Being polite seems to be far-fetched

In thirty five countries tests were reported of the bigger cities, in Toronto and Montreal, the following was discovered after observation.

When walking into public buildings at least twenty times behind people to see if  one would hold the door open and items were bought at numerous stores to see if thank you was mentioned..

A folder of papers was dropped at different locations to see if it  anyone would help  pick it up.

Which city do you think was the rudest?

The Top Three:

New York, Zurich, Toronto

These cities have a reputation for being big-headed, the New Yorkers showed they were big-hearted, in finishing first in the global courtesy ratings.  .All three were polite in  holding the doors open, and two people failing to do so. It has been proven that most New Yorkers are courteous.  The niceness of New Yorkers came after the terrorist attack  they are now more caring.

The second most courteous place:

Zurich, they were thankful for people buying at their stores, and some, especially the old fashioned  customer service was much in evidence. Good manners for Swiss shoppers

Toronto came third,  people are cheerful and are good, and  are tolerant to being very polite.

The European cities Berlin and Zagreb did well too, and Sao Paulo got into fourth place.  In Zagreb they were the world leaders in picking up the papers

In São Paulo, even the petty criminals were polite

Mumbai was the last in the rankings, the courtesy in stores were lacking, after a customer bought an item the sales assistant turned her back on the customer immediately after the payment.  It has to do with the lack of education.

An employee lied about  not noticing the papers on the floor and ignored helping, and will step over a person if fallen in the street, this is according to survey.

Most striking in Asia was how few people held doors open, every city except for Hong Kong got to  the bottom of the list, after observation it was reported that not many would hold the doors and the notion of courtesy wasn’t present.

Moscow and Bucharest were the least polite cities in Europe

Plenty of courtesy  in poorer areas were found, also the better dressed person was less likely to help you, race didn’t matter either. 

If you are in a hurry it shouldn’t be a barrier in helping people, positive results were shown during the rush hours.

Toronto ranked second  to Mexico City for being courteous during rush hour.

Older and Better?

The young didn’t show much politeness as the older people.

I don’t hate children, and I respect them, whether they are autistic or not. I understand that restaurants, cinemas, and the ilk are busy environments. What I mean by busy is that there’s a lot of noise, hustle bustle, and smells in those places. Children, especially those with autism, generally fare less in them unless prepared ahead of time.

Speaking of autism, I as an individual with the disability can’t tolerate them if they misbehave. I melt down on the inside because they provide a lot more than enough sensory overload to me and they are adding to that already high overstimulation. I can’t count how many times a kid screams for Mommy in a restaurant or a baby crying during a movie.

Well, if parents don’t learn how to control their children, regardless of diversity traits, why can’t managers of some public places allot a portion, or all, if the venue is a fine dining restaurant or a club requiring formal wear, just for people at or above a certain age?

Take a look at Palo on Disney Cruise Line’s fleet for instance. It’s an upscale, specialty Italian ristorante chain where the age limit of diners is 18 and over. Having been they on the Disney Wonder myself one late summer, I had a great experience. Not only the food was scrumptious and way above average, but the atmosphere was positively different from Parrot Cay. There were no screaming kids who missed their photo opportunity with Chip, Dale, or Goofy because Mom spent a long flutin’ time putting on her flutin’ makeup! After that experience, I wished for more restaurants like this.

There, I said it: I need more restaurants like the Palo on the Disney Wonder. Those shown on the video are Palo and Remy on the Disney Dream.

Of course, in family restaurants as well as airplanes (especially in coach), I’m yearning for age-restricted sections. I can neither tolerate stray peas in my macaroni and cheese nor kids kicking the back of my seat as I muse about my destination. I mean, a restaurant well known for its kids’ menus as well as a flight to and from a vacation in the Orlando area of Florida are likely to have those screamers and food throwers. Ditto for Movie theaters, where movies rated R are shown.

While a lot of you are like me, I have a message for all you parents: teach them good manners. I don’t mean spank them, enroll them to charm or finishing school, or anything. Practice how to eat at a table, how to behave in a plane, or how to not interrupt a movie.

That lady who owns this casual restaurant serves the right message: either teach your children etiquette and good behavior or don’t eat there.

