Thanksgiving is a time all of us assemble with our families to enjoy the finest cuisine.  Heavenly hash, or ambrosia as it is more commonly known, is a dish our family always enjoys.  It is the one with fruit in a base of sour cream, marshmallows, and coconut.  But what everyone seems to view as odd is that our family enjoys it as an entrée to main course, like you would any normal vegetable.  My family always scoops out potatoes, meat, ambrosia, bread and the like next to one another on the same plate.  Everyone else will save it for their dessert trip. 

Speaking of dessert, that’s another tradition we do differently.  After the main course meal is complete, members of our family will take the same plate to the dessert and start reloading it with desserts.  It appears other families go for the separate new dessert plate.   We just always figured it was going to the same place.  Mixing with other foods wasn’t going to make that much of a difference.  The same one plate principle goes for salads too in my family.  One plate per meal fits all.  And cleanup was a whole lot quicker and easier too.

Hamburger and hotdog buns were nonexistent in our house.  We ate hamburgers without a bun and were simply another entrée on the plate with vegetables.  And the bread always served was cornbread.  Hotdogs were eaten alone also, usually with macaroni and cheese or maybe pork and beans.  On the rare occasion you desired bread, you would get two pieces of loaf bread and slice the hotdog so it would fit on the bread like a sandwich.

“This is blasphemy,” Gretchen Phillips foamed into her microphone.  “You cannot have this happening!”

Recent studies published by many reputable health industries have linked the longevity in the American populace to the consumption of many assorted varieties of processed meats.

When compared to the population of Somalia, Americans are in the top percentile for life expectancy attributed solely to the consumption, distribution, and vapid distribution of meat products such as lunch snack meats, meat popsicles, meat slabs, and canned meat.

“I find processed meats to be delicious and nutritious,” President Barack Obama recently commented at an NPR hosted Meet the Press event.

“I am classified as a meat popsicle,” Bradley Manning added from his solitary confinement cage located somewhere in a super fortified bunker in Langley, Virginia.

The production and distribution of processed meats has largely been linked to the hunting and extinction of terrorists and Yeti, a subartic mammalian species commonly referred to as “abomniable snowmen”.  Spam(TIM) recently depicted the wholesale slaughter of Yeti and terrorists followed by the slogan, for their advertisements, “eat Spam.”

Since the inception of processed meats in 1932, cowboys have made peace with the indians, man has traveled to the moon, and Hitler finally became president of the United States for two consecutive terms.  Processed meats have boded nothing but great omens for the United States and the FDA and USDA have understood this and that is why we feed these meat objects, in bulk, to our overly nurtured children.

Harvard University once taught a class on potted meat products entitled “Astrophysics 201: Exploration of the Universe” and it was taught by Professor Maxwell House.

The internet is a joke and the people who read these articles expecting good, useful information are a detriment to the species as a whole.  I hope you all stop eating potted meat and enjoy your shortened and dulled existences.

If we are honest though, many of us would like to answer the phone with someone else than “hello.” This is especially true if you know the person who is calling well, like your best friend as “hello” can be boring and just not adventurous.

So here are 10 funny ways to answer the phone.

1. ” Dick’s Hotdogs…. If You Love Hotdogs You’ll Love Dicks!!”

2. What The **** Do You Want?

3. This is Heaven, You’re In Hell- What Do You Want?

4. ” Phone Tag. You’re It!”

5. Hell No, The Voices Must Be Back Again!

6. You Have Reached The Voice Mail For Number …………………. Please Leave A Message After The Tone.

7. May The Force Be With You

8. Answer In A Language The Person Will Not Understand.

9. Boo.

10. Yes. I Have A New Phone Mate.

Some of these may not be applicable to use in everyday situations so i suggest that you know who is calling before using any of these on your caller.

Happy answering!

More Reading:

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Standing Up Causes Piles!

Weird And Wonderful Facts: 10 To Get You Started

10 Things You Can Buy for £1

Find your favorite food below and find out about yourself.

1. Ice cream. Smooth and mellow, that’s you. Not much ruffles your feathers. You’re natural with children and your friends consider you the cream of the crop.
2. Hot dogs. Jeans and a T-shirt are usually your clothes of choice. You’re patriotic and a hard worker who can be counted on. You’re loyal, affectionate and good-hearted.
3. Donuts. You’re artistic and creative. You enjoy hobbies and crafts such as cake decorating, needlework or woodworking.
4. Sub sandwiches. Variety is important to you. You’re adventurous and like surprises.
5. Fried chicken-Family, tradition and old fashioned values are important to you. You like things slow and relaxed and stable.
6. Pizza. You’re friendly, outgoing and sociable. But you also enjoy intimate candlelight dinners. Sharing comes naturally and you look on the bright side.
7. Burgers and fries. You’re always on the go and know how to have a good time. You believe in honesty, integrity and fair play.
8. Frozen yogurt. The future appeals to you. You enjoy new and exciting things. You’re positive and friendly. And health and fitness are important in your life.
9. Chinese food. You’re surrounded by an aura of mystery and intrigue. You love to travel and visit new, exotic places. Thoughtfulness and patience are some of your many virtues.
10. Mexican food. You don’t mind a little mess. You like your home comfortable and lived-in instead of so neat it looks like a museum. Money and material possessions don’t impress you.

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