“And they lived happily ever after.”

This is the common ending for most fairy tales. And quite frankly I’m quite sick of hearing it. What the bleep does it mean? The couple never has a fight? Never have hard times? No troubles?

 That sounds highly unlikely. But to be fair it is a fairy tale after all, where good always wins, the girl always gets the Prince Charming and has a great singing voice. Nothing like reality. And why are they all so damn beautiful, no flaws in sight. You know the stereotype. The princess has long flowing hair, perfect teeth and a size zero waistline. The prince is…well, Prince Charming with his winning smile. Don’t not-so-beautiful people deserve a happy ending also. People with the chipped tooth, curvy waistline and close cropped hair.

Although I understand wanting to protect our children from the harsh reality of life, that is just it, reality. You can’t run from it. It’s always in you face like that dang pimple that always pops up at the most inopportune times. I think that having a child grow up unprepared for the real world irresponsible. While I want my son to enjoy everything life has to offer, I don’t want him to go into the world with rose-colored glasses and be unprepared for people who in no way see the world in the same light.

We are giving children the wrong idea about what love is. Does love mean you always like your other half, that you live in the biggest house on the block, that you are crowned royality? Of course not. As a matter of fact, I would more readily believe that a couple that fights daily, live in the tiniest house on the block and are deemed ‘peasants”  and are happy with each other, flaws and all, know far more about what love really is. And that’s a happy ending to me.

So while I like mostly everyone enjoy a good fairy tale, I think a more appropriate ending is in order.

We are Humans, not Whales – lower the standards, please…
Being a…self proclaimed Free Thinker…I believe that if it is broken – FIX IT…or, at least try to..(does one need to be a Free-Thinker to come to this conclusion???)

The ‘holy?’ institution of marriage as we know it is clearly broken – and yet – we, the sheeple – continue blindly through the ages propagating the ‘Happily Ever After’ fantasy by repeating the process over and over…..and over…and…over…and OVER..ad nauseum.

They (today, ‘THEY’ are the religious institutions…)…teach..preach (condition??…brainwash??)..omg – did i say that out loud?? – that this is ‘THE WAY’ – the ONLY way – Forever and Ever, Amen – Till Death do You Part…
Sentenced – oops – i mean Sanctified in a House of God…No wiggle room…No discussion…No options…STUCK!!!

Anything less than ‘Forever’ is deemed as failure…Failure vividly enhanced by the stomach churning combination of guilt, anger, shame, disillusionment…and climaxing with a pathetic loss of self  esteem and confidence…mmmm…sexy, huh?…(In future this combination can be referred to as…BAGGAGE)
SIGH..How sad..Forever – eventually – begins to feel like an…eternity…doesn’t it?…didn’t it?
We are Humans, Not Whales!!!…Lower the expectations, Please…

It’s like the old joke..

Question: Why did the man die before his wife?Answer:  Because he WANTED to!! And, I’d like to add that in Most cases – his wife wanted him to as well..(just kidding…kinda)

But..WHAT IF we could take the interminable monotony, familiarity, and contempt that marriage seems to ‘breed’ (excuse the pun…) and turn it into somethingelse – something…interesting?…attractive…manageable?…tolerable?…
Maybe even (omg)…SEXY and DESIRABLE??? (i know, i  know…that really IS thinking beyond the realm of possibilities..lol..but, a girl can dream, can’t she?..)..

I don’t think many would argue that, historically, marriage just…sucks…You know it…I know it…(anyone married to Henry VIII, Tiger Woods, or Elizabeth Taylor knows it…)…Every one knows it…it has proven itself to be usually nothing more than a nightmare packaged as a dream and sold at a premium (guilt and unattainably high expectations thrown in free of charge..)

Marriage, ultimately – like priesthood – demands more sacrifice than should be reasonably asked of young, horny kids…
…Now..Don’t get me wrong…I’m as sloppily Romantic as the next gal, but reality and history prove that in most cases – Marriage crushes Romance…Like Rock crushes Scissors…

Could it be simply a Structural Problem??…easily Rectified with a bit of imagination? Hmmmm…

Why not package marriage contracts the same as Life Insurance contracts…WHY NOT???…it can’t be worse, can it?…You would, of course, always have the option of choosing…’Whole Life’ (cheap like borscht..), BUT, you would also have the blasphemous choice of choosing perhaps..a 1 or 2 Year ‘Starter’ Package..or…maybe a 5 Year Term…or…a 10…or a 20.

