TIME HEALS BUT FORGIVENESS MAKES YOU WELL

I’m along in years now, elderly, and like all of us my life has had its ups and down.  Life is never easy for any of us.  Loved ones leave or die and we feel a horrendous loss like a part of our heart, our life has been ripped right out of us.  Someone gossips about us and spreads rumors without knowing all the facts or twisting truth taking things out of context and injecting their own conclusions and it tarnishes your good reputation.  We over-extend our self financially and end up with financial issues that cause us grief much to our distress and at times, our embarrassment.   

We all sometimes make bad choices or others make bad choices and we get hurt, emotionally, physically, financially and even spiritually.  Sometimes we find it difficult to get beyond the pain, the grief, the hurt, the anger and the frustration that is left behind in the wake of the injury. 

Sometimes we can fix it.  More often we can’t and we have to just pick up the pieces and move on.  It is not an easy thing to do but time heals, if we let it.  This is when you need to truly live just one day at a time; don’t cling too yesterday and don’t project the future, just live today.  It is all we really have anyhow, just today.  We can’t go back and change one single moment of the past.  It is over and done with.  We do not know, cannot know what the future holds or even if we will see a new tomorrow.  None of us know that.  We can hope and dream and even plan for days to come but we cannot know what tomorrow will bring until it becomes today. 

Eventually, after a few days, weeks, maybe even a few months, depending on what the situation is, the immediate pain subsides.  The anger, the feeling of loss or the embarrassment eases and slowly fades into the shadows of your mind.  Time heals but it also has a tendency to leave scars behind.  Too often we find our self hiding behind those scars.  With withdraw into our own shell.  We stop truly communicating.  We over-react to a look or a comment that we might otherwise blow off or simply ask, “Did I hear what I think you said,” and ask for an explanation…and worse we refuse to let go and we dwell on all the hurt.  

Sometimes we even do the unthinkable, what we would not do.  Instead of doing unto others as we would have them do unto us, we do unto others as others have done unto us and the cycle of damage rolls on from person to person and generation to generation.  As long as we allow past injury to dictate our present behavior it will never go away and nothing will change,  It will always be there to haunt you.  They say time heals, maybe, but it sure can leave some ugly scars behind.

It took me a long time to get this, really get this, accept it and put it into practice in my own life.  It is not time that truly heals…FORGIVENESS is the true healer.  It is hard to forgive when you have been seriously hurt.  It is hard to forgive those who have hurt you.  It is hard to forgive yourself for your own wrong doings, bad choices but learning to forgive is the only way you will ever truly heal.

Forgiveness is a whole lot more than “I’m sorry.”  “Okay, I forgive you.”  That is just the beginning.  You may never get an apology but you need to forgive anyhow.

Let me give you an example.  When I was a child and even into my young adult years there was someone who was treating me very badly, saying bad things about me and attempting and occasionally succeeding to do bad things to me.  I feared and hated this person.  I even tried to tell others whom I thought would help and do something about it what was going on but to no avail.  This person wouldn’t do that.

I had misunderstood.  I was the one to blame.  They wouldn’t believe me or maybe they did believe me but couldn’t or wouldn’t accept the possibilities or maybe were too insecure themselves to help. 

For years I feared and hated this person and avoided this person as much as possible.

I would literally quake inside if I found myself in a situation where I had to be alone in this person’s presence.  Eventually I learned to forgive, forgive for my own sake because I couldn’t live with that pain anymore.  I couldn’t live with the fear and the hate and ever truly move on in my life and be happy.  I couldn’t change what had happened.  I couldn’t make this person a better person.  I couldn’t make this person respect me.  I couldn’t make this person love me for who I truly am.  There was no way to retaliate and not bring myself down to their level of wrongness.  There was nothing I could do and it left me hurting and broken until I forgave this person and truly meant it.  You have to learn to love (agape kind of love) the person even when you abhor the behavior.   You have to come to recognize it is not the person you hate, it is the behavior.  Without the negative behavior you could really like that person.  It is love (agape love) that heals and forgiveness that makes you well and the love and forgiveness comes in time.  So I suppose, in a sense of the word, time heals.

