There are many reasons that girls do not like other girls.  Are any of those reasons valid?  Most of the time — no. Usually when a girl asks a question of this nature. The other girls do not know her personally. They have dreamed up some illusion of who they picture her to be and have judged her because of their own illusion.

Asking why, almost never makes us feel better.  The answer still leaves an emptiness inside of us. The best question to ask in times like these is “What is good or special about me?”  or “What do I like about me?” 

Take the time to list these answers on paper.  I recommend putting these answers up on your wall, mirror, or any place that you will see it daily.  Put it in your locker at school.  It may sound too simplistic or corny, but seeing the words written about you on a regular basis is a big help for your self-esteem.  

The better you feel about yourself, the better others will feel about you.  This may not make every girl your new BFF, but it can help raise you to a level where it will not matter so much how other girls perceive you.  You simply will shift your focus from bad treatment and funny looks to looking at the best qualities in yourself.  

Once you find and focus on the good qualities that you already have, you will begin to ignore and not notice the girls who have “their own problems” with you.  Notice that I said those problems are theirs, not yours.  

Here’s to better more like-able days ahead.  More Love.

-Plain Gerlaine

To get more Plain Advice from Gerlaine send an email to plaingerlaine@gmail.com.  All questions will be anonimized and answered on this platform.  To become a member of this platform you must fill in the sign up from here.

What is the best holiday celebrated anywhere, anytime, ever?

If you answered anything besides Halloween, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. It’s nothing personal, but there are finer subtleties here than a mind undedicated to the pursuit of an excellent Halloween experience can grasp. There are other Holidays for you:

Image via Wikipedia

Enjoy staying indoors, hanging out with relatives, and having nothing to do with the free distribution of candy to strangers; if that happens to be your thing.

Image via Wikipedia

Now kindly GTFO.

For those who remain, let’s talk about one way to enjoy, indefinitely, the greatest holiday ever conceived. 

Improve Your Neighbourhood: Grab Some Candy

A seemingly less desirable alternative to Trick or Treating on Halloween is to become the facilitator of the next generation’s sugar orgy. Seemingly, because it does not involve circling neighbourhoods and beating down the doors to households:

Image via Wikipedia

Pictured: The threat of violence.

But, just hold on, because this could be your moment. Have you ever been to this house?

Image via Wikipedia

I know you have. I’m sorry.

Or have you ever ventured out, brisk and bristling, into the night, only to return with nothing but “fun” sized candy, and a lingering sense of loss? Of course you have. This could be your chance to put an end to that your neighbourhood; to be the hero that you always wanted, but never found.

You know what must be done.

Your fist step as an adult enjoying Halloween can be a great one. Remember, even the people who hand out boxes of prunes and freeze dried squash used to be children. It’s up to you to build the Halloween that kids are going love, and you can do that by staying true to your inner child.

   So im a average 22 year old women with alot on my mind i’ve recently sat down and had a chat with my self about why i haven’t been in love and how my relationships ended starting from the first guy I’ve ever dated to the last guy i was extremely attracted to here’s how it happened..

 Mike-2007 my friend had liked him first, i didn’t even really look at him in that way until he asked me out at a park, it was cute but first and foremost i had to tell my friend so i pulled her aside and told her he asked me out and that ill say no if she wants me to, she said very clearly that we would meke a great couple so i told him i would date him the next Monday at school no one was talking to me <yea what great friends i have> so i just hung out with mike we was good together had alot of fun i even liked his family, but when he found out i was a virgin his soul porpoise in life was to get in my panties from then on every day he would ask if i was ready an to be honest being ready was not the issue here because i’ve always been a “sexual person” hahaha an i wasn’t saving my self or anything he just didn’t turn me on he tried but i wasn’t really feeling, then this jacka** broke up with me in a text message an said our relationship was “one sided” but hey maybe he was right i really just wasn’t all there…