.Let’s remember that in some cases even a ‘Life’ sentence in prison is ‘only’ 20 years..

All policies are, of course Guaranteed Renewable – hinging simply on the contingency that both parties involved agree to another ‘term’ together…OR NOT…the End…Or..another beginning…lol…Now, if that’s not Romantic..I don’t know what is!!!
Now…just Think about this for a second…it’s SOOO feasible – knowing there is a fixed term would no doubt improve marital behavior immmeasurably – from day one you’d want to impress the one you love…

AND…it could also discourage marital misbehavior – men would probably not be farting and belching and swilling beer on the couch while ignoring their wife’s simple request to…O, say…take out the garbage…

And women would probably work just that much harder to lose those last 10 pounds..Doncha think?

Maybe both sexes would actually pay attention when spoken to…You get the idea…we’d begin our lives together without the terrifying yawning maw of forever crippling us psychologically…spiritually..And sexually..

Maybe..just maybe…some of us would wind up actually living Happily Ever After….and enjoying the journey…

I’mKar’n

Every time I turn around, I hear about how a couple must be in love because they are married or getting married. Now I am like any other red-blooded American woman. I love watching a beautiful wedding once in a blue moon. I love getting lost in the fairy tale that comes with it. 

Once the birdseeds have been thrown and the cake has been reduced to crumbs on the table reality always sneaks into play. The true question of the hour being are they marrying because they are in love or because it is expected of them. Can the married couple handle the bumps in the road? Will they outlast the traditional frozen layer of cake that hangs out in the freezer to be consumed on the first year anniversary of their union?

The truth of the matter is that divorce is one of the biggest businesses out there. The ugliness of two people breaking up after pledging forever to each other. The dividing of property, pets, and sadly even children at times. Friends taking sides. People shaking their heads in disbelief. 

Then there are those who stay together even when the love is gone. When the only thing that is still shiny and new is the ring on the once new bride’s finger. They do not talk. Sometimes one or both turn to another for the comfort that the spouse can no longer give. 

There is an underlined resentment. That feeling of being trapped. Still they hang in there because they are expected too. They made a commitment and they are determined to keep it. Until death does them part and sadly it sometimes does.

I am not saying that marriage is a bad thing. I am just thinking that before a couple goes into this form of commitment they should make sure that it is what they truly want. They should make sure that they know each other. They have to accept the fact that they cannot change the person. Who they are is who they are. A piece of paper is not going to make a difference. If a couple keeps this in mind they just might have a fighting chance in life together. They might actually find that happily ever after.

Image via Wikipedia

So there I was gazing around .My eyes fell on this guy leaning over the pillar next to me. He was on his mobile talking to someone and I could have helped over hearing but I didn’t… So I (over) heard clearly what he was speaking. He was calling his girl friend. Not faraway. Right in the same station…jus that she was in the opposite side of the platform and she apparently had come to the station to send-off her friend…. and our man was watching her from our side of the platform. The girl didn’t know he was calling her from the station. She didn’t know he was there. So there he was telling that he is watching her this very moment and how beautiful she looked. Wooing her that he couldn’t let her go even for a few moments and so he had come all the way to the station and was watching her every movement. She must have been happy hearing that because his face was glowing with joy. He didn’t show himself to her and went on with praises for his ladylove. Finally, after a short romantic drama he showed himself to her and then she came running to our side of the platform and then they walked past me, lost in their own world, not noticing this huge element watching their titanic-2.
It was a pleasure to see those young love birds all happy and I was reminded so many of those “they lived happily ever after…” stories and was starting to believe that Mills and Boon was not a fantasy …Just as I was involved in my thoughts a lady came running in the platform.

Image via Wikipedia

She was middle-aged woman, not much of jewels on her …so I should say she was a middle class middle-aged woman. She came running towards this man sitting next to me and started yelling (this time I didn’t have to over hear, I could just hear even if I had closed my ears) at him in Kannada(a regional language in India of my near by state )…. but there was no point hearing since I didn’t understand the language but of course I could understand from the actions and reactions. Apparently this couple had some fight at home and this uncle was so fed up that he has run away from home. She pleaded him to come back, but he was determined .A train arrived and she begged him not to go. He posed as if he was not leaving but then once the train started he got into the running train .She followed and jumped in behind him. I was in the edge of my seat, and so was the whole station, watching their show. So when we thought it was the end of the row, the guy came running and jumped out from the next coach and the lady…. She was not going to give up that easily…the train speed ed up …nevertheless she made a fast landing on the ground…followed him behind. There were a lot of oohs and aaaws as they performed.

