You do really dig her, though, and you want to impress her, and give her something really cool, something that might even make her squeal with delight, because hey, it is Valentine’s Day and romance can be pretty damned cool, and she’s cute when she squeals with delight. So what can you do that’s the right amount of “You’re pretty wonderful” and “It’s not a ring, stop visualizing bridesmaid dresses” , you’re wondering?

Now, you could, if you have a chance, sneak around in her home dressed all in black like a ninja, doing things such as, say, checking out perfume bottles, sizes of lingerie and shoes, jotting down the names from the sides of saved shopping bags out of the closet and so forth… but, these things take time, not to mention they are very risky activities that one cannot partake in during the fragile beginnings of a relationship, lest one be branded a dangerous stalker. And once you are branded a Dangerous Stalker, well, it makes it harder to get reservations for that Valentine’s Night dinner. Something about “Two for Dangerous Stalker” is off-putting to most fine dining establishments, though no one quite knows why.

So to save you this trauma, I am here to help. Let’s begin, shall we?

♥Buy her costume jewelry. Something cute and sweet. But be sure to include some chocolates. For balance. Cause that way it will take her mind off the fact that she didn’t just get a diamond.

♥You don’t know her sizes, but you want to get her lingerie. Is she tall, petite? Slender, curvy? Stacked, not so stacked? Tell the salesperson. If her breasts can fit in the palm of your hand, she’s probably an A cup. If she overflows just a bit, probably a B. If she’s a good handful, she’s a C. And if you have to spread your fingers to hang on and you still don’t have full coverage, that’s a D. (If anyone can explain this in a more efficient way, feel free to write in and correct me. I figured that you’d enjoy visualizing this more than fruit, however.) I have to say, though, as with most other things on the list, the path of least resistance is the ever popular gift card. Get her one from Amazon and she can choose from tons of different lingerie retailers. But make sure you mark down that the gift card is for lingerie, lest it be spent on 

♥With stockings, generally petite through 5′9″ is one size. 5′10″ and up is Tall.  5′7″ or so and 190lbs or more is Queen (or roundabouts there I think, I’m taking a guess, I know it’s a lot larger and goes up higher, that number is a low point).

♥Perfume: A few perfumes that you cannot go wrong with – Most women will adore the smell of Issey Miyake’s L’eau D’Issey Eau D’Parfum. It has a nice blend of florals along with an undertone of light woods. It is beautiful and smells very elegant and luxurious. She will feel like a princess. Issey Miyake makes a Florale one also that is wonderful. Either of these will make your gal feel incredibly special. If she is in her early twenties or so, Juicy Couture’s original fragrance is a great choice as well. Another favorite of the young set is Davidoff’s Cool Water for women. And if you really want to be romantic, you can get her Creed’s Love in Black, which was originally developed exclusively for Jackie Onassis. (But you have to be sure to tell her the tale – and why not get her a Chanel suit and pillbox hat while you’re at it?

♥Shoes: Never try to guess a lady’s shoe size. Shoes run so differently, and an ill-fitting shoe can cause serious foot problems down the road. Better: Give your gal a beautiful box of handmade chocolates (check Etsy for some amazing sellers – some may be able to overnight their wares!) or in a pinch some Godiva or Ghiradelli from the mall, and tuck a gift card to DSW in the box. She can pick out her own shoes, and try them on first to make sure they are a perfect fit. And you know the old saying, “Give a woman shoes, and you have a friend for life.” Wait, that’s not an old saying? Well, it certainly should be.

♥Other gifts of luxury: Consider things like spa days, day cruises, mani-pedi gift certificates, his & hers massage dates, hair salon gift cards (careful with that one – don’t give her just a hair cut or “get your roots done” card, or your gift may backfire on your and you’ll have a mighty offended girl on your hands – and the amount of offense increases exponentially with the amount of candy that the holiday is associated with, so yep, that’s a lot of offense. Walk softly and carry a well-stocked gift card. Again, tucked inside a gift box of (her favorite kind) of chocolates would be really good. (Does she like milk chocolate? Have you heard her wax rhapsodic about white chocolate? When she gets it for herself, what does she get? Assuming you’ve seen her do this. Just a simple thing like knowing what kind of chocolate is her favorite can score major “This guy is incredible and deserves (fill in the naughty blank)” points. Though of course that’s not why you’re giving gifts. But you wouldn’t cry, would you?