JON-2009 he walked in to my hotel to pay on his fine because him and a few friends destroyed a room very classy now wonder this kid took my virginity, he asked for my number and then called me< right in-front of me> that was cute the same night he picked me up from work and took me home we talked all night i liked him,and the next day he took me on a date we walked in the park and eat cheese cracker’s in the back of his truck so now i really like him, I’m not a difficult person to please talked for about a month then he asked if he could come over one morning and “sleep in my bed” yea i knew what he wanted so i just went with it, my first time was very funny well to me anyway i just laughed all the way through {how messed up is that?} but i got better with time hahaha. It was my first real relationship and i’ve always thought honesty and trust was important in a relationship i guess this guy thought lying and drugs was the most important. One night after he left my house at 3 in the morning i tried to get some sleep that was interrupted by a phone call at 5am from the police asking me if i knew Jon and if we was drinking at my house tonight, “ummm no?!?!” i was 18 an couldn’t get alcohol at that time the police guy went on to say that jon flipped his truck so i was extremely worried and wanted to know what happened the cop said he was fine an sent him on his way later i asked him if he was drinking or high or something of course he said NO an that he was just trying to get home an he was sleep after the movie we watched, 2 weeks later he tells calls me acting weird an being really stupid on the phone so i was like what is your deal this peice of crap was taking ACID, its over im not into drug users an stuff a real turn off……

Danny-2011 very nice guy we only known each other for like a week before we hooked up it was just one of those things that when you look at someone it makes you all warm inside the sex wasn’t bad at all i enjoyed myself and i made sure he enjoyed {myself} as well hahah but the time came when he had to leave for basic training i was looking forward to his return because i missed being held, and the perks of being in a relationship, ok I’am going to stop right there, because to be honest we wasn’t really in a relationship but what the really defines a relationship, spending time{yea we did that} go on dates {of course we did that to} holding hands, only being with each other, sending cute messages every morning, noon and, night that sounds alot like a freaking relationship, but still we was just friends i’m not angry with Danny at all cause i put myself in this type of situation but i was hurt because one moment we had it all then the next i find my self lonely and asking why i haven’t heard from this guy in four months yes he was in basic but h was also on face-book every day posting about basic and how much they was doing an posting pictures, the only thing i could think about was how could someone just stop talking with out a warning sign you know like the signs any relationship has when things aren’t working out but hey im grown ill get over it soon and we wasn’t really in a relationship…

Thomas-2011 i’ve always thought he was attractive but i was in a “relationship” with Danny when i met Thomas, but even if i wasn’t in a relationship or {whatever it was} i probably wouldn’t have told this guy how cute he is to me, anyway i screwed up by telling a so called friend that i thought he was cute cause after a few weeks she “tried” to have sex with him ~WOW  what a friend~ thats fine cause he’s not my man so she decided to tell me all about the experience an how it wasn’t good and he had a small penis but like every other situation there’s always two sides to every story so <i asked him lol> he told me it wasn’t a big deal she was all over him that night but he couldn’t get it up so he TIPPED IT hahaha <alright enough of that back to why im attracted to this guy……………….yea i truly don’t know there’s just something about him an when im drunk the stuff hits the fan and what ever i’ve been wanting to do, i do because i feel like it, its so true that alcohol brings out the real you, an the real me is a very aggressive and hands on, i decided at the beginning of that night that i was gonna end my four month drought with Thomas hahahah ….At first i was just feeling out the reaction he would give if i touched him and then dance with him and finally kissed him he seemd to be willing so at the end of the night i just hopped over the seat and did exactly what i wanted with him that so called friend i mentioned earlier lied about his penis hahaha…

   And right now at this moment im just sitting here trying to figure out where i went wrong and why i’m alone but you know what i wouldnt change a thing……..

Reality sets in early for some, they get terrible injuries that put them out of commission, but then their lessons are learned. With other people though, they never quite learn.

For some people, risking life and limb is part of the thrill.

Let me tell you though, the “play now pay later” attitude is not the smartest attitude to have.

I can tell you that, and I am only 25.

Then in 2005, I noticed changes in who was wearing glasses in commercials and in movies. Glasses were being worn by famous actors, actresses,singers, and models. Wow what a change. Even my 11 year old niece’s friend who had 20/20 vision wanted glasses. I thought to myself,” are you nuts?” She went on and on about how cool they were and asked to try on my glasses. I let her for a quick,hot  second and then warned her to not try on glasses when she didn’t need any. 

