Image via CrunchBase

ABORTION // Fetus & Moron (Photo credit: 666isMONEY ☮ ♥ & ☠)

Sometimes, employing preventative measures such as contraceptives before sexual activity seems to be a bit of a drag.  That is why we here at Abortion Now! LLC have pledged to implement a new and improved system for you to organically and naturally rid yourself of potential progeny.

Accurate directions and detailed instructions

The Abortion Now! LLC App will interact with Google Maps to locate the nearest abortion clinic and assign you a “doctor.” You will then be sent a code to your cell phone that will provide you with further instructions relating to the procedure and any psychological counseling that might better serve you during this difficult time.  Feel free to download the App to your iPhone via Cydia by jailbreaking your fancy new 4s mobile device! (Abortion Now! LLC is not responsible for any legal actions taken against clients who upset Apple Inc. by jailbreaking their phones.)

Certificates and licenses 

Upon entering the abortion clinic facility of your choice, you will be addressed by a notary public to certify that you seek to eliminate the precious, potential life growing within your tender womb.  Be sure to sign and date all official documents before proceeding to the operation room or you will be fined no more than $3000 in penalties, fees, and additional surcharges.  

Your signature will guarantee that the instruments used to annihilate the fetal cells in your body are made of organic compounds and have been thoroughly cleansed and have not been tested on dolphins, seals, puppies, kittens, or dung beetles (only humans).  

After the abortion has been executed successfully, you will be advised to walk off any physical pain that may be present.  As for any mental trauma, those scars upon your psyche may haunt you for the rest of your natural life.  Psychiatrists will be waiting in the lobby before you exit the facility.

Holiday specials, discounts, rewards program, and merchandise

For those lucky enough to have to get an abortion around the Holiday Season, Abortion Now LLC is proud to present our Christmas Rewards and Presents (CRAP) special that will enable you to cash in all the baby clothes, toys, diapers, room decorations and other memorabilia designated for the baby that you no longer want.

Also, if you were going to have twins, just scan the QR code to enroll in our patented Almost a Parent Two for One Sale that will take off up to $50 for one of the twins. (Void if you wish to keep one of the potentials and desire to tell lies to that child about its phantom sibling for the rest of his or her life.)

And every abortive would have been mother will receive a mug, keychain, pens, bumper sticker  with the Abortion Now! LLC logo. Some fortunate women will get our 100% alpaca blend, free-trade, tie-dye, top with the phrase, “I just had a permanently life-altering experience by aborting my potential child and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”

Abortion Now! LLC thanks all of our participants and affiliates and hopes that the world will be a more peaceful place with fewer people walking about. Amen.

Clear, concise reporting with integrated hardware

Software programs like Microsoft Excel and Google Drive Spreadsheets will  allow you to process up to the minute and precise details. Ladies, this will definitely let you know all of your partners abilities in the bedroom and make it easy to remember names, dates, locations, positions, and activities.  In fact, every thrust, tug and pull will be automated with the state of the art Naughty Bit Counter™.  Upon entry in the orifice of your choice, this device will be like a black box for your boxes.   With this technology, no longer will you have to wonder whom the baby daddy might be, or how you  contracted that infection or disease that gives you that milky discharge and baked cod odor that could land you in a hospital emergency room or on a slab in the morgue.

English: Plot of y=x 2 made in Microsoft Excel. All proprietary art work is stripped, leaving a generic graph. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For American public safety 

While gentlemen will be able to use the Top Notch® Technology App to digitally carve more notches in their bedposts post-coital, it is important to understand that the United States Federal Government must receive the documents concerning Americans’ private lives.  That is why Sex Lives of the American People Service (SLAPS) stands to provide this quality assured package to ensure the safety and security of future generations.

Always important even if you do not wish to be attractive. Keeping yourself strong and healthy can not only prolong you life-span, but also attact your dream girl. You do not have to be in the gym everyday to be healthy and strong, and you certainly do not need to be overly buffed (girls tend to stay away from those people). All you need to do is to show up in a gym for 2 or 3 days per week and do the proper excercise. Also a morning jog can help greatly. It is important to do the proper exercies to have the best result.