Forgiving a person does not mean you ever have to like or trust that person again.  It doesn’t mean you have to be their friend or even be around them.  It doesn’t me that you will forget but you will learn from the past and are better able to keep yourself out of such situations.  It is the forgiveness that actually makes you well and able to truly move on and not let clouds of yesterday darken the sunshine of today.  You can finally dump the garbage and all that old baggage that is making your life painful, sorrowful and stuck in a bad place.  Forgiveness does that.

Not too long ago I talked with this person and I told them exactly how I felt and what their actions had done to me, how it had hurt me all these many years.  I told them I forgave them and even though I loved them as a person I could not like them because of their behavior toward me.  I did not and do not like the behavior and that for a time it had left me very broken.  Unfortunately the person laughed and said. “Yeh, but I enjoyed it and I told you no one would ever believe you.  I made damned sure of that.” 

For just a few seconds I cringed and recoiled like this person had just punched me in the gut.  For just a few seconds I wanted to strike out as venomously as I knew how but I didn’t.  I just walked away.  This person knows my feelings.  This person knows I am no longer holding a grudge or any hate toward them personally and that it was, is their actions and attitudes I hate and will no longer allow to hurt me.  I have forgiven them and shifted the burden.  It is now their baggage, their burden to carry and what they do with it is their problem.  I will probably never forget those injuries from the past but neither will I dwell on them or use them as an excuse for my own behavior.  It is finally over and I am well.

Twirl me into happiness, and sing me into joy.
Show me more important things than one cold-hearted boy.
Open up my eyes to laughter I have never known.
Make me strong so I can know I’ll make it on my own.

Rivers beneath my smiling eyes are steaming into hearts.
They keep a warm a different place for each of this song’s parts.
People awe and tremble when my true joy pushes through.
Now they see the river’s steam is making smiles too.

Whisper close into my ear that they can see the steam.
Remind me why I broke my heart and let this river stream.
They’ve wondered where I’ve gone as I’ve been swimming underneath.
They want me to return before I hang my Christmas wreath.

“I’m back!” I say, “I’m stronger now! At last, I see the light.”
It’s time I wrap it up, I think, this long and dreary night.
Goodbye, my love. I held you close. You meant so much to me.
Dancing with the broken-hearted turns grief into glee.

Walking into high school this morning I was blind-sided by a semi. David Haas, my friend since freshman year, was captured by the most fowl and hideous creature known to man, suicide. Hearing this, my pile turned into a pile of warm bubbling mush. Left in absolute shock, I trembled with emotions and stumbled to class. The exuberant man I had known for four years was out of my life forever. Still, I haven’t been able to accept the fact he’s gone.

At what point does a man decide to end it?

“A permanent solution to a temporary problem.”

Walking through the school I watched as everyone’s emotions flooded over the halls. You see people with bright red faces from constant grief. Truly a depressing sight to witness, the dark black cloud will smile sinisterly over us forever…

I’ve dealt with suicide multiple times throughout life. Accepting the fact David is gone will be extremely difficult, and watching my peers crumble to tears will stick to my conscience till I die.

Where is the light?

Maybe no more exists, the grueling beast of depression can be so difficult to overcome. The Haas family will be in our hearts forever, there is no way to explain the amount of pain, which will beat upon them, daily. The next days are gong to be unbearable, and the only way to make it through will be unity of the student body.

I approached Emily, Davids girlfriend, with a blank look across my face. As if I even knew what to say. Nothing anyone says is going to change the situation. It’s best to express the remorse you feel and let it be. David, although had some deceiving last words, was one of the most kind hearted friends one could ask for.

Maybe this finally is the year we realize how important it is to call upon our friends. Work out issues and any agonizing pain that lurks within. I love you David, your impact will continue to change the lives of everyone who knew you.