Hopefully this has given you some ideas you wouldn’t have had otherwise, and you’ve got enough love ammo to cook up an idyllic day of gift-giving that will enhance your budding relationship with that special female with whom Cupid has graced you.

Happy Valentine’s Day! ♥

Many of my girlfriends also make lists. Sometimes when we meet we’ll have a good hearty laugh over our lists. And the many things we make not of. Why do we do it? We wonder though we unanimously agree that without it we just wouldn’t be ourselves!!! Do men also feel the same?

Wonder: Is list making a gender thing? 

Revenge daters can be extremely good looking men and women. They are mostly independent minded people with  stable jobs and reliable livelihood. They don’t use their relationships to survive, so they go into a relationship with one agenda-to punish the opposite sexes they consort with to leave a long  trail of heart broken men and women feeling dumped and used. Below are some of the characteristics of revenge daters;

1. They are available and easy going

A revenge dater will never turn down any advance-they take you on with the first touch of the button, no questions and no prying into your past or asking who you are dating right now or who called you on your phone-all they want is you here and now! With this kind of personality, victims even begin to think, they have found a life long partner. The truth is, they have landed into the jaws of an emotionless revenge dater on the loose, ready to inflict vengeance on victim!

2. They usually have a string of broken relationships

If you carried out your investigation on a potential revenge dater, you could be sure to find that she/he has had too many broken relationships within a shot span of time. Too many broken relationships in a short time is not just out of  bad luck or a curse-they are hall-marks of revenge daters because it is not in their way of life to keep any relationship. When such a person crosses your way, just know that you could have been targeted as the next victim on the shortlist of the revenge dater.

3. Take Keen interest in the Comments she/he makes about the opposite sex

Revenge daters often give their true colors away by the subtle reactions and comments they make about the opposite sex. For instance, a tale of a painful relationship which draws sympathy from any listener could receive such a one word remark as …”Men”! When the woman you are dating reacts this way instead of being sympathetic and objective in her judgement of the situation involving both sex, just know that she has issues with men and you could as well be her next victim.

4. They usually are Apprehensive about marriage

How a person feels when the subject of marriage is brought up can give you a clue about whether or not some one is a revenge dater. Most revenge daters loathe the opposite sex and the whole idea of having a life-long partnership with the opposite sex is inconceivable to them. They don’t want to hear about marriage- period!!

While these tell signs may be poignant in many ways, when someone who shows some of these signs is dating you, do not rush to the conclusion that he/she is out loose on you with a revenge date! Take time to understand the person before you conclude that your date is indeed, a revenge dater! Acting too fast could make you throw away the date of your life!

It used to be afternoons of serenity holding her tight in the warm sun followed by nights of bliss and endless ecstasy. People who watched the fire of your passion burn reddened with envy. You swore that you’re love would outlast those old tortoise geezers in Bulange Mengo just as the good life crew foretold.  Well those were the years BC (before child). Now you endure nights of audio agony from junior crying for his bottle, your days are filled with changing diaper after diaper as your main squeeze insists you must both take turns at this ghastly chore in the name of equal rights in the home. In-between as you wriggle your nose, you look up in the sky and ask yourself how you got there.

To exacerbate the situation, good “ol trafford” has never been open for business since junior came along. Your rights to fan the saucepan (wujja akasepiki if you please) are revoked for an undefined time period as mama is to be busy breatfeeding junior to attend to such “ridiculous needs”.

And so today’s emotional conundrum is asked, why marriages/relationships become seeming stale like a plate of unleafed overnight matooke after kids. Why does the love walk out the door and the sex jump out the window when junior comes along! Why does the flame that once burned with a fiery red suddenly turn blue leaving you longing for the good old days BC (before child)?

The first crime the woman is guilty of in aiding the occurrence of this morose situation is turning all her love to her baby and completely ignoring her man which threatens to push him onto the sexual network. After having children, the closeness you once had as a couple may begin to fade and that prized double bed may become the ‘cursed mazongoto!  Dr. Hilderman wailed about.

Emmanuel (not real name) says that when his wife got pregnant he felt so ignored and exasperated, he was seriously tempted to launch his debut on the ’sexual network’ and it took sheer iron-wheel and a determination on his part not to!