She said glasses were so cool and as I started to watch TV and movies, she was right. More and more young actresses were using glasses for fashion sense as well as to appearing mysterious. From over 20 years now from 1985-2005, geeks and nerds are seen in a much different way thanks to millionaires Bill Gates, and other celebrities like Tara Reid in the picture below.

I myself am glad to be a nerd. I am glad I was a studious bookworm my whole life. Trying to be something I wasn’t was such a struggle and in my late 30’s now I hope to pass on to my kids to just be themselves. It comes naturally. When you know who you are it’s so much easier to have fun, make friends, and tell who aren’t your friends. So yes, I wear glasses and proud of it. 

The evening was organised jointly by her school, an “events promoter” and the local university, and was staged ostensibly to provide an alcohol-free opportunity for young people to mimic their older siblings in safety. We all know however that the drinks company that was in on the action (providing free soft drinks that a £10 ticket secured) was just spending a small amount of cash to prime the youngsters and get them ready for milking in four year’s time when they turn 18.

So this grumpy and appropriately cynical old codger was enlisted to provide transport, and my first dilemma was Betsy-Lou’s outfit. I’ll call her Betsy-Lou to protect her identity and if she ever discovers what I’ve chosen for her I’ll be swiftly annihilated.

For about six weeks before the event in question I was vaguely aware of shops being visited in every corner of the city with my money. Phone conversations about hair, nails, dresses, make-up and whatever else were cut short each time I entered the room, and I set about preparing my “No daughter of mine is going out dressed like that” speech.

The night arrived. Betsy-Lou presented herself to be transported to Mindy-May’s house (Mindy-May won’t like her pseudonym either) from where Mindy-May’s father would deliver them both to the party, or whatever such things are called now. I was dumbfounded when I saw her, a vision of innocent, youthful loveliness in a pair of not-too-tight jeans and a not-too-tight sweater with her hair in a neat pony-tail. No make-up. Perhaps I had been worrying over nothing. I said nothing.

Half an hour later I returned from Mindy-May’s house and commented to my wife, “Well at least Betsy-Lou’s outfit wasn’t as bad as I had feared”.

She looked at me in disbelief and said with a knowing smirk on her face, “What do you think was in that enormous handbag she was carrying, and why do you think she needed to be at Mindy-May’s house for 3 hours before the party?”

The bits of a large half-completed jigsaw began to fall into place in my bewildered brain and a picture began to emerge. Not only had Betsy-Lou pulled the wool over my eyes, but it also started to dawn on me that her older sister had been playing me with similar ruses for years.

I was thrown off balance and for the next three hours swung between anger and worry. At 11 o’clock I was at the head of a queue of anxious parents each waiting to collect their own conniving little Betsy-Lou.

On the stroke of 11 the doors opened letting loose a squad of small, unsophisticated little school boys along with a gaggle of very tall, scantily clad, wobbly young “ladies”. I was baffled. The girls were all most unsteady on their feet, all tall, willowy young things who looked about 19 years old, and my blood began to boil. I had been assured that this event was only for 14 year olds, with no alcohol, and here was a squadron of inebriated hussies coming out with my Betsy-Lou.

While I scanned the disorderly, boisterous crowd for signs of my little girl I mentally composed several strongly worded letters for the school, newspaper, member of parliament etc.

And soon, wobbling along the street was what I eventually recognised as my little girl. Somehow she had grown taller than me, and she was giggling uncontrollably. She and Mindy-May were holding onto each other in an attempt to remain upright, and just as I opened my mouth to begin I realised what was going on.

All these 14 year old girls were staggering and wobbling and falling down not from having imbibed copious amounts of alcohol, but because this was the first occasion they had been out walking in 6 inch stilettos. That, along with the clothes, hair, make-up and the lateness of the hour, made them look like tall, leggy, sophisticated, drunken 19 year old students, while the boys, their classmates, were left to look like … well, 14 year old school boys.