Our family were living near the seaside at the time and it was during a late evening stroll along the beach that I first encountered a group of people in their twenties, sat near a little camp fire on the edge of the beach, all in a circle around something.  Usually you might see kids sharing a bottle of cider or roasting some fish they had caught, but I wondered what these ones were up to as they seemed to be chanting or murmuring low.  I didn’t want to go over to them to see, but came a little nearer, straining my ear to hear what they were saying.  A girl was quietly saying something that sounded like “If there is anyone there make contact,” and I guessed that they were having some kind of seance or something, and since that sort of thing spooked me I just continued on my way.  I didn’t think any of them had noticed me pass until a few weeks later.

When I finished my school day, I went home and changed my clothes and went out to deliver the Belfast Telegraph and magazine orders for a local newsagent.  It was when I was on my round that a guy called Trevor came out of his house to get into his car and when he saw me he just stood by the car, an old Austin Cambridge his father had given him when he was old enough to drive.  When I was about to walk past him he said “Hi.  Saw you on the beach the other Friday.”

We got chatting and he asked if I wanted to join their circle.  I told him that those things scared me and I wouldn’t really be interested, but he said that there was nothing to be scared of.  “It’s all just a bit of a laugh.  Think about it.  Come over and sit with us next time you see us down there.  We’re always at the back of the old grey house on the cliff.”  I nodded, more out of politeness and as a means to get away from him, back to my paper round and away out of that conversation before being coaxed into something I didn’t want to do.

However, my Dad didn’t nickname me “Nosey Rosie” for nothing, and I thought about what they were getting up to so often that I gave into temptation on a late summer evening in late September, just as the nights were drawing in and becoming cooler, and I went behind the old grey house on the cliff.  I didn’t go down there where their circle met.  Instead, I sneaked into the gardens of the old house through a small gap in the overgrown privet hedge which surrounded it, and down to a spot were I could lie on the grass and look down there on them.  I chose a place where there was long grass where the might not see me watching them.  I bought my Dad’s binoculars so that I could get a good close up look at what was happening.

The evening was a pleasant one and still light enough to see clearly enough though there was a glimpse of a few night stars in the sky.  The sea was calm.  There were seven of them.  Trevor sat between two blond girls and there was only one other guy there.  I knew him to see around the area but didn’t know his name.  Dark haired, fan of Elton John as he often blared his music when I passed his house delivering my papers.  On one occasion he made a rude comment to me, which I ignored.  Basically, in a lewd way he asked if I wanted to do something and being a shy virgin and not that kind of girl it had my face glowing red and I walked past with my head down, feeling uneasy.  No… I did not like that guy or people like him! 

The glow of their rock encircled camp fire made it easy for me to see what they were doing.  At first it didn’t look like much.  The skinny dark haired girl in a lime green caftan and jeans got something out of an Indian shoulder bag and placed it in the middle of the circle.  Raising the binoculars to my eyes I saw clearly that it was a Ouija board.  Now I have to admit I had been in kids houses where we had bits of paper which had letters of the alphabet written on them laid out on a table and an upturned glass in the middle and we all put our fingers on the glass and did that thing where some idiot is always spelling things out but you never know quite who.  That was just fooling around.  No harm in it.  Right?  Wrong!  It is just one step down from using a real Ouija board and opening yourself up to the occult.

In the light of the flickering campfire and in the still of the evening they began chanting in such a low voice that I could not hear what they were saying, but the noise was as ringing in my ears like Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells. Listen to it now while you read on.

Their tinny chanting made me feel uneasy yet I was totally absorbed in what they were doing.  Clouds started to darken and the dark haired girl began taking the lead in what they were doing, murmuring what sounded like instructions.  At that point they were all holding hands in the circle and not touching the Ouija board.  They all had their heads bowed as they sat cross legged around it. She continued the deep murmuring, then took something else from beside her.  In the light from the crackling salty driftwood fire I saw the flash of a blade as she pointed it skyward, then suddenly plunged it into the ground. 

