You two break up it does not matter who does it. You quickly panic and begin chasing after, wooing, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, pursuing okay certainly not all of them, simply pick out which just one you did. Most of us will very likely do some things in the course of this phase that will make you wince anytime you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You overlook yourself, your house, your job how many hours do we spend logging onto a website regarding broken hearts or winning a loved one back even though we are at work? You drive your colleagues and loved ones insane speaking relating to the break up. You weep at the drop of a dime. You can not even comprehend that your life may perhaps not again incorporate that wonderful man or woman. You commence putting them on a pedestal, failing to remember all of the irritating features pertaining to them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind’s eye, they have become all-powerful, all encompassing, all everything.

You persuade yourself that you are a loser who just mucked up an intimate relationship with the finest person in the world. You UNDERSTAND without a hesitation that you will never Ever In Your Life love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as magnificent as your lost love excuse me while I chuckle to myself here. You wear a miserable face for the world to see and if you could see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it’s just pathetic.

The ex lover remains staunch in their refusal to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new intimate relationships, right away being exclusive with a new individual. For those that do jump, they appear to just substitute you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with somebody else. Bowling, hugging watching tv shows, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, probably they will just start doing those activities with somebody new.

You discover about them and their new life. You are desperate for any slivers of information about their life. Many of us make things worse here by seeking to use manipulation to get them back still they remain away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex we begin selling ourselves short. Doing futile things like permitting them easy access to our bodies and then getting upset and hurt afterwards when they remind us that Sexual activity does in no way imply hope.

You, in additional panic mode, commence frantically looking the internet using phrases such as break ups, divorce stopper, whatever. You find the odd website that offers hope and you go ahead and pay your hard earned money because you are curious and lo and behold, you find many other people in different phases of this whole break up scenario. You voraciously read the articles. You hunt for news of those who got their ex back. You’re on the internet site relentlessly. You’ll read the manuals and think Ah I can easily do this. I can get this man or woman back. You kick off your zero contact and for a few of us, this will get a reaction from our ex. For the rest, no contact is and will carry on to be what you’ll get.

Time goes by. You’ll do some rash things. You’ll call your ex-mate when you shouldn’t. You’ll call when you’ve had to much to drink. You’ll call even after everyone tells you not to. You’ll turn up on their front doorstep, despising yourself all the time.

Then you’ll get tough about zero contact. It’ll hurt, but you seek to stick to it. Here’s the turning point for most. For those who have contact with their ex, your zero contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they’ll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God’s that you haven’t called.

Now’s the hard time. Absolutely nothing but time works. Everday the twinge in your heart grows a little less. Bit by bit it dies down. Sometime this is a shock and you are even angry that you have started to loose your pain. But everyday it will get slowly better. You’ll have setbacks. You’ll run into your ex accidently. You’ll run into shared friends who’ll tell you a little something about your ex-mate that’ll have you high-tailing it home for a good weep. You’ll see your lost love with their fresh friend. You’ll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex-mate who doesn’t desire to be in a relationship but still desires to be friends.

Here’s another significant part. You require to genuinely sit down and honestly look back at the relationship and comprehend what you did to help with it’s termination. If you miss this aspect, you swallow all the pain for nothing at all because you’ll be back here again. This article is to teach you about you. To show you how to be a better partner, a better person. Skipping that lesson is disadvantageous to the total process. It’s the CAUSE that you’re enduring this. The lord or whatever your divinity is, demanded you to discover something relating to YOU. Really don’t miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you’ll smile because you didn’t instantaneously check your voice mail when you arrived in. And one day you’ll decide to clean the muck that has gathered in your house. And someday you’ll go outdoors and accept to the universe that you surrender what authority you reasoned you had.

And one day you’ll come to a decision to date again. And someday you’ll walk out on your very first date and it will probably be a catastrophe. Then you’ll quite possibly force yourself to return to dating or you’ll decide that you are not ready to date but you are ready to be out amid people again. And numerous of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex. Many of us probably will not. But someday, it won’t matter as much. Because time will let you to catch yourself going minutes then hours without thinking of the ex-mate. And you’ll begin to be able to think about life very likely in the absence of that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness due to the prospect.