You changed a lot since you were younger. Remember your favorite color, pink? Well, now its black. Your old toys? Burned them in a pit of fire. Your super clean room? Apparently, you cant even make your way to the bed now. Remember all of your friends in fourth grade? Too bad that you left them all for the popular kids. Your super good relationship with your parents and brother went down the toilet. You hate them now. Remember how much you listened to Avril Lavinge? Its now Slipknot. Your probably looking at me in disgust. You changed a lot these past six years, you grew up. But don’t worry, its part of life. You’ll understand later on.

After endlessly filling up application forms, getting freebies from universities and taking all those entrance examinations you’ve finally got your university to go into. Congratulations! You’re pretty much weary, excited, or maybe a little bit of each at this moment. But before you get into this pre-real world as they say, let’s get into a list of things you should probably do before you get into college

10. Get an address book!  Going to college and leaving high school might be one of the hardest things you may go through in life, oh well, being all so dramatic. You probably met your best friend during high school and now you’re both going to different colleges. Going to college and leaving high school wouldn’t have to mean leaving all your friends, too. So go on and grab that pen and fill up your address book! Keep sure that all of your friends have their complete information there so that when it is time to unwind, when you’ve got that hot story to tell and when you feel like it’s getting hard in college, you’ll get that call you need. As you are doing this, make sure that they have your contact information, too.

9. Get your map! For sure your college campus would be new to you and most probably be larger than your high school campus. Getting your university map and being familiar with it will help you a lot in your college days. During your stay at school, you would probably need to transfer from one building to another, you wouldn’t want to get lost in your first day in college right? Better yet, it would be more helpful if you get a campus tour and enjoy the vibe of your new home! 

8. DORM PROJECT - If you’ll be getting a dorm, better decide now. Get a room that would give you much convenience. In packing your things make sure that you only pack what you really need, you wont have enough space for a sofa plus a refrigerator in your dorm. Probably, your university would give you a list of things you would need and things you aren’t allowed to bring.

7. your very own MAGIC BOX. Chances are, you would terribly miss home and your high school friends. It would be useful to have this magic box which contains little special things that remind you of home. You could put pictures there, CDs that put you on high, and any memorabilia that makes you smile.

6. JOURNAL. Keeping your journal will never be so last year! During college, there’ll be a lot of things that you’ll experience. You would meet new people, people of different cultures! You would be eating, drinking and having lots and lots of things. May it be drinking coffee with peanut butter, meeting a campus crush, or even failing a very very important exam! You would not want to miss all of those and of course you would want them recorded.

5. Go on in advance. This early, get a list of the subjects that you will have in college. Get through them and see what subjects you will be having a hard time with. Start with the basics as this will help you have an easier time during the ride.  It will be a great help to go into your subjects in advance just so you get a good background and have that good impression from your Professor that very first day. REMINDER! do not stress, you do not need to study all summer! 

4. have your TRUSTY PLANNER. Being in college is very exciting thing. You would be engaging in a lot of activities, a lot of clubs and a lot of things! Having a trusty planner that would help you organize your schedule would give you great help.  You would not want o forget appointments and meetings! Get your day organized and enjoy each day of college productively. 

3. be the COOK! Being in college means starting to be independent and responsibly living on your own. You can’t forever depend on fast foods and pizza deliveries! You would have to learn how to cook. This would save you more money and develop you character more. Aside from cooking, learning other household chores like, cleaning the house, doing your laundry and ironing your clothes would be of great help in college.

2. BE INFORMED! You would not want to miss out on the latest this coming school year! If your college has its website goon and click on its undergraduate tab and see if there are any updates for incoming freshmen like you.

1. ENJOY SUMMER! The last thing to do is to make sure that this summer is gonna be the hottest of the hottest. Have fun and enjoy the presence of your family and friends. You may want to work, that would totally be fine. Especially if your thinking of saving t up for college. Keep records of everything, take pictures and enjoy!
!