The group all raised their arms outstretched and skyward and there went out an indescribable oddly joy-filled loud communal and strange kind of praise where none of the words were clearly heard and nothing was intelligible.  This made my gut feel like butterflies were fluttering and dying in it.  I felt so uncomfortable I was about to slither backwards from my hiding place when I felt a presence behind me which arrested all my movements.  “Oh my God!“  I feared the worst!  Seconds of tension felt like minutes.  Rustling grass behind me to the left.  “Oh Jesus!”  I smelt a warm waft of garlic, like hot breath on my neck.  “Oh God, oh God oh God!“  My bladder started to feel as if I would wet myself if I looked around.  The circle leader was now standing and had her arms skyward, looking up and saying something about “Bide within the the law you must, in perfect love and perfect trust.”  I couldn’t focus on the words as the presence now slithering by my side was scaring the hell out of me. 

“Shh!  It’s only me,” the garlic breath whispered. I jerked my head round.  It was Giovanni, my brother’s school friend.  I slapped him on the arm. 

“You scared the sh.. out of me!” 

He grinned and nodded for me to watch.

“For tread the circle thrice about to keep unwelcome spirits out,” she chanted, upon which they all got up, joined hands and slowly circled the Ouija board three times.  “To bind the spell well every time, let the spell be said in rhyme,” and they all sat cross legged again with hands held as she chanted the rhyme.  I couldn’t make out all she said, but remember something about “Four times the major sabbats mark in the light and in the dark,” and something about wheels, seasons and her saying “Heed the flower, bush and tree, by the Lady Blessed you’ll be.”

Giovanni took a look through the binoculars then passed them back to me whispering “Do you watch these freaks often?” 

I just shook my head and put my finger over my lips to indicate that he should keep quiet.  I didn’t want to miss a thing. 

“Mind the threefold laws,” she was droning, “you should three times bad and three times good.”  I can’t remember the rest but by then Trevor was pouring wine into a silver goblet which they passed around the circle counter-clockwise, each taking a sip and returning it to Trevor who passed the remains to their leader for her to drain it. 

Then they began murmuring over the Ouija board with their fingers on the planchette as it moved slowly here and there.  I used the binoculars to try to see what was being spelt out but they were not a good set and I couldn’t focus in that far clearly, or maybe I just wasn’t doing it right.  Giovanni nudged me in the ribs wanting a look so I passed them to him.  He didn’t look long either.

The camp fire crackled and threw out sparks as burning sea salty driftwood usually does, but some of the loud crackles made me jump as I was in a state of high expectation and concentrating, listening intently to try to make out what they were saying.   Some of it sounded like foreign languages, yet guttural and alarming.  The fire threw up a sudden explosion of sparks which made my stomach churn.

“Do you see that?”

I saw nothing, just the group below continuing what they were doing.

“Jeez!  Do you believe it?”

I looked at Giovanni to see where he was looking.

“Man!  I think I’m on LSD!”

He wasn’t looking at the people in the circle, he was looking beyond them, so I whipped my head around to see whatever he was looking at.  Straining my eyes in the growing darkness, there they were.  Shapes, transparent, blurry, dancing shapes, swirling and misty.  “What the heck are they?”

I looked at Giovanni again, his eyes transfixed, mouth lying slightly open in amazement. 

When I turned again the shapes had suddenly become less ethereal and more formed.  Still misty and transparent but giving me the impression that whatever they were, they were somehow trying to solidify.  I’d had enough.  This was getting too scary.  I looked at Giovanni and indicated to him that I was going.  He shook his head and grabbed my sleeve wanting me to stay, but I frowned and whispered “No,” and slithered out of there, taking to my heels!

Back home and safely tucked into my nice warm bed, I tried to rationalise it all, telling myself that I was just winding myself up.  It could all be explained simply.  There had to be some rational explanation.  Mists rolling in from the sea?  The fire light playing tricks on it?  “Aw! It was nothing!“ 

I slept well and went to school as normal the next day, convinced that they were all into some kind of witchcraft and that I really didn’t want to get involved with them.

