared. I had just started my coming out journey and, from here on, my life was going to change completely. At the same time, I knew not all my future responses would be so good. 

From my friend, I haven’t heard back yet. I don’t know how long it will take for a response, or if she will ever talk to me again. All I know is, whatever she decides, it’s not my fault. I am gay and there’s no changing it. It’s already been months since I sent the letter and I haven’t seen her again since then. But I’m going to keep waiting — that’s all I can do.

For anyone reading this, please support National Coming Out Day in your community. Whether you’re LGBT, or a straight ally, your support is invaluable to people like me. 

*I say “Gay” with the widest possible meanings (Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender… you name it!)

I know what some of you might be thinking, “That’s the price they pay for being a celebrity,” but let’s save us both the time, by pointing that argument in the other direction. Just because a person is well known for a certain talent, doesn’t make it any of our business what or who they do behind close doors. Does it matter if your doctor dresses in drag? Not really. And when was the last time you worried about your mail carrier’s sexuality?

By now, you must have realized that this article was inspired by the current hype regarding Adam Lambert’s “coming out” in the new issue of Rolling Stone. But I don’t want to talk just about him–because to be perfectly honest, I didn’t watch one episode of American Idol this season.

I can remember the day that People magazine hit the new stands, and on the cover was Ellen, with the caption I’ll never forget: “Yep, I’m Gay!”  It seemed that people couldn’t stop talking about it, and Saturday Night Live had a field day with her coming out. Not too mention, how many women were heartbroken when George Michael was forced out of the closest. While Elton John has become synonymous as one of the many Gay Icons (who is actually gay!), is considered old news.

What amazes me even more, is the fact that there are many actors and actresses that are enjoying a very successful career, which could easily be shattered by coming out. For some reason, once a celebrity comes out, they are automatically tossed into that giant “gay pool” and treated as if they are lepers. Even though society seems to be moving in the right direction of coming to terms with those of us who happen to live “fabulous” lifestyles, there are still some lingering habits that don’t appear to be broken. And to best illustrate my point, think about this: When was the last time you saw a gay actor portraying a straight character? But how many straight actors have you seen portray gay characters?

Interesting.

It seems to me, that people want to think the worst about celebrities for a self-esteem boost. How many people have you heard say something negative about Angelina Jolie, after the end of Brad & Jen? Look at the covers of all of major magazines…is it me, or does anyone really care about this Jon & Kate drama? Since it doesn’t affect our lives, what should it matter? Britney Spears has had more bad press than she’s had fan mail, and hell, even Dolly Parton has been accused of being a lesbian on more than one occasion, after she’s said for years, that “if she wasn’t born a woman, she would definitely be a drag queen.”

The fact of the matter is, believing what you want about celebrities is one of your American rights, but that doesn’t give you the right to feel you deserve to know the truth. If Adam Lambert didn’t come out, would it change his talent in the slightest…who knows? Doubt it, since Liberace, Rock Hudson, Richard Chamberlain, and so many other actors and singers have been able to live their lives privately when it came to their sexuality. Speculation are as dangerous as land mines. You never know where to go, because everything could easily blow up in your face by taking the wrong step.