“Sometimes women are guilty of taking the love away from the man after birth’ says Maureen a unisex beautician in downtown Kampala “… and sometimes men are guilty of not being patient and understanding with the woman.” In a number of relationships couples start sleeping apart, and the sex seems to stop after the little ones come along. A friend of mine a one Jonathan once said to me ““My wife reached a point where she only uses sex to get something, and she doesn’t happen to want anything at the moment. Another friend once recounted to me the response he received once he raised this issue to his wife in a healthy marital tete tete one fine evening. She hissed back to his shock and awe “I gave birth to your kids and you complain we don’t have sex? How do you think they were born, osmosis?”

Another associate intimated to me (over a few ‘imara kama simbas’ one evening) how when he tried to launch the moves on his wife one night in an attempt to warm her oven and get her in the mood, she harshly responded “None of that nonsense we have kids now, I take care of them, drive them to school, pick them up for after school activities, drive them to sport, take them to their friends houses, clean, cook, go to PTA meetings cook for them and then cater to your whining when you get home. So sorry but I’m too tired to have sex”.

To further throw the couple involved from frying pan to fire, the bills start to skyrocket as junior(s) grows and the quarrels over money begin. But what to do to change direction and save this titanic of a relationship from heading straight for an emotional iceberg?

First of all, perhaps a little more understanding, patience love and tolerance is needed in this situation. Make your spouse priority. Your number emu/spouse/darling/sweet mutima/honeybun/kiteddybear (….please insert preferred name of affection here) should always come first. Kids though precious to both of you will eventually grow up and move away and the two of you will be left with each other. Woe unto both of you if you cannot stand each other then. It is true often times the needs of the kids will have to come first but the child should not be an excuse to not spend time with your spouse. Believe it or not the sun does not rise and set around your child but around your love for your spouse.

Take a united front in raising the baby. Men should not run away from doing baby related tasks. Infact doing these together can serve to reinforce the magnetic ‘love-bonds’ that the difficult baby chores threatened to ‘de-magnetize’ in the first place.

Keep yourself looking nice even after birth. It is important for women to endeavour to regain that pre-natal sexy figure that used to make their lovers’ heart ‘do yori yori’ (thank you bracket for giving us that one) when they first met. Never buy into the age-old lie that since you’re married you can let yourself go. Remember what made him land for you and work to regain that and keep yourself looking nice and lovely for your man. Men please endeavour to conserve that six-pack for your woman.

 Equally vital is to not give up on the sweet arrangements (romantic outings) even after the baby comes. .These are as vital to the smooth flow of the marriage as delo engine oil is to your car engine parts.Give her compliments to let her know that she is still attractive to you. Hire a babysitter to put the kids to bed early if need be. Communication which is key tends to happen on such outings and hot issues that would have built up and exploded in a ball of anger are resolved here as emotions are allowed to be let loose.

Be attentive and romantic Remember how it was before you had children – with one another and apply this. Never cease to tell/show her how her love affects your brain, in all the numerous ways possible i.e. candles, flowers, massage oil, satin sheets, lingerie, surprise gifts, filling up her car with delo engine oil, movie and dinner… etc.Women never cease to tell him how he means the world to you.

Go forth and apply these remedial actions and tell me if the days after BC won’t be as equally blissful. Remember everything worth holding onto requires some effort.

A Dutch woman was arrested earlier this week and charged in courts of law with the offense of  stalking. She allegedly called her ex-boy friends 65,000 times in the space of one year! That could be translated to making 178 calls in a single day which is humanly unbelievable! He 62 year old former boy friend made a public complaint in August 2011 to the police, raising the case of this persistent and irritating daily calls from some woman.

Police arrested the woman On Monday 12th, 2011 and even made a search in her Rotterdam home where they were shocked to find  hundreds of cellphones and computers in her appartment. It is yet to be ascertained if this woman has a mental indisposition, but for any body to get so obsessed as to be wanting to ring an ex-boy friend 1,250 times a week and 65,000 a year is a case that psychiatrists ought  not to allow to go unattended. Court ordered her ordered her to stop contacting the victim.

The interesting twist about this case is that the 62 year man claims, they have never been in a relationship with  this woman, but the woman on her part insisted that she had been an ex-girlfriend of the man and even told court that she was not a stalker but one who was trying to get back her ex. Infact, she amused court when she said that number calls she was making to her boyfriend was not excessive.

From the number of times the calls were made, it seemed that the only time this woman was not calling her boyfriend was when she was sleeping. Many folks think the 62 year old man also needs help because if he was upright mentally, the most obvious thing a clear headed person should have done was to change his SIM card to avoid the harassment from the other side.