And for most of us, regrettably, everyday life will happen without that friend. That’s the truth. Don’t want to dash your ambitions but very likely less than 5 percent of the people reading this article get back with their mates. Sombre isn’t it? But, as the article has advised, you need to acknowledge this before you can sincerely begin to heal. For the lucky few or possibly unfortunate one’s depending on how much labor it will take to retain a mate that has strayed back who get back with their ex-mate, many will discover that the utopia they envisioned isn’t real truth and what they once imagined was gold has a specific tarnish to it now. But they stick around and try and make it work because it’s comfortable or, if they are truly fortunate, it’s meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And someday you’ll find yourself having a gut breaking giggle over a specific thing really brainless and you’ll think to yourself I am healing. And and finally thank The lord you’ll have sex with some new partner and find that a. if it wasn’t good, at least you made love or b. it was just so much better than with your ex you ask yourself why you held back so long to get back out there. And you’ll appreciate you’re one the road to rehabilitation.

I guess what I’m trying to communicate right here is, although each situation is exceptional, the individualities of most of our circumstances are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I’ve written here. So, if someone tells you that time will aid you get through it, have faith in them. When they tell you Trust me, it will definitely get better and you will quit hurting ultimately, have no doubt them. And when they give you very good recommendations that your head takes it but your heart turns down, take a second to think before you respond.

Don’t beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you had not WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all keep in mind that being joyously single is an other option. Even if society is beating it into your head that you HAVE GOT TO have a companion, spend some time to heal prior to going back out there. There are lots of solid people to be enchanted by, but do not go back out there fragmented, worn out about love, etc. Accept reality. Visit the pain. Master the lesson. Actively strive to recover. Just remember the person you were when you initially met your ex and get that individual back.

Coping with heartbreaks

Where there is love there is pain, says one Spanish proverb.

We all have loved someone at some point in time. And we all have been hurt in life at some point in time. Love is a strong sentiment that when tempered with can cause great destruction and hurt to its victims. Since we all have loved therefore we all have suffered heartbreaks at various intervals in our lives.

According to the Free Dictionary heartbreak is an overwhelming distress, an intense emotional pain.

I’ve seen a lot of people suffering from a broken heart syndrome, they cry all day stressing their selves up, they loose appetite and spent much of their time in closed doors regretting and blaming themselves. Bear in mind this doesn’t help anything instead it adds both physical and emotional pain.

A broken heart usually occurs when people loose their beloved ones, it maybe their family members, spouse or anyone whom they dearly love through death, divorce and breakups.

Now here is my recipe of coping up with heartbreaks.

My first step is for you to accept what ever has happened. What am I saying? You are woman divorced by a man you love most, you are a man who has just broke up with his Juliet, maybe you have lost a beloved person in a family, my point is accept. Accept that it has happened. If you keep denying, regretting and blaming the wound created in your heart will never heal. Furthermore you will not concentrate on any constructive way of getting yourself from that depressing situation; instead you will concentrate on formulating revenge. It’s difficult to accept but you have to try. Some ways you can use to help you in accepting your situation is through socializing and reading a lot of encouraging and motivational work.

This brings us to my second step of coping with heartbreaks. Socialism, This concept is of paramount importance and can be the most effective therapy to stress management. Try by all means to talk to people you trust concerning your situation. Tell them everything that’s eating you up. You don’t have to keep all that pain to yourself, let it out share it with someone. This way you will get a hold of comforting people. You will recognize that you are not alone in the battle but you have people who care for you.

Try to keep your mind occupied with interesting things. Do a lot of activities, sports and exercises. This will drift your mind away from the painful memories. Don’t sleep in that bed all day. Get off and hang out with friends go and watch movies, do productive activities and I promise you will get over that emotional heart break.

Stay in clean environment. Clean up your room, bath and keep yourself tidy. This is because a dirty environment adds stress

Lastly attend church services. A church acts as a source of hope and faith. And believe me at this point in time you really need hope.