At the end of School Assembly when they gave out the notices for the week, the headmaster said “I have some sad news to impart.  I had a phone call just moments ago.  Many of you know Giovanni Campbell, who sadly passed away last night.  The School on behalf of its pupils have sent our condolences to Derek and Maria Campbell on the loss of their son.” 

In class a number of girls were weeping quietly.  Even the teacher broke down.  I couldn’t believe this was really happening.

When my brother and I met at break time we were both shocked and puzzled by this.  We thought maybe someone had made a prank call since I had been with him last night and when I left him, he was very much alive and well.  Neither of us could take it in as real.

At home, Mum told us that Maria Campbell had phoned her to let us know that Giovanni was dead.  He had not came home at 10pm as he usually did on a school night so his Father went out with the dog looking for him.  Knowing that us kids sometimes hung out behind the old house he went there to see if the boys had been having a sneaky drink of cider or something.  It was the dog which started straining on the leash and acting in a disturbed manner which led to him finding Giovanni slumped over against a tree trunk, wrists and jeans covered in blood.  He had slit his wrists. 

Why?  What had he seen which had driven him to this?  To this day we will never know. 

What really annoyed me was that the last time I was in Victoria Cemetery laying a wreath on my Mother’s grave I noticed that someone had vandalised Giovanni’s grave.  His Mother, being Italian had wanted him to have a traditional Italian headstone with a photo of him on it.  Some heartless vandal had chipped the photo off of the headstone.  Whatever possesses them to do such senseless acts of vandalism?

So many struggle to build a bigger, higher, thicker, stronger wall to block out the other; to increase the sexual differential, to satisfy the stereotype, to alienate and subjugate the other, only to accomplish a certain sameness. How often we corrupt and putrefy the object of our affections by casting the stain of guilt.

Of course in any relationship we can never know more than half the story, and even that half is told subreptitiously….as we tell it to ourselves, tell it to our friends, and tell it to our most intimate companions.

We like to say that others are afraid of commitment. We like to think that others are not as free as we are. We may think that we are special to someone, or that we can be saviours to those who are not free, or lack commitment, but in most cases (if not all) we are merely moralizing unto others, while projecting our own shadow of doubt upon them.

Freedom and commitment are not absolute. What are we free from? To what are we committing? What are we fleeing? To what are we running?

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It seemed to pass unnoticed by the vast majority yesterday, but the memory is still vivid of that awful moment, just after midnight August 31 1997,when Diana, Princess of Wales, was involved in that horrific Paris tunnel car crash which led to her death shortly afterwards.

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The horror, shock and simple disbelief that gripped the entire western world was a palpable force, so incredibly powerful that when her family, the Spencers, established a charitable fund in her name, $150 million worth of donations poured in within the first week.

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Diana was the first royal to break the mould of pomp and mystery surrounding the royal family, truly bringing a human touch to contact with the public, something they valued so much she was known as the people’s princess, much loved by all.

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Diana was undoubtedly, in the eyes of the British public, a victim of her own goodness, married to a man whose heart belonged elsewhere, struggling with weight problems and issues of and self-esteem, made worse by the humiliation of her very public divorce from Prince Charles, yet she still shone like a beacon.

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Bulimia and depression dogged her life, made public by an avaricious press, whose hunger for news was blamed for the car chase that led to her death, yet she was incredibly selfless. Her deep compassion about AIDS, in the early 80s, and her willingness to hug victims at a time of public paranoia about such contact, helped change the way AIDS patients were treated and endeared her even more to the public.

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As the 80s ended, she then put her life at risk often in her campaign highlighting the horror of land-mine overuse and efforts to outlaw the weapons, which led to a Nobel Peace prize in 1997.  What most appealed to everyone about this amazing woman was the simple fact of how contradictory she was.

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Born into a very wealthy family, she nonetheless had the common touch, and was fiercely independent, dropping out of school, and taking work as nanny, teacher’s aide, and housekeeper, despite the family wealth, and she would often take the unheard of step of being a royal prepared to wear jeans in public.