Eating healthy is another factor. Avoid those junk food and fast food resteraunts. Control your protein in take according to your life style. For example, you might want to eat a little more before you work out, or reduce your meat in take when you have vegetables as an alternative. Avoid soda, and drink more water.

Step2: Your appearence

As a guy you do not need to spend hours doing your hair or choosing what clothes you wear. That does not mean you can wear any thing and be anyone you like. First, pick a hair style that you think best suit your face, even if bold is the way to go. After that, pick your clothes so you do appear to have taste in clothing. Common sense is required for this, for example, suits do not go well with jeans. Get a salesman in clothing store to help you out with the clothes you need. Now you are ready to go out there and meet some ladies.

Step3: Personal hygiene

As a guy, you might be covered in sweat from time to time from those sports. However, remember to take a shower after you are finished with those sports. Ladies do not know you have been working out or charging across a football field with glory. Sweat does not equal to manliness when you are sitting in a lecture hall. So please keep in mind that you need to smell good for ladies to think about you. Also remember to brush your teeth morning and evening. If you cannot make that, chew a piece of gum on your way to show yourself.

Step4: Approaching

This is the most important part so read carefully. As a guy, you need to know what the ladies want. You need to read their mind (research them before you make an approach). You might think those facebook stalkers are the sore losers, but they are the ones know what she wants/does. Become one of them and you are 50 percent closer from having her. Now, after you have researched those ladies, approach them like any other guy would and lead to topics involving what she likes and show your opinion in them. Those topics can be about a hobby, sport, or particular field of study (a lot harder to prepare), make sure you know what you are talking about. The last thing a lady wants to see is a guy talking about something he doesnt know and still trying to show off. 

Step5: Stepping into her life

After you have impressed a girl with your “knowledge and experiences” in her favourite stuff, you need to show her that you are her new best friend. You can do this by showing her your care, your manliness, your intelligence. More importantly, your personality. You need to show her your brighest side at all times. You can do this by giving the hobos a dollar when they ask for it, shop with her, buy her clothings that she likes but too expensive. Well you need to do just about everything for her. So what if you do not have any money? In that case, buy her items that she likes and are well made, yet still cheap. Congratulations, you are now part of her life.

Step6: Take the final step

As you are part of her life, you are the number 1 priority on her potential bf list. All you need to do now is to find the right oppoturnity to say “those lines/actions appear in romance drama”, search for how to propose on google if you struggle. It is always hard for a guy to do this, as guys tend to be shy when it comes to proposing. Yet you still have to do it, because soon enough she will think you are only her best friend and derank you on her bf list. So what if one propose fail? Do not worry, do something sweet for her and propose again. If she rejects you many times over a long period of time, you need to rethink about her, because it might not be the fact that you are not a good match for her. For example, she is the rich princess going to be married to her dad’s friend’s son, and you are just a penniless guy standing in the way. Anyway, figure out why she rejects you and convince her everything will work out even if you know it will not. Chances are, she realizes she is in love with you so deep that nothing stands between you guys <3.

So yes, a short but useful guide for you singles out there. Start gettting ready because you will regret if you don’t. Thank you for taking your time reading and leave your opinions in the comments not your heads.

Wish you luck.

One thing one should never do when their friendships are sketchy is to give a birthday party.  You will blow your cover right then and there.  You can’t take it from me because I have always had successful parties.  I never aim too high though…..I simply invite family, friends and trusted folks who like me.  That is the key.