Remember don’t rush into another relationship but take your time in selecting your next lover and above all learn from your mistakes. Wallace Stegner quoted, most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus.

Mae is in a relationship with Reggie a nurse. She meets this guy in the hospital when my friend visit her grandmother because of stroke. Reggie courting my friend for 3 months, we see that he really loves my friend. My bestfriend answered the guy of the sweet word ” I love you 2″. Their relationship is take only 6 months because we found that Reggie is cheating her.

My friend and I go to malls to shopping, in a restaurant, we saw her boyfriend eating with a beautiful girl. We wait for them to come out to know if the girl is only a friend or another girlfriend. They came out Reggie hold the hands of the girl. We approach to them because of anger my bestfriend hit Reggie in the face using her bag.

My best friend almost two-week hearts broken before she moves on.

This morning I woke up, made my bed, and made my way downstairs. While fixing a cup of instant coffee, I searched for the remote to the television. I then began to flip through the channels, looking for something interesting to watch. And as all of this was happening, you died.

As I sat down, feet up, on the couch, your light turned green. As I made my way to the kitchen to retrieve my morning coffee, you entered the intersection. And as I returned to my warm spot on the couch and plopped down in front of the television, CLASH! My coffee mug shatters against the hardwood floor, feet surrounded by scorching hot coffee. Anger and panic floods through me as the room fills with an unpleasant coffee bean aroma. Simultaneously, your life flashes before your eyes as an eighteen-wheeler comes charging towards you at seventy miles per hour, with no intention of stopping.

While the eighteen-wheeler plowed you and your car off of the road, I bent over, picked up each shard of broken glass, and threw them in the garbage. There was no two second pain, no random surge of anxiety, no idea at all as to what had just happened to my love, my life, my heart.

How could this be? How could a part of me just die, without me even knowing it? Without me even feeling it? I lay in my bed, replaying my entire conversation with the police officer: The knock on the door, a police officer with a miserable look on his face and his dark blue cap in his hand. He looks up at me, takes a deep breath, and asks, “Excuse me, ma’am, are you Vanessa Solley? Wife of Brian Solley?” what he said next is a blur to me now, somewhere in that conversation I stopped listening, I was only hearing him. I attempted to gather my thoughts, but I just couldn’t get myself to process this information. Though I could understand it, I could not grasp it. 

Reality had not set in. Therefore, nothing happened, and nothing changed. My heart was not broken and my world was not shattered, as far as I could tell. Yet I’d just lost an important part of my life, if not my life itself. But that’s just it, I didn’t lose you. You’re still here with me, I can feel you. I can feel you and see you all around me. Right there on the counter, that’s your lunch for today. And over there on the couch is your clean, ready-to-fold, laundry. How can you possibly be gone when all of this is proof that you still exist?

So as I continue to lie in my bed staring at the ceiling, tears roll down both cheeks, racing towards my ears. I cry, not because you’re not with me now, but at the thought of never being with you again. I don’t miss you, not yet. But the thought of missing you scares me, as it leaves a hollow feeling in my chest.  I instantly slam up a mental wall, and block the thoughts out. 

When my coffee mug hit the hardwood, and the shattered glass scattered across the floor, at that precise moment your life ended. And at that same exact moment, so did mine. So I still lay here, in our bed, with you all around me, and together we drift to sleep, after death.

                                                  ” Can one fall in love more then once?”                                 

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”  (Robert Frost).

I am more then sure that all of us have walked on that familiar path called
“Love Path”, when we all are either in our teens or at the ripe age of our youth we more then often tend to fall for this “Love Trap” where you want to help yourself by making a U –turn in ones life but feel helpless to do so not because you are forced not to take such a step but in fact your emotions for that someone are so strong and intense that you just cannot stop loving that particular person. No matter how many rejections you get from him/her how many cold –shoulders you get to see in return, you end up sticking to your guns resulting in do or die stage.

But how about giving a slight twist to this topic of mine, what do you think about the ones who have been married broken of with either their spouse, fiancé or let’s say a steady relationship in which you died for that person but in return you got only failure and no love from the other side?
The typical thing takes place you break up / get divorced or he/she becomes a forgotten story for you as a result making you so bitter in return that you end up vowing to yourself or in front of your loved one “ I WILL NEVER FALL IN LOVE AGAIN EVER”.