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Diana hated the press, but knew how to play them, dropping 30 pounds after Prince William was born and becoming fashionably thin, and prepared to drop in and visit cancer, AIDS, and leprosy patients when there was no press present, her activism seemingly truly rooted in genuine concern, creating a public image of powerful popularity, much to the disgust of the royal family.

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The biggest change that this iconic woman effected was that within the royal family itself, who could no longer distance themselves from the British people. Forced, by public opinion, to accept that her wayward ex-daughter-in-law was beloved, on The day prior to the September 6th internment Queen Elizabeth not only made a public statement expressing the family grief, but also ordered the Buckingham Palace flag to half-mast, breaking with a 1000 year-old tradition of an honor reserved for reigning monarchs only in the past.

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I was among the millions who wept buckets that day, because this incredible woman had touched me just as much as the rest of the world, her tragedy and selflessness a lesson to us all, and the cruelty of her untimely death especially poignant as she had once again, apparently found love, only to have it so savagely ripped away.

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Hard to believe that 14 years have now passed since that terrible night, but the memory of this iconic lady will always burn bright, and the Elton John tribute song, based on Candle in the Wind, about Marilyn Monroe, will forever be remembered as the epitaph of a tragic, beautiful princess who deserved so much more in life. R.I.P. Diana, you will forever be the peoples princess, and we your humble fans.

Pregnancy in itself is a very emotional time for a woman but terminating that pregnancy knowingly can cause a woman to suffer in ways that only they can imagine. Abortion although has been made legal in many countries like USA, is still considered a sin in most if not all religions.

Pregnancy – Terminating The Child

Knowing this and still attempting to kill her own baby causes a woman to feel overwhelming emotions at once. Guilt, regret, anger, frustration, loneliness and helplessness are only a few emotions that she has to go through. Guilt because deep down in her heart she knows this wasn’t the only option.

Regret & Grief – Emotions Inside A Woman

Regret because of all the possibilities the baby could have brought. Studies show that many women under the pressure of a recent abortion are driven to extreme measures and might commit suicide. Women suffer from depression, trauma and eating disorders.

Why Abortion Is Done – Psychological Effects

The decision to abort a child is usually made in extreme pressure or when there seems to be no way out. The parents seem to forget that adoption is better than abortion and can help both sides. Couples who are unable to have children often see adoption as the only way to start families. There are many companies that work towards connecting the two families. Thus adoption became a way of avoiding desperate measures like abortion.

Abortion – Young Women Who Are A Victim

Often the cause of abortion can be that the mothers to be are young and unmarried. Not ready to take on responsibility of a family and unwilling to go through the torture of pregnancy they prefer aborting the child before it influences their lives any further.

The Popular Trends – Mothers Which Abort Their Child

Surveys show that most women who got an abortion were around the ages 15-19. Most abortions terminate ‘accidental’ pregnancy. Some couples have an abortion because of gender determination. In such cases abortion becomes illegal. Other couples have an abortion due to financial and marital problems.

Confused Emotions – Life After Abortion

Although immediate reaction after a wanted abortion is relief, time leads to other emotions floating on the surface. Guilt and pain come rushing back and a feeling of loss is created. Such women often want to get pregnant as quickly as possible. They hope to replace their loss with a new baby. Such couples often experience problems in their marriage.

Traumatizing Experience For A Woman

Women also start to feel themselves guilty from a religious view and thus try and repress their feelings and hide them from the world. They think that if they pretend to the world that they are okay the pain might stop.  Avoiding pain leads to avoiding people in general. Seeing people opens their wounds again. And they retreat into their own shells. Personality changes are very common in women who just had an abortion.

Career Choices – Looking Towards Adoption

Women might also decide to base their career choices on their experience. Advocates for adoption, consultants or therapists for couples considering adoptions might just be looking for ways to end or lessen their grief. Women who run companies that organize adoption might just be looking for ways to convince other women that abortion is not the only answer.

The Abortion Aftermath

God created life and gave it natural beauty. Those who destroy the natural life are often met with punishment. Destroying of trees and killing of wildlife are small acts that are frowned upon. But the murder of a living human being is considered to be the most evil act there is. After that there is no coming back. Then why the murder of a baby, though not yet in the world but breathing, is an act that is considered normal.