I know what you are thinking: I seem ignorant to autistic children or just about any children with other disorders that makes them prone to screaming, but I’m trying to help you make them and you considerate to other diners, spectators, and flyers. Plan weeks, even months ahead of the day you are eating out, going on vacation on a plane, or watching a movie with them. Show them pictures of the place you are going to. Share social stories that include pictures written by your therapists, teachers, or you to let them know what they will expect. Use pre-scripting by playing pretend restaurant or pretend airplane flight. It’s not rocket science, folks.

For now, let us muse on kid-free sections in public places. We have to give our jaded nerves and heads a break from all those screaming chants of, “Daddy, I want dessert! Daddy, I want dessert!”

Related:
Screaming Babies and Children are Airplanes’ Banes!
When Bad/Screaming Children In Restaurants Make Others – Well, Scream!

Manners are a reflection of ourselves and we need to mind them when we practise social skills. Lets us take conversation for example.

A conversation is an exchange of views and ideas. It should give pleasure to the people involved. Therefore….

• you should not take it as an oppurtunity to preach, lecture, debate or condemn. Avoid controversial topics like religion or race unless you are with your very close friends.
• Always speak clearly and listen intelligently. Sometimes do ask a question or make a comment to show that you are listening. This will make you very popular! Avoid rude and irritating lines like, “What’s that? I can’t hear you. Can you speak louder?”
• Never monopolize a conversation. Never pretend to know everthing or tell stories to show how clever you are. Remember, your opinion may not be shared by everyone.
• At the same time, you do not have to be a sphinx. It is ill-mannered to be utterly silent. In that case, why did you come to the party?

Making conversation is an art. All you need are thoughtfullness, practice and good manners!

You may read the same content on this link- http://expertscolumn.com/content/art-conversation)

I have heard number of times mothers complaining that their toddler does not obey. It’s very common. They are usually frustrated, irritated by the end of the day, just waiting for their husbands to come and take over. It’s annoying for the husband as well, after a full day’s work, he does not expect getting back home to perform another task assigned by his ever complaining wife. The better half wants a warm welcome, with a smiling face, and not somebody who is always fatigued, cribbing about how she has been tortured by the little one.

I myself am a mother of a four year old boy. Same as all you guys out there I feel guilty many a times about not bringing him up the right way. I used to be the way I just expressed in the above paragraph. Soon I realized where I was getting it wrong. It changed my relation with my husband and my child. We all become mothers for the first time; we are amateurs, without any experience on our resumes. There are conflicting opinions from all sides when especially if it’s your first time. The mother in laws, don’t miss the chance of being explicit about how good, strong and better they were at their time. The relatives also don’t miss the opportunity of comparing their grandchildren’s weight, complexion, diet, habits, and manners to your little one. Poor baby already starts facing so much of competition, while not even understanding the meaning of these words. Then of course there are doctors who will always have a different opinion. He will certainly not believe in the conventional medications, therapies, told by your mother in law, especially in India, I am not sure about abroad. And here starts the argument, the ever lasting debate. And in all this everyone forgets the poor mother, who already is going through a turmoil, the lack of sleep symptoms, thoughts of how to improve her relation with her husband, and of course whom to listen. In all this definitely your brain becomes absolutely dysfunctional.

Now that my son and I have gone through all this, and we are back to normal, I have got a solution to this problem for you guys. I started applying this much after. Since I had to learn from my own mistakes, there was no one to guide me through, I got late. But I would surely like to help young mothers to do it right from the beginning.