Many years pass by you either tend to swing on either side of the fence meaning either you hate the word love and roam around wounded all your life or you take life in your hands and start having fun and start to play with other people’s emotions just because you were hurt once.

But then one day/night the LOVE CUPID strikes once again on you
And once again you fall into the ditch of LOVE from which you have been hurt once now you are in it once again, what do you do then?

Is life playing games with you? Or you are mentally unstable when you know that what love has made you go through why walk on the same path all over again? How can one be so stupid to repeat the same mistake twice when you had vowed that love would never make you fall /weak again for someone?

“Why do we fall in love (based on the psychology of falling in love)?”
According to M. Radwan, Masters in Science “it’s all related to how your mind works. If you are single or currently not involved in a relationship, your mind will always be on a hunt for your long awaited partner, even if you think that you don’t care about that now, if someone did match your criteria then you will fall in love with them.” After quoting Mr.  Radwan I think I am in a position to somewhat explain can one fall in love more then once?
Although you are heart broken and depressed to the core because of one failed relationship, life does not end there you eventually get to meet someone better then the one you lost because when one falls in love the second time he/she has learnt from ones mistakes and plans to start afresh making everything clear to this person whom he/she has again fallen in love with.

The question is not how many times you fall in love? that can then be like wearing hearts on ones sleeves but to have a serious relationship yes, you eventually end up falling in love again and for that you have too loosen yourself up allow yourself to look for someone who is more or less like you, become a flexible personality, change from what you were before (that is for the better) and trust me then sky is the limit for you.

There are a few ways to take this holiday on if you are broken hearted this Valentine’s day.  Heart break comes in many forms and it is important for you to understand and grasp that is what you have as a first step.

Evidence based research shows that if an individual is going through a uneasy time in their life or a time of sadness, that the highest level of this emotion is measured between 2 and 10 minutes of awakening.  It is described as this is when the individual wakes and then remembers what their situation is and feels fully that anguish at this time.  Knowing this, try doing something to greet yourself first thing upon waking! Program your favorite upbeat song as an alarm, put a picture of something that makes you happy next to your bed, or just know that this is when you are going to have the lowest measurable emotional time of the day and there is nothing but up from here.

You can face the day in a few ways. You can avoid all the love festivities (bah, lovebug), completely embrace it or fall somewhere in between.

The broken hearted are often depicted as an individual that sits on the couch eating ice cream and watching sad movies. Why is that? Is there a therapurtic value?  It is really an expression of self care and allowing one to grieve.  So what’s wrong with it?  Valentine’s Day is on a Monday this 2011, a work and school day for most. Take the day as your final day of grieveing your lost love. Take the day off.  Watch sad movies and eat fattening food.  Read old love letters and look at old pictures.  Read through old texts and make a list of all of the things that remind you of your lost love. Bury yourself in memories and what went wrong.  Allow yourself a Valentine’s Day of grief, knowing that the next day you are starting new with a new attitude.  You may just be so tired of wasting another minute thinking about this lost love you may heal yourself!

Another option is to be your own Valentine! If you like flowers, send yourself the most beautiful bouquet you can! If you like candy, purchase it for yourself! If you like a big steak dinner in front of a football game (it’s going to be Monday night friends) do it!  Treat yourself to all of the things you would want the perfect Valentine to do for you. An evening at a spa?  You can have your own individual Champagne toast!

You can share your loving nature by taking cupcakes to work, candy to a homeless shelter or Valentines cards to a children’s hospital.  The smiles that you receive will help to start healing what is broken.

Happy Valentine’s Day friend, your broken heart will mend and will love again even better than before. You will look back at this broken hearted Valentine’s Day with new insight and strength!

 Don’t lie to me! No one likes a liar in any capacity. If you are going to get into something full force, be honest. Don’t think that the other person is unable to handle whatever it is you feel you have to lie about. You would be surprised as to what one may be able to handle. So many relationships end up trashed because of one simple little fib. Once the lies start rolling around it just complicates things and you have to remember too much in order to keep the lie straight. That to me is too much work. Not that you shouldn’t work in a relationship, but that is just the not good kind of work. Tell me straight or don’t tell me at all.