These are the psychological conditions caused after terminating a pregnancy and how women are affected by it.

  The day after my divorce. I rolled out of bed and stretched still with the last thought in my head when I went to sleep. Was my life over is this the end for me. I left my home with just about nothing, not even a penny in my pocket and no job. Me and my golden retriever ginger moved into a motor home on my brothers property next to his home in late March and remain there today trying to get back on our feet. Or at least that was what I was thinking. I had to stop thinking about it for a while so I did some surfing on the web to take my mind off things, then went out and mowed my brothers lawn, I was feeling like forrest gump accept I was pushing a mower not riding one and could not help but think about my life with the same woman for over 7 years and how we just had our divorce the day before and our anniversary is just a couple weeks away and what was I going to do now. Then a peace came over me as I pushed that mower and mowed the entire front and back yard and it felt good to get out in the sun. I was able to start thinking more clearly about what I was going to do and how my life was and what would come of things next.

  What would I do next was it the end of me and would I live my life out alone and depressed, will I get over the feelings I have now for my ex-wife and whom was once my best-est friend in the whole world. Was I going to let this get me down and would I get back up and live again. Yes I believe I will get through this and as I helped my brother around the house for the rest of the day starting to feel better about things, I finally came to the conclusion that it is not the end of the world it is not the end of me but better yet it is a new beginning in a new chapter to an on going book of new adventures that is my life. Here I sit writing this article because it is about an ending that with a little mourning and healing will bring a new life for me and I hope that others will see this article and know that there is hope if we choose to do something about it with the way we think. Divorce has a grieving process and we need to deal with that grieving process with positive support and thought our attitude towards life makes all the difference in the recovery from divorce. I am thankful we can remain friends and pick up the phone, email or text each other when we feel the need or just want to say hello. Who knows I may find someone new and start a whole new life with a wonderful lady of my dreams growing old together and if not who knows down the road what will happen, my ex-wife and I may find ourselves once again in a whole new light and new love for each other and find ourselves on that swing on the front porch together hand and hand growing old and watching our lives go by with a happiness and love only soul mates can truly have. It has been known to happen.

  For now I will spend as much time as I can and write articles for those who will read them, strive to do better in life, give a lot of love to my best friend and companion ginger the golden retriever, play the dating game and hold on to my friends and family for with out their support I would not have made it this far. Hang on to your friends and family reach out for them and their support they love you and they are there for you. The day is done the night has come and I once again lay my head down to rest for the night with better thoughts in my head and I know there is light at the end of the tunnel there is hope the day after divorce.

Most of the time people enjoy long, long lives. Lots of people live well into their 70s or 80s, and some live even longer. Slowly, though, over the course of many years, the human body wears out, just like the tires on an old bicycle or the batteries in your favorite toy. When important parts of the body — like the heart or lungs or brain — wear out and stop working, the person most likely will die. When this happens, we say this person died of “old age.”

Sometimes younger people die. Sometimes a person gets very sick, and despite all the hard work of doctors and medicines, nothing can keep this person’s body working. If a very sick person dies, you may hear the adults around you say that person is better off now and no longer suffering. Still, every day doctors discover more ways to prevent and treat serious illness, so the chances of a person recovering improve all the time.

Other times people die suddenly, like in an accident. This may be the hardest kind of death for families and friends to deal with because it happens so fast. There is no time for them to get used to the idea of losing someone they love. The important thing to remember about this kind of death is it’s often so sudden that the person who dies feels little or no pain. We can be relieved about that.

When someone we love dies, it hurts us. We feel sad that the person will no longer be around to talk to or to have fun with. That absence leaves a big hole in our lives. Maybe you had a pet that died. Remember the first few times you walked into the house after your dog or cat was gone? It was strange not to have your pet there. Maybe you cried — that’s OK. We need to mourn, or grieve, over losing people and animals and other things we love.