1. The first and foremost thing please don’t, NEVER feel guilty. Irrespective of what others do, others say, be confident of yourself, and be proud of your upbringing. Give benefit of doubt to this relation, keep in mind that a mother always will do the best for her child.
2. Remember your baby is eating right. Don’t be finicky over his/her eating habits. Take the information from others, but don’t compare the diets. It is devastating for your brain to function right. Like all human beings, the small ones also have a buffer in their body. So don’t worry if he/she skipped a meal, or puked out. Let the child learn to ask for more himself/herself.
3. Make your own decisions. Irrespective of what others suggest, in case of medical help always listen to the doctor. Don’t self medicate. Few home remedies can be followed though but not the weird ones. Please follow your heart even at the cost of your mother in law becoming upset or sarcastic.
4. Don’t over exert yourself. Control yourself in becoming obsessed about your baby. Don’t go beyond your stamina, to teach him good manners, good eating habits or whatever you have thought of. It will only make it a burden for you to bring him/her. It’s a relation to be enjoyed and cherished, so don’t force your body physically and mentally.
5. Never compare your child to others. That goes with all the aspects. The complexion, the diet, the height, the weight, intelligence. This will add to your frustration, and later can hamper the Childs confidence level. In order to make the child feel confident about everything, use words of encouragement and motivation.
6. Lastly, but very important. For your child the world is black and white. If you teach him/her that the chair is a table he/she will learn that. Have you ever thought how a guju child learns gujarati, a Maharashtrian learns marathi, a Punjabi child learns how to speak in Punjabi. Its amazing to notice that these young ones are so capable of learning whatever is taught to them at a young age. And remember they know nothing when they are born, so we as parents have got numerous topics to talk about, to teach about. I as a mother have realized that this is one thing which we my son and I truly enjoy, and that is talking about anything. It has improved the bonding I share with him, definitely improved his vocabulary, his knowledge. For example, whenever we get time, either I read books to him which he really enjoys, we talk things which interest him. What are the things you see in an airport, railway station, sky, aero plane, house, when we step out of the house, on the road, in the mall, in the shop, in the school? These are the usual conversations I indulge him into, and believe me he is so excited to talk all this, may be because he can relate to all these places. Its fun for me as well, it’s enjoyable to see him answering all this, giving information to him each day. With his growing age it’s just that the topics will change. Maintaining this attitude towards my being a mother has helped me improve my relation with everyone. It’s unbelievable but true there is a lot around you to tell and explain to your child. And to start with, these are just the basic things. At the same time it’s productive, and informative. Try it and you will see the difference.

You have to be proud of giving birth to a life, and then inculcating, teaching so much to this wonder. It’s not easy, it’s the most difficult thing to do – upbringing your child! So acknowledge it, be proud of it, don’t wait for someone else to tell it to you, and simply enjoy every bit of it. One day these little ones will become like us, grown ups, so take the most of this opportunity and time. Someone has rightly said, the school starts from home. So go and prove it! I hope this article will help many women out there who feel guilty of being working mothers, the ones who are at home, but frustrated, and to all the other mothers who simply don’t understand what to do. Think positively, change your attitude and things will follow.

Many people do not apologize, because they think it’s shameful or anything that brought down their protective shell.To confirm that you are wrong, often considered a sign of a weakness.In reality however, requires apology force courage and humility.Apology has more  power. Served in the right way, it can restore a relationship or to restore the dignity of another person while reveals the nobility of those who may be excused. Often ignore the true nature of the apology. Most people are anxious to receive results from it-forgiveness, in some cases- ” to clear” his name or to recover as quickly as possible peace. But we say when we say and how we say it- this is what really matters.

The biggest mistake that people usually assume when excuse is that they do not try understand adequately the insult they have inflicted. Assume that we have received improperly requires repentance, awareness of how we hurt and agreement that this will never happen.To clarify any misunderstanding should be explained what led to your insult.But never use the grounds for justification on your behavior.

Just to be told :” Sorry, you are upset”, does not help.If only noted that the feeling of others are injured, not that you are guilby of this. And never use:”but…”Save the excuses for yourself.

Actions speak louder than words, so it can offer ” compensation” that goes beyond verbal apology.Leave offensive to know that you want to take action to fix things , and agree to its terms, if really want forgiveness.

The exact timing is everything when it comes to say:” Sorry..”

While, for example, if you accidentally apologize for any excuse is better go give this time you have insulted, to cope with their feelings.Allow that you have insulted you get angry and also give enough time for yourself to truly comprehend the pain and resentment that you have caused.Thus when the time comes for the apology will be able more clearly to express remorse and to discuss what should be done to get forgiveness.

And do not think it’s too late to apologize- it is never too late to say :”Sorry…”. Sometimes long pain and resentment set can be removed with a simple, sincere apology.

Remember also, that while your first goal is to rid off resentment that you have hurt , apology can heal your emotional wounds. And look no methods in how to renew the apologies.Because excuses are like people – would the same, but completely unique in nature.

     Let us begin with opening and closing doors.  This is something we do all the time, but mostly indoors.  It’s one of those things everyone takes for granted and we assume that there’s no one behind us, or if we are conscious, we tend to speed up and exit or enter first.  But once you take a few moments of your time and glance back and hold it open, allowing the next person to enter, you will be surprised at the positive feedback you receive and this will raise your confidence levels and make you feel very good about yourself because it’s the proper thing to do and the first basic step to good manners.  For instance, it could be a disabled person, or a young lady holding a pram, or a toddler left back to catch up with his parents.  The list is endless, so please do remember that it is always a good idea, just like crossing the road, we look left and right and cross, so in the same way, we need to hold that door open for a few extra seconds.  After this, you will find your whole day will pass by with a great sense of satisfaction.