So, how does a woman know that this master deceiver is married or involved with another woman.  Some men have gotten quite good at hiding those facts.  Here are a few red flags that I found out from personal experience or the experience of other ladies:

1. He never wants to go out on the town like other couples.  This married man isn’t just concerned about running into the wife while out cheating, but, he doesn’t want to run into her family and friends.  
2. The married man will share only a cell phone, but, never a home phone.  However, keep in mind, in this day and age a lot of people have abandoned having a landline phone; even children have a cell phone.  But, the married man or relationship involved man may even have two cell phones.
3. Where he works is top secret.  A married man or a man involved in a relationship doesn’t want you showing up at his job; sparking office gossip that might reach home.  Or worst yet, you could run into the misses on a surprise visit or lunch date.
4. He is only available at certain times.  He mysteriously disappears on the weekends and evenings, because the married man has to devote the weekend and evenings to the wife and kids.
5. Back to the cell phone.  The married man or involved man usually cuts the cell phone off when he’s at home.  He’ll make all kinds of excuses why he can never be reached between 8 pm and 8 am. 
6. Check for tan lines.  The married man just might have a discoloration where the wedding band would normally be.
7. His sexual appetite is like a teenager.  He isn’t getting that attention at home, so, he’s on the prowl and anyone will do.  And he usually requests sexual acts that he would never ask his wife to do. 
8. Whenever you invite him to dinner, the married man can’t necessarily show up when he’s supposed to.  Remember, he has a wife or a main girlfriend who is making demands on his time.  If she needs him to run to the market during the time that you are expecting him for dinner; guess what?  He’s going to be not just a little late.
9. He is super defensive when questioned about just about anything.  He doesn’t want to answer for why he’s never on time, why you two can never go out, why he’s only available when HE wants sex, why his cell phone is always ‘acting up’ just on the weekends.  
10. BIG RED FLAG – You can never go to his home for whatever reason.  He creates undesirable roommates or claims to be temporarily living with parents or siblings, so, he’s not comfortable inviting company to their homes.  

If you notice a few or more of these in a new guy you are dating, I suggest that  you run for the hills.  Cause I assure you that if he ‘forgets’ that he’s married or has a girlfriend, he will not treat you any differently than he treats her, in fact, you are way more forgettable than she is.  Learn to proceed into new relationships with a little caution.  Not all men are dogs, so, don’t approach dating with that attitude or you will be alone for a very long time.  Yet, you don’t want to waste your time with a loser, because time is too 

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Follow me on twitter @mphsglo; also enjoy reading: 

Do I Really Want to Catch Him Cheating?

Date Rape Drug Sensors and Other Ways to Protect Yourself

Dealing with a Stalker Your Own Personal Terrorist

I am not the victim of the situation I am thinking of at the moment, but I am the one who has to listen to negative comments about the people I get along with and have never had any problems with. It isn’t right for someone to say horrible things about people who have never done anything wrong to him/her. So the message I wish to send is that if you have a problem with someone talking bad about your friends, if you say nothing to stick up for them, then you are not really a “good friend” now are you? If you say nothing, you are just as bad as the person who is criticizing your friend or friends.

I wish that the person whom I am thinking of would realize that I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to listen to someone trashing my friends or the people I get along with well, which is basically everyone. It is so hard to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like a lot of my friends. They have never done anything to him and whenever I mention that I would like to hang out with one of them, I fear he will say something negative. I am in charge of my life obviously and I am also in charge of how I handle situations like this. My opinion is that friends come before a boyfriend or girlfriend, they were there for me long before he came into the picture. So if he doesn’t start being nicer to them, he will be out of my picture….

But before all of that, I should’ve woke the f*** up, when he let his so called ex come to my house, one night, he and I gave a party together.

‘To Be Continued’

I know for me, starting over has had it goods and bad points.  I have come across some crazy ones that will surely give me a laugh for a while and I have come across some sincere one’s that are just not ready to commit because of past issues.  We are friends and that’s a good thing that has come out of this whole search for the right person.  I have though found that ideal person that is both emotionally and financially on my level.  It’s a breath of fresh air.

So keep in mind.  It may be better that you stay and work things out with the one you are currently with.  You may think the grass is greener on the other side when in it is most certainly is not.  No one ever said relationships are easy.  Sometimes you just have to work hard at keeping them.