There are many things about death we do not know and may never know. We do know that it will happen, someday, to all of us. But you should not worry or wonder about it for very long. There are too many wonderful things to experience in the many, many years ahead.

The severance of relations – is always a heavy blow to both partners, but if you initiated the breakup was your favorite, get ready for a war for themselves, that’s what should be understood the situation. Psychologists estimate that the most difficult period after leaving it about the first 6 weeks, but this time can be significantly reduced if you clearly understand the fact that it’s all over once and for all. Yes, he’s gone. Repeated a hundred times, mixed with tears at one hundred and first this terrible phrase suddenly cease to have power over you. It is very important and has a great deal. It’s like the first small victory in your battle for you. You must be a strong woman, able to survive the separation, to get up and move on in spite of everything!

How to make a break in relations is not so painful as to preserve self-esteem and suffer from feelings of guilt after the fact, if you are the initiator of the gap?

1. One on one with grief to be hard, and “recovery” will be very long. Unsociable not worth it. Share your trouble as possible with a large number of people. In psychoanalysis is called the method of dispersal of grief. As a result, very soon you will feel that the soul is not so hard. Get help from friends. The main thing – cry. A friend, of course, listen and try to recommend something, but sometimes it is better to turn to a psychologist.

2. If you’re a vicious, and you find it difficult to tell their story, get a diary is a great way to get rid of intrusive memories, resentments, remove from the brunt of the moment.And it is not only an ideal companion to help you survive the separation, you can better understand the issue, presenting it on paper. All of your anguish and hurt feelings, at least once attorneys paper, are past. Described the emotions cease to put pressure on the per capita burden and gradually released. You like to free yourself and regaining the ability to control themselves and their experiences.

3. Sit in front of a mirror and tell themselves about their grief. Psychologists say that such therapy quite effectively relieves stress. By the way, practice before a mirror finish better than exercise in the art of mime. A pair of good faces in the mirror will enhance the mood, your task – to prove to myself the whole lack of seriousness of the problem.

4. Immerse yourself in the job. Here it is, a magical tool to help you from any troubles – work! It helps you to survive the separation. The work helps when quite hard and want to escape from their problems. And of course, work as a psychotherapeutic tool that has one distinct advantage over all others: pay for it.

5. We somehow forget about the inevitable connection of our soul and body, and that sometimes you have to drive the body to the soul it became easier. So, do some work to exhaustion. No matter what it is: running, aerobics, moving in the room, furious washing or mopping with a toothbrush. Sometimes you shout or prorevetsya, but can something be broken, is to give vent to emotions, they should be let out so they do not destroy you from within.

6. Doctors believe that sport is very well to cope with stress. Get over yourself and go to the gym. Nature heals too – a walk in the park or go to the forest. Look at your favorite movie, read a favorite book. Dress smartly, even if going to spend the evening at home. You can, of course, to visit friends, the various parties. Make your life has been eventful.

7. In the fight against depression is very good nutrition. It is only in the movies heroine helps a box of chocolates, really, if you want to say goodbye to depression as quickly as possible, give up all kinds of spices and sweets. Juices, mineral water, vegetables, a variety of fruits – all you need to, but not neuroses long stretch without a red wine and cakes.

8. Take meditation to help you may not be endless streams of tears, and a relaxed state of calm, where reduction processes take place 2-3 times faster than during sleep.

9. Remove all things that remind you of it. No need to bring his masochistic pleasure, going through his letters and photographs, the best – is to collect everything and not looking to throw.

Set a goal – to get back to life. Remember that you took up most of my acquaintance with him about what you wanted, what they wanted – because now you have a real chance to shine. And do not be desperate to build plans for revenge, is, of course, is also a kind of defensive reaction, but revenge never brings relief, and an adult, sensible woman with dignity, will take a break. Anyway, enough crying. Remember that he forbade you. Now you can safely put on her favorite red dress, which he considered vulgar. Meet with a school friend, whom he considered stupid, and partying in a nightclub with friends, to whom he was jealous of you. Life goes on!