But I have experienced dateless birthdays though.  And working with a  bunch of females just may make you want to become more creative to throw them off your dateless trail.   Girls are girls and can be silly when it comes to boys, I’ve been there too.  But  I mean no one really has to know your Birthday Activity Schedule.  Or that you’re going to spend your birthday at home or worst with a bunch of females.  I mean that’s fine when you’re all young and on the make, so to speak.   But when everyone has a boyfriend and you don’t, let’s call this a CREATE A MAN DAY.  That’s right.You can create a facade so swell that you will be the envy of all the girls……. Here’s how it goes:

1.)  Say your birthday is on a lovely Spring Friday.  Start on Wednesday getting that floral bouquet ready.  Take with you, your brother, cousin or a best friend and pay him to order that arrangement to come to the Office.  Pick out a  generic but sexy name like “Dexter” and have the message “Please say yes, Dex…..” on the bouquet.

2.)  You will want to look cute and a little mysterious that day so wear your jazzy little hat, your rhinestone glasses, cute shoes and nicely fitted pencil jeans, since this is a Friday, your birthday and Dress Down Day anyway, you can pull this off.

3.)  Find a way to have a little impromptu meeting with the Secretaries so that they can come in smell the flowers and see that romantic “Please say yes” note while the phone rings and the mysterious Dex and a couple of your girlfriends call to really solidify this birthday……  Your cousin who is playing your boyfriend is at it again and probably getting tired of you by now but loves you enough to get you through the day.

4.)  Arrange to have your mystery cousin-man pick you up at lunch.  Guarantee you that some female from the Office or the Office building is going to come out and see you get into the car.  Women are naturally nosey spies so give them something to spy about.

5.)  Return to the office with a smile and a few scant details and busy yourself while looking just a tad smug.

6.)  If you must call a cab to go to meet your date, that’s fine, just make sure you linger behind the girls.  Get home, take off your shoes, relax in a nice tub with bubbles, drink some champagne, eat your chocolates.  Your job is done.  You really and truly do not need a date to have a cool birthday!

Venus Palermo, whose on line identity is the handle Venus Angelic, is a 15 year-old London teenager notorious for her obsession with posting videos in which she poses as a living doll, even running. Internet online tutorials about make-up, described by her in 78 videos on her official youtube page, for the many thousands who follow her.

Venus gives popular tips on achieving the bizarre look, and now

young Russian model Valerie Lukyanova has also made international news for a similar obsession.  She apparently, Like the US girl Dakota Rose, is apparently attempting – through plastic surgery and skillful make-up, to become a real-life Barbie doll.

The fact that, for decades now, the media have assumed that young girls idolize Barbie dolls, and many writers have posted articles about such idolatry leading to, in some cases, a relentless pursuit of beauty as imagined by these girls and women. Valerie’s example could be seen as an object lesson in the dangers of such obsessions.

For many women, the cult of Barbie is at fault for many modern female problems, such as eating disorders and distorted body image, because these females dream of that impossible Barbie-like figure, and set out to achieve it, whatever the cost.

Naomi Wolf wrote, in her best-selling feminist volume The Beauty Myth that many see Barbie is seen as an ideal woman, providing an early role model for developing girls, though few children are likely to see the dolls as truly realistic. Even so, the way girls really see their Barbies has never been properly researched.

Opinion about the iconic Barbie dolls is all just hearsay, to be honest, possibly in part down to a widespread assumption that they are universally beloved, without being by any means certain that this is in fact the case. The mere handful of research studies actually done might surprise people, just because they indicate that, in reality most girls are ambivalent about Barbie.

UK University of Bath researchers, in 2005, reported that their study had shown, in fact, that many girls, aged 7-11 hate Barbie for having many selves, being babyish, unfashionable, and worst of all iconic, meaning that many of the girls actively mutilate and torture their dolls.  So it seems that not every female sees Barbie the same way, and the distinct lack of good evidence that the dolls are viewed as a physical role model make it likely that the supposed Barbie ideal image is based more on myth than truth.

Nonetheless, despite the dispelling of that myth, and the knowledge that

Barbie’s dimensions are in truth both unhealthy and inhuman make no difference to the girls who determine that they want to be Barbie, or at the very least doll-like. Their obsessions lead them to present themselves as living dolls, and even if we feel somewhat horrified by what we see, there is nonetheless something fascinating about the whole bizarre phenomenon.

A Sydney receptionist who caught the eye of One Direction has felt the wrath of the popular boyband’s teenage fans.

The Daily Telegraph reports 20-year-old Anna Crotti was working on the front desk at radio station Nova when the pop stars arrived for an interview with the network’s breakfast hosts.

Band member Harry Styles mentioned Crotti on air, with Zayn Malik and Niall Horan agreeing she had “beautiful eyes”. Looking at the pictures, I can’t blame them. Shes the only one who’s attractive in the group.

“We were communicating [via text] through the whole day pretty much [and Zayn] asked if I would like to catch up. I said I was free a bit later,” she told the Daily Telegraph.

Things went a little hazy as One Direction fans had found out about the lucky gal. Tracking Crotti down on her Facebook page, she was sent a number of “intimidating” messages.
Mothers had been calling Crotti to say their daughters were crying and “would kill to be in her shoes”. Simply put, girls these days are stupid.

“By the end of the day it got a bit too scary. I didn’t even want to walk home. It was so intense. I messaged Zayn and said, ‘Maybe it’s not a good idea we meet up’. It was just a bit too full-on. I know it’s just typical teenage girl stuff, but I don’t understand it,” Crotti says.

One Direction is due in New Zealand next week and I doubt the girls there will be any kinder despite New Zealands legendary friendliness.

For more, click here.
http://notecook.com/desserts/fruits/one-direction-tries-tasty-treats-in-australia/

Ottawa – The suicide rate among teens andpre-adolescent Canadian women increased over the past decade, although the overall number of young people who commit suicide go down.

These results obtained from studies conducted over almost 30 years and has been published in the Canadian Medical Association Journal.

Researchers noted, changes the method of suicide. From using the weapons and poisons, to a method of respiratory arrest with neck strangulation.

“We note, suicide is a tragedy anda very disturbing trend,” said lead researcher, Robin Skinner, epidemiologists from the Public Health Agency of Canada, in Ottawa.

In 1980, 0.6 per 100 thousand 10-14 year-old girl committed suicide and this number rose to 0.9 per 100 thousand in 2008.

I think modern society has too narrowly classified chivalry as simply opening doors and carrying bags. There’s so much more that the original meaning inferred. Guys, let’s take this year to be the start of the transformation of manhood, because that’s what real men do. 

IN a relationship, there are some things you charge to adumbrate from your partner. Not intend to deceive, but alone reduces the appulse on your relationship.

Sweet sentences in advice is actual all-important to accomplish the relationships become added harmonious. Therefore, any account that was acquaint should accept sorted out so as not to aching feelings. Here are some statements that should not be filed adjoin the brace as appear BoldSky.

“My ex”

You charge to abstain the chat accompanying to a above lover. When it is told alone to accord a bad appulse on your accord with your partner.

“You are the man spoiled”

You charge to abstain the affair of conversation. You charge time to be able to about-face it into a complete and absolute man.

“I abhorrence your friends”

You charge to abstain such statements. When you feel admired too active blind out with friends, you do not charge to say it. You just charge to accord a little amplitude on the brace to get forth with his friends.

“Look at that candied girl”

You charge to abstain those words. If the account A nda to acquaint the brace would alone advance if you agnosticism it

A number of these signals – ranging from soft to extreme – shows that your partner is actually the center invites ML.

A. Naughty Flirt

Flirt can from the words that lead up to vulgar gestures and flirty. As cast, sighing sound or grit mengesek-sensitive parts.

2. Sitting in the bosom of

Leaning her head on your chest means he needs protection and feel comfortable. But when women sit on your lap, well these signs he had taken it further.

3. aggressive

Women who are kissing, stroking and pulling at Mr. Dick does this mean she was very excited and anxious to ML. This last sign is usually easily recognizable men.