          Sigmund Freud, a noted psychologist once said, “The Child is the Father to the Man.”  Freud tells us of the significant contribution of the early years in the development of a person. He believed that the childhood experiences of a man bear a significant impact and influence on his adult life.  It is in our early experiences that we establish the foundation of our being as a person.  Psychologists, who adhere to this theory of Freud, also recognize that present influences can still change a person.

            Our family and childhood experiences are one of the best foundations of our personality.  In this regard, our family provides us the roots from which our personhood begins.  As we grow through the years, our experiences expand to other relationships outside of the family, which may somehow change our existing view of life.  In this process, we redefine ourselves and tap our inner strength to be free and newer dimensions of ourselves.

            Usually, when we relive our past experiences, especially about the families, we bring out both the positive and negative feelings the pleasant and unpleasant memories.  These pleasant memories energize us and give us a feeling of gratitude.  They are never a problem, except when they make us too sentimental and very sad when we reminisce them.  However, what is good about this, is, these memories become our source of strength when life gets tough.

Image via Wikipedia

            Negative feelings are more of a problem, especially when they are not resolved through the years.  When these unpleasant memories resurface, we begin to complain about life, the feelings of anger and resentment begin to appear.  Some are just buried alive, so they keep on resurfacing, and keep on affecting us.  When this happens, we should pay attention to them, and plan ways to resolve them and finally get it resolved.  Unless they are resolved, they will haunt us through a lifetime.

            The steps in healing these unresolved memories are:

1. We acknowledge these feelings and memories
2. We try our best to understand them
3. We accept them
4. We forgive them

            We have to be decisive when we undergo the healing process.  Once we are healed, the experience serves as a newfound wisdom, which can lead to learning and growth.  It becomes also a challenge for us to consider expressing our gratitude and appreciation for the positive feelings and memories given us.  Many times we love golden opportunities to make a person happy simply because we fail to express our appreciation.

I am for what I am, you are for what you are, we can be united as friend forever.

Teenagers met potential dates either at school, church, youth groups, dances, sport clubs, or through their friends. Because I went to a girls’ school, one of my favourite events was a Sunday afternoon youth club. Teenagers usually went to organised events with a group of the same sex from their school. A local band played and we danced the afternoon away. Youth club was an ideal opportunity to meet others in a supervised environment.

A date was arranged when a boy rang a girl on the phone during the week and asked her to go out with him, usually to the movies or a local dance. If Sunday youth club had gone well a girl would sit waiting near the phone all week, hoping the boy of her choice would call. If her parents happened to take the phone call, she would try and act disinterested, hoping the call was for her.

Most teenage dates happened on Saturday nights and were usually to the movies or a local dance. The boy was expected to call and collect the girl from her home, usually meeting the parents. This must have been quite nerve-wracking for the boy. The couple would then be given a strict curfew time the girl had to be home by. Usually this was midnight.

On Saturday girls spent all afternoon preparing for their date. The ritual involved washing and setting their hair in curlers to get the big bouffant look of the 60s. Then finger nails had to be painted and clothes put out ready. Closer to the time of the date make-up had to be applied, this usually taking a long time, as everything had to be exactly right.

There were many dating behaviours considered etiquette in those days. If he had a car, the boy had to open the door for the girl. He also had to hold open the door of any building they were entering. He was expected to pay for the movie tickets and any after movie refreshments. Because the boy had paid, it was presumed the boy had the right to hold the girl’s hand or put his arm around her during the movies.

Girls knew that as much as they liked a boy, they should not permit a kiss on the first date. It certainly wouldn’t do to let the boy know you were interested. Girls were also advised that they should not appear more intelligent or more knowledgeable than their date. It wouldn’t do to show him up.

Teenagers were lucky back then. Unlike today, there were many organised activities enabling boys and girls to meet and mix with potential dates in a safe and supportive environment. The dating boundaries and consequences of pushing those boundaries were understood by all.

The teenage dating scene has changed. In many places formal dating seems to be a thing of the past. This is a shame as it was where teenagers learned a lot about growing up.

1961: What Were You Doing?

Getting The Strap: 1950s School Punishment in New Zealand

Childhood Memories: Hot Water Bottles