 Be true! This goes along with lies, but on a slightly different level. One should not have to pretend to be who they are not. Once you do that, you better be able to keep up the act. If you have it, great…If you don’t, do not pretend. Be yourself always. Be up front about things too. If you do not like something and you are dead set on it, don’t let anyone persuade you otherwise. Now, if you are an adventurous type, then by all means expand your horizons. But the first time you are talked into something you do not want to partake in, you better know how to just keep that smiling face plastered. Being fake is horrible for everyone. it is a boob job waiting to burst!

 If it is over, don’t be scared to say so! This reminds me of the movie 500 Days of Summer. Don’t be unhappy and carry on the charade. If you are not happy you should let someone know in a timely manner. keeping up the facade will just break the heart of the other person that much more. They will know that something is not right and will start questioning everything. Once that happens it is just all down hill from there. Why would anyone want to be with someone if it is clearly not going anywhere. If you have to step on some toes to let go, then just remember to bring a large box of tissue. Being miserable just to be nice sucks!

 If you cheat…All bets are off. Attention Cheaters!!! None of the above applies to you! If you are a cheater, you are just a low down dirty piece of trash. You have not an honest bone in your body. You are selfish and unkind! I do however subscribe to the fact that people can change if they want it badly enough. There is still hope for you as long as you break the cycle, but if you are heartless and careless…You just suck! Cheaters break hearts into such tiny pieces that it takes a while to mend. They do more damage than good. Most of the time they leave for someone who is just as low as themselves. It is a true shame. The person that they leave behind is usually a great person who believes in true commitment. Once that trust is broken, then all hell breaks loose. The damage is done and there is no turning back. It can never be what it was, no matter how hard you try to pretend.

The catalyst for this new and strange sensation was an unexpected and unwanted break up. For the first time in my 32 years I FELT my heart, rather than my heart feeling me…it hurt…it ached…it was in pain…a pain physically registered, but emotionally triggered. It was precise and clear, I could locate and identify the exact area, slightly left of my sternum and running parallel to it, roughly the size of a small chocolate eclair. But this feeling was far from sweet. It was overwhelming actually, it ached so much, the ache was so great that I was unable to cry. Unable to cry…me…someone who cries at seeing a lost puppy flier on the lamp post…eyes with about enough moisture to irrigate a pinhead. Oh, and yes, it took my breath away…is that another manifestation of grief? My heart seemed to be still and jumping like a maniac at the same time – I felt flushed yet cold. My gut churned, pushing my heart higher towards my throat. GAS – science would say – General Adaptation Syndrome – our body’s ‘fight or flight’ reaction to stress. Yes, perhaps, I guess intense emotions both positive and negative, anything that detours from ‘basically comfortable’ may be counted as stress. But I have tasted stress before and it has never been served with an aching heart.

There has been a lot more recognition in the past decade to emotions manifesting physically, and coming from a holistic discipline, it is a discussion with which I am extremely familiar and comfortable. However, talking about something and experiencing it are worlds apart and moving into the world of experience was at once devastating and awesome.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with my heart, it diligently and silently goes about its job scope of pumping life through my vessels, and to that I am extremely grateful! But since it crying out to me (and I know it would have wailed had it vocal chords), I have come to look at it in a totally different light…our heart is not only a relentless pump that gifts us with life, it also registers great emotional pain and grief.  How does that work? I don’t think it can be explained with a rational, scientific line of thought…but then again, there is a lot about us humans, our behaviour, attitude, motivations, thought patterns that cannot be logically explained. Sometimes we simply need to trust our bodies and the inner wisdom that dwells within. sometimes we don’t understand the big picture, sometimes we don’t want to explore beyond our comfort zone. Sometimes we need to have the boldness and courage to walk on the fringe and follow our heart when things don’t add up in our head.