We were turning our heads as though a tennis match was live before our eyes as they ran from one corner of the station to another. Our man didn’t even want to look at his long wedded wife, he was full of hate for her and the lady was no better …she was not worried of loosing her loving husband but only about her food and shelter and her image before her society. After a while the family drama came to an end and this guy shouted and stormed out of the station and I came to know from the Kannada speaking mass that he was heading to the bus station and his wife…. of course. …Followed him…. so there were going to continue their performance but the dais now is the bus station…

This second drama disturbed me a lot…there was not a bit of love between these people …what happened to the sanctity of marriage…when you live with a person for so many years together, let alone love, wouldn’t there be a bit of tolerance and patience? How can people who were once so much in love that they couldn’t send their darlings to the station for a few minutes that they come running behind calling them on mobile and giving them pleasant surprises, suddenly get to hate each other so much.

Is marriage the end of love?

Not exactly it is just a matter of understanding and tolerance.

When we fall in love, often it is just the appearance ….you meet the person may be for 2 hours a day and of course both of you are in the best of your behavior. …Always trying to attract and amuse the other person…. for each of you know deep inside that the other has still a chance to choose someone better….

In marriage we take our spouse for granted, we expect too much of them. We build dream fantasies over the relationship when we are lovers and the roof crashes when the harsh realities hit down after marriage.

Once we build this roof on understanding and love and not on fantasies and appearances many of us could avoid surprises after marriage. Once we see the heart more than the thickness of the valet and the inner real self more than the beauty of the physique we could perhaps live as if everyday is your first date…all new, adventurous and romantic.

Image from http://www.flickr.com/photos/rozzie/274804266/

As I learnt this simple theory and the most important theory of life my train approached the station, I am not going to miss it this time!

Picture Source

One day I was at work and I received a phone call from a vendor. One word led to another and the salesperson on the other end, we’ll call him Chris mentioned that his best friend, his wife, insisted that he had to spend the weekend with family instead of work. He said he worked the weekend before and she wanted to spend time with him.

I sighed and exclaimed, “That’s so wonderful that you call your wife your best friend!” which prompted him to tell me the story of how they met.

He said it was a regular day for him. He was driving across an intersection when his eyes, in a flash, met with the most beautiful female eyes he had ever seen. Quickly, he said, something made him make a quick U-turn. He did not hesitate for a moment. He acted immediately. And, to his luck, so did she. Within minutes the two strangers pulled into a nearby venue and parked. Upon greeting each other, the flame that had ignited in that instant would only grow stronger.

And, from that day forward, they were inseparable.

He ended by saying he and his wife have now been married for over twenty years. He said that they have three beautiful children and while they were dating and throughout their relationship, he told me that people often referred to them as “Ken and Barbie”. He told me that he knows he is blessed beyond words.

I could hardly speak when he was done telling his short, but sweet love story. I had tears in my eyes because it sounded like something straight out of a movie; a real life fairytale story. And, I know in my heart that many of the fairytale romantic movies created have been inspired by true loves stories.

I know, in that moment, when I cried it was because I believe in love at first sight. I think in all of our hearts, we know that love in the purest form is this simple, is this perfect, and is possible.

The eyes are, after all, the windows to our soul.

Joie Schmidt © Copyright 2007 All Rights Reserved.

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Dreams of the Heart – volume I by Joie Schmidt is available:

  * Volume I: Amazon Kindle, Adobe Reader, iTunes, iPod, iPhone, iPad and iBooks

Dreams of the Heart – volume II is available:

  * Volume II: Amazon Kindle, Adobe Reader

———> Stay tuned . . . vol. II will soon be available on iTunes, iPod, iPhone, iPad and iBooks!

(*In memoriam of the tragedy in Japan all proceeds from – volume I – sales will go to the relief efforts until 3/11/12)

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For more great reading:

• Forever Young
• Live Life to the Fullest
• Compassion and Love
• Quotes to Lift Your Spirit
• Seven Low Cost Dating Ideas
• Create the Life of Your Dreams
• B12 Shots: The Newest Energy Booster
• Secrets for Finding Love and Commitment
• Celery: It Does Your Body Refreshingly Good
• How to Keep Your Articles in Constant Circulation

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