     Smilingis something we tend to bring on our faces only when we are photographed or something extremely funny, out of the blue has happened, but if we put it into practise to give one smile, even to a total stranger on the street, then consider it that you have made someone very happy.  Just one smile can bring a lot of optimism and positivity into our modern world which is so full of problems.  It will make your day lighter as well as the individual to whom you have smiled at.  Smiling is also a very basic form of communication which tells the on-looker that you are friendly and approachable.

     Please and thank youare real gems of words that sadly in this day and age are overlooked as we are leading such fast lives.  Indeed, in workplaces, when there is a lot of workload and pressure to meet deadlines, we tend to overlook these words as shun them away, but for all it’s worth, do retain your mannerism even in such tight pressure and remember that when that workload is sorted out and the deadlines are met, then, you WILL be appreciated by your boss or colleague, or in any environment.  

      Offering your seat to the elderly and disabledis regards as the property of public transport like labels on the trains and buses, but if we extend this further and offer that bench to the unfortunate outdoors in public places, then this will be a very kind and noble act.  A lot of people suffer from Asthma and Diabetes or Stomach Ulcers and they need seating facilities on the spot, so do consider this whenever you see someone and especially the blind and severely disabled.

     Tone of voiceis a very important factor in good mannerism.  The best way to talk is in a friendly tone and keeping the voice low and soft, so in this manner the person we talk to will feel that they are getting individual attention and won’t feel embarrassed or intimidated. 

     So these are just a few starter-tips and I would like to wish everyone the best of luck in trying these out.  And remember, that in the end of the day, you will feel completely rejuvinated into a much better person than before.  All the best.

The End.

Good manners are not just being a “nice” person. Good manners also include behavior, courtesy, attitude, discipline, and grooming. Manners reflect directly on a person’s upbringing. Good manners are based on consideration of others as well as diplomacy and hospitably.

Let’s talk about table manners. For example, the phrase “elbows off the table”.  Why?  It is because it doesn’t allow enough room for the person who is sitting next to you. Also, eating with your mouth closed, not talking with food in your mouth, covering your mouth when you cough and also when you yawn are all polite behaviors, but are also practical. Closing and covering your mouth shows consideration for others, but also reduces the spread of germs.

Good manners in the work place are also required. You should be friendly, cheerful, and have a positive attitude towards your co-workers. If you show respect to others, they will be more likely to show you respect in return.

Some say that etiquette restricts personal freedom and expression, while others would say that those people are rude and barbaric. This is because one of the greatest misconceptions about etiquette is that it is exclusively for the wealthy and is used to determine class, and to separate the “cultured” from the “uncultured”. However, rules of etiquette apply to everyone because they are based around basic common sense. It may be that because of this misconception, North Americans are shying away from practicing “good manners”.

An old lady, holding bags of groceries, gets onto a semi crowded bus. The polite thing to do, if you can, is offer your seat to her. This is etiquette in North America. It is also the cultural norm in China, Italy and any other location where you might see a bus and an elderly person. This is common sense. Most of the rules of etiquette are based on common sense. They exist to help us maneuver through certain social situations. All cultures have a way to say please and thank you, and no culture tolerates abuse. The definition of etiquette does not mention perfection, class, or expensive frills. But confusing etiquette with this may be why North Americans are resisting proper etiquette.

Mistaking etiquette with being a snob has contributed to its slow demise. More and more adults are forgetting the basic rules of respect. Elderly people and pregnant women are standing on buses, people are cutting off each other in traffic and inappropriate comments are being said with little or no thought.

If adults can not practice these simple gestures then children will grow up without proper role models and ethics. Common sense is not so common anymore. North America is considered to be one of the most polite places. People in Canada have always been thought of as well mannered and respectful. It is shameful to think that a country that has this reputation is beginning to forget the “dos” and “don’ts” of etiquette.

We all know right from wrong. To say that etiquette is about frills, was created for the wealthy, and should be practiced by women as a way to be feminine is just an excuse to disregard the moral obligation that all of us have towards one another. Etiquette is generally based on fundamentals and common sense and should be practiced by everyone all over the world because it makes North America and the world operate on much friendlier terms.