I am thankful for the break up. It let me feel with my heart for the first time, feel what it is like to lose a special partner and friend, a relationship so intimate and personal, lose grasp of a dream of a hope. It taught me not to wait for someone to fill my heart to fill theirs. To you, the one who broke my heart, a healthy, wholehearted, Thank you.

2. Calm down. Do not freak out. Freaking out will lead you nowhere. You just push him away more.

3. Control your emotions. This is really hard, but you must look fine after the break – up. People do not want to be with someone who lose control of their emotions. Channel or divert your emotions to other activities not related with your mission.

4. Do not chase him. Stop crying in front of his house. Stop begging. Don’t call. Don’t send a message. Don’t show up in places where you expect him to be there. Don’t post status updates in Facebook or Twitter about what you feel about him and your urge to be with him. If you pressure him by calling, messaging or showing up and begging him to be back, he’ll just leave you more. Whenever you start chasing after your ex, he will absolutely run in the opposite direction.

5. If he tells you he needed some space and time to think, give it to him. Never argue. Just give it. No questions asked. When he uttered those words, he means it and it is not a joke.

6. Make an impression that you are fine with the break – up. Leave no trace of tears on your face. Prettify. Make an appearance that you are strong, and you don’t care if you were dumped, that it doesn’t shatter your life at all.

7. Stay out of your ex’s life. The more you detach yourself to his world, the better. Your absence will leave him asking where you are and how do you feel. Eventually, he shall assume that you have totally moved on with your life. Feeling left behind alone, he will be the one looking for you, as his confidence is pierced and his ego has been badly wounded by the thought that you are really over him.

8. Be patient. The results will not show overnight. Just continue and stick with your plan.

Now while waiting for the results, better check yourself of what traits should you overhaul. Are you being too much bossy? Do you neglect yourself to the extent that you are not interesting anymore, or do you put too much emphasis on yourself to the point that you are selfish and callous of your partner’s needs? Try to revamp yourself.

When your ex creates ways to communicate with you, let him do his thing. If he calls, answer the phone without appearing that you have been long waiting for him. Wear that poker face. Let him be the one to initiate communicating with you.

There are so many mistakes that one can commit after a heart break but the worst remains sleeping with an ex. Do not blame it on alcohol, do not blame it on loneliness, the reason why he or she is your ex is because your relationship ended and both of you moved on.

I understand that sometimes the feeling lingers own, I admit that sometimes we can’t help the feeling of going back to relive the good old past, but remember you are not the first couple to break up. Breakups have taken place before and when they do, it means a relationship wasn’t working, it means that everything has been tried to salvage it to no avail and now its time to move on. Save yourself some dignity and just move on.

Do not console yourself by going back and sleeping with him or her to taste the waters, to gauge if he or she can take you back, or to measure yourself against his or her present man or woman, that is probably the height of desperation, that is probably the epitome of emotional failure. He or she does not need you back; he or she has moved on, its time you did the same lest you want to be left an emotional wreckage, ramshackled.

No reason justifies sleeping with an ex girlfriend or boyfriend. No reason justifies sleeping with an ex wife or husband, it just isn’t right and definitely wont bring you back together.

Whether it’s been eight days or eight years since you broke up, chances that you will break up again for the same reasons still abound. Ask yourself what has changed, ask yourself why he or she should shack up with you when the two of you decided to end things and try greener pastures. Probably nothing has and repeating a mistake would be worse than committing a fresh one.

Do not console yourself with old tired lines like ‘better the devil you know than the angel you don’t’. I would rather you remember that ‘a change is as good as a rest’. There is a man or woman out there willing enough to die for you and if you remain tied to your past, if you remain fixated with your ex, chances are you may never notice the right partner for you when he does come onto the scene.

Yes, he or she was very attractive, everyone said you were meant for each other, everyone thought you were such a lovely couple, but you proved them wrong, for there were irreconcilable differences between the two of you, and the relationship failed to culminate into something stronger, something longer lasting. How painful!

You have yourself to blame if you can’t zip up just because you remembered the good old times. Cry as much as you can, reminisce as much as you can but hang yourself before you go back and sleep with the same man or woman who dumped you and left you feeling sore all over your